The War of the Time Pools

No one would have believed in the early years of the twenty-first century that Westview was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than Les’s and yet as mortal as his own; that as pizza mongers busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.

Yet across the gulf of the internet, minds that are to Les’s mind as his is to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded today’s strip with beady eyes, and slowly and surely picked at nits.


Here ends my snark stint,
So off will I slink.
Coming up next:
Billy the Skink!

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25 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “The War of the Time Pools

  1. So, barring a extension of this farce, it’s all over. Nothing happened, except to make past less and most of the current characters trolls. This is the most contemptible storyline in the history of newspaper comics. Batiuk should be ashamed of himself.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    Les hopes he forgets what happens in the future to the love of his life, something that’s completely preventable? Just when you thought he couldn’t get any more pathetic…

  3. So today, we have a) more pointless shaming of Cindy (“lol, of course she’d want a selfie with herself!”), Les wanting to be absolved of any responsibility for his shitty behavior this week, and a blatant admission that this strip was much better thirty years ago. It’s like everything that has sucked about this entire arc in one convenient panel.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    So what is Batiuk trying to say here? That he liked his strip more back when it was humorous and contained jokes? Join the f*cking club, Pulitzer (nominee) Boy.

    Why is he drawing Lisa in that same annoying pose all the time? Why is he so fixated on how shallow the Cindys are? What the f*ck is Past Funky babbling about? Why is Present Les just staring stupidly at Past Les and Past Lisa? How does a grown man make a sustainable living from doing something this nonsensical and stupid and, more importantly, how can I get in on the racket?

  5. Nathan Obral

    Is Old Fat and Frumpy Holly speaking on behalf of the readers (none of which read Funky Winkerbean unironically) who have to endure this garbage… or is she speaking on behalf of Batiuk, who is so drowning in nostalgia that he had to waste a whole month on an unrealistic, preposterous arc (that wound up recasting his self-portrait, Les Moore, as an Oedipus-like murderer with regards to Teen Lisa)?

    The only thing missing from this panel was an army of Daleks ready to wipe them all off the face of the earth.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    If you told me in, say, 2011 that TB would eventually do a time travel arc featuring past Lisa and Les would just stand there like an idiot doing nothing, I would have TOTALLY believed you.

  7. Nathan Obral

    @Doug Puthoff:

    This is the most contemptible storyline in the history of newspaper comics. Batiuk should be ashamed of himself.

    Meanwhile, Batiuk and Brendan Buford continue to laugh all the way to the bank as they gleefully take paychecks from the Hearst Corporation. And do absolutely nothing of value whatsoever but embarrass and devalue the entire newspaper comics industry.

    If their jobs were a matter of life and/or death, they would be charged with embezzlement and money laundering. And they would be thought of as pariahs by anyone with an IQ above 9.

  8. Gyre

    I really was ready to be proven completely wrong. I thought there was going to be some big heart to heart between Les the younger and elder. I thought that maybe Lisa would take the burden of her death on herself and reassure that the Les duo that it’s frightening and painful, but she wants to keep going down her own future without being the kind of person who would spend every day terrified that she’ll be gone the next. Maybe the adults agonizing over the dilemma of whether to warn a girl about her future even if it means removing her son from existence.

    But we have this conclusion. The writer had a pretty good idea, but I’m sad to say he just didn’t do anything with it.

  9. SpacemanSpiff85

    @Gyre:
    That’s pretty much FW in a nutshell, for the past decade or so. It still has potential, if Batiuk didn’t seem so determined to half-ass everything.

  10. DOlz

    Oddnoc, nice “War of the Worlds” ref.

  11. Rusty

    If this doesn’t pull Chris Sims back into the Funkywatch then nothing will.

  12. DOlz

    For once I agree with Les, but I’m afraid this “story” line will be a permanent stain on my memory.

  13. Jim in Wisc.

    This is it? Seriously? Another weak story conclusion from a weak author.

  14. Nathan Obral

    This whole arc needs to be compiled in one page in the “Other Crap” section. So future generations can study it as a way how NOT to write a time travel story, let alone a comic strip.

  15. The stupid look on Old Les’s face suggests that he is the end result of apostolic succession from Pontius Pilate. He knows that he knows what’s going to happen but he doesn’t want to take responsibility for anything because it’s too scary to move.

  16. ComicTrek

    Wow. No character development, no life lessons, no NOTHING. I’m not an official scientist, but wouldn’t that picture of Young Cindy disappear or something once she went back into the past? (*shrug*) Overthinking again.

    Oh, here’s a gem: once again, TB still tries to “get back” at us by not-so-subtly making fun of us “nitpickers” who, although we probably shouldn’t, actually care somewhat about this now-horrible strip! >:-(

  17. @Nathan Orbal: We’ll have to add in the fact that tomorrow, we’ll probably watch Mopey Pete and Darrin talk about Starbuck Jones again. Batiuk will clearly take that to mean that Les should not have acted as it would have deprived the world of a comics obsessed moron, never realizing that he’s made a case for Les actually doing something about the problem.

  18. Merry Pookster

    Tomorrow morning Less will walk into a steamy bathroom and find Lisa in the shower.

  19. Nathan Obral

    @Merry Pookster:

    Tomorrow morning Less will walk into a steamy bathroom and find Lisa in the shower.

    Better yet, Les walks in and finds Bobby Ewing in the shower.

  20. Rusty Shackleford

    Said in a Krusty the Clown voice: “what the hell was that?”

  21. Jim in Wisc.

    @ Rusty Shackleford: However, what Krusty was commenting about made more sense than this.

  22. Paraphrasing Woody Allen doesn’t make the strip funnier, Mr. Batiuk.

  23. laila

    Is this ridiculous non-story seriously going to conclude with the suggestion that a young woman who will grow up to become a (supposedly) successful lawyer’s poor little lady brain is so feeble it’s incapable of drawing the obvious conclusion to this farce? ‘Gosh, I alone don’t seem to have an older counterpart and Les is dragging me away from what looks like an In Memoriam display… welp, clearly nothing of interest to see here’?

    Apparently we are. Seriously, Batom, the contempt you hold your female characters in – up to and including the Most Holy St Lisa, apparently – isn’t funny any more. You need to get help.

  24. Professor Fate

    Gad what a pointless exercise that was. Once again Les – and we are supposed to sympathize with him why? – once again Les does nothing but run away from a problem. That this will eventually cost Lisa her life makes it even more horrible. Other than that and some gibberish about Comic Books this might as well have been a band arc.

  25. A HREF

    Welp, someone did a good time travel arc this week: