Montoni’s pizza is people! It’s people!

In today’s strip, a slouching, lumpy Les McHarris carries a Montoni’s Pizza box home for his long-suffering wife. The box is completely white, but for “Montoni’s” and “Pizza” inscribed only on the edges. It is otherwise unadorned.

In panel 1, a hungry, hungry Cayla Wrich greets her mate with bitter sarcasm. “Our ‘meals on wheels,’” she begins with ominous scare quotes, “took a while…” She pauses menacingly, like a sharp-pincered scorpion. Venom drips from her tail. “I expected you sooner.”

“I tried calling and texting you to see what was holding you up,” she does not add, because that would interfere with the narrative, which involves characters behaving unlike any actual human.

“I got hung,” panel 2 has Les beginning succinctly, “up while I was in the process of agreeing to take over the chairmanship of my high school class reunion celebration event,” he continues, goes on, and says at length.

The final panel would have been better had Cayla stabbed Les with her foot-long stinger, cutting him apart with her claws, and devouring him. Instead, we get the punchline.

“Surely, you’re joking, Mr. Munyon.”

“Do you see me laughing?”

Do you see the readers laughing?

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24 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “Montoni’s pizza is people! It’s people!

  1. Well, not exactly “people”…

  2. Guest Page Turner Author

    He probably should have been Lewis-and -Clarking better alternatives for dinner. That Montonis pizza ain’t gonna sit well with a couple of middle aged clods like these two!

  3. SpacemanSpiff85

    Why would she think he’s joking? She seemed to have no problem with him taking off for a summer to not finish a movie. Suddenly now she doubts what he says? Considering she hasn’t left the house since they got married, and she’s never been in a strip without Les, I guess I can see how she might find Les’s story an unbelievable adventure.

  4. SpacemanSpiff–I suspect Cayla said what she did because Les has a history of taking forever to do the simplest things–get a pizza, for example–often leaving such tasks incomplete while he moans about how he’s been so betrayed by everyone. In that context, her remark makes sense. “Why would they turn any job over to you?”

  5. If there is anything that sums up the entire Funky Winkerbean experience, it’s that last panel.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    Note how Boy Lisa once again gets pushed into the background just as his part of the story unfolds. It was pretty funny how this time he actually had to explain who he was. My how far Derwin’s star has fallen since those heady days of Act II, eh? Once a featured player, now Pete RenRob’s pathetic caddy. Pretty soon he’ll have to resort to hanging out with Cody.

    And he gets bumped for Les, which adds insult to injury. Why is BanTom setting yet another plate a-spinning here? He already has like a dozen open arcs going (is Becky’s mom still at band practice???), now he has this silly reunion thing pending too. I mean what are the odds that they’ll all somehow converge into one massive mega-arc? “The Starbuck Jones (a Pete Renbert Production) Premier and WHS Thirty-Seventh Reunion featuring the Mason Jarr & Cindy Summers Wedding, with a special reading of “The Last Leaf” by Les Moore, live at Montoni’s!!!!”. Could happen. With all that going on it’d probably have to be a Sunday strip, though.

  7. Nathan Obral

    This plot developments, with the subtly of a 16-ton safe crashing down, is starting to make post-2000 FOOB look perfectly normal.

  8. billytheskink

    I have two questions and no answers.

    1. Is TB intentionally trying for “This Might Help #16” over at Dean’s Comic Booth?

    2. Is there only one women’s shirt available at the Westview TJ Maxx?
    Not that Cayla is envying Les’ Members Only jacket…

  9. Jon I Am

    Look at the bags under Cayla’s eyes in that first panel. Living 24/7 with a dickweed has certainly taken its toll on her.

  10. Gyre

    A question for anyone who’s actually kept an archive (god bless you for enduring it for so long) or has access to the older stuff from the website. Someone asked me if Les had originally had power of final approval over whatever script came out for the Lisa movie. I can’t remember, but does anyone have the relevant comic strips that laid out what the terms of the contract were from way back?

  11. It’s irritating to have to watch Les whine about having another accomplishment he’s cursed with almost as much it is to watch Cayla not believe anything he tells her despite never having been proven wrong before.

  12. 7dials

    It is really starting to annoy me that the only one of the Westview Wives who is drawn to look at all female, never mind attractive, is married to Les bleedin’ Moore. Every other guy in the strip goes home to a lumpy, shapeless thing with atrocious hair who may or may not be missing a limb or two, while Les gets a sylph-like creature with the one women’s hairstyle TomBat knows how to draw.

  13. Nathan Obral

    @7dials:

    Every other guy in the strip goes home to a lumpy, shapeless thing with atrocious hair who may or may not be missing a limb or two…

    …and then there’s Linda Bushka.

  14. sgtsaunders

    Planning, schmanning. What’s the difference between ordering one pizza from Montoni’s and thirty?

  15. Professor Fate

    Cayla’s expression implies that the search for the Higgs Boson or the quest for peace in the Middle East are child’s play compared to effort required in being the chairman of the High School Reunion

  16. captaincab

    Nathan Obral:

    “…and then there’s Linda Bushka.”

    *shudders*

    Every time I see Linda’s head, my mind instantly paraphrases one of the riffs from the MST3K classic short, “A Case of Spring Fever,” Crow: ‘It looks like she parted her hair with a bandsaw.’

    Also props on posting the Michael Scott “Noooooo” gif last night, haha.

  17. Epicus Doomus

    Linda is right behind Dinkle on my “FW characters other than Les who’d I kill off if given the chance” list. I just can’t stand her, her hair or her wry sarcasm.

  18. captaincab

    Her hair do makes her look like a circus clown without makeup. Linda was also horribly Funki-fied last year at least once during Bull’s stupid university storyline.

  19. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    How hard can it be to run this high school reunion? Aren’t half the guests dead already by this point?

  20. SpacemanSpiff85

    I am really curious about why Les is dreading organizing the reunion so much. The thing is I can pretty much guarantee we’re never actually going to see any of the organizing, and the only time we might see the reunion is a Sunday strip. The whole thing is just a means to get Les back to Hollywood, because apparently that’s the thing that’s going to happen in Funky Winkerbean every summer now.

  21. Epicus Doomus

    I can definitely see Pete asking Boy Lisa to contact Les (because these people only communicate face-to-face) regarding “help” with the SJ script. I can also see Mason being the “big draw” at the coming reunion. And finally I can also foresee every one of these stupid story arcs collapsing upon themselves into a big pile of wordplay and puns. But you already knew that.

  22. Charles

    Again with the cutesy slang, because calling it “Takeout” would just underscore how inert and lifeless this strip is.

    I also find it amusing that Batiuk has apparently decided that Les and Cayla would think that it was appropriate to refer to their takeout meals with the name of a charity program largely serving elderly people who have a difficult time providing meals for themselves. It reinforces the notion that Cayla’s a shut-in who can’t do anything for herself.