“Remember, You’re All Going to Die”

Link to today’s strip.

So here we are on graduation day, and Mason’s speech is…really something.  You could paste Les’ head in panel one and it would sound perfect coming from him.  No wonder Mason was frightened.  He certainly looks miserable now…I can kind of see the scene:

Mason (dour):  I don’t know why I agreed to give the speech.  I only have a few hours to prepare/I don’t see any bent nails anywhere/What can I say that will make them care?/I’ll be out in front of everyone, bare. [Sorry about that–BC] This is going to be a disaster.  I have no idea what I should say.

Les (smirking):  I have just the thing.  (hands over a sheaf of paper)

Mason (greatly relieved):  Great!  (reads)

Mason (In a very, very small voice): Oh.

Welcome to Westview, Mason.  You are now officially part of the Great Circle of Death.  Hakuna Matata!

On a much happier note, Chullo and Glasses are graduating!  That means we’ll never have to see them again!  Can I get a “Hell yeah!”?  Oh and Alex too!  (Didn’t recognize her in all that white.)

Does Tom Batiuk realize he has no more student characters?  Oh sure, there was…uh, Bernie?  And…Paige?  It was Paige wasn’t it?  Yeah, those characters were sure fleshed out and ready to take center stage.  Oh, and the Color-Change twins!  Who could forget them?  Other than me, I mean.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to ““Remember, You’re All Going to Die”

  1. HeyItsDave

    Why the hell would T-Bats draw Owen with his chullo on under his cap? Jesus, what a moron.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    The interesting thing here is how Mason, the “young up & coming movie star” already has the fatalistic attitude of a middle-aged Westviewian. What is he supposed to be, maybe thirty, thirty five tops? Who the hell does he know who’s having all these heart attacks? What the hell are the eating out there in Hollywood? Or is it all the cocaine?

  3. Rusty Shackleford

    Omg, this just keeps getting worse. Make it stop Batty. We will give you your stupid award, but please,please, just stop this crap.

  4. bayoustu

    Cancer in Crankshaft (The ol’ switcheroo, eh, Tommy?), coronary disease in Funky Winkerbean. That Batboy is a million laffs! What’s next- a new strip centered around dengue fever?!

  5. Mason’s look reminds of the newsman in the David Bowie song “Five Years.”

  6. spacemanspiff85

    Add graduations to the long list of Things Batiuk Does Not Understand. They don’t let you sit with your friends. You kind of have to be in alphabetical order. You know, so that whole walking across the stage when they call your name can function.

  7. billytheskink

    No wonder Mason wants to move to Westview. He gets it, man. He gets it.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    You know, this really does sound suspiciously like something a comic strip writer might say at his or her own high school reunion. It’s clearly a joke written for an older crowd and recycled here. If he had some old guy telling this joke to a roomful of old people, it makes sense. But having a Hollywood superhunk telling it to the WHS Class Of 2016 reeks of a comic strip writer who had this one funny line he’s been dying to use somewhere but just never found a good spot for it. Until (sigh) today.

    Owen and Cody finally graduated, eh? Other than the odd Komix Korner appearance that’s probably it for them for a while. Now watch, he’ll do a four week long band camp arc featuring Owen and Cody this August.

  9. DOlz

    bayoustu, “What’s next- a new strip centered around dengue fever?!”

    Nah, TB would never be clever enough to pull something off like Firesign Theatre did.

  10. On the one side, we have Mason Jarr telling the kiddies “DEATH STALKS YOU AT EVERY TURN.” On the other, Cranky is botching a commonplace saying to highlight the fact that Jeff is a pathetic shlub who will never let himself be anything other than damaged goods.

  11. spacemanspiff85

    @Epicus Doomus:
    I actually wouldn’t be surprised if next fall Cody and Owen are underclassmen still, complaining about the seniors bullying them.

  12. Rusty Shackleford

    And what’s with Batty and high school? Life moves on. There are 2 people I still stay in contact with, and that’s fine. And when we get together, we don’t talk like senior citizens.

  13. Chyron HR

    “What’s going on? I thought we were at the science center in Washington DC to film a movie about an old computer.”
    “No clue.”

  14. Saturnino

    “Omg, this just keeps getting worse. Make it stop Batty. We will give you your stupid award, but please,please, just stop this crap.”

    Yes! With all the time jumps, why not just jump it to year 50 and get a conditional award that is valid provided you live long enough?

  15. Rusty

    @HeyitsDave: I was so defeated at the wall o’text regarding heart attacks, I hadn’t even noticed the stupid chullo in the second panel. Batiuk prides himself on the little things.

  16. You’re finished with High School!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!

    I guess Mason really doesn’t like making graduation speeches, since he’s just guaranteed that he’ll never be asked to do this again.

    Oh, and are they filming this? Is Mason speaking as Mason, or is he speaking as Starbuck Jones addressing the star fleet academy graduation? Are we going to see an alien spaceship attack, or will an errant school bus crash into the crowd? If a creature were to pop out of Les’s chest some time this week, I’ll take back everything bad I said about this strip.

  17. Do you suppose Owen’s chullo is surgically grafted to his head, or has Batiuk never figured out what he looks like without it?

  18. HeyItsDave

    Holy shit, they went and released a poster for the movie.


    Lose touch?? How are they going to loose touch? They’ll all be stuck in Westview working at either Montoni’s, Westview High or Komix Corner!

  20. HeyItsDave

    Mason’s as good at making commencement speeches as Funky is at toasting in the New Year.

  21. Rusty Shackleford

    @saturino “why not just jump ahead 50 years”

    Indeed! I picture a Sunday strip with a single panel showing a graveyard. An epitaph on one of the tombstones reads: bored to death. On another it reads: I told you I was sick!

  22. The Dreamer

    How is Mason a “young up and coming” movie star when he’s dating Cindy, who would be in her late 50’s and older than most of these kids parents!