You’re probably a craven liar like everyone else in Hollywood, Ms. Soyring

“My pal Pete Ratti,” declaims Derwood Faroni in today’s strip, “would be perfect for putting words into the mouth of Mason Jarr.

“Fortunately, Les, my sort-of stepfather, whose wife Lisa died of cancer, has warned me about you Hollywood types, so I expect you to betray me,” he continues.

Also: The artiste works in a few bricks in panel 1, and uses ¾ perspective in panel 2 to go wild with a brick sidewalk.

“Oh, yeah, Lisa was my birth mother.”



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “You’re probably a craven liar like everyone else in Hollywood, Ms. Soyring

  1. Nathan Obral

    “…people in Hollywood never keep their promises anyway.”

    Sounds like Batom® is still bitter that Disney passed on a project centered around Ed Crankshaft 25 years ago. Yes, Ed Freaking Crankshaft.

    Read this puff-piece interview that ran in the Elyria Chronicle-Telegram the same day that My Father, John Darling assumed room temperature.

  2. Nathan Obral

    St. Darin the Fair Good’s hatchet face in panel one is quite possibly the ugliest side profile that Batom® has ever drawn. If you really think about it, that is quite a remarkable achievement.

  3. Nice bird’s-eye-view in panel two. Say….

  4. Spacemanspiff85

    So Cindy is now officially “people in Hollywood”? Even though she probably still has a house in Westview? Harsh. And given his wife’s track record of documentaries, maybe he Darin should ease up on the Hollywood-bashing.

  5. batgirl

    Is the Starbuck Jones movie a multi-million heavy-on-SFX project like The Avengers, Captain America: the Winter Soldier, etc.? Or is TB thinking of it as a 1970s TV movie like Captain America (1979), Dr. Strange (1978) or The Incredible Hulk (1977)?
    Maybe Hollywood didn’t make the time jump when Westview did.

  6. Nathan Obral

    Why would St. Les the Righteous Smirker be in a position to complain? He outright sabotaged a cable TV movie so that he could keep the memory of his dearly beloved St. Lisa the Cancer Chew Toy alive. And forced the network to pay him a kill fee.

    But St. Darin the Fair Good isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. He got an MBA after years of study and untold thousands of dollars, and the best he can do is make a breakfast pizza and a badly designed smartphone app… and lives with a wife who always brings up the fact her dad was murdered, in addition to doing absolutely nothing of value.

    Mind numbing.

  7. If I were a Hollywood producer, and the only names I had for script doctors were a) a fired comic book writer and b) a man who walked out on a made-for-cable job, I would question whether the project was worth saving or if I should just cut my loses right then and there.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    I would hope that Boy Lisa’s next move would be to tell Pete about this, as it’s information he might actually be able to use. Sure, having Cindy put in a good word can’t hurt and it almost makes sense, unlike having her do the same for the despicable Les. But still, he can’t possibly just leave the story dangling here…or can he?

    And what exactly is Boy Lisa trying to say there in panel three? It seems a little ominous if you ask me. Just a little too specific to be the usual random inane FW chatter, or so it would seem anyway.

  9. Jon I Am

    “Hollywood types can’t be trusted” says the man who whined relentlessly after his shitty story was taken up by Hollywood and he sabotaged it because of “my integrity!”. Asshole.

  10. Did Darin run off and have extreme facial surgery between panels 2 and 3?!

  11. billytheskink

    I haven’t seen this much blonde since some joker replaced the school nurse’s lice shampoo with peroxide.

    The only way this strip could be more Nordic would be if Jessica showed up.

  12. Ah, well. At least he isn’t basing his idea of what people he’ll never meet are like on his experiences with Evil Frankie. That’s something. As for the whole “I’ll show THEM” thing, it’s sort of appalling (but typical) that Batiuk would come away with the wrong lesson from “We have no immediate interest in doing anything with a surly, destructive, hateful, malingering old poop who never learns anything and never gets punished for his years of being a shit to everyone he meets IF you insist on the fact that the only thing people can do in response is to frown in impotent rage. No one is going to want to watch that, Mr Batiuk.”

  13. Charles

    So let me see if I’ve got this right:

    Some guy who Cindy doesn’t know runs up to her and tells her he was eavesdropping on her conversation. He then tells her some nonsense about a friend who is a writer and suggests that he’d be great for this thing that isn’t even Cindy’s business in the first place. He then proceeds to insult the industry her new boyfriend is in. And Cindy’s going to actually tell her new boyfriend (how long do you have to be dating someone before it’s appropriate to be asking for large favors like this?) about this. And her new boyfriend is going to take this seriously. And his bosses are going to take his suggestion seriously, even though it has nothing to do with the job they’ve hired him for. And even though they have scores of candidates for this job with whom they’re already familiar, from the appropriate channels. they’re going to hire this schmuck from some random Ohio failure’s suggestion.


  14. DOlz

    Let’s see they’re still working on the script and Mason Jarr, the well known failed made for TV actor is acting like a diva (not TheDiva). At this point it would be very easy to change the lead actor without effecting the shooting schedule. Yeah, Mason run with Cindy’s suggestions and hope she can get you a job at BuddyBlog or the next step down

  15. @Charles: That’s why they call it reality-based!


    Hollywood never keeps their promises? That’s why contracts exist. Kind of like the one Les had when he was writing Lust for Lisa. So much stupid….

  17. I first thought that Batiuk was actually writing, using foreshadowing here, with Darin innocently hinting that Mason would turn out to be a cad and (come to his senses and) dump Cindy. Then I re-read “from what Les told me” and realized I’d given TB too much credit.

  18. Professor Fate

    Cure Mermaid Man saying ‘evvilllllllll! evilllllll!’
    You know right after you ask someone to ask someone for a favor, you don’t slam that person’s industry. Well unless you’re the author and have issues with Hollywood.

  19. captaincab

    So both Pete AND Les will be moping, slumming and whining their way through ANOTHER Hollywood hit piece? Immediate mental image is the Michael Scott “No, no, no. no NOOOOOOO” gif?

    Also the inconsistent character profile insanity continues. Yesterday Durwin actually kinda looked like himself (aside from the fact his pointy, thin carrot nose is apparently never coming back). Now today in panel one, he’s back to the Funky photoshop job (the Funky profile has even been used for female characters occasionally this past year such as Holly and you can see it was used a bit for Becky’s side profile on Sunday’s last panel) then in the last panel he’s morphed into yet another new, previously unseen Durwin species. Seriously, either Batiuk is suffering from the early onset of alzheimer’s or he now has two different people drawing each individual strip for him, it’s the only explanation.

  20. captaincab

    Another thing, since when is Durwin on first name terms with Les? He’s no longer calling him “Mr. Moore”? But then again, yesterday he thought he had to introduce himself to Cindy for no logical reason so maybe Durwin’s genetic flip flopping isn’t just affecting his appearance and is possibly starting to impact his memory as well.

    Also, Les has some mind numbing gall saying the “people in Hollywood never keep their promises” when HE was the only one NOT to stick to HIS PART OF THE CONTRACT which still netted him a lot of money and got a film crew canned, when in real life, they would have canned HIM for being a combative idiot who accomplished nothing. Meanwhile, production on Lisa’s Story would have steamed merrily ahead without any issue despite the lack of its persecuted, genius sap-screenwriter who never did a shred of work while in Hollywood being wined, dined and put up in a five star hotel. Can’t wait to see the horrible trials and tribulations he and Pete will have to endure!

  21. Saturnino

    “Can’t wait to see the horrible trials and tribulations he and Pete will have to endure!”

    Maybe he’ll get the job of the guy who was pushing the Lust for Lisa movie and got fired when Les took the kill fee.

  22. captaincab


    Ha. Btw, anyone know how or under what scenario a “kill fee” would even work for a writer? Obviously Batiuk’s understanding of it from the Hollywood debacle was a complete fantasy.

  23. Epicus Doomus

    If I had to guess, I’d wager that the “script doctor” gig turns into something of a collaboration involving Pete, Les, Darin and Holly’s SJ collection. Then “Hollywood” will somehow drop the whole shebang over some silly reason that doesn’t make sense to “regular folk”. In other words, the standard FW “artist at work” story line.

    It’s been mentioned previously but it really is kind of strange that Cindy doesn’t already know Boy Lisa, given how he’s almost always within a few feet of Montoni’s and it’s been implied that Cindy drops in there regularly to BS with “Ex Man”. Also there’s the Lisa AND the John Darling connection too, which basically makes him Westviewian royalty.

    Now that I think about it, pairing up characters who never interact with each other might actually be pretty funny. Like, for example, “Owen and Cody paint Jessica’s kitchen”, or “Funky and Cayla go to the DMV together” or “Frankie and Les take in an Indians game”.

  24. John

    “That’s okay, even though you’re doing exactly what I hoped for, I still feel the need to insult and belittle you. I’m basically a petty, spiteful person.”

    “….wow. You really -are- reminding me of Les now!”

  25. Nathan Obral


    So both Pete AND Les will be moping, slumming and whining their way through ANOTHER Hollywood hit piece? Immediate mental image is the Michael Scott “No, no, no. no NOOOOOOO” gif?

  26. Charles

    You know, in my first comment, I was really just examining what Dorkin was saying, along with the larger plot, ignoring the actual art. But look at this fuckface’s face in the last panel: the smarm, the smugness, the heightened sense of superiority along with his sureness of his statement, about which he knows nothing and is just repeating what the Whiniest Man in the World said to him. Cindy should just tell him to go screw. You want a favor? Act like someone who wants one.