Glean On Me

Link To Today’s Strip

Mason’s been in town for a day or two and he’s already making with the wry remarks and the eyebrows like he’s Les Moore’s long-lost half-brother or something. Also note how he’s in the proper comic book reading position, on the floor like a child. And how the hell is he speaking without opening his mouth in that last panel? He’s seriously going to read four hundred SJ comics (including all bronze, silver, gold, platinum and diamond keys with corresponding ashcans) on Holly’s sofa? Good lord, this arc could take years to finish…IF he decides to finish it at all, that is. Because he might not, you know.

Today’s punchline references events presumably taking place in the pages of a fictional comic book that only fictional comic strip characters have read. Think about that for a moment. These disturbing comic book fantasies of his have progressed to the point where he’s basing jokes upon scenes that only exist in his mind. Obviously his “vision” of SJ includes lots of property damage, which makes it all very amusing to him, but what good does that do anybody else? We’re reaching a point where you have to understand the inner workings of BanTom’s comic book-addled brain in order to decipher the dialog and make sense of the jokes. We’re through the looking glass here, people.

Coming later this year: Having gained eighty pounds during his stay, Mason decides to quit showbiz in favor of staying in Westview. He moves into Les’ house and takes the longbox delivery job at Komix Korner. Then, after wrecking the Kornermobile in an accident, an MRI reveals a brain tumor. Then the story abruptly cuts to Owen complaining about the cafeteria food and Mason isn’t mentioned again until a scene where we see his tombstone in the background of an unrelated panel on Mother’s Day.

And this concludes my latest SoSF stint. Thanks to TFH, the SoSF staff and most of all, you, the snarkers who make it all possible. Stay tuned for our next guest host and a virtual font of obscure FW knowledge…billytheskink! Good luck and godspeed, billy!



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “Glean On Me

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    Just wait until Jessica Darling, daughter of her father, John Darling, who was murdered, makes a documentary about Les Moore’s Hollywood friend Mason Jarr the movie actor coming to town to study Starbuck Jones comics that were hand-delivered by Dick Tracy. This strip is so many levels of fantasy now, and fantasy that can only be amusing to the author, that something like that really wouldn’t surprise me. It reminds of nothing so much as listening to a four year old play make believe or something.
    And what the hell is wrong with Holly that she’s bringing hot cocoa and presumably sticky cookies to a guy who is reading what has been repeatedly established are rare, expensive comic books?

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    And does Holly really need to specify that they’re Starbuck Jones comics? I spent like half an hour a while back trying to figure out if there was actual Starbuck Jones merchandise Batiuk was trying to sell, because that is the only way this weird obsession would make anything close to sense. And yet there isn’t.

  3. DOlz

    With great power comes great property damage!?! This is the insight he trekked to Westview for? Has this moron never read a comic book or seen a movie based on a comic book before? The only great damage here is his brain damage. That happened off camera when attempting to pull a bent nail out of a piece of scenery for good luck it fell on him.

  4. bad wolf

    I thought a while ago that there must be some meta point to this too, and still haven’t found it. As near as i can tell Batiuk actually could do a Starbuck Jones comic strip if he wanted to… there is something already extant that seems pretty close, Brewster Rockit over at gocomics:

    It’s not something i’ve been following, but silver-agey sci fi comedy … that’s it, right? So why not do his own, if that’s all he cares about anymore? I mean, geez, just go and get it out of your system. Look, McEldowney does that Pibgorn crap just for himself. It couldn’t be any worse.

  5. Rusty

    Didn’t Jeff retire to the attic and scarf milk and cookies when he found a box of his childhood comics sometime in the last 6 months? Batiuk makes Fred Rogers seem like a wild man.

  6. Nathan Obral

    The comic book industry as a whole needs to take a good, long look at Batom®, because he’s doing everything in his power to damage them beyond recognition with his Maxi Pad-obsession at a fake comic book with references that go nowhere and are totally lame.

    If his purpose was to dissuade me from ever collecting or reading comic books at any point in my lifetime, well, he certainly has accomplished that task.

    billythesink, you have my utmost condolences.

  7. Nathan Obral

    @bad wolf: Batom® will never do a Starbuck Jones comic strip. Because that involves writing, and Batom® couldn’t write his way out of a paper bag if he tried.

  8. So, that’s what you learned. Things in comics get blowed up real good. Really in-depth character analysis here.

  9. Jimmy

    @badwolf: I forgot about Brewster Rockit.

    What the heck happened to Mason Jarr the Movie Actor’s forehead between panels 4 and 6-7? Did he suddenly devolve, explaining the slope?

  10. I just had a random thought. Did either of Cory’s parents ever give him HALF as much attention and affection and respect as they give this random dude who’s really only there to read his comic books? Bringing said random guy cookies and hot chocolate on a tray. I realize that he’s a guest, and a celebrity one at that, but still. It’s the relationship between Cory and Holly that was supposed to be what this “story” is about!!! Not about freakin’ Saint Mason Jarr The Hunky Movie Actor Who Loves Comic Books!!!!!!!!!!


  11. What most annoys me is that this is an unsubtle dig at Spider-Man and the rest of the Marvel Universe. Instead of doing something scary that musses up the mind by exposing yourself to the House Of Ideas, people should actually read funny books from Batiuk’s beloved House Of Asspulls: Brand EEEcccch. Most of the stuff we see in the Batiukverse is as arbitrary and stupid as anything involving Batman fighting on top of giant appliances or Superman being turned into an alicorn princess by Red Kryptonite.

  12. This reminded me of a CALVIN AND HOBBES strip wherein Calvin was traumatized after seeing massive amounts of carnage while reading a comic book. The difference was that Bill Watterson ACTUALLY DISPLAYED THE CARNAGE (as much as he could tastefully get away with). What part of “Show, don’t tell” doesn’t Batiuk understand.

  13. Professor Fate

    Hot chocolate and cookies. What the hell happened to offering a cup of coffee? This whole infantilizing of grown men by comic books in the strip is deeply disturbing.

  14. bayou stu

    Most comical books are dynamically illustrated and garishly colored- but not in Westview! In The Funkyverse they are gray and featureless; as if to visually represent the bleak hopelessness and joyless despair that is Ohio’s Cancer Vortex.

  15. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    What’s the most disturbing thing about Tommy Batyuck? The terrible artwork? (Except for bricks. And leaves. And BRICKS!) The lazy, ADD-fueled storytelling? The detestable characters? The pissy attitude he has towards anyone who criticizes or even questions him? For me, it’s his inability to recognize what we normal people might consider creepy or weird. And I don’t mean just “oh… hmmm…that’s strange” weird. I mean more like “I need to take a shower now” weird. Take Batwit’s stable of man-children, of which Shunkhead is the leader of the pack. Okay, so he deals comic books. Bad enough, but the smelly batman shirt he always wears? And a hairdo that should NEVER appear on anyone over the age of 14? Guessing he’s supposed to be in his 40’s, but trying to look like a teenager. Why? To try to appeal to kids on a “look, I’m one of you!” level? Batty aimed for “quirky and cool,” but hit “creepy pedophile.”

    Then there’s Beardo McMailman. Hanging out with Skunky and those geeky teenagers now. Does a “happy dance” so disturbing and weird, even Batty won’t show it, but I’m sure it involves him flapping his genitals around like a monkey in a zoo.

    Enter Masonn Jar, the Hollywood Movie Actor. Preparing for a role by reading comic books. On the floor of somebody’s bedroom. Being served hot chocolate and cookies like a nine year old. Really, WTF? Would he like a blankie, a teddy bear, and a pacifier? Will Funky or Holly change his poopie diaper?

    Sure, if he were sitting at the dining room table reading comic books and taking notes, there’d be all kinds of levels of stupid there. But today’s episode introduces a whole new level of creepy that I thought even Batboy wasn’t capable of. Yecch, Tommy.

  16. Somehow I think today would have been a golden opportunity for another comic book cover Sunday strip, perhaps depicting Mason Jarr the Movie Actor® in the Starbuck Jones uniform, and actually showing some property damage taking place, with the exchange between Holly and Mason in an inset in the corner (sans Hot Cocoa and cookie, which actually contributed nothing to the story). But we all know what happens to golden opportunities in the Funkyverse.

  17. Epicus Doomus

    bobanero: That would certainly be more creative than having a character describing things we can’t see and know nothing about, but of course we’re looking at it from a logical perspective, not BanTom’s.

  18. Charles

    This is one of those moments where Batiuk crawls up his own trope asshole that he fails to realize just how weird the situation he’s presenting is.

    That’s a grown man, who until recently was a total stranger to the Winkerbeans, sitting alone on the floor of someone’s bedroom. The fact that he’s reading comic books seems almost superfluous to how off-putting the scene is.

    Oh, and if Batiuk really wanted to get into the whole regression-to-youth thing he’s got going on by having Mason sit on the damn floor, he could have Mason just toss each issue aside when he’s done with it, so at the end of the day there’s a huge mess of comic books strewn all over whoever’s bedroom that is (Cory, I guess, since it’s apparently a twin bed, although last week’s drawing of the Moore dinner table makes that less than a safe conclusion).

    I’m also looking at Mason sitting on the floor and thinking that a man his age is going to have a hell of a backache when he stands back up. Surely he’s not supposed to be around thirty. He’s got to be much older than that.


    “Milk and Cookies? No thanks. Got any vodka and cocaine?”