Court and Snark

August 21, 2017 at 12:26 am
I like how Batiuk doesn’t bother actually showing where they are. The theater? Marriage License office? Swinger hotel? They’re here, guys. Just here.

“Here” turns out to be the courthouse, and there are so many questions. Are they picking up marriage licences, or are they going to be married by a judge, or maybe by Centerville’s mayor, Bill Clinton? Why then did the prospective grooms (separately!) reach out to Pete to find a minister?  Why all the secrecy about the wedding? And while it’s true that Starbuck Jones is what brought them together, does that somehow mandate that they must marry as soon as the movie comes out? Has the movie come out, and have we not been shown the gala Ohio premiere? What happened to the pink boutonniere that Cliff wore yesterday?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “Court and Snark

  1. I’m still thinking Cory and Rocky will make it a triple wedding.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Now the ninety-something Cliff and Vera are “young kids just starting out” too! What was Vera DOING for those sixty years, waiting around for the phone to ring? It’s funny how SJ “brought them together” yet both couples actually met in f*cking Ohio.

    • Charles

      It’s rather appalling that Batiuk thinks people should be moved by this. It’s not as if he developed Cliff, Vera or their relationship in any fashion that would provoke someone into caring about it. Hell, even Mason and Cindy’s relationship was pretty much perfunctory from the beginning, so it’s not as if anyone should be touched by that either.

      Here’s all it is.
      It’s Cliff!
      Cliff’s a ninety three year-old burnout!
      It’s Vera!
      Cliff and Vera briefly worked together 65 years ago!
      “Hi Cliff!”
      “Oh hi Vera!”
      *one month passes*
      Cliff and Vera are getting married!
      *World dies over how touching this is.*

      Mason is in town!
      “Wow, Mason is a hot celebrity!” Cindy thinks.
      Cindy interviews Mason.
      Cindy and Mason are dating.
      Cindy moves in with Mason.
      Cindy dismisses Mason’s serious mental illness.
      Cindy and Mason are getting married!
      *World dies over how sweet it all is*

  3. It’s odd the way Tom Batiuk seems to think that his typical reader knows everything about the strip, so that a single mention of a character brings all kinds of memories flooding down. But then he can’t be bothered with basic continuity to help knit those memories.

    I know that has nothing to do with today’s strip, but since when has “relevance” been a factor around here?

    • Epicus Doomus

      Yes, in order to know what’s going on you need to be familiar with years and years of strip history, history that could change on a whim at any given moment. I’m still greatly enjoying how no one seems to find Cliff’s sixty year-long hiatus unusual or anything, even though he apparently squandered his entire adult life for no good reason.

      • Hitorque

        Hell, what about Vera? She wasted her youthful beauty waiting in chastity for Cliffe to make a triumphant return to the big screen just so she could pop out from nowhere… And not only is it evident that she never got any screen roles after the SJ serials, she has to endure the silent sexist indignation of not getting a cameo in the billion-dollar movie, not getting any cult love from the comics geeks, not getting any backstory whatsoever, and not getting any character depth except for “old woman who is always on Cliffe’s arm”

  4. billytheskink

    Well they’d better hope the premiere is still two weeks out, or that Westview law has changed in the last 20 30 years…

    Or maybe Susan Smith’s dad is still the judge in charge of marriage certificates and will waive the waiting period like he did for Les.

  5. Count of Tower Grove

    Gonna be a double coswedding. I’ d be getting tired of the over spending for wedding gifts, if I lived in West view.

  6. Jimmy

    I think, from now on, I won’t even bother reading any of the strips. The fine posters at SOSF can let me know what’s going to happen days and weeks in advance.

    Just one question: does Les die a painful death (fingers crossed)?

  7. I’m just looking forward to how this ends up being a double wedding reception at Montoni’s, DJ’d by the band box, myself.

  8. I can think of someone who might object to this. Someone Cindy used to pay alimony checks to. Someone who complains about having to jog. I just wish that I remembered his name because he’s such an obscure character.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    Wait. Did the syndicate lose three months worth of strips? I go away for a small vacation, come back and they are already in Ohio.

  10. Hitorque

    Episode #90 of “Masone never has trouble walking around in public despite being the most overexposed star of the most over hyped movie in recorded history.”

  11. Smirks 'R Us

    @TFH: next level wordsmithing on the post title today! A++.

  12. Gerard Plourde

    So somehow we’re now gathering for the imminent premiere showing of Starbuck Jones, a movie they were still shooting immediately before this year’s ComiCon and which they were previewing there as next summer’s blockbuster. So time is yet another fluid concept in the mind of The Author.


    Ugh. Where’s Franky? Could I hold out hope that Franky decides to machine gun everybody at the double wedding in revenge for foiling his dastardly plans?. Not that he ever really had any good plans, but still…

  14. Charles

    I don’t know why this bothers me so much. It’s a stupid story about stupid characters written by a hack who obviously doesn’t care. But its sloppiness still pisses me off.

    Are we really supposed to believe that vain celebrity news anchor Cindy is perfectly fine being upstaged at her own wedding TWICE? That she would put up with this crap for a minute?

    And you just know that she and that geriatric bag of bones she’s hugging are going to have no problem with their grooms dressing up in their little spaceman outfits for this event, as if they’re a pair of nine year-olds. Two fully grown women, one of whom was shown having little tolerance for dork shit in the past, and the other who is so poorly conceived it’s as if she’s not even there, are going to have no problem with their husbands acting like little children on their damn wedding day. Dignity is for people who don’t want to live in Ohio, apparently.

    • Hitorque

      Yeah, I’m curious to know why Cindy, who micro-managed every single conceivable facet of her high school reunions is content to just sit back and go with the flow for her own (last chance) wedding…

  15. Professor Fate

    It used to be in the funkyverse that the moment anybody was happy or was hopeful about the future, the world would squash them like a bug. I miss those days.

    • Hitorque

      Don’t worry, as we get closer to the event Cindy will mope about aging and lost beauty and wonder why any man would find her attractive since she now looks 24 instead of 22..