Over a Cliff

HeyItsDave
March 29, 2016 at 11:15 pm
Gosh, if only there was a searchable database of movies available on the internet!

$$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$
March 31, 2016 at 1:07 pm
I know this has been said before, but a quick google search could probably confirm whether Cliff Anger is dead or not…

Partial credit is due, I guess: the gang has managed to use “that internet thing” to get a potential lead in their search for Cliff Anger. Not via IMDb, nor Wikipedia, nor the Google; any of which might provide fairly reliable info as to old Cliff’s status and whereabouts. But—hello, what’s this?— someone’s selling off a cache of SJ memorabilia on eBay or Craigslist. Perfectly logical, then, to assume that this mysterious seller would be the man himself, and reason enough for three people to fly to New York to go looking for the guy.

25 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “Over a Cliff

  1. I probably would’ve just Googled his name first. Then I would’ve check IMDb.

  2. Gotta hand it to Tom Batuk–this is hilariously idiotic. Amazingly cretinous. I actually laughed at the stupid ideas in this episode.

    Yeah, when you’re looking for someone, always check eBay first! Look for something being sold that they were involved with, and viola! I wonder why the police don’t use this method to find fugitives and runaways, it’s so perfect!

    Now, at this point, I’d have clicked “Contact seller,” instead of flying three people to New York, but what do I know? Obviously I don’t have a syndicated comic strip so my ignorance of these things is total.

    Suppose they find him. He might be flattered to meet an actor who will play a character he once played, and might offer a week’s worth of insight, but what’s he going to make of Pete? Other than a lampshade?

    Yesterday, I would have said, “Okay–in Funky Winkerbean, it is allowed that the internet can be used once per year.”

    Today, I would add “But never properly.”

  3. Epicus Doomus

    He got me again. I assumed that this Anger asshole would be living in Ohio, which would be a reason (a totally implausible and stupid reason but a reason nonetheless) for these boring imbeciles to be in Ohio in the first place. And of course he lives in New York, which means that a) Mason chartered a plane just to go to Ohio to see an old movie or b) they went to Ohio for no reason whatsoever. Ladies and gentlemen, the single most inept storyteller who has ever lived. Every single time I try to predict a FW story arc I try to dumb it down in my mind as much as I possibly can and even so I’m never even close to how stupid it actually is. He’s just so unfathomably bad at this, it’s remarkable.

    They found a bunch of old SJ junk being sold online, so they assumed it has to be this Anger asshole and furthermore, they’re flying to New York to track him down based on that assumption. Like I said, this Batiuk asshole isn’t just bad at this, he’s so bad it’s an art form unto itself.

    HeyIt’sDave: In the main, you are killing it…and me. Sometimes Batiuk lobs one right over the plate that anyone can work with but you, sir, are making gold from less than nothing. Not enough thumbs up today!

    BC: It’s just incredible ineptitude on a vast scale, it’s so stupid a regular person is simply incapable of seeing it coming. It’s this weird abstract logic where impossible things happen with no explanation at all, no one else in the world writes stories like this. It isn’t just that Batiuk seems to have no idea how the internet works, he seems to have no idea how ANYTHING works, at all.

  4. SpacemanSpiff85

    Today’s strip really screams “I’m determined to reuse this stupid fake movie poster as much as I possibly can, and to hell with making it fit in a normally oriented panel. And I HAVE TOO seen a smartphone, SEE?!”.
    I really can’t wait to see how they actually track Cliff down. Does Batiuk think you can get people’s home address from looking at items on eBay? What would have been somewhat smart (if very creepy and unlikely to work) would’ve been to actually order something and then hunt Cliff down based on the return address. But I highly doubt we’ll actually see any of the epic Hunt for Starbuck Jones. I bet when this storyline picks up next he’ll be sitting in that booth in Montoni’s with no explanation as to how he got there.

  5. Jimmy

    I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this, but shouldn’t the executive producer be the person to go chase Cliff Anger? Sure, let’s spare no expense sending these boobs on a wild goose chase. That won’t create even more cost overruns.

  6. Rusty

    I bet it’s Cory Winkerbean, burning off those stupid comic books to keep his lady in furs and Dom Perignon.

  7. Charles

    OMG, there’s a guy in California selling off a huge number of Star Wars items on eBay! You guys, I’m going to be absent for a few days while I run off to California to meet Harrison Ford!

  8. Of all of the ways that the web can be used to locate information about people, this has to be the dumbest. “Someone” has been selling a lot of Starbuck Jones memorabilia online and without further attempt to identify whether the seller is Cliff Anger, three of them fly to NewYork to find out.

    Or did Cyndi, Mason, and Pete just want an excuse to leave Darrin in Ahia while they went to New York?

  9. SpacemanSpiff85

    For the heck of it, I figured I’d search eBay for “Funky Winkerbean” so I could use Batiuk’s method and figure out where he lives by who is selling the most Funky Winkerbean merchandise. I thought for sure “tom849” would be him, but he’s only selling one book and apparently lives in NC. There is an “lgbcliff”, who’s selling a ton of old FW strips and might be Cliff Anger except he lives in Maine.
    And even stranger, I searched for Starbuck Jones, certain I’d find nothing. The very first result is a 2004 album from the U.K., by “Starbuck Jones”, “The Starbuck Jones Experience”. The description I found for it, “The mysterious Starbuck Jones serves up 3 tasty house jams for his new release. Taking it deep and soulfull on Beautifull Thing and absolutely slammin on Digga doob, we’re sure they won’t disappoint.” is far more interesting than anything Batiuk has written about Starbuck Jones.

  10. John

    I was going to say this seems unrealistic and silly, then I remembered: This is the same cartoonist who tried to convince us that “Hollywood” would buy Pete a two way plane ticket, supply food and lodging, and spend weeks in lavish meetings courting him -BEFORE- he agreed to or was under contract for anything to do with this movie.

  11. We’re dealing with someone who requires you to post your street address on his ‘contact the author’ form because he doesn’t think e-mail addresses are ‘real’; understanding that they could have used IMDB and Google to see if the man is still with us is beyond him. As for his need to tilt this to fit things in, I have a clever theory: he’s on commission with a bunch of chiropractors.

  12. bayoustu

    At first, I thought that was fat Funky’s fat wife, Holly, sitting at the counter telling him about Starbuck Jones selling Starbuck Jones memorabilia from the Starbuck Jones serial…

  13. Chyron HR

    Does an idiotic comment that Mason blurted out after eating too much Montoni’s pizza really constitute a “hunt”?

  14. bad wolf

    “Hey, let’s dump Darin off at Montoni’s and have a fun weekend in New York instead! Who’s with me?!?”

    Someone should go through the last week+ and see how much space has been taken up by this same poster. With the movie titles included it’s been a pretty lazy week back in Medina.

  15. Rusty

    I guess will allow Cindy to use her “reporter skills” in her old stomping ground, NYC. Sigh.

  16. Professor Fate

    Hunt? Are they planning to stuff him them him on the wall of the pizza place?

  17. It’s fascinating how one week it can literally take days for a character to complete a sentence (and while doing so, repeat everyone’s names several time just ro make SURE the readers know who is being talked to or about), then TB will turn around and in one day’s strip, jump forward hours or even days to create a scene that is utterly nonsensical.

  18. BT1 is alive and well. All 4 of those morons would have flown to New York, but then no one would be available to tell us about it. There would have been panel after panel of Funky staring at his empty restaurant. Crazy Harry might have dropped in to mooch a cup of coffee, but that might have constituted too much showing something happening.

    This is a tale, told by an idiot, devoid even of sound or fury, and definitely signifying nothing.

  19. Smirks 'R Us

    “The hunt for Starbuck Jones may be over”

    When did it begin?

  20. Hannibal's Lectern

    @SpacemanSpiff85: Well, we have been saying a lot about how Battyuck’s been “phoning it in” for the last several years… I guess he listens to his critics after all…

  21. Whole lotta things may be over…

  22. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$$

    Um, considering you guys work for Hollywood,….maybe check with the studio records or maybe find his old agency office or check with actors he worked with….THINGS A PERSON WITH A BRAIN WOULD DO!!!!!!!

  23. And, of course. Batiuk NEVER defends he garbage he spews out!

  24. Hitorque

    So what was the point of that “I FOUND HIM!” bullshit yesterday? You didn’t ‘find him’, you found *someone* merely selling SJ memorabilia…

    And is that how people searches work now? If I want to find Bill Russell, all I have to do is see who’s selling a bunch of vintage Celtics gear on Craigslist??