Not Too Swift

Today’s strip has been upended, leaving only a narrow width within which to frame Pete and his pretty prey. Was Googling Pete part of Mindy’s premier prep duties? In particular, researching his arrest record? Though his record is likely clean, ’round here we all know Pete’s shady history, including changing his surname as well as his proclivity for flrting with high school girls.

My less-than-encyclopedic knowledge of the “Crankiverse,” and the decade-wide time gap existing between Centerview and Westville, make it impossible to discern Cind—dammit!—Mindy’s true age, but we’ll slot her in that same vague twentythirtysomthing range along with Pete, Darin, and Jess. One thing these two both have in common: they both refer to the famous search engine as “Grandpa Google“, making them two of the only three people on earth to refer to Google in this manner.

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26 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

26 responses to “Not Too Swift

  1. billytheskink

    Why most cartoonists are single…

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Oh yuck. This is easily the single most repellent example of “flirty banter” I’ve ever seen, by far in fact. I cringed so hard while reading this that I tore my diaphragm muscle and now I’m stuck like that. It’s amazing how much you totally despise both characters more and more as you work your way down, isn’t it? AND it’s f*cking SIDEWAYS too, just for that extra little annoying “kick”, as if it needed it.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Let’s not forget annoying cliches from the 1990’s. Players? Really.

      This strip has all of the most annoying FW elements, save for Les.

      Still, this is one of the nominations for worst FW strip ever.

      • Saturnino

        “This strip has all of the most annoying FW elements, save for Les. ”
        OH NO! Now you’ve done it.

    • Comic Book Harriet

      The paper editors found it repellent too. That’s why they requested it sideways, so fewer people would take the effort to read it.

  3. Spacemanspiff85

    “Grandpa Google” is by far one of the most annoying things Batiuk does, in my opinion at least. And it’s a very long list of annoying things he does.

  4. “You’ve got a lot of haters, though” – Funky Winkerbean’s tombstone inscription.

  5. Epicus Doomus

    Wry, smirky, sarcastic, cynical, the use of slang terms no one uses, extremely weak cultural references…this one has it all. I hate flirty sitcom banter and no one does it worse than FW does. As usual in the Funkyverse, they’re both insufferable and intolerable thus PERFECT for one another, otherwise known as the “Lisa & Les template”.

    “Grandpa Google”…I don’t get it at all. Like a nosy grandfather with an encyclopedic memory and excellent referring skills? I still don’t get it. I mean as a regular FW reader I sort of get what he’s trying to do there, sort of, but the concept behind the gag eludes me.

    Re: ages and the timeline…I hate how Boy Lisa, Pete and Jessica (Wally and Rachel too, kind of) have suddenly been retconned into “young kids just starting out” because they’re not, they all have to be pushing forty, at a minimum. He creates all sorts of young character he never uses, then retcons the older characters when he wants to do “young kids just starting out” arcs. It’s so bizarre.

    • Saturnino

      >>“Grandpa Google”…I don’t get it at all. Like a nosy grandfather with an encyclopedic memory and excellent referring skills? <<
      No, think Big Brother

  6. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    How this scene would really go down…

    • ian'sdrunkenbeard

      P.S. Who needs ipecac when they can read this strip? This is the most pukefying strip in a long time, and Less isn’t even in it!

    • Hitorque

      Thanks for injecting some cold water realism in this Batuikian wank fodder.

      • ian'sdrunkenbeard

        They say you should write what you know, although no woman ever called me “baggy-eyed”.

  7. the dreamer

    come on, we all know Pete is gay! he’s never had a girlfriend in the whole history of FW. Btw, he’s a writer on the movie. Writers don’t do advance work or pr for movies.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Good point. Wouldn’t the writers be working in their next project once the film was released? But in Batty’s world, writers do it all.

    • Comic Book Harriet

      Did he have a kind of flirty relationship with the goth girl who has since been dropped down the memory hole? I seem to remember them both going to prom as part of the school paper, but deciding they enjoyed it.

  8. If this is witty banter, the Statue Of Liberty is at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. If these are plausible romantic leads, I am the First Air Cavalry. If Batiuk has not outlived his usefulness, coyote piss for all on me.

  9. Chyron HR

    Not only did I not turn my head to read this, I didn’t bother reading it after you rotated the image for me.

    Re: Crankshaft, is “coyote urine” actual urine or is that just the cutesy name of a gardening chemical?

    • Rusty

      Coyote urine is a real thing, you don’t want to see how it’s harvested.

      Add my vote to one of the top most revolting FW strips ever. Pete is like coyote urine to young women, repellent.

  10. Hitorque

    No words…

    I’ll just skip the overly long, multi-point diatribe and title this masterpiece “The Whitest People You Know”.

  11. bobanero

    Losers gonna lose..

    So, we are to believe that Pete Ritter, who up to now has been depicted as a loner who spends his time sitting in his apartment avoiding work or sitting in the office with Durwood avoiding work, and has not actually spoken to a woman since he was leering at an underage Summer years ago, is suddenly Cary Grant? I have to say, that I never would have predicted that a major purpose for TB setting up the Starbuck Jones premier in Centerville would be to have Pete hook up with Mindy.

    • Hitorque

      Not only is Pete magically some kind of pimp with hot and cold running hoes, he’s so suavemente he makes 007 look like a pizza-face 14-year-old clumsily trying to unhook a bra strap…

      A shame they didn’t start this movie production 10 years ago, because it probably would have cured Lisa’s cancer… This is the power of almighty comics…

  12. Smirks 'R Us

    If today’s crapfest really was a 1/4″ from reality, Pete’s clearly visible left palm would have been colored a little rosier, if you catch my drift.

  13. billytheskink

    Mindy apparently learned the trick of Googling arrest records from her father, Jff.