Angrily We Roll Along

Professor Fate
March 29, 2016 at 9:11 am
…And Mason unless your plan is to find the grave of the late Mr. Hanger and dig up his skull and drink wine from it while learning your lines, no you haven’t had an amazing thought.

No such luck, Professor. Mason’s just so pleased with his idea (and Pete hails it as “genius!”) to find a cameo role for the actor who played SJ in the “serial from the early fifties.” Well, in a comic strip universe where a WWII veteran still can find work driving a school bus well into the 21st century, this is totally plausible. In fact, I can almost see how that cameo might look:



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “Angrily We Roll Along

  1. Epicus Doomus

    What a hack. Middle school English teachers would laugh at this blatant word balloon-filler dialog, just bottom of the barrel stuff even by FW standards. “The original Starbuck Jones Actor Cliff Anger”…”our new Starbuck Jones movie”…just cringe-worthy, insulting and shameless.

    And guess what Pete? This latest change to the SJ story means you’ll have more work to do, which is why Boy Lisa appears less than thrilled by the whole thing. Or maybe he just hates being spoken to like he’s a complete moron who can’t remember who Cliff Anger is during a conversation about Cliff Anger. I know I do.

  2. HeyItsDave

    Gosh, if only there was a searchable database of movies available on the internet!

  3. SpacemanSpiff85

    If they’re lucky, someone will feel sorry for them and give them Cliff Anger, the original Starbuck Jones actor, for free. Just say you’re doing it for your son.

  4. billytheskink

    Panel 2 is likely taken from one of TB’s many conversations with his bathroom mirror.

  5. I think I’m in the presence of a genius, too, but it’s TFH. Perfect cameo.

  6. Let’s be generous and say that the Starbuck Jones serial was made in 1955, a couple of years after serial production had basically halted. Let’s say further that Cliff Anger was 20 when he starred in that serial, meaning he was born in 1935.

    In normal 2016, that makes Mr. Anger 81 years old, more-or-less. But then we add the time-jump in, and now he’s 91. So TFH’s idea is probably what they’ll end up with, except that’s a creative idea and creative ideas are not welcome in Funky Winkerbean.

    So he’ll be some cheery old coot who will…wait for it…regale them with flashback stories about filming Starbuck Jones “back in the day.”

  7. Epicus Doomus

    You would think this all comes together somehow but this is Batiuk we’re talking about here, so that’s not a given. Is Jessica still in Ohio too? Doesn’t her mother have a Crankshaft connection? And of course she was married to John Darling, who used to interview celebrities. I’m just saying is all.

    Coming next week: the gang rides motorized unicycles to Podunkville, Ohio, where Cliff Anger, humble pumpkin farmer, turns down their offer of a movie role…unless they can score him a date with his old Hollywood crush Zelda Ankleturn, that is.

    beckoningchasm: Oh yeah, he’ll be regaling all right, out the f*cking ying-yang. And dollars to donuts says every single solitary second of it sucked, too. No WAY Cliff Anger’s back story is anything but dreary and wistfully wry.

  8. Cliff: “Well, I was really excited to be offered the role, because I was a big fan of the comic book! But then the producers wanted to change things! I really wanted to exercise my ‘kill fee’ but Vera begged me not to, as this was her last chance at stardumb. So I did the film, but it bittered me, bittered me I tell you, and I’ve never seen the resulting product. But I have all the comic book issues, as well as cookies and milk, so if you’d like to come downstairs…”

  9. This being Funky Winkerbean and therefore tenuously linked to reality, we’ll next find out that the serial was filmed (for no apparent reason) in Cleveland and that Cliff Anger knew the staff at Batom Comics.

  10. Nobody in the history of ever has ever held a piece of pizza the way Pete is doing in panel 2. And yet Batiuk insists on drawing it that way. This is drawing, so it can’t be called writing. I wonder how he explains it. As usual, it’s inexplicable.

  11. The really depressing thing is that the deluded old poop thinks that this should all come as a shocking twist. Lynn Johnston put out a bio recently and she devoted a chapter to whining piteously because evil snarkertrolls saw her foregone conclusion coming a mile away. Same deal with this idiot.

  12. Saturnino

    “Nobody in the history of ever has ever held a piece of pizza the way Pete is doing in panel 2. ”

    This is just one of the classic oddities that engenders reader loyalty with its engaging storylines and that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner with challenging crossovers.

  13. 1. What’s “genius” about giving a cameo to an actor who previously played the original role?? If Batiuk actually *WATCHED* films, he’d know that’s a fairly common occurrence, and hardly “genius”…

    2. Has Mason even bothered to check first to, you know, actually confirm Mr. Anger is still alive, and of sound mind and body? I mean, he is damn near 100 years old now…

    3. Is Mason an executive producer also? He seems to have WAY too much leeway in making changes to production whenever it suits him, without any discussion or debate.

    4. What the hell is Pete Rattabastardo smiling about? He realizes adding a cameo role will mean another script change, right? I thought Pete was about to go on a suicide shooting spree if anyone told him to make more edits?

  14. TFH’s illustration has giving me a disturbing thought: What if Cliff Anger is Funky’s dad? Considering the goofiness in this strip, it’s entirely possible. Cripes, in this universe, it’s most likely.

  15. Professor Fate

    Argg – like this has never be thought of in the history of Cinema! Does the Author even watch movies?
    And the only way this drivel could be turn out to be interesting is if it turns out Mr. Hanger is now in a Hannibal Lecter type cell in the Violent ward of the Westville Mental Hospital: “whatever you do don’t mention movies, comic books and especially Starbuck Jones. He killed the last person who did that, we’re not even sure how he did it.”
    I don’t know why my imagination has gone so dark on this arc maybe it’s just because it’s so whitebread bland.

  16. Jimmy

    Here’s a plot twist for you. No, Cliff Anger is not Funky’s dad. He is …… Freddy the Rapist’s father. Dun dun dunnnnnnnn.

    By the way, how’s Mr. Fairgood these days. I wonder if Darin rememebers to visit his parents after piling away sloppy pizza and talking about a movie no one will ever watch, even in straight-to-cellphone format.

  17. @HeyItsDave — “a searchable database of movies on the internet.” Yes, somebody direct Batiuk to the Filmic Universal Compendium of Knowledge. Just tell him to type its acronym into google.

  18. Epicus Doomus

    These idiots have no problem with video chatting, they do it all the time. But for some reason they just can’t be bothered to look up ANYTHING online, ever. Most normal people would have read CA’s bio before they left the theater, but not these knuckleheads.


    So now they are going to waste more time and money tracking down an actor who is probably dead or at least bedridden. All stuff that could be done over the phone. Just like watching this stupid serial.

    This film is going to wind up being a movie produced by Alan Smithee when all is said and done.

  20. Rembrandt36

    Paul Jones: do you have a link to that Lynn Johnston bio thing? I’d love to read that chapter.

  21. Rembrandt36: It’s on Amazon. Also, the relevant passage goes something like this:
    “Along with the emails from the usual fans came the would-be writers who tried to guess how the strip would end. They came up with every possible conclusion, and of course, one of them was right. I stopped reading their online discussions long before I wrote the final chapter. I knew that no matter how close they came to guessing, my ending would still be my own idea, my own dialogue, my own scenarios – and in my own time. Nonetheless, they took some of the joy away. They sapped some of the excitement. Now, when I look at the way the online critics and the “end guessers” affected me, I wonder how the next generations of creative and talented artists is going to be able to share their gifts with the world, if they, and their creations, are attacked at every turn.”

    This means that her definition of being attacked means ‘having people see a foregone conclusion coming miles away.’ She might believe otherwise but she wasn’t fooling anyone. Once Liz rushed home to cheer up Anthony after his divorce, their marriage was only a matter of time and she’s a fool to think we were fooled.

  22. @Roscoe: Careful, you might give Batiuk ideas.

  23. Don

    Because the cameos worked so well in “Lost In Space.” Well, June Lockhart’s did (as Will’s school principal), because she was recognizable. Technically, Dick Tufeld’s did as well (as the voice of the robot). In case you missed the others:
    Mark Goddard (Major West) – the general who introduces John Robinson to Major West
    Marta Kristen (Judy), Angela Cartwright (Penny) – reporters at the press conference
    Guy Williams (John Robinson) – died in 1989
    Jonathan Harris (Dr. Smith) – he was asked to do one (he would have been the hologram that doublecrosses Dr. Smith after Smith changes the robot’s programming, but he declined, saying, “I’ve never done a cameo before, and I’m not about to start now”
    Bill Mumy (Will) – he was supposed to be adult Will at the end of the film, but at pretty much the last minute, somebody decided it would detract from the scene.