Boys Go to Jupiter, to Get More Stupider

June 13, 2016 at 9:09 am
It should be pointed out that much ballyhooed Marianne Winters STILL has not shown up. I’m leaning to the side that we will never see her in these strips.

“All right George, now you remember all those loveable, stupid Peorgie and Mudhead movies you were responsible for?”
“My goodness, I haven’t, uh, seen any of those in years…”
“Well, Georgie, what are you going to do when the original “Bottles”, Mudhead’s crazy, hopped up girlfriend, drops right through that celebrity trap door?”
“My…God…Oh, no, that woman’s trying to kill me!”

Starbuck 2016? The movie written and storyboarded by a couple of Westview losers? Filmed on location in Cleveland, Ohio? We couldn’t care less. “Classic” Starbuck? You mean that rollicking, life-altering, black and white serial film from the thirties forties fifties early sixties? Now we’re talkin’! If locating the leading man involved following the weakest of clues to track him down and invade his ratty New York City apartment, can you imagine the lengths Team Starbuck went to in order to dig up  Cliff’s leading lady, Vera…Vera Nash?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Boys Go to Jupiter, to Get More Stupider

  1. HeyItsDave

    Does anybody here remember Vera Nash?
    Remember how she said that
    We would meet again
    Some sunny day?
    Vera! Vera!
    What has become of you?
    Does anybody else here
    Feel the way I do?

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Rock bottom, meet bottom of the barrel. I mean there’s suspending disbelief, there’s stretching credulity, then there’s this. I am assuming that Cliff’s phone number was unlisted or something, as nothing could possibly explain why it took Vera sixty years to track down Cliff, unless you’re taking TheAuthor’s ineptitude into consideration, of course. When in doubt, contrive, contrive, then contrive like you’ve never contrived before. How does he do stuff like this with a straight face, I mean he has to know how stupid and preposterous this is, doesn’t he?

  3. billytheskink

    Haha, nope. Sorry Cliff, Mason’s screwing with you again. That’s clearly Brenda… Brenda Harpy!!

  4. The Dreamer

    Maybe all of this is leading up to Batiuk retiring one of his strips — likely Crankshaft–and replacing it with The Adventures of Starbuck Jones

  5. spacemanspiff85

    @The Dreamer:
    If you think all of this is leading towards anything you are giving Batiuk way too much credit.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    It’s all utterly shameless shit leading to Cliff saying “I guess you could say a superhero saved me too” and hugging Mason and Pete, that’s all. Of course we’ll never find out WHAT they “saved” him from, FW readers just have to use their own imaginations to fill in the sixty year gap in Cliff’s ridiculous life.

  7. Cliff Anger gets a huge tribute in his honor, while his costar is just trotted out and expected to fawn on him the way everyone else does. Yep, sounds about right for this strip.

  8. Of course a female character only exists as a satellite to a punchable imbecile male. Why else is it a good thing that she was always used as a damned human shield?

  9. Rusty Shackleford


    Yeah, I bet Vera didn’t even get a glass of ovaltine.

  10. @TheDreamer: you do realize that if that happened, the new strip would revolve around Starsuck Jones and his galaxy-spanning quest to complete his collection of “Funky Winkerbean” comics.

  11. Frank Bolton

    @Hannibal’s Lectern: And by galaxy-spanning, he means ‘tooling around in the bucolic suburbs of Neo-Ohio while Meek and Moon smirk knowingly.”

  12. HeyItsDave

    This arc has been unusually cringe-worthy…and it’s still got at least a couple days to run.

  13. Merry Pookster

    2-days spent on the student trip to DC?

  14. I wonder who’s next: Uncle Goopy?

  15. Professor Fate

    1) what next – are we to be introduced to their love child who turns out to be Da Da DAAAAAA! the as yet unseen Marianne Winters!
    2)’ Vera? – Fetch me my milk and cookies woman and be quick about it. ‘

  16. Gerard Plourde

    So where is this going to go next? Aren’t they supposed to be filming the blockbuster reboot of Cliff’s famous obscure serial? Or did Batty get sidetracked watching old episodes of “This Is Your Life” when he was working on this?

  17. @Frank Bolton: In a school bus.

    I got curious and used The Google to fill my screen with Starsux Jones images. Aside from the many, many SoSF panels, there were at most maybe ten “covers” or “posters” (drawn by real artists) and no more than four or five daily-strip panels featuring “flashbacks” to SJ serials or “back in the day” comics. All were pretty repetitive–SJ being menaced by a generic tentacle-beast and/or firing his ray gun while using Jupiter Boobs as a shield.

    I think that if the syndicate ever were dumb enough to offer Batty a daily “Starbuck” strip, he wouldn’t have the slightest idea what to do with it.

  18. HeyItsDave

    @Hannibal’s Lectern – I doubt that T-Bats is going to get an offer to host a daily Starbuck strip. There is already an enjoyably ridiculous mid-century-style Space Opera parody strip out there: Brewster Rockit: Space Guy. And the artist, Tim Rickard, actually has the skills needed to pull off the “classic comic book” style. I recommend checking it out.


    This isn’t a convention!! It’s a pilot episode for a remake of “This Is Your Life”!!!!

  20. Saturnino

    “Yeah, I bet Vera didn’t even get a glass of ovaltine.”

    She looks like an aged Modigliani girl……………………

  21. hitorque

    @HeyItsDave: Futurama is still the gold standard:
    (a shame I can’t track down the full clip)

  22. hitorque

    1. So evidently Mason, Pete Rattabastardo and the rest of the gang have been working harder on organizing the original cast reunion than they have on the ACTUAL FUCKING MOVIE THEY’RE GETTING PAID TO DO THAT’S TWO YEARS LATE AND $200 MILLION OVER BUDGET…

    2. Maybe Mason+Pete are in the wrong line of work… They need to start a detective agency that tracks down missing persons?

    3. I’m at least a little amazed that Batiuk hasn’t succumbed to the temptation to bring back those sepia-toned assholes from that 1959 comics publisher for the millionth tim- Oh God I just jinxed this whole thing, didn’t I?

  23. hitorque

    4. I like her rack, but is it me or does 1966 Vera have like a 12-inch waistline?

  24. Rusty Shackleford


    Thanks for the heads up on Brewster Rockit!

  25. @hitorque: I’ve been fascinated by Vera’s little mustache myself… mostly wondering why T-Bats decided to draw it so lovingly.

    @HeyItsDave: been reading Brewster Rockit for years–think I started when I still read comics on dead trees. Yeah, it’s light-years beyond Starsux.

  26. Charles

    Why else is it a good thing that she was always used as a damned human shield?

    It’s more than that. It’s as if Batiuk used pictures of a man holding a woman hostage while being confronted by the police as a model for virtually every single panel featuring the two characters.

    Never mind that Jupiter Moon apparently has no other reason to exist beyond being grabbed and pulled away from danger.

  27. Tom Batiuk’s drag name is “Miss O’Gynist”. But he doesn’t know it.