The 44,000 names of Pete

Today’s strip was unavailable for preview, so I followed up on my speculation that BanTom’s secret purpose was to list the 9 billion names of Pete Rebimbas, thereby bringing about the eschaton.

I pulled all the Pete-like names out of my list of first names, and combined them with all the last names beginning in R from my list of last names. The results were not as grandiose as for Clarke’s Tibetan lamasery. Pete has about 44 thousand names, 43,638 to be exact.

I’ve posted the names on the internet, but nothing eschatological has happened yet. I was hoping for Cthulhu to descend upon us and reap all the residents of Westview, but again I was disappointed.

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36 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

36 responses to “The 44,000 names of Pete

  1. The list doesn’t have Rowsdower (as in Zap) or Rotten (as in Johnny). So that’s a couple more. Hurry up, Cthulhu!

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    Of course Cthulhu wouldn’t show up. That would mean something actually happened.

  3. Maybe Cthulhu just showed up in the Funkyverse. Maybe that’s why you couldn’t get the strip.

  4. Rembrandt36

    Yesterday’s final panel needs a permanent home in the above banner, next to Funky choking Les.

  5. Epicus Doomus

    I wonder why he’s never done a natural disaster arc? Like an earthquake or a tornado or anvil-sized hail or something. It seems like such a natural fit for FW, I mean you could have MULTIPLE tragedies all unfolding at once instead of just one at a time.

    Then again, now that I think about it, it’d all end with Les writing another f*cking book so maybe it’s not such a good idea after all.

  6. Rembrandt36

    Okay – question. If you had to follow one character from FW for permanent story arcs, who would it be? I would have to go with Wally and his wife and dog. I don’t hate them. I have come to hate every other single character, and I am probably one of the few people that never want to see Les in an arc, because I really don’t like getting that angry. If it is an arc where Les dies, I will put up with a year of bullshit (except then he and his cancer wife would come back as ghosts to Summer. Brrrrr).

  7. Rembrandt36

    Oh crap – they are still talking class reunion, and we get sepia tone Les. Ugh. DIE! DIE! DIE!

  8. Epicus, Epicus, Epicus,,,that would make the strip exciting.. And you know we cannot have that!

  9. Epicus Doomus

    Poor poor retconned Act I Les. No one liked him so now, thirty seven years later, he can’t…mail invitations???? Uh sure Batom, whatever you say. We’ll all just pretend that Les Moore hasn’t ever had the occasion to organize or arrange anything whatsoever since high school if that’s what it takes to indulge whatever this stupid fantasy is supposed to be. Yeesh.

    BC: True. Maybe a very slowly moving disaster, like the famous molasses flood or something like that.

  10. Well, be honest, would you go to a party if you knew Les was going to be there?

  11. SpacemanSpiff85

    Are they FedExing the invitations? Cause there’s no post office in Westview anymore…

  12. What Batiuk doesn’t seem to realize is how stupid and arrogant he just made the Les of the past look by having him expect people to show up to something they didn’t know existed. The Les of the present is equally stupid for acting as if having to actually tell people about the reunion is something new and weird and untried.

  13. Nathan Obral

    Man, when Batom® runs out material for Funky Winkerbean, he REALLY runs out of material.

    Oh boo hoo! Les, I have the world’s smallest violin, playing the world’s saddest song, just for you!

  14. Jim in Wisc.

    @ Paul Jones: And what’s truly sad about that, is Less More is Tommy Boy’s avatar. So, you can see what L’Auteur Glorieux actually thinks of himself.

  15. Rusty

    Cthulhu would show up in Westview, in order to read the complete collection of Starbuck Jones comics.

  16. As cheesy as it was, the “Hollywood hires unemployed comic book writer and mediocre high school English teacher to save a science fiction movie script in mid-production” arc at least counts as some sort of plot development. So why is TB wasting most of this week on the “Les is rooked into organizing an event that will take place in Montoni’s with all the characters we see all the time anyway with a few ret-conned sepia flashback panels thrown in for good measure” arc?

  17. I have never been more pleased that a FW was not available for preview.

  18. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Les has to do a simple post office delivery job!!?? *GASP!!*

    But seriously..how hard could this task be considering that Montoni’s is obviously catering. Giving that the invitations have already been made and .the school will take care of the the auditorium’s availability. About 75% of Les’ job is already fucking done for him!!!

  19. Jim in Wisc.

    Does anyone even hold a high school reunion in the HS gym, especially once they start getting into the 20s and 30s and beyond? I graduated from a small town Wisconsin high school, and even at 5 years, the people who organized it held the reunion at a restaurant that had a big enough banquet room.

  20. 7dials

    What I really don’t understand about this: why Les supposedly even wanted to throw himself a graduation party with blackjack and hookers. It seems to run completely contrary to everything that’s already been established about the character. I know nothing’s off-limits when it comes to retconning Les’s past to make him look even more cruelly martyred by the popular kids who just didn’t understand his budding brilliance, but… seriously? I didn’t have many friends in my graduating year, so I didn’t bother throwing myself a party for it. It really wasn’t that hard to not throw myself a graduation party never mind one that that I secretly hoped would run to bacchanalian excess, to use a metaphor the Delicate Genius might just consider highbrow enough to deign to understand.

  21. @oddnoc I have never been more pleased that a FW was not available for preview.

    Dunno if it’s good news or bad news, but since it’s the start of a new month, Friday’s strip won’t appear ’til midnight tonight.

  22. Nathan Obral

    Batom® was a member of Midview High School’s Class of 1965. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is representative of him whining about attending his 50th reunion later this year.

    Or perhaps the coordinator of said reunion disinvited Batom® after reading a few weeks of Act III FW. One can only hope.

  23. If nobody showed up for Les’ party, then who the fuck is he talking to?

  24. Nathan Obral

    @Jim in Wisc.: My 10th year reunion took place at a nice pub in nearby Lakewood. I’ve been to my alma mater a handful of times, but mainly for things that didn’t involve me ruminating about the past… heck, I don’t even remember looking at the photo montage of my graduating class.

    This storyline, continuing with my preceding comment, has to be more representative of Batom®’s inner thoughts than anything resembling continuity or a storyline arc in the Funkyverse proper. Remember that we’re dealing with a person who seemingly is stuck in the past, and who feels best defined by his years in high school. And now he’s going to be 50 years removed from that time of his life. Just think about that.

  25. Nathan Obral

    @Epicus Doomus:

    True. Maybe a very slowly moving disaster, like the famous molasses flood or something like that.

    Funky jogging with Les arguably qualifies as a natural disaster in and of itself.

  26. billytheskink

    I am not sure if I like or hate the fact that these Act I flashbacks remind me that Les once looked kinda like a white Gerald Govan

    …so I went back and re-read the few post-graduation Act I strips that there were in 1992 and unlike a lot of Les’ sepia-toned fever dreams, this one seems to be based on something that was actually depicted in Act I.
    The key words, though, are “based on”

    Here’s what actually happened:
    Les showed up to the “Student Council grad party” (NOT a party he was throwing) at the Westview Middle School gym to find Coach Stropp, a bowl of punch, and nothing else. Stropp complained to Les about how stupid it was to have the party at all and left to go to Cindy’s graduation party… but not before he awarded Les the door prize (a copy of the yearbook signed by the superintendent) for being the only grad to show up. Cindy’s party, apparently attended by everyone associated with Westview High except for Les, took place at “Westview Mall” and was covered by three local news affiliates, CNN, and an alien masquerading as MTV’s Karen Duffy. Les then simply sat in the empty Westview Middle School gym looking at pictures in his door prize yearbook for a week’s worth of strips as the transition to Act II.

  27. bigd1992

    If Les has to make a post office delivery, maybe it’ll explode again

  28. Professor Fate

    maybe he could ask his friend Crazy Harry for assistance – as an ex post office worker he should be familiar with the concept of putting things inot envelopes – which seems to be a bit beyond Les.

  29. Charles

    So Les actually needed Cindy to come over to his house to show him how to send invitations.

    No wonder he looks so stricken all the time.

  30. bad wolf

    @Rembrandt36: I hate to say it but at one time i had hopes for the Next Gen (2.0): Summer, Keisha, Maddie, Jinx… I also have never seen a (non web) strip focus much on a college setting (we can count Luann as a failure in that regard too, now). So if the strip had followed them to college instead of sticking with the aging empty-nesters, i think i would have enjoyed it more. I realize TB is probably feeling out-of-touch and doesn’t want to deal with high school or college now, but Trudeau has been touching base with Walden U for many years and didn’t just dump an entire generation of character development.

    Maybe the one to watch was Act II’s Chien; since she’s never been seen again, one can only imagine her life is better on the outside of the Westview event horizon.

  31. Les’ expression in these cases always seems to say “I was meant for better than this.”

    Which just makes him even more amazingly punchable.

  32. Jim in Wisc.

    @ Nathan Obral: Yeah, I always kind of felt the “high school reunion n the gymnasium” thing was more of a Hollywood trope than anything else.

  33. John

    Young Les: “My graduation party doesn’t have drinking or rowdiness. o/` OH, SUCH SUFFERIN’! MY DAYS ARE FULL OF SUFFERIN’! Get me a Bufferin! o/`”

    **************************************************

    Cindy: “The first thing you’ll need to do is get all of these invitations out.”

    Les: “Oh no! I’ll have to do so much WORK. Time to get the envelopes, stamps, and a feather and inkpot with which to slowly scrawl out each and every street address. The time! The materials! The expense! o/` OH, SUCH SUFFERIN’! MY DAYS ARE FULL OF SUFF-”

    Cindy: “Uh-huh. But in the -real- world, where computers, printing services, email and social media exist, you’ll just make a few calls, do some light typing and rest easy.”

    Les: “Hmph! I guess there WERE some children left behind!”

    *Les waddles off*

    Cindy: “….he’s really not improved since high school.”

    Cayla: “Um, hi. I’m Cayla, by the way.”

    Cindy: “Oh, sorry. What are you? His assistant?”

    Cayla: “I’m his wife.”

    Cindy: “….two women in the world have allowed Les Moore to touch them. GAWD, it’s a sick, sad place.”

  34. John

    bad wolf:

    Wherever she is, I’m certain Chien is looking down on the plebes who don’t share her appreciation for fine art coated in gelato then dipped in espresso.

  35. @billytheskink: So he’s revising history (or has forgotten it) to make Les look stupider than he was to start with. Weird. Weirder still that Cindy thinks that this constitutes atoning for what she thought was her refusal to invite him but instead was his refusal to attend something that wasn’t official owing to having an advanced case of having a rebar up his sigmoid colon.