I’ve got nothing

Today’s strip

I don’t know quite what to make of this. Usually I can tell what the punchline’s supposed to mean so I can ascertain how unsuccessful Batiuk is, but this leaves me baffled. Are the Rotary Mentors called “Angels” or something? That must be it.

And no doubt that made Cayla think for a moment that Les had lost his mind before he explained his odd comment. I wonder if she was supposed to (like me) think that Les has gone around the bend and meant that Lisa was going to make sure everything worked by offering spiritual support for the Run.

The Run… God, it’s this dumb thing again. Even worse as they have decided to have printed t-shirts with Lisa sitting on that damn bench, as if that would mean anything to anyone.

Other annoying things: The fact that it’s always called “The Lisa’s Legacy Run” no matter what. That Cayla is apparently packing Les’s suitcase. That Les’s smug smirk appears in every panel where he’s facing us. That Cayla calls Les “The World Famous Author” despite the fact that his signing at the Columbus Museum of Art apparently is a bigger deal than anything he’s done before. And finally, that damn pink shirt she wears.

Anyway, this is it for me. Have fun with Epicus Doomus as he takes over starting tomorrow!


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

32 responses to “I’ve got nothing

  1. billytheskink

    “I appreciate the thought, but…” is a far too polite way to say “I’m not running the dang thing for you, Les!” but at least we are spared that very scenario. Cayla happily running the Lisa’s Legacy Run while Les was off on his book tour would be a more awful than normal bridge to cross.

    I’ve heard members of the local Rotary Club called a few things, but “angel” is not one of them. Granted, I’m not exactly plugged in to the organization. Actually, I spent years and years thinking it was a Mazda RX-7 owners club…

  2. Gerard Plourde

    This is another plug for an actual event. The Rotary Club of Mentor, Ohio is calling its annual 5K the “Funky Winkerbean 5K” this year and proceeds will go to the “Lisa’s Legacy” fund.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Wonder how many readers nationally know that Mentor is a city in northeast Ohio? Either way Batty is at his best here, plugging himself, and plugging a city in Ohio. There are probably some elderly readers that say ” Look Mabel, our city is being mentored in the comics today! Neat!” That Todd Batiuck guy sure is swell, and he hasn’t forgotten his roots.

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      Indeed. The funds are going to pay for Lisa’s funeral and her daughter’s (son’s?) college expenses. Because there’s nothing weird about raising money on behalf of a cartoon character.

      The Mentor (Ohio) Rotary Club sounds like a bunch of old men in mesh ballcaps, canary yellow slacks, bright white sneakers, and tan windbreakers (even when it’s 90 degrees out). In other words, just the sort of people who would get involved in anything “Tom Baliuk” would be up to.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        I picture them looking like characters in Crankshaft

      • gleeb

        Lisa wasn’t buried, she was cremated. And then creepy Les scattered her ashes in New York’s Central Park without a permit and for no good reason. And then he was pickpocketed, because New York folk are just no good, unlike the down-to-Earth decent types you find in Ohio.

  3. So, I come back to find that Cayla is STILL second rate. Nice. What’s the point of her character again?

    • Rusty Shackleford

      It was a virtue signaling play that Batty hoped would make his strip seem edgy and hip, thus more likely to win awards, which is his main motivation.

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      Ah, good ol’ Crayola. Brought in so Les — maybe the most uptight character in the cast — could have an edgy interracial relationship. And in fact, when she first appeared, she had an Afro hairdo, and Black facial features and coloring. Batty was SURE there was some kind of award just waiting for him for having Cayla hook up with the Goatee Boy.

      Then she gained Angry Dreadlocks and acquired the nickname “Snakehair.” But in one of the oddest twists in Flunky Wankerbean history, Les wouldn’t marry her until she transformed herself into a white woman. The hair was straightened, skin tone lightened. She got a little button nose. Guessing the idea of Les marrying an actual black woman made a lot of Ohio grannies (most of Batyuck’s non-ironic fans) a little nervous, and some angry and confused letters were received at Batominc HQ.

      Anyway, what’s always been constant about Cayla is her unquestioning acceptance of the FACT that Les will never let go of Dead Lisa, and her knowledge that Lisa comes first — period. The fact that she didn’t run screaming from that New Years party where Les danced with and kissed Ghost Lisa at midnight tells you everything you need to know about Cayla in particular and Batty’s women in general.

      • Charles

        Guessing the idea of Les marrying an actual black woman made a lot of Ohio grannies (most of Batyuck’s non-ironic fans) a little nervous,

        Hell no. My belief is that it made Batiuk uneasy when he realized that he needed to do something with Les’s relationship with Cayla.

        If Batiuk could have broken them up without making himself look racist, and/or Les look like an idiot, I believe he would have.

        And I just don’t believe that getting accolades about an interracial relationship was his main intention, because he’s employed none of the BS he’s used in other “big issue” sequences (eg The Gay Prom, Frankie’s return, The Bullying arc, etc), which he has used to call attention to his virtue. As I said two years ago about this very point, Batiuk doesn’t know there’s a B in subtle. He wouldn’t just throw a special issue into his comic strip and leave it there. He has to call attention to it.

        I do think, however, that he’s perfectly willing to point it out now in response to any claims that he’s a racist.

  4. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “Oh, Master Les! It’s such a privilege for me to help you pack so you can travel the world, signing books and preaching the Gospel of Holy Saint Lisa, who I never resent for even a nanosecond, even in my weakest, most insecure moments. And I’m blessed to have the honor of taking care of absolutely everything around the house for weeks on end as you greet your adoring fans!”

    “Yeah, Whatever. I’ll tell him when I see him. Who else would have you anyways, Miss Whatever Your Name Is.”

    “Master Les, I’ve been SO looking forward to this year’s Lisa Legacy Run. I’d be immensely honored if you’d permit me to do all the grunt work in your absence. Give me the command, and I shall spend every waking moment hanging banners, printing registration forms, …”

    “SILENCE, WOMAN! You are not worthy! You’d only screw it up! I’ve hired a real organization to do my bidding. This is one of their tee shirts!”

    “Oh, it’s very…”

    “AVERT YOUR EYES, UNWORTHY AND UNHOLY WOMAN!! You are not fit to gaze upon the Holy Tee Shirts of Saint Lisa!! I banish you to the laundry room, where you shall clean the soiled clothing I brought home from Klumbus! Cease your mindless babbling at once!”

    “Well, I was only trying to…”


    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      Reading between the lines, this is precisely what they’re saying to each other. The way Dick Facey crams Lisa up Cayla’s butt every hour of every day, and the way she willingly accepts it, is gross and disgusting. Somehow, Batty thinks actual Earth Humans would act like this.

  5. Epicus Doomus

    Yup, it’s a real-life “Lisa’s Legacy” plug all right. It’s so weird how you almost have to read Batiuk’s blog to be able to decode the strip sometimes. I guess it means that Les won’t be in the annual cancer fun run this year, as he has another Lisa-related commitment on that day, because of course he does. His Lisa calendar is just jam-packed with Lisa activities, it’s like this ten year “Lisa’s Story” anniversary has turned into a full-fledged Lisa revival. Everything’s coming up Lisa again!

    What an enraging display. The new artist is, unfortunately, capturing the essence of Les Moore way too perfectly. He does these stupid Lisa’s Legacy arc every year like clockwork and every year when it rolls around again I’m annoyed because I’d just had fifty-one weeks of Lisa’s Legacy-free bliss.

  6. Spacemanspiff85

    The hilarious thing about that stupid bench picture-she’s sitting by herself. Is this supposed to be based on a photo Les took? Like, when she was sitting alone and he was standing in the bushes behind her? It’s really idiotic on so many levels. Lisa is supposed to have been so amazing, and that’s the image you use for her “Legacy”? Her sitting alone on a park bench when she was depressed and worried over her cancer? Not anything of her when she was actually living her life? Like maybe when she was testifying in front of Congress? She was a lawyer, I’m sure she had a good photo done for her practice. Or maybe a picture of her with her family?
    But no, we’ve got to immortalize her on that damn bench because it’s poignant somehow.

  7. spacemanspiff85

    Oh, and that’s leaving out the vomit inducing element of it being the bench where Les propose to Cayla. I’m sure she enjoys seeing those t-shirts constantly. It’s suppose to be something romantic and personal for her and Les and it couldn’t be any more clear that she’s a replacement, and still nowhere near as important to Les as Lisa.

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      Les is still the only Earth Human to ever work the phrase “in the main” into a marriage proposal.

  8. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    I’m not a violent person and I have never thought about punching a cartoon character before, but Oh Lord, please give me a giant cartoon fist so I can punch the shit out of that smug puss in the last panel!


  9. The problem is that Batiuk either doesn’t realize how morbid, creepy and presumptuous Les looks with this cult of glurge and heartache or hates his audience so much because they’re why he got shut out of the Pulitzer that he no longer cares.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    Another Sunday strip length advertisement for one of Batty’s pet projects. The newspaper should be charging him for the advertising space.

  11. So now Ayers is drawing the strip? Did Burchette just say, “This is too terrible” and quit?

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      I was initially under the impression they brought in a new artist to IMPROVE the art. Then I noticed the new guy did all the same stupid, bad stuff BatHack did. It’s not hard to imagine Batty knocking on the new guy’s door in a rage: “NOOOOO!!! DO IT LIKE ME!!! DONIT LIKE ME!!!”

      Wouldn’t surprise me if he quit in frustration. “Take the Batiuk job, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. Oy…l

      • Charles

        I went back over the strips of the last couple months because I wanted to see if Cayla was wearing some ghastly pink/lavender color in every strip she appeared. (She was) And I discovered that with the exception of two panels of Linda where she’s scolding Bull and that guy whose name I didn’t bother to learn, every single panel of a woman had her with a vacant smile on her face. Didn’t matter if it was Cayla or Cindy or Linda or Crankshaft’s granddaughter, they all had it.

        I really don’t think Burchett’s doing a good job. I think he was brought in simply to make life easier for Batiuk. His art is sketchy and haphazard, and in one particular case, he flat out swiped a panel from Batiuk. The football action panel where the Westview QB throws an interception while being sacked has been used before, long before Burchett started doing the art.

  12. Don

    An “angel” is a reasonably common term for someone who steps in with support to prevent an event from not taking place. I think the term usually refers to someone who comes up with the money when a producer backs out of a show.
    Another example: when Montoni’s “donated” the “missing” $1000 (i.e. Funky gave back the $1000 that Cory stole) for the Lisa’s Legacy run one year.

  13. Count of Tower Grove

    Less’ first smirk looks like he just got back from Hoot’n’Holler.

  14. Rusty Shackleford

    Maybe I am just cynical, but these fundraiser runs seem more about the egos of the sponsors and the runners.

    Is cancer research really being held up due to lack of funding? Wouldn’t it be better if the money were instead used to help pay medical bills, and instead of running, maybe the runners could volunteer to actually do something for those suffering from cancer.