Professor Fate
June 20, 2016 at 9:35 am
It had been established earlier that Mason was bi-polar could this be the start of a manic upswing? And since we are well into production of the SJ movie wouldn’t this require modifications to all the publicity material? And shouldn’t he be talking about this with his agent?

Mason’s supposed mental disorder, which he disclosed last fall and which has not been mentioned since, could indeed explain his impulsive desire to change his name. It’s certainly not a logical choice: for starters, the added “e” would change the pronunciation from “jar” to “jar-RAY” (or even “zhahr-RAY”). It would be only a couple degrees less confusing than when Prince changed his name to .



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

33 responses to “J…E…R…K…E

  1. I hope tomorrow Mason adds, “And another thing I need to tell you. I’m dumping you.”

    So many questions. Are they still in Ohio or back in Hollywood? Whatever happened to her job at Buddyblog? If they’re still in Ohio she could’ve got the interview in a couple of days and flown back to Hollywood. And why does BuddyBlog care about some actor who hasn’t been heard from in decades? And isn’t what Cindy’s doing a violation of journalistic ethics? And will Batiuk ever answer these questions in his blog instead of entries about 50-year-old comics and John Darling strips? I believe the answer to the last question is–ding!–“No.”

  2. HeyItsDave

    You know, this isn’t such a bad concept. But just adding an ‘e’? C’mon, T-Bats, you can do better than that.

    I’m going to modify this arc along a much funnier joke: Mason’s going to change his spelling alright, but there’s no ‘e’ involved.

    Umlauts are funny. Silent ‘e’s are not. After god knows how many years writing jokes and cancer deaths and jokes about cancer deaths, Tom should know this.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    “Tom Batiukhack”…”Funky Winkerhack”…”Crankhack”…hey, you know what? I LIKE it! Man, I can’t even imagine the frame of mind one would have to be in to write something like this, or to think it’s funny. Why would this imbecile want to change his name RIGHT NOW, immediately before his first major film is released? It’s like becoming a hand model and celebrating by going out and getting a knuckle tattoo.

    And doesn’t Cindy have a f*cking job out in California? Is she still using that Cliff Anger interview as a pretext for being in Ohio? What is she covering, his entire life story? And even if she is, that’s like a minute and a half tops. BanTom is so sloppy these days he can’t get the continuity right within the stories, much less across them. It’s just a matter of time until the characters themselves are drawn half-old and half-young and all the dialog contradicts everything that’s ever happened in the strip.

    “Hey Les, how about we hit the gym, go for a long non-sweaty run then get out of town for something other than pizza and comic books. Got some fantastic news about my health today and I’m dying for a few drinks”.

    “Awesome Funky, I’m itching to get away from Lisa anyway. So pious and annoying today, all full of herself after her doctor told her she was the most cancer-free patient he’s ever seen. And I hate her new haircut too. I need to stop thinking about her for a while, I’m in!”

    “Hey, there’s Bushka! Let’s beat the hell out of him for kicks!”

  4. billytheskink

    Said the woman who once married a Winkerbean

    (Which she didn’t take, by the way. So why would she take Mason’s?)

  5. spacemanspiff85

    I love how Batiuk prominently displays Mason’s name for people who don’t know who he is already. Like that somehow makes this funny.

  6. Gerard Plourde

    Maybe he wants to spell it Jearr (to rhyme with “year”), thus ensuring that the Starbuck Jones curse that befell Cliff Anger will land on him as well

  7. Because of course Cindy wouldn’t keep her name, even though that’s exactly what women in media have been doing for decades now.

  8. Billy Prestone

    I got nothin’… except having that in common with Mr. Batiuk.

  9. @TheDiva: The annoying implication is that she only went by her birth name all those years because she thought the name Winkerbean was a career killer.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    Cindy is looking very young and leggy today. And Mason never looks the same. No consistency. It’s one of those things we’ve come to expect.

  11. A HREF

    Mason has Darwood’s old nose.

  12. Gerard Plourde

    Did I miss something or is this how Batty decided to announce their engagement while he was spending a week on Jeff decoding the Strbuck Jones secret message?

    TFH sez: ICYMI, Mason and Cindy announced their engagement, along with their plans to settle in Westview, in mid December.

  13. The best thing about this episode is Mason’s head-jerk in panel one. “Oh! Are you still here? Where’s my sammich?”

  14. (I really hope this post works; I still don’t understand all of how WordPress processes formatting and links…)

    I think Dave Barry got this right way back in 1986:


  15. sgtsaunders

    It’s all Hollywood ballyhoo anyway. His real name is Percival Voltaire Stutts.

  16. 1. Once again, Batiuk can’t be bother to show us the making of the movie he spent two years setting up, so off we go on another worthless tangent…
    2. Isn’t it a bit late in the game to be changing your name? I mean, the studio has already printed up millions of dollars’ worth of promotional materials with the old spelling — And if you’re going that far, why not just change the whole dumbassed name? Besides, I thought changing you name on a whim was strictly reserved for adult film performers?
    3. Isn’t Cindy the jealous type? Won’t she get pissed over this 22-year-old hardbody blonde bimbo studio intern constantly hanging around Mason and wearing a skirt so short that we’ll see her lady bits if she so much as sneezes?
    4. Awww… Poor little gullible Cindy, who actually still thinks this wedding is going to happen and she’ll live happily ever after… Batiuk is gonna yank the magic carpet from under her at the most devastating moment…
    5. Cindy knows damn well she can just keep her regular name (It’s not like she was on the NBC Nightly News as Cindy Winkerbean, right?) Or is she so thirsty for being married to an actor she might as well be a Kardashian?

  17. HeyItsDave

    @Gerard Plourde – Not surprising that you missed it… It’s been months since T-Bats brought it up, and not even he can keep up with all the dangling plot points.


    How the hell do you pronounce JARRE? Do you trill the r’s like in Spanish? is their an accent on the e? Do you have to pronounce it in a femmy way like Jar-Ay? Does the J get pronounce like in French like a “sh” sound. Does the double rs get stretched out like a pirate? Mason Jahhhrrrrrr.

    Yes, I find the linguistic puzzles of Mason’s stupid last name more interesting than this idiotic attempt at a marriage proposal.

  19. (Sigh…) So many directions this could go today…

  20. Gerard Plourde

    @TFH – Thanks. I had forgotten about that.

  21. Professor Fate

    Pointless cul de sacs are saying this is a pointless cul de sacs. Still one must wonder at the Author’s ability to find the most innane story line out of a multitude of possibilities that are presented to him. It is I suppose a sort of genius.

  22. Thise arce ise stupide.

  23. ComicBookHarriet

    @ oddnoc (via Gerard Plourde) Don’t shoot the Mason Jearr.

  24. Gerard Plourde

    @ Professor Fate – Perfect summation of the Batty creative spark. It’s as if he takes the meme about Seinfeld literally and creates a strip that’s truly about nothing.

  25. bad wolf

    tbh i was at least hoping he’d want to add an extra “e” each day this week, so that by Saturday’s strip he’d be going for “Mason Jarreeeee”.

  26. @Rusty Shackleford: She’s always had this “reverse aging” thing when around Mason, because NO 56-year-old woman on the face of the Earth could pull off wearing that miniskirt, much less even think about it… I expect her to start attending Westview High again this September at this rate…

  27. @Gerard Plourde: But a worldly, well-traveled professional like Cindy hates her bass-ackwards one-red-light hometown in Cancer County, remember?? She was depressed when she got dropped from the national newscast and even more depressed when she had to return to Cleveland… When the opportunity came for her to move out to L.A. and accept some bullshit job just so she could get her hooks into Mason, she couldn’t move out of town fast enough — And now she’s going to leave behind the Malibu beach mansion and hanging out with somebodys to be a nobody in the harsh Ohio winter??

    You know what I think? I think Cindy’s planning to move home with Mason just so she can rub that i-married-a-millionaire-celebrity shit in her friends’ faces…

  28. Meanwhile, in the real world, there’s a 22-year-old actor still going by the name he used as a child (Booboo Stewart), no doubt because it’s become his “brand.” If he hasn’t changed his name by now, how likely is it that Mason can make the change so casually?

  29. OK… somebody had to do it…

    Sorry, but anything I put in Mason’s speech bubble would be an anti-climax, and I’m too lazy to replace it with matching zip-a-tone.

  30. HeyItsDave

    @hitorque – Cindy always looks great, but you should see the painting of her in Montoni’s storeroom.

  31. And just in case anyone wants their own collectible Jarjarbuck Jones poster, here it is:

    Mac people can just drag the image to the desktop or a folder; PC people will have to right-click while standing on their head and rubbing their belly or something like that (what’s the touch-screen equivalent of “right-click,” anyway?). The image is in PNG format, which means the background is transparent, so feel free to paste Jarjarbuck into any scene your perverse imagination can conjure up…

  32. HeyItsDave

    Whachoo talkin’ bout, HL? PC people can just drag and drop images too.

  33. Yousa people goina make de movie?