Anus Major

“In a spirit of generosity”, Tom Batiuk really should put down his Funky felt tip, retire “Funky” and “Crankshaft”, and free up some real estate for some new talent in the fading genre of daily newspaper comics. TB waited almost a month to squander another Sunday’s worth of ink, newsprint, and Photoshop effects on a followup to Kablichnick’s Ursa  Major “joke”. In today’s retelling, however, “Jim Twain” goes with our bobanero’s (funnier) punchline. Not so fast, teacher! Even dim Owen realizes we’ve heard this one. And it sucked. “But no, my friends,” teases Jim, in French to be extra condescending; he then recites the joke and delivers the punchline like a steaming turd before smirking blissfully and hitching his suspenders (the science teacher’s “mic drop”). Cody is appalled by this microaggression; deadpan Alex declares Jim to “comedically on fire” while visualizing him to be literally so.

Your genial host is “comedically extinguished” after serving as your host these last two festive weeks. Thank you, readers and contributors, for visiting and supporting the web’s premiere source for Funky Winkerbean snark, Son of Stuck Funky. I’m pleased and proud to preside over one of the smartest and funniest online communities I’ve even partaken in. The comedically sur le feu Beckoning Chasm takes over Monday. Happy 2016! —Votre ancien assiette en porcelaine, TFH


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

15 responses to “Anus Major

  1. I like to think Alex meant to imply that Jim’s jest has loosed a a strong odor of burning garbage, or perhaps that he’s taken humor on to “kill it with fire,” but I think she’s sincere in her compliment. Which is just terrible. Tom Batiuk honestly sees this as a joke worthy or admiration, doesn’t he?

    Better to leave the “co” off, so that he’s on fire under supervision of a doctor. Doctor Doom, of course.

  2. Rusty Shackleford

    Omg, I can’t believe he cranks out this crap. Are there no standards at all? Does Batty have tenure? How is it possible that he hasn’t been canned?

  3. SpacemanSpiff85

    Speaking of retiring, Batiuk could quit and the space could go to rerunning FW from the beginning and it would be quite an improvement over this garbage.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    BanTom is really running these “groaner” gags into the ground lately. That last panel is pathetic, too. “Comedically on fire”? She needed to clarify what kind of fire he was on? It’s a absolutely bizarre thing to say. “Gee, you’re on fire today Mr. K”…what’s wrong with that? Talk about word balloon filler-uppering, that’s just terrible.

  5. billytheskink

    Later, in the teacher’s lounge.

    Les: You want to hear a joke, Linda? Jim and me wrote this great constellation joke the other day for him to close his lecture with.

    Linda: “Gemini” not “Jim and me”…

  6. And no physics were taught that entire school year. In spite of numerous complaints from parents and the student body, Mr. Kruknselaytizfuck continued to be employed at Westview High, tormenting dumb high schoolers with the worst puns he could think of.

  7. Frank Bolton

    Look at Mr. Jim over there in the final panel, trying to out-smug Les.

    Tugging on the suspenders was a very nice touch, but until you crank up the condescension and crank down the self-awareness you won’t come within a sniff of the Master of Smug.

  8. And this is why they keep voting down the school levy…..they don’t hate education, they just want Westview High to dry up, blow away and take its teachers with it.

  9. ComicTrek

    And here we are, the REAL anti-bullying arc! @billytheskink: Ha! That was a good one!
    Happy New Year, everybody. 🙂

  10. Hannibal's Lectern

    Kablichnick’s alleged “humor” is sponsored by the Worstview High chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, on the theory that if students believe entering a bar will expose them to jokes like this, they’ll remain teetotalers for life.

    Or go straight to drugs, but that’s DARE’s problem.

  11. I’ll take the Libra-ty of Virgo-ing any pretense of liking Batuik’s strip. Orion, o TK Ryan, where are you? These strips are becoming (bigger) Pisces of crap.

  12. I have the social ineptitude of an autistic cat, and even I find Jim’s inability to “read the room” incomprehensible.

  13. Rusty Shackleford

    Interview questions that Batty will never get asked:

    1. Do you really think your strip addresses contemporary issues in a way that is relevant to young people today?

    2. Seriously Tom, exactly what would young people find in your strips that is relevant, inspiring, or even funny?

    3. Why can’t you give up on Lisa already? Nobody else cares about her. In fact, most people think that she was a preachy b_tch.

    4. Why are you obsessed with misery? Do you really think people want to read about sadness all the time?

    5. Why haven’t you considered retiring?

  14. I was reminded today that in late 2014, Richard Lewis sarcastically told one of the panelists “you’re on fire comedically” during his appearance on Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me. Just saying.

  15. It appears that Red Ronin (who may be an avatar for The Author) has been moderated by the Comics Kingdom site.