Frankly, My Deer

So the betrothed-to-be-wed Mason is accused by gossip mongers of cheating on Cindy, and his first concern is how this will affect Marianne? “Dealing with haters“? Are people hating on Marion Cotillard for her rumored canoodling with her Allied costar Brad Pitt? Nobody gives a shit! What really gets the ‘mansquitoes buzzing is when you’re “the star” of a really crappy movie, and this is what’s at the root of Mason’s sudden gloomy demeanor: he’s been there. Although he was pretty proud of having Dino Deer on his resume, until Cliff Anger and Mopey Pete dissed him



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Frankly, My Deer

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Oh Tom, surely you remember that Marianne was first introduced when Cindy was reading all sorts of dirt about her home-wrecking ways…ON THE INTERNET. Oh wait, that’s right, FW doesn’t “do” continuity.

    Who is “hating” on Mason and/or Marianne? Looks like BanTom lost the thread here again, now he’s just plain babbling. And “Dino Deer” isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is.

  2. billytheskink

    Haters? Haters of some order of magnitude? What?
    Who’s hating on Marianne? Reporting that she was seen kissing her co-star with the headline “sexy starlet seduces starbuck” is hating? No, it’s tabloid reporting and all it likely leads to is ignorable and pointless internet discussion.

    If Cindy’s earlier internet research is to be believed and Marianne has made a habit of falling for her co-stars in her previous films (Wait, this isn’t her first movie? Someone should tell her mother…), then why wouldn’t she have experienced haters similar to the ones Mason is claiming to see here during the filming of those pictures? Ugh. Hashing through this story arc is making time jump math sound enjoyably simple…

    Kudos to TB for one thing, though… Mr. Director’s silent assistant rolling her eyes in the background. A surprisingly subtle touch from TB. While I doubt he intended for her to accurately represent his readers slogging through this story arc, her presence and actions are one of the few things that actually make sense in this insane plot.


    A couple of points about this idiotic strip

    1. I like that his first thought is about Marianne and not Cindy. You know the women who is his girl friend. Even Masone realizes that Cindy’s feelings are irrelevant.

    2. Yes, I am pretty sure sure an actress like Marianne has never had to deal with hecklers, paparazzi, vitriolic movie critics, cat callers, stalkers or IMDB trolls writing posts about why she has gone nude, yet. Hell, if her fucking dress isn’t up to par she will be ripped to shreds by the fashion policeon E!. Which ironically will be watched religiously by Frankie, as we all know.

    3. The real human mosquito is the director! He already appears to be in need of a blood intake quickly as he has become emaciated from yesterdays strip.

  4. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “Although in 2012 I did get the Grabby for hottest bottom in “Plundered Poopchutes”.

  5. Marianne’s been around the block. I seem to recall that when she was added to the Starbuck Jones cast, it was a major boost to the production. Her hiring meant that the film was going to be a major movie.

    The hiring of Mason, Pete and Dullwood didn’t do this. She did.

    Except that now Tom Batiuk has decided that this is her very first movie, and she’s completely unprepared for the spotlight.

    It can’t be both. I believe that Tom Batiuk didn’t think (and I use the word advisedly) this through.

  6. Batiuk’s ‘courage’ is the same sort of courage Brooke McEldowney has. Marianne’s history is Batiuk’s weigh/way station incident. Years ago, McElnazi cheerfully called a WAY station for German POWs about to be shipped off to wait out the war in the States a WEIGH station and cheerfully defended himself from the beefwits who dared correct him. When someone with an actual brain (his wife) came along and told him he’d goofed, his reaction was not to apologize and admit his ignorance and his audience’s intelligence but to pretend he’d never erred in the first place. Batiuk will come along and say that his incoherent and contradictory mess is ‘writing’ in self-righteous complacency.

  7. Rusty Shackleford

    We criticize because we can’t believe someone gets paid to churn this crap out on a daily basis. We also cannot stand Batty’s pompous attitude.

    Compare Batty to Scott Adams, many would disagree with Adams’ politics, but he consistently puts out a funny strip. He gets skewered for his politics, yet he never lets it bleed over into his strip. Note too that he was the first to publish his email address because–get this–he wanted direct feedback from his readers!

    With Batty, it’s all about him, his interests, his issues, then he talks it up as if he has embarked on a cultural mission to explore the limits of his craft.

  8. Gerard Plourde

    I do wonder if the lack of continuity is evidence of a more serious condition rather than mere sloppiness. It’s really a big thing to set up Marianne Winters as an established star with a history of falling in love wth her co-stars and within a matter of months retcon her to being a new actress making her first big movie.

  9. Oh, FFS…

    1. Nice to see it took just one day for vapid oblivious Masone to return… Naturally his first “concern” is for Marianne instead of his insanely jealous and insecure fiancée. Of course, his “concern” for Marianne is most likely a smokescreen to divert attention from his own culpability and his appaling lack of judgement…

    2. What in fuck’s name is Masone talking about when he says “experience” dealing with the haters?? Does he think Marianne is obligated to personally register/log in to every major message board and defend herself??

    3. Retcon alert – So Marianne Winters went from being a big enough star (at least equal to, if not greater than Masone) that her signing on to this project gave the SJ movie *instant* national buzz and endless pre-release hype, and now she’s some babe in the woods who hasn’t been around the block, playing in what she hopes will be her big breakout role? Oh yeah, she also lives in the same modest middle-class suburban home that she grew up in with her mother, and has to take public transit or bum a ride just to get to the fucking studio…

    4. So which is it? If Marianne Winters has a reputation for hopping in bed with numerous co-stars of both genders and screwing her way to juicy roles, then by definition she has already had a considerable amount of career success and can NOT be some frightened dino deer in Hollywood headlights who lives at home and moonlights at Chipotle to make ends meet… And if she’s an experienced professional actress, then she already knows how to fucking deal with internet criticism…

    5. Hint to Batiuk: An easy way to write yourself out of this corner is to say Cindy either made up the “Marianne = SLUT” accusation, or intentionally used a less-than-reliable online source as a pretense for sticking to Masone like glue every hour of every day (which is totally not to say that Cindy is mentally ill, or overly possessive, or engages in behavior which would have gotten any man arrested/imprisoned ages ago if the genders were reversed…

    6. I realize TB needs to have *somebody* outraged for this storyline to work (at least until Cindy appears), but having it be our still-unnamed director just doesn’t make sense…

  10. 7. And if Marianne is truly on equal footing with Masone in terms of star power, why isn’t it reflected in her quality of life? Where’s HER fucking Porsche Carrera GT? Where’s HER fucking Malibu mansion on the beach??

  11. @Paul Jones: Yeah, I remember all that syrupy goodness… Brooke wants to pass himself off as a high-art intellectual just because he knows how to reach for a thesaurus from time to time… But like all delusions, the moment you start injecting some reality, watch out!

    @Rusty Shackleford: As a longtime reader, I’m interested to see whether or not Dilbert takes a long, slow decline just like “B.C.” after Johnny Hart’s hard right turn. It’s one thing to be right of the dial, but Adams has really turned the insanity up to 11 the past couple of years… Bitterness is never a good base to write a comic strip, imo. No matter what happens, I do hope he decides to get psychological help someday, because his deep-seated resentment of women shocks even me…


    Uggh!!! This is a terrible storyline. I need to unwind with Batiuk’s more lighthearted strip. Ah, I see Crankshaft has made a hemorrhoid related pun. Lovely. Just lovely.

  13. Jeez: it just now occurred to me that Marianne Winters’ last name is the opposite of Cindy Summers’

  14. @TFHackett: “Summer Winters” would be a damn nice name for a Bond girl…

  15. DOlz

    @Gerard Plourde,

    “I do wonder if the lack of continuity is evidence of a more serious condition rather than mere sloppiness.”

    I think he and of lot of his readers are guilty of treating entertainment (and in his case his own work) as background noise. I know many folks like this. If you want to discuss a show you just watched, its like they were in another room asleep and have only a vague idea of what they just watched. Like a rock in a stream the rock gets wet, but otherwise the stream leaves no impression.

  16. Jimmy

    @TFH: I’ll go on record as being a big fan of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

  17. Professor Fate

    This is rock stupid dumb. It is just painful to read this. Oh by the way how bad were you in Dino Deer Mason? Are we taking Robot Monster level bad?

  18. Charles

    It’s been said before, but it really needs to be repeated regularly, Batiuk really shows such disinterest in his own continuity that it goes beyond mere disrespect into something like contempt. And it shows his disrespect for the craft of writing as well. He seems to have done this with every single element of this stupid Starbuck Jones saga. For instance:

    So Mason Jarr was introduced as a middling television actor who was cast as Les Moore in a TV movie, but Batiuk now wants him to be the biggest star in Hollywood, so rather than working toward that in a plausible fashion from what he’s established, he just ignores his own continuity and transforms Mason into a huge star.

    Marianne Winters was introduced as a huge star with the ability to draw an audience just by virtue of being in a movie, as well as a total maneater. Now Batiuk wants her to be this sweet little naive girl in her first film, still living with her mom, for Christ’s sake. So rather than working toward that through his established continuity, he just ignores everything he’s established about her and makes her an ingenue instead.

    Now today, in probably the most avoidably stupid manner, he changes Mason’s lone known credit, Dino Deer, from a film that Mason was initially boasting about to a film that Mason acknowledges got him a ton of backlash and bad publicity. There was no reason for Batiuk to do this. He could have substituted any other ridiculous movie title for it, but he didn’t bother, either because he doesn’t think it’s worth it or because he thinks Dino Deer is just so hilarious that it has to be used again. The punchline, such as it is, wouldn’t have been hurt at all if Mason had instead referred to “The Tube Monster of the 405”, or something. Or if Batiuk had actually thought about tweaking the absurdity of internet communities, he could have had Mason tell the director (does this doofus actually have a name yet?) that the director had forgotten that he was in the remake of “The Brain From Planet Arous”, and a rabid online community of John Agar fans savaged him for insulting Agar’s legacy. (Seriously, if he had done this, I would have laughed my ass off unironically)

    In fact, the only time Batiuk showed some respect for his continuity was when he decided he needed to change Mason’s embarrassingly dumb name, so he spent like eight weeks having Mason inexplicably mulling over adding an E to it. It might have been a stupid sequence, but at least it showed his prior story some respect, rather than just having everyone suddenly decide to start calling Mason Jarr “Mason Jarre”.

    More than enough said, but I felt it had to be.