Dr. Chill

Three days of strips showing Funky standing in line at the airport; jump cut to Funky’s plane touching down at…home? His business destination? Still not 100% clear on which leg of the trip this is. Well, I’m sure the flight was as miserable and boring as his time waiting in line. No sooner than he’s given permission to use his phone, Funky is rewarded with what surely is more bad news from either his own doctor or possibly his Dad’s. The next cycle of strips won’t appear online before midnight Friday, which means I’m in the dark along with the rest of y’all! It also means the next post won’t show up here until midnight. Stay tuned (yawn)…

23 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “Dr. Chill

  1. See, it’s funny because Joe Chill killed Batman’s parents.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    I like how Dr. Chill’s name is twice the size of Holly’s. I really hope he’s Funky’s drug supplier, which would finally make this strip interesting and explain how on earth Montoni’s has stayed open.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    A doctor? Uh oh, that can’t be good. Thanks to Batom’s always coherent and logical storytelling style, I’m completely lost here. Is Funky returning home after undergoing some type of medical test? Or is the trip completely unrelated to the message from Dr. Chill? Dr. Chill…medical marijuana practitioner? Nah, that might make Funky happy and we couldn’t have THAT happening.

    I’m baffled. Maybe if he didn’t spend half the week doing the same exact airport gag we’d have some sort of idea of what this is supposed to be. But he did and we don’t. But I do know this much, things certainly do not look promising for Funky. I mean less promising, of course.

  4. SpacemanSpiff85

    I hope it’s Doctor Cotton Hill, now that I think about it.

  5. sgtsaunders

    Funky has touched down in Denver, apparently for some illin’ and chillin’ with the good doctor.

  6. I feel pretty sure the idea here is, “Funky has cancer.” And he has to fly out of town (during the holiday season, because Les Moore’s wife died) is because it’s not just cancer, it’s Double Secret Probation Ultra Mega Deluxe Cancer With Just A Touch Of Mint And Also It’s Only Wafer-Thin. And the only person who knows how this cancer can be treated just how painfully Funky will die, is in some lonely lab, in a disused corner of a major metropolitan university, poking remnants of animals and speaking in a clipped German accent.

    Just think of the opportunities Les will have to smirk, and remind Funky how he, Les, has suffered far worse! Ooo, I’m sure Tom Batiuk is having chills (see what I did there) thinking about it.

  7. Nathan Obral

    If Batom® is seriously going to give Funky terminal cancer AND wring him up to dry just like he murdered St. Lisa the Cancer Chew Toy, I’ll eat my black beret in front of the Medina gazebo. He is not going to simply off a character like Funky, whereas it’s easier and lazier to simply make him undergo the scourge of Job and make him wish he was dead.

    Plus it’s painfully obvious that Batom® is not into critical thinking methods. He’s just scripting out nonsensical storylines for no rhyme or reason, and this is no different. Saturday, he’ll be moping around with Holly back at Montoni’s like nothing ever happened.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    “Funky’s Story…The Other Slice”: While slowly dying, Funky learns that local no-goodnik Owen is his biological son.

  9. There’s only one thing ridiculously overwrought than Batiuk putting his characters through all kinds of misery, and that’s when he teases the readers with the possibility that they’re being put through all kinds of misery. (Remember the “oh noez, there was an explosion in Afghanistan is Corey okay?” arc from a few months back?) I’m not sure which one this will end up being yet, but it’s bound to be entertaining in all the wrong ways.

  10. More ridiculously overwrought, even.

  11. @Nathan Obral: Well, Bat-Outta-Heck *has* actually killed off one of his three titular characters before, as we all know. That’s one. The other one is slowly but surely on his way out, wasting away at Bedside Manor. That’s two. All that’s left is Funky….number three. I doubt that VampireBatiuk will care.

  12. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    False alarm. Not a Cancer Doc. That’s Fangul’s proctologist. His prescription buttplug is ready for pickup.

    Those of you with your own personal oversized buttplug, who are offended that I mention your special “marital aid,” may now proceed with down-voting this posting. Thank you. Drive through, please.

    TFH sez:
  13. My guess is that he’s off to see the Wizard of Gastric Bypass Surgery so he can slim down without having to exercise.

  14. billytheskink

    I hope it’s Doctor Cotton Hill, now that I think about it.

    He did kill fitty men, so he’s definitely qualified to be doctor in Westview.

  15. I’d guess that the reason Hill’s name is larger than Holly’s (and has a circle next to it) is because it’s unread. Or if voice mail, unheard.

  16. My doctor always uses email to deliver bad news. I’m not sure how this is going to play out, but it looks like we’re in for a miserable holiday season.

    And Hadda, certainly there’s a “Beavis and Butthead” forum somewhere you can lurk on.

  17. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    I’m pretty sure doctors don’t deliver bad news via email. but then again this is the Funkyverse. The doctor probably doesn’t have enough time to make personal calls. He probably just sends out form emails saying “You’ve got cancer. Have a Happy Holiday from your friends at C Hill Oncology Center!”

  18. Jim in Wisc.

    It can’t be what we think it is. There’s no way Batty would let The Semi-Human Lump steal even one iota of St. Lisa of the Holy Tumor’s cancerous glory.

  19. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    Whenever I have cancer, ebola, or any other life threatening malady, my doctor posts my test results on my Facebook page. The idea of e-mailing your patients is just silly.

  20. captaincab

    Maybe this Dr. Chill can explain why in just a few years Funky has morphed into an unrecognizable blob and why after that he can never lose an ounce of weight no matter how many endless workouts and stupid, repeated and inane jogging runs he goes on with Les.

  21. Professor Fate

    This strip calls for:

  22. merrypookster

    Todays’ pun in Nancy was better then any TB has ever come up with. OH…BTW, The KSU ladies basketball team is out to an 1-8 start. So much for Summer and Super-K.

  23. Charles

    This is the funniest strip of the year! Batiuk’s on fire, man!

    Actually, I’m kind of wondering how many people reading this strip remembered the one panel of Funky’s doctor telling him about his PSA levels that ran about thirty seven years ago or some damn time, which, btw, is the only way this strip makes any sense.

    Otherwise, it’s just a guy clicking on his cell phone and seeing that he’s got email/voicemail. The nonstop thrillride just never stops, does it?