[[Jarring Intensifies]]

Link to today’s strip

“Hey, (insert FW character here)! The production needs (marching band music/a one-armed woman/a service dog/an insane old bus driver/an old-timey front porch with a swing) for a big scene! Why sure, your (wife/husband/kids/friend) can be in it too!”. It’s been his plan all along, that diabolical bastard.

Epicus Doomus

I sure am glad that T-Bats is doing this whole Starbuck Jones thing; it’s wicked educational. I had no idea that making a film was so seat-of-the-pants. I thought locations were scouted months in advance so that everything would be ready by the time shooting started.

Aw yiss! What high school wouldn’t want a film production taking place during graduation? Stupid-ass selfish kids, thinking that the ceremony was about them. What a bunch of entitled little bastards. Maybe they can get Mason to give the commencement speech, and Cliff Anger can hand off the diplomas.

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27 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “[[Jarring Intensifies]]

  1. If they’re going to shoot the movie in Cleveland, why do they have to go to Westview to film a graduation? I know there are high schools in Cleveland. And the goofymeter gets another couple points added.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    Since it’s the first week of May, they’re either going to have to film those scenes in just a few weeks or a year from now. Seems like the kind of thing the studio would’ve wanted to take care of earlier.
    Also, there are multiple scenes taking place at a high school graduation? Batiuk really knows what the public wants from their sci-fi epics: boring Ohio scenes. That’s basically all they’ve said about what the movie is actually going to consist of.

  3. billytheskink

    It’s funny because Mason thinks anyone graduates from Westview high in a non-time jump year.

  4. Actually they would be, because they would have to keep stopping and starting the graduation and redoing parts because they didn’t get the light right and dear God, Batiuk, do you know ANYTHING about movies at all?

  5. Epicus Doomus

    Get a load of Dick Facey, smugly giving his old buddy Mason the OK to allow them to shoot a movie scene DURING graduation, as if he somehow has the authority to do that.

    “Oh, by the way, Nate, the SJ movie is filming a full-scale scene during this year’s graduation. Seating for the parents? Liability? Fire codes? Union rules? The school board? I’m fired? Everyone hates me with the passionate fire of ten million exploding universes? No, I’ve never heard of any of those things”.

    And it’s been a long time since anything enraged me as much as that Les panel three drawing does, blech. You can just see him oozing with smug superiority because HE knew Mason FIRST, way back when he was so down and out he had to play Les Moore. Why is he even there in the first place? God I despise him so much.

    This is only the beginning. “Hey Les, we need to shoot a scene where a widely-despised sweater-wearing moron sits in a gazebo wistfully mourning his dead wife. Know where we can find something like that?”. Mason’s incredible ability to run an entire film production by himself grew tiresome ages ago, but this is especially laughable. “I don’t see why not”…what an asshole. I like how everyone else just grins politely while Les tries and fails to be funny, is he trying to say that graduation ceremonies are boring? I mean sure, I guess they can be, I suppose. But there isn’t really a joke there.

  6. I had the distinct impression (don’t know how I got it) that Starbuck Jones was a space adventure film that took place in a gloriously technological future–flying cars, domed cities on stalks, all the things the Jetsons promised us.

    Apparently, though, it’s just a dumpy dull modern era film in which the title character just daydreams his galactic adventures while sitting in a high school auditorium waiting to receive his diploma from Les Moore.

    How have the mighty fallen.

  7. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Oh, and let me guess what happens next…..

    Mason: “We have some scenes that take place at a pizza parlour… I know!!! Hey Funky, How about we shoot at Montoni’s!”

    Funky: “Sure that would be perfect!!”

    Are there any scenes in this space movie that are going to take place…..in…you know……… FUCKING SPACE???!!!!

  8. spacemanspiff85

    “Hey Les, we need a bald, skeletal woman to give sage advice on a view screen to Starbuck. Do you think you have any tapes that can help out with that?”

  9. Epicus Doomus

    BC: Me too. What POSSIBLE reason could there be to feature a 2016 small town high school graduation ceremony in a far-flung, far-out space cowboy superhero-type flick? As usual, Batiuk has gone to great lengths to guarantee that not even the smallest or least-significant plot points make any sense. There’s just no way it isn’t intentional, it HAS to be.

  10. Hannibal's Lectern

    @BC: “Apparently, though, it’s just a dumpy dull modern era film in which the title character just daydreams his galactic adventures while sitting in a high school auditorium waiting to receive his diploma from Les Moore.”

    See my second 4/30 post. It is indeed daydreams all the way down. Just as Wedgeman is Owen<-Les<-Cranky's senile brain firings, so is the whole "Starsuck Jones" thing a string of neural collapses running through Mason Jar-Jar back to Future Nursing Home Ed.

    I'd add that to the graphic, but I'm on the road with only a tablet for snarking. Such is life…

  11. Mason Jarred

    I just hope there’s a scene where Starbuck Jones’ puts the porch swing away before he blasts off into space for his first adventure. Anybody know where we can rent a porch swing on short notice?

  12. I’m going to guess that the movie will mainly be about how Starbuck copes after losing Jupiter Moon to cancer.

  13. Great. More ill-informed nonsense about how EXCITING HOLLYWOOD is and more nonsense about how boring graduations are. Meanwhile, Jffff Murdock is looking at his old house because he finally had to send his mother to the home after she fell and couldn’t get up.

  14. erdmann

    All a daydream? I guess that explains the film’s full title: “Starbuck Jones: The Secret Life of Walter Shitty.”

  15. Gerard Plourde

    Maybe The Author has decided to repurpose the strip. “Reality be damned”, he thinks. “I’ll purposely include ridiculous plot elements that will drive my critics crazy. That’ll teach them to criticize my brilliance.”

  16. Rusty Shackleford

    @epicus

    Was wondering the same. Did Les get promoted to superintendent of schools? I’m pretty sure the senior literature teacher doesn’t have the authority to make these decisions.

    Batty should just send in three empty boxes every day for his strip, the syndicate won’t care, and it would be much more interesting for the reader.

  17. Rusty

    I guess it isn’t one of the five strips each year that Cayla has a speaking role.

  18. Merry Pookster

    @$$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$…. you got it wrong. This whole SJ movie is totally being shot in Space…. the space in TB’s empty head.

  19. Hitorque

    Westview…
    Crony…
    Mafia…

    For those of you wondering why the fuck a sci-fi space movie set in the distant future is having it’s initial scenes filmed in Cleveland and Westview High School, always remember this plot is the brainchild of Pietro Rattabastardo…

  20. Hitorque

    Aren’t we overdue for a three week flashback of how Pete+Darrin collaborated to make the original movie with Cliff Anger back in 1957??

  21. Jimmy

    Someone above (I think Epicus Doomus) reminded us all that Mason Jarr was slotted to play Les in the stupid cell phone movie. If I were Mason, I would be very miffed that Les killed my starring role with his petulance.

    So, maybe Mason is setting Les up for a really embarrassing scenario here. I can’t imagine what, as Les has no shame.

  22. In any other universe, Epicus’ comment yesterday would have been ridiculously absurd, yet today we’re finding out that it was spot on.

    So, I’m guessing that Chullohead gets a prominent role in this somehow. After all, that stupid hat makes him look like an alien.

    Alternatively, I’m hoping that an evil enemy warship hovers down during the graduation ceremony and takes out the entire graduating class, faculty, and and administration with a death ray.

  23. Chyron HR

    Mason: So in this scene, Flash–I mean Starbuck’s ship crash-lands at the high school where he meets Professor Jerkov. Do you mind if half the graduating class is killed?
    Les: Not a problem. [SMIRKS PROFUSELY]

  24. Les (his face contorted into a hideous smirk): “It would be the first graduation where people wouldn’t be falling asleep.” (Erroneous verb mood shown with added emphasis.)

    Thus did the Lord of Language begin his campaign to destroy English grammar.

    Tom Batiuk is right about one thing: writing is hard. For him.

  25. Professor Fate

    I can see it now in a series of wacky events Owen ends up disrupting the shoot but earning himself a role as Stabuck Jones Monkey.
    And as far a shooting a real graduation – in real life a nightmare – wouldn’t they have to get the parents or theirs (if they are 18 already) permission before they start filming as well as the schools? None of which Les can deliver.

  26. Charles

    I got it wrong. Rather than being a big budget movie, this Starbuck Jones thing is something along the lines of a Ray Dennis Steckler movie. They can’t actually afford to construct a scene of a graduation, so they have to hijack a real high school graduation to have one in their movie. Later, Mason and Marianne Winters will be riding in his convertible as they sneak in at the end of Westview’s July 4th parade, claiming in the movie that it’s a parade to celebrate Starbuck Jones for saving the Earth.

    Meanwhile, after they shoot the dailies of the graduation, the heretofore non-existent director will get all pissed off watching the rushes because all the audience members were looking right at the camera and grinning like idiots. Or scowling, because this personal celebration that they’ve been waiting for their entire child’s life has just been hijacked by this asshole movie company.

  27. The only way a 2016 high school ceremony would fit in a space adventure is if Tom Batiuk is straight up stealing Guardians of the Galaxy.

    Marvel, you might want to call your lawyers…and tell them to call Disney’s lawyers.