The Waitressing is the Hardest Part

I waitressed for a while at Montoni’s“. Well that narrows it down, sister! Who in this strip hasn’t donned the Red Apron of Shame? Pictured at left in a detail from the former “cast picture” at the FW site are Khan, Cindy’s sis Sadie Summers, Rachel, and, sure enough, there is young Mindy.

Pete’s understanding of what constitutes “an amazing coincidence” is somewhat akin to Alanis Morrisette’s grasp of “irony“: “You were a waitress? That’s an amazing coincidence, because…I was going to ask you if…you wanted to someplace where waitresses work!” Of course, the “coincidence” is that the dinner that Pete has in mind is a quiet booth at Montoni’s, which is about as uncoincidental as it gets and yes, I peeked.

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26 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

26 responses to “The Waitressing is the Hardest Part

  1. Epicus Doomus

    The last time I saw FW dialog this bad, Dick Facey was proposing to Cayla. Hell will freeze solid before he ever tops that, but this is pretty bad nonetheless. If BanTom really cared about the mental health of his readers he’d do a “jump cut” to these two returning from their comic book-themed honeymoon as an already-established couple within Westview’s wry community. I mean just get it over with, the way these arcs take years and years to play out is just exhausting.

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      “In the main, I’d like to invite you to Montoni’s to share a pie. We’ll eat pizza by holding our palm straight out, placing the slice on our palm, then curling our fingers over the crust. It’ll be great!”

      “I get so hot when people talk about pizza. And I just love dog faced, big nosed, baggy eyed guys with bad hair and smelly clothes. You had me at ‘in the main.’ I’ll bring the comic books!”

  2. Spacemanspiff85

    “Oh yeah, you were that creepy thirty year old who hit on my fifteen year old coworker. I knew there was a reason I wanted to throw up when I saw you.”
    Also, exclamation points don’t work that way.

  3. Spacemanspiff85

    There’s a part in one of Batiuk’s recent blog posts where he admits to not having a clue what “Moon Mile Meek” is supposedly to mean, but you shouldn’t blame him because he came up with it in fifth grade. That’s not really an excuse, though. He’s the one who thought it was worth printing now.
    And it really does make me wonder if all this Starbuck Jones crap is just the result of Batiuk finding a box of stuff he made as a kid and realizing he could milk enough strips out of it until he can retire.

  4. billytheskink

    A vague “you probably saw me at Montoni’s”, that’s what you are going with, Mindy? You also dated Pete’s second best friend (Mooch Myers) for a good solid year. You’re also his best friend’s wife’s cousin and presumably both attended their off-panel wedding. In fact, you, Mooch, Pete, Jessica, and Durwood all attended prom and ate at Montoni’s together back in 2006. I have evidence:

    Anyways, you want to talk about coincidences…
    We all know Jessica’s father was John Darling, who Les wrote a book about. Darling’s wife, Jan, is Jeff Murdoch’s sister, making John Darling Mindy’s uncle and Mindy Jessica’s cousin. Darling’s producer and program director was Reed Roberts, father of Ally and Pete Roberts. Yep, the ultimate origin of BOTH of these characters is a spin off comic strip that ended almost 30 years ago. 1/4″ from reality, folks…

    • Epicus Doomus

      Wow, SoSF kudos to billytheskink for once again filling in the FW blanks. I was wondering how Pete, who practically LIVED in Montoni’s (and ACTUALLY lived directly above it) completely missed the girl who’s spinning his head ten or twenty or thirty years later, as it seems quite impossible, really unlikely and tremendously stupid too. So Pete, who’s know Jessica for decades, never ran into her cousin who lived in Centerville and worked in Westview until now, all thanks to that crappy old movie house. How very convenient…and very indicative of just how badly-written this dopey comic strip really is.

      • Gerard Plourde

        To have either forgotten or chosen to ignore the elaborate history he created for these characters shows how uninvested (or uninterested) he is in this strip. I guess working on Funky and Crankshaft interferes with his cookies and milk with his comics collection time.

    • Comic Book Harriet

      Kudos Billy! That is AMAZING.
      Aren’t Westview and Centerville supposed to be more than 30 minutes apart? Do you think there is a four lane between? Because it seems everyone drives 30 minutes one way for the only restaurant that exists and 30 minutes the other way for the only movie theater.

    • Hitorque

      Damn… I suspected but didn’t know the Funkyverse was THAT incestuous…

    • Professor Fate

      Amazing, just amazing.

    • wow, you’re da real Funky Historian. Love it.

  5. I have the Stanley Kubrick version of “The Shining” on Blu-ray. This strip is actually a far more faithful adaptation.

  6. Batiuk has either forgotten his own continuity or decided to jettison it in order to service a stupid idea. This is why Mindy is going to refer to her grandfather as “that old bus driver”.

  7. Chyron HR

    M: I waitressed for a while at Montoni’s.
    P: That’s an amazing coincidence, because I was going to ask you to dinner there and then you would put out.
    M: (sarcastic) Really!

    • Hitorque

      Oh, if she wants a ticket on this Hollywood gravy train you can bet you ass she’ll drain Pete’s balls until he’s in a coma… Hell, being one of the writers for a billion-dollar movie is the only reason why she’s even talking to him right now…

  8. Rusty

    Just another character who couldn’t escape the Batiuk micro-economy.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    Act now. Get a free digital “chapbook” about the birth of Summer Moore when you buy the Lisa collection.

    Why does he have to say “chapbook”? Why must he use big words when simpler words would suffice, and be more precise?

  10. Hitorque

    1. Who the hell is “Khan”?
    2. Mindy is no fool, she knows the easiest route to a cushy do-nothing job for the studio making $200k annually is through Pete’s raggedy-assed Wal-Mart tightie whities….

    • billytheskink

      Khan (or “Kahn” in at least half of the strips) was an Afghan bandit and arms dealer who saved Wally’s life (and also held him prisoner) after his helicopter was shot down during his first tour in Afghanistan (Khan also sold the Taliban the missile that shot down Wally’s helicopter). He saved Wally’s life again after he stepped on a bounding land mine during a non-military return to Afghanistan. The land mine story was linked on the Funky Winkerbean website for many years and can still be read at the formerly-linked address here.

      He immigrated to the US (as a known Taliban-affiliated arms dealer?) and became an American citizen sometime between Acts II and III and worked at Montoni’s before striking out on his own with “Citizen Khan’s Deli” (he had previously run “Kahn’s New York Deli” in Kabul). Like all things in Westview other than Montoni’s, Khan’s deli went out of business and he was last seen glumly stating his intention to move back to Afghanistan.

      • Hitorque

        I know our immigration controls aren’t as strong as they could be, but I refuse to believe a Taliban insurgent double-agent/triple-agent would get green carded that easily unless he decided to rat out all of his commanders and Bin Laden to the U.S. Army in the deal…

        I also have no idea why Khan would settle in lily-white West Bumblefuck in Ohio’s Carcinogen County when he could be down with his peoples in New York, Boston, Detroit, Chicago, etc…

      • Rusty Shackleford

        That Khan arc proves Batty is bored with FW and wants to do deeper stories. He tries so hard, but the cake never rises. Its like he read the idiots guide to “How to Write a Novel” and then implemented all of their gimmicks and suggestions without tying anything together.

        Boy I forgot how crappy that arc was.

  11. sgtsaunders

    Montonis. Right. This is troublesome as being reflective of an expanding Funkyverse. Westview, then Cleveland, Hollywood and now Centerville are all coming under the toxic influence of Westview. Personally, I blame the pizza, which is about 90-100% of the food consumed in Westview. It causes terminal melancholy, facial muscles to contort and form grotesque smirks, hideously swollen egos and cancer. Lots of cancer. Some theories hold that the Funkyverse has a limited range and will eventually fall back in on itself, but the jury is still out on that. By the way, where is Cayla theses days?

  12. Hitorque

    I don’t know who does it, but I will say the art for that “cast picture” is stellar… I’m guessing he was way too talented to be stuck working on this strip for very long?

  13. Professor Fate

    In my mind I would like the rest of Mindy’s lines to be this:
    ‘Montonis? Really? Pass. I worked there when I was kid. It was okay then but i’m an adult now. There’s a decent Thai restaurant in…why are you making that face? What the hell is wrong with you?”