Today’s strip, at first glance, seems to show Les, head aflame in the purifying fire of just desserts. But no, they’re just burning their Yuletide tree out in the field. That practice makes my Californian instincts turn to rage, and calls to mind Johnny Cash’s infamous “buzzards” incident.[1] Then I remembered that Ohio used to burn its rivers (for decades), and it all seemed to make more sense.[2]
The picture of the Cuyahoga River on fire that ended up in Time Magazine a month later – a truly arresting image showing flames leaping up from the water, completely engulfing a ship – was actually from a much more serious fire in November 1952. No picture of the ’69 river fire is known to exist.—Cleveland Historical
My live-in expert on all things Ohio tells me that residents of Buckeye Lake toss their trees into the water’s edge. This encourages the growth of algae, which attracts fish, which makes for easy fishing in the springtime. By the next winter, the tree will have completely decomposed. That seems awfully green for the midwest, but it’s a damn sight greener than just lighting it on fire and smirking at it.
Given how Cayla usually reacts to news from Les, I’ve corrected the dialog in panel 3.
- To be fair to Mr. Cash’s memory, the part about roasting 49 California condors appears to be apocryphal. ↩
- Speaking of uniquely Cleveland things, thanks to @Nathan Obral (yesterthread) for pointing out that the Lost reference had extra meaning for those in the Cleveland TV market. ↩
Son of Stuck Funky 
Hell, Cleveland once had a mayor who set his own hair on fire WITH A WELDING TORCH in a photo-op gone horribly, horribly wrong.
“I’ve invited a total stranger you never even knew existed to stay in our house without even mentioning it to you!” This has got to be the least justified “smug Les face” ever, which is really saying something.
So Les took the old Christmas tree outside and set it on fire in his yard??? Is this customary in mid-central Ohio? Starting a big fire right next to your own house seems kind of risky to me, but then again I suppose the average Westviewian figures there isn’t much to lose so why the hell not? “Take your big city clean air statutes and fire laws and get outta town, you beady-eyed nitpickers!”.
Once again Les aptly demonstrates why he’s the most loathsome and detestable character in the history of fiction. Without even bothering to tell his wife first, Les invites a big movie actor to come by and stay there while this guest studies a comic book collection that Les does not own. And he’s all smug and obnoxious about it, like he’s doing everyone some sort of big favor by sharing his big Hollywood friendship with his wife and pals. He’s not just a dick, he’s a presumptuous dick too.
I did enjoy Cayla’s completely empty “how exciting!” after Les bored her with his endless wall of expository text. As if she gives a rip about freaking Starbuck Jones. I guess she’ll be playing the “nervous housewife” trope this week, as Les looks on in smug annoyed bafflement, another one of Bantom’s zany takes on “these marriages today”. That’s just swell.
I imagine the only reason Les didn’t invite him to stay at Funky’s house (where the collection actually is) without asking Funky first is because Les Moore gotta Les Moore.
One thing I had forgotten–Mason Jarr is a total moron. (Not the one who occasionally comments here, of course). It was only after lunch with Les that Mason learned that the character Les, from the book by Les, was actually the Les who was wolfing down Rice Chex right in front of him. And much as we all hate Les, for someone to say “How lucky that your wife lived!” without recognizing that this was a fictional change is, at best, amazingly insensitive (in addition to the aforementioned moronity).
I don’t know of anyone who openly burns their used Christmas tree in their yard. But I live in a west-side suburb of Cleveland, which has something called service vehicles that chip up and mulch your used tree if voluntarily left at the curb. Westview is lucky to have anything beyond Komics Korner, Montoni’s and a gazebo.
Methinks Batom® does this sort of thing out in Medina every year so as to appease the Pulitzer gods. St. Les the Righeous Smirker is probably doing this burning in-strip as part of an attempted seance with both St. Lisa the Cancer Chew Toy and My Father, John Darling who was Murdered.
Is it too much to ask for a Man Who Came to Dinner scenario with Mason slipping on the icy steps of the Taj Moore-Hall, then suing the pants off Les while taking over his house for the duration of his convalescence and driving him slowly crazy with an endless string of verbal abuse and eccentric visitors?
I just can’t believe anyone would torch a dead Xmas tree that close to their own house. If you tried that shit around here you’d no doubt run afoul of numerous local, county and state laws and your neighbors would probably beat you senseless for being so careless, thoughtless and stupid. I don’t recall this as being an annual FW thing either, which just makes it even stranger.
So Mason Jarr doesn’t have access to the Internet, where he could view every issue of Starbucks Jones, along with countless pages of analysis and discussion? He actually has to fly to Ohio and spend time with Corey and/or Holly to figure out how to make this character happen on the silver screen?
Wow, the last panel is two pieces of stock art heads, both of them really creepy for different reasons.
And I actually did growl after reading this strip. How do you not get that you’ve made your character infuriating?
You know this probably means we’re looking at a solid month of Harry, Les and Mason sitting in Montoni’s going on and on about how Starbuck Jones is the greatest fictional character ever.
Thanks for the disclaimer, Beckoningchasm! Although I have to admit, I am actually kind of a moron sometimes.
“Les’s hair is on fire!” I laughed out loud at that. Thanks!
Anyone notice how Creepy Les is always inviting people to stay at his creepy house?
The dialogue should be simplified:
Les: The guy that they hired to be me is now going to be a comic book character you’ve never heard of. I’ve given him an open invitation to crash with us without your consent so he can read old funny books at Funky and Holly’s.
Cayla: ZOINKS!!!!!!
Well, there you go, Les literally didn’t tell Cayla anything about what was going on in Hollywood apart from the “Boo hoo they’re being mean to meeeee!” phone conversations we were privy to.
How complex can a character with a chimpanzee companion actually be?
She-et…. didn’t Cory come home recently? Where was the week long arch of holly presenting him with all those SJ comics? Did CW’s foxhole gal-pal Rocky run off with some special forces guy…or maybe a seamen?
Sure Mason can stay with the Moore’s…Summer & Keisha have never re-appeared….and the KSU womens BB team (2-10)still suck as do Da’ Bears.
“…the purifying fire of just desserts…”
…was also what our maitre d’ called the Bananas Foster at the wedding hall where I used to tend bar.
Remarkably, Les is not improving the reputation of those known for setting fire to wood on people’s front lawns.
I know this was pointed out up-thread, but besides researching his character on the internet, but why didn’t our boy Mason Jarr simply go to the Starbuck Jones publisher (or whoever who the current license) and ask for a character synopsis. It’s a waste of time to read 100 comic books (with multiple writers and recons over the years) to find the character’s motivations. It’s like reading 75 years of Superman to discover he is a space alien raised in Kansas.
As noted but I have to say this – Sense this make none of. Somebody ELSE has a complete collection of Starbuck Jones so Les invites this actor chap from the bent nail arc to Ohio to read the other person’s comics and stay at his house. I can only assume Les is at this moment trying to scam free pizza from Funky “it’ll be great publicity much better than the Pizza App thing” while said actor is in town.
Okay, leaving aside the insanity of the Starbuck Jones/Mason Jarr setup (which i assume is in the service of finally capping the SJ arc): the burning-your-Christmas-tree thing was just covered in Crankshaft, which just emphasizes how weird it is. Since FW is supposedly done a year in advance and CS is not, i can’t imagine how things sync up without serious planning and thought…. planning and thought not used in any other aspect of the strip, that is.
It would be great if Jim Kablichnik gave one of his global warming sermons to the characters while they were actively polluting the atmosphere but there you go…
Which came first? Cayla’s reaction in panel #3, or the new SoSF masthead?
“How terrifying!!”
Never thought I’d say this but you said a mouthful there, Kayla. Now we have to endure even MORE of the Hollywood debacle AND more Starbuck Jones stupidity all over again in one awful arc. Can’t wait to hear what a boon to Mason’s career living in an stifling and awkward home setting with Les will be, wow! The possibiities! “Thanks for letting me watch you eat your oatmeal, Les! This will really help me with my table read tomorrow for the Starbuck Jones mess hall scene!”
Also as said before, it’s really nonsensical given the situation for Mason’s actual needs for the movie being with the COMIC BOOKS BEING WITH FUNKY AND HOLLY AT THEIR HOUSE and incredibly disrespectful to his wife to do this. Also creepy. Who wants a total stranger living in their house like this, especially a celebrity deep into Hollywood (Tom Hanks seems awesome though, he could crash at my place)? I guess Les, uh I mean Batiuk thinks this is like Mayberry and he’s penning somekind of well written, heartwarming “small town folks endearigly rubbing off on a busy city person” like the classic Andy Griffith episode “Man in a Hurry.”
Typed “being with” twice, sorry for the grammar on that one, was in a rush typing that.
Perhaps Mason will make the trip to Westview, him and Les go over to Funky’s house to read the comics, only to find that Cory just took the whole collection back to Afghanistan with him.
Dear Miss Manners:
I know that etiquette calls for a house guest to take the hosts out to dinner during the visit. But my hosts live in a town where the only restaurant is a mediocre pizza “joint” and I don’t want to insult them by inviting them to such a shabby place (nor do I want to eat there). Please advise.
Feeling gauche,
Mason
bobanero: The scene, Montoni’s kitchen during the (chortle) dinner rush….
Funky: “Les! Get a hair net on, stat!”
Les: (visibly shaken) “The plane carrying the Starbuck Jones collection was shot down over the Sea Of Japan. It spun in, no issues survived.”
(cut to stunned Montoni’s staff, wiping away tears)
Les’s leer at the mention of his California Boy Toy coming for a sleepover tells me more about Leslie than I ever wanted to know.
“And Cayla, I just heard there was a just-discovered, ultra-rare issue of Starbuck Jones that Holly never got. There’s only one remaining copy. I’ll need you to go pick it up. It’s in Outer Mongolia. Reachable only by a 10 day donkey ride. See you in a month. Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?”
You know, we’re all forgetting a very fundamental rule here. As with everything in Funky Winkerbean, this scenario will play out in the most boring manner possible–so boring that it cannot be foreseen.
beckoningchasm: Rule One of the Funkyverse. If your prediction or guess involves ANYTHING interesting or involves ANY plot development, it’s too much for FW and thus will never happen. This comic strip is like a weird gravitational anomaly that will allow no entertainment to escape its force field.