ERMAHGERD IT’S MERSON JURR!

In today’s installment of the Starbuck Jones saga, the gang gathers at Montoni’s to celebrate the start of filming in Cleveland. Mason Jarr, the movie star, continues to prove he’s a swell guy and not some stuck-up Hollywood douche by assuring Holly that everyone’s going to “get in as extras.”  Mason, please, for the love of all that is holy, have Holly do her her Flaming Baton act. Think of the money the studio can save on CGI by actually burning down the city!

Of course, no arc would be complete without a loose end or two, so don’t ever expect to find out who’s holding that phone or to see Funkmeister and Holly having to deal with crazed stalkerish fans showing up to grab a pair of Mason’s underwear off the clothesline.

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28 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

28 responses to “ERMAHGERD IT’S MERSON JURR!

  1. Epicus Doomus

    The second Mason mentioned filming in Cleveland you KNEW it’d lead to this. Within a period of days, weeks, months or maybe even years, Westview in general and Montoni’s specifically will become the epicenter of the SJ universe. Scenes will be filmed there, everyone will appear in the film, the premier will be held in that dingy Crankshaft theater, the wrap party will be at Montoni’s. It’s all as clear as day and oh so depressing.

    “Hey, (insert FW character here)! The production needs (marching band music/a one-armed woman/a service dog/an insane old bus driver/an old-timey front porch with a swing) for a big scene! Why sure, your (wife/husband/kids/friend) can be in it too!”. It’s been his plan all along, that diabolical bastard.

    And yet, in spite of all that, he’s already re-hashing premises he’s already used. “Mason Jarr stays with the Winkerbeans” has already been done. Classic, classic BanTom. He sets his grand master plan into motion and within a few days he’s totally out of ideas.

    Coming later this year: The SJ crew has to film a scene on Mt. Kilimanjaro and require the services of a father/daughter team who have already done the climb. Later, the cast and crew after-party is rocked by controversy when a gay couple attempts to gain admittance to the festivities.

  2. Frank Bolton

    The character of Mason Jarr confuses me. On one hand, he’s annoying because he’s a ridiculously contrived plot device and is kind of dimwitted.

    On the other hand, Mason Jarr has that… the… what’s it called… oh, yeah, earnest optimism. It’s just really weird that he’s using up his clout on a pack of morose quitters. It’s like if The Fonz came out of retirement to liven up the lives of the cast of Breakfast of Champions and actually succeeded.

  3. Cory Is supposed to be getting married. Cody and Owen are getting ready to graduate high school. Keisha and Summer should be graduating from college. We haven’t seen Susan in five years. Gad. This is boring. Somebody please die!

  4. Long as Mason Jarr Jarr Binks The Actor (R) is acting like a second-rate insult comic on a mid-70s episode of the Tonight Show, let’s continue in that vein…

  5. My theory is that the person who took the video is the same person who took the video of Les and Susan smooching five years ago.

  6. billytheskink

    Harvey Levin: Hello?

    Guy with iPhone: Hey, TMZ guy!

    Harvey Levin: Who is this?

    Guy with iPhone: That’s not important… What’s important is that Mason Jarr, the movie actor, is staying with this dumpy couple who own a run-down pizza joint in exurban Cleveland during the filming of the Starbuck Jones movie.

    Harvey Levin: How the **** did you get this number?

    Guy with iPhone: They also stole my favorite green checked shirt and are now using it as a table cloth. I didn’t get that on video but you can see them staining it with pizza grease in the clip I’m sendi…

    *click*

    Guy with iPhone: Hello? Hello?

  7. Add “casting film extras” to the list of things Batiuk does not understand. Along with “how people hold smart phones.”

  8. spacemanspiff85

    I guarantee the person holding the phone is Pete, who got up to refill his root beer. No way can anything remotely interesting happen in this strip. And honestly, when was the last time anyone other than a regular character was in Montoni’s?

  9. spacemanspiff85

    And it looks like they’ve had budget cuts at the school again, since Les apparently didn’t dye the back of his head.

  10. spacemanspiff85

    I’m also pretty sure Batiuk has violated one of the cardinal rules of comics. The second panel is taking place at two different times simultaneously. On the cell phone, Holly has her mouth open and is still talking; at the table it’s closed. So either for some reason the cell phone’s showing a replay of what happened seconds ago, or Batiuk got too clever and shot himself in the foot.

  11. JerrytheMacGuy

    If TMZ breaks the exciting news – yawn – that Mason Jarr, star of the soon to be released (at this pace, about the year 2021) low budget, direct to DVD action picture, “Starbuck Jones”, the management at Buddy Blog is going to be rightfully pissed that their own highly paid (?) reporter did not report the scoop first.

    Oh, why do I care?

  12. I like the new font in the header. As for the strip itself…um, it’s…there. It exists in space.

  13. Jinkies. A poorly researched, incoherent and ponderous arc about celebrity culture that only serves to show how ignorant and stupid Batiuk is. It goes so well with Crankshaft spending three weeks bleating stupidly about books going away and just now mentioning that Jeff’s mother has stroked out and fucking died. Batiuk is so filled with hatred that he can’t even write a coherent story any longer.

  14. Charles

    Yes, absolutely, when the superstar with a private jet and a Malibu beach house shoots a blockbuster movie on location, he bunks up with friends, sleeping on their kid’s twin bed.

    I’ve said many times before that Batiuk really has no idea about anything, but, apparently, I really had no idea just how bad that was.

    BTW, Michelle Pfeiffer was in a movie that was shot in my town. I wonder which of my neighbors’ spare bedroom she slept in.

  15. I just realized: Should Cindy be working at Buddy Blog? Or do they just give her time out whenever she wants it? If she were working for me, I’d fire her butt.

  16. Saturnino

    >>I just realized: Should Cindy be working at Buddy Blog? Or do they just give her time out whenever she wants it? If she were working for me, I’d fire her butt.<<
    She may have already "graduated."

    Isn't that what they do now in the startups?

  17. Rusty Shackleford

    Still can’t figure out why the syndicate hasn’t told Batty that his services are no longer needed.

  18. OK, so this guy can afford to charter a jet to fly half way across the country, but he can’t afford a room at a Motel 6 across the street from the film location, and instead chooses to bunk up with his girlfriend’s ex-husband’s family somewhere between 30 and 60 miles away? There is no universe in which this makes sense.

  19. Hitorque

    1. Nothing stops the Westview Crony Mafia!

    2. Am I the only one who remembers this whole L.A.-CLE-N.Y-CLE excursion started as a vacation to get out of the office for a few days, and that the script is far from finished?? Now they’re magically about to shoot this thing?

    3. Interestingly enough, Westview is the only place where Mason gets “recognized”, and people know who he is… Not in New York, Los Angeles, or that crappy low rent theater in Crankshaft’s town…

    4. Mason is a cheap, penny pinching motherfucker… Yeah Mason, forget about an upscale hotel or renting a condo in a gated community or whatever it is rich celebrities do when they are in Cleveland on business…

  20. @Rusty Shackleford. Because he makes them money! Nevermind that the strip is an embarrassment to King Features, not to mention people with opposable thumbs.

  21. billytheskink

    I guarantee the person holding the phone is Pete, who got up to refill his root beer.

    I’m sure you’re right, because if it’s not Pete, that would imply that Montoni’s has customers. I think we know how likely that is.

  22. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Batiuk..you’re making Birdemic 2 seem a more realistic depiction of Hollywood!!

  23. Professor Fate

    I fully expect them to decide to use Les’ house as the exterior for Starbuck Jones Childhood home – not only does the author go out of the way not to write anything about anything new , he goes out of his way not to draw anything new.

  24. @Epicus “Mason Jarr stays with the Winkerbeans” has already been done.

    Well, to be fair, he was actually staying with Les. I have a feeling this is a step up but I could be wrong – smug punchability vs. morose blobs. A park bench with a newspaper sounds more inviting.

  25. Epicus Doomus

    It’s pretty funny how Jessica U-Hauled her way from Ohio to LA only to have the entire SJ production head back to Ohio a few months later. Why bother with having everyone move out to Hollywood at all? What was the point of it? Did they just abandon all their stuff? Are they still paying rent?

    So where is Westview supposed to be in relation to Cleveland? I see that Medina OH isn’t too far from Cleveland, are we to assume Westview is similarly close? So they’re all commuting into Cleveland each day then heading back to Westview in the evening? Who’s footing the bill for that?

  26. ERMAHGERD! Les and Mason are in the same strip! Two @$$hole Author Avatars! We’re about to reach critical mass!

  27. You know, the odd thing about the expression ermahgerd is that it sounds as if it’s coming out of the mask the Pyro from Team Fortress 2 wears. He/she/it could probably do something about these people. I’ve always wondered if Les…..heh, heh….believed in magic.

  28. I’m thinking we’ll never see any filming. We’ll get episodes saying “It’s going to be great!” followed by ones that say “It’s too difficult and wearying!”