All Bi Myself

Today’s weak and somewhat offensive gag is one of those that works only when read, not when spoken; that is, “bipolar” is usually not pronounced with an ellipsis after the first syllable. Unless Cindy already is suspicious of Mason’s heterosexuality, and has prepared and rehearsed her acceptance in anticipation of his coming out. “Oh, well there’s nothing…that a little taste of my sweet sweet jelly roll can’t cure!” Still, the revelation of his mental disorder comes as a relief by comparison.

Perennial FW bit player Bald Guy with Hipster Glasses returns!



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

30 responses to “All Bi Myself

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Yeah, this is really weak (the actual strip, not my parody version), although the fact that Mason is battling some kind of disability is, well, kind of expected. I guess the strip was just getting too lighthearted this week, so Batom had to add an illness to balance things out. Mason sure got off easy though, just ask Lisa and Becky.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    Yippee, another Very Serious Subject for Batiuk to totally butcher in the blandest, most boring way.

  3. Funky Polarbean

    Batiuk’s attempt to do his own version of Doonesbury’s classic “I’m gay” strip backfires in what I suspect is just one of the many ways in which it possibly could.

  4. Rusty

    Oh dear god. Of course he’s bi-polar. Time for a lecture.

  5. I’m going to assume that Mason Jarr the actor simply said “I’m bi,” and only finished the term when Cindy got the wrong idea. Granted, this only works on the pretext that “bi” has ever been used anywhere as an abbreviation of “bi-polar” which it hasn’t, but that’s hardly the most implausible thing to come out of this strip.

    At any rate, I look forward to Batiuk treating mental illness with the same knowledge, insight, and sensitivity that he has brought to gay rights, date rape, and veterans’ affairs.

  6. Rejected From the Test Lab

    Cindy: So what do you do for a living?

    Mason: I’m a pros…

    Cindy: You have sex with strangers for money? Well, who can blame you in this economy, amirite?

    Mason: ecutor.

    Cindy: Ohhhhhhh…..

  7. Rusty

    Does bi-polar mean he looks buff at the beach but sickly when seated at tables? He looked similarly sickly when eating at Les’ house.

  8. I think this is a variation on a decades-old Doonesbury strip, wherein one male character tells a female “I’m gay,” and she responds “So? I’m usually pretty cheerful myself!” It was kind of funny then, decades later, not so much. Or at least, not so fresh.

  9. I tried to warn you, but would you listen? Nooooooo… 🙂

  10. Epicus Doomus

    Batom was having a pretty decent week there for a while, at least by FW standards. I really hope this is a one-off gag and not the start of a “Mason is bi…polar” arc that never gets resolved. There’s absolutely no need to create a sad back story for Mason Jarr, but that’s never stopped TB before.

  11. bad wolf

    I nosed through the archives and while there isn’t a definitive date, Lisa’s Legacy Run is usually the second or third Sunday in October, and usually has a week of run-up strips. So I’ll just enjoy this bit of throwaway banter while I can.

    (Also be on the lookout for Les and Cayla’s probably forgotten third anniversary, October 15th.)

  12. billytheskink

    Cindy Summers, a shining beacon of tolerance. I mean, a lot of people would be very uncomfortable with eating at a restaurant that employs the child of Paul Shaffer and Danny DeVito’s Penguin.

  13. @bad wolf: Alas, the Lisa’s Legacy run took place in mid September, according to the FW blog, and I would kill for one of these t-shirts…

  14. Guest Page Turner Author

    The entirely awful strip, with its lack of understanding of how actual humans talk, or how to write how humans actually talk, reminds me of a favorite old song of mine which has actually been playing over and over again in my head lately. You remember Cake:

    I want a girl with a short skirt and a loooooooooooooooong.


    A loooooooooooooooooooooooooong jacket.

    I have also been replaying Missy Eliot’s “Get ur freak on ” on my head these past few weeks

  15. HAnzMFG

    Ugh, does Tom Batiuk even know how people talk? Is Mason voiced by William Shatner?

  16. Charles

    I going to guess that because Batiuk hasn’t crowed over the last year about his blockbuster upcoming sequence where he deals with a character with bipolar disorder in a sensitive and thoughtful fashion, this is a terrible sign.

    Dude, you made a woman who died from misdiagnosed breast cancer unsympathetic. Just stop. This can’t possibly go well.

  17. We’re in for a very poorly researched and executed arc about a serious problem, that’s for sure. What we’re also in is for a ham-fisted retcon that will assassinate what’s left of Cindy’s character. Look for a lot of sepia-tone and flashback panels that lie about history when it’s explained that Cindy ran away from Pouting, Selfish, Emotionally Abusive Alcoholic SHPOS Funky because She Couldn’t Handle Life Because She’s Just Decorative And Not A REAL Woman Like Holly Who Knows Her Place. As Tom gets older, he gets more reactionary and by the time 2022 rolls around, will be a member of Westboro Baptist Church.

  18. ComicTrek

    Doonesbury ripoff + Very Serious Issue = (*facepalming forever*)

    While we’re on the subject of lameness, allow me tell you something. Unlike “Lisa’s Story”, the way Mr. Trudeau showcased Andy’s battle with AIDS and all that came with it was gold. I’m not being mean, but THAT, I thought, was good writing! It was more realistic. Andy Lippincott was a character who you could easily sympathize with. You find yourself rooting for him. You want him to live. And he’s so darn likable! Yeah, the whole thing was brutally sad…but for those who remember (or read it over on GoComics like I did) wasn’t it also very funny at times, too? The guy lived his life to the fullest…and he did so with dignity and courage and a lot of humor. At the end of it you almost feel like you’ve been through a very rewarding and inspirational experience. Now compare that to Lisa’s Ongoing Story Of Despair. There’s no need to tell it, because we all remember. We’re reminded daily, in fact. We all wish that it never would have happened.

    Doonesbury isn’t perfect, and it’s had a fair amount of bad moments and poor decisions from the author–and to be 100% fair, what strip hasn’t?–but at least Mike and crew aren’t all sadsack lumps who gather together to watch video tapes of ghostly, threatening “advice” from Andy. Just my opinion.

  19. Chyron HR

    Cindy may be old, but she can still leap to conclusions like an Olympic gymnast.

    Mason: “Let’s get crabs.”
    Cindy: “Why would we want to contract pubic lice?!”
    Mason: “I meant for dinner.”

  20. A HREF

    I have no words.

    This could be truly awful and offensive.

  21. Hannibal's Lectern

    Mason Jarr The Actor: “I’m bi…”
    Cindy The Pathetic Cougar: “Oh… well that’s not…”
    MJTA: “…ennial. I can only have sex once every two years.”
    CTPC (shrugs): “More often than I got it from Funky…”

  22. Wait, what? She aged 20 years since yesterday!

  23. Rusty

    Those are the two Lisa portraits they put on the shirt? Imagine walking around Buttfuck, Ohio with that on. Should have gone with the later Crypt Keeper look.

  24. Rusty Shackleford

    Why can’t they fire Batty boy and hire Epicus to write the strip. It is alway something with Batty, just constant misery. What goes through his mind?

    Well I guess nobody has written about being bipolar in the comics. I hope the Pulitzer committee is reading.

  25. Based on the fact that he did this particular strip at the end of the week instead of the beginning, after four straight lame Cindy-is-getting-old-and-dating-a-much-younger-man jokes, I’m guessing that Mason’s bipolar disorder is simply a cheap joke and will never be mentioned again. Kind of like when Cayla told Les she was pregnant a week before the wedding.


    Unless this leads to Mason secretly being a Ted Bundy-esque serial killer, this is gonna be another episode “Tom Batiuk Teaches the World about Social Issues He Doesn’t Have A Fucking Clue About!”

  27. DOlz

    More and more FW is reminding me of the “Star Trek” episode “The Squire of Gothos”. In it an immensely powerful being had been observing Earth, but only visually. So he knew what things looked like and how they functioned, but not anything else about them. This might explain why TB thinks he writing human dialog and interactions.

    Perhaps early in life TB was the victim a Plato’s Cave experiment. Instead only seeing shadows on the cave wall, he was forced to watch Soap Operas with the sound off.

    Or maybe he just has a brain tumor.

  28. @Funky Polarbean – oops, didn’t see that you’d already made the reference. Sorry about that!

  29. Tom Batiuk was going for “sad and depressing” with Mason Jarr, The Movie Actor Bi The Way, but it misfired badly. As usual.

    Although it seems that Mason Jarr, The Movie Actor Bi The Way has to be going through psychiatric help. It’s obvious that psychiatrists refuse to enter Westview, especially because it would remove 97% of the plotlines for Les Moore, Widower of Dead St. Lisa the Cancer Chew Toy of the Misdiagnosed Mammogram.

  30. Batiuk seems way overly proud of that “Buster’s Crab” joke. Three times in one strip? It isn’t that clever.