The start of a new month means a new batch of strips means Friday’s strip will drop around midnight eastern.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
There’s an airport between Westview and Akron? The only book tours Les is doing are at Ohio swap meets and yard sales.
He buys a round trip flight to LaGuardia, then flies back to Ohio, telling everyone on board that he is headed to Ohio to start his book tour.
LOL yeah, like Les is racing to catch the 4:15 from Cincy to Dayton, battling mad throngs of Ohio-bound travelers. F*ck you, Dick Facey and f*ck your “book tour” too. If he wants to get in shape for his book signings he should be focusing more on his smirking muscles, along with a rigorous eyebrow-cocking program.
And no mention of teaching. I guess that’s been retconned away. I wonder when he’ll start working for Hagglemore? He’d be a natural to script The Inedible Pulp.
Aaaaaaand right on cue, Goatee Dweeb makes the conversation all about himself.
“Hey, Flunky, ya fat old geezer who I’d never want to look anything like, have I mentioned in the past ten minutes that I’m a wildly popular writer? Yes, I’m a writer, THE bestest job in the whole wide universe. For me, it’s book tours, book tours, and more book tours. Jetting all over Ohio on my book tours. My public demands it. Just a mere moment in the presence of the author of the Lisa Cancer ‘n’ Death Trilogy means the world to them. But for me, it’s harrrrrrd. Just like writing is haaaaaarrrrdddd. I have to stay in top shape. Like a super athlete. Just like those bullyjocks in high school who used to stuff me in lockers, shove my head in the toilet, and beat the crap out of me. But who’s the superstar now, huh? Who goes on book tours now, huh?? Behold! I am your Lord Of Language! Bow before me, fat, ignorant Pizza Boy!”
“Are you through? Whatever. I’m outta here. See you around… jerk.”
Tennis really is perfect training for Les’ book tour. There’s a chain link fence between him and the general public.
Well, it’s training for what Les’ book tour should be at least.
Les’s inability to understand that no one cares about his stupid book is Batiuk’s inability to understand that no one cares about his stupid belief that he needs to be legitimate.
Les runs in airports because he hear’s the white phone in his head with Lisa shrieking – “Don’t board that plane! Don’t board that plane!”
Tom Batiuk 2018 Book Tour (source: funkywinkerbean.com):
April 9: Bellevue Public Library, Bellevue, Ohio
April 14: Ohioana Book Festival, Columbus, Ohio
April 17: Stark County District Library, Uniontown, Ohio
April 28: Dover Public Library, Dover, Ohio
April 28: North Coast Writers Showcase, Lake Erie College, Painesville, Ohio
(OK, last year he traveled to New York, Philly, Houston, Dallas, and St. Louis, but I couldn’t resist.)
Hey, you ever try making your way from Gate 1 to Gate B in the Uniontown municipal airport in less than twelve days? It is no easy thing, I promise you.
What? He was in Houston? Moot point but it would’ve had to be real convenient to where I lived to have been bothered to go out and ask him just what the heck he was getting at with any of this crap.
I saw that after the fact too. Opportunity missed…
“This is the captain speaking. Due to heavy snow and flying foliage in Westview, our flight has been diverted to Big Walnut International Airport. We apologize for the inconvenience.”
(Four passengers groan….)
What, you mean a literary badass like Lester Moore doesn’t fly on private charters paid for by his publisher?
Remember when he was going to write that book about meeting Cayla?
You know, before he decided to write two more books about Lisa?
Also, does anyone remember Cayla?
I bet Batiuk regrets creating her. She’s a distraction from the One True Purpose of the strip.
Changing out of their dull gray exercise clothes into their dull gray casual clothes.
Chairman Mao approved!
Yes it’s a man’s life being a world famous sensitive author.