We Have A Diet of Terrible Strips

Link To Today’s Filler

Ugh.  It’s yet another obvious filler strip, made with even less effort than usual.

Panel 1-Funky: “I’m going on a diet!”

Panel 2-Funky-“I’m not going on a diet, I’m just going to stick to my current diet!”

And why is Holly asking for clarification here?  “Plant-based diet” is extremely self-explanatory.  Is there an auto plant nearby, and how does Funky know what they eat?  I have a feeling Batiuk just heard someone mention a plant based diet and in his pun-obsessed mind tried to come up with some punchline based on the multiple meanings of plant.

Rejected first drafts of this strip: (ha, like Batiuk rejects any idea that pops into his head)

“I’m going on a liquid diet!  I’m going to eat whatever I want, and wash it done with a liquid!”

“I’m going on a Happy Meal diet!  I’ll only eat “meals” that make me “happy”!”

“I’m going on the donkey diet!  If you try to tell me what to eat, I’ll tell you to kiss my ass!”

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14 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

14 responses to “We Have A Diet of Terrible Strips

  1. Epicus Doomus

    It’s like he thought up the most horrid joke he possibly could, then tried to top it…for an entire week. Mission accomplished, as this is just pitiful. And, interestingly enough, each terrible gag he used this week had NOTHING to do with the story, or anything else really. These are just apocalyptically awful jokes, even by FW’s infinitely low standards. How did he submit these strips with a straight face? Who read these and thought “yes, we should continue publishing this”?

    • spacemanspiff85

      It reminds me of when you have an essay in school that has to be a certain number of words, and you’re about 50 words short, so just throw in some meaningless padding to reach that goal. Only I don’t think anyone told Batiuk that The Great Muslim Thanksgiving Extravaganza had to be a certain number of strips, so it’s incredibly lame and stupid.

      • Epicus Doomus

        They’re not just terrible jokes, they’re aggressively terrible jokes, almost like he’s taunting someone, daring them to notice how wretched they are.

        • DOlz

          If TB knew how to use twitter he could start a #CancelFunkyWinkerbean hashtag like Trey Parker and Matt Stone started the current season of “South Park” with #CancelSouthPark.

    • The Nelson Puppet

      Same folks who continue publishing Family Circus, Beetle Bailey, Hagar, Dennis the Menace, Snuffy Smif, Gasoline Alley…FW is “The Magnificent Ambersons” compared to that crap.
      https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/doblaje/images/8/89/Magnificent-ambersons.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140416061127&path-prefix=es

      • I dunno…I don’t find any of those strips funny, but at least they’re not pretentious garbage aspiring to teach us all about life (and failing spectacularly).

        • spacemanspiff85

          The main thing with all of those strips is they’re trying. They’re trying to tell a story or be funny, however lame or boring most people might find them. There’s sincerity. Batiuk clearly isn’t trying to do anything worthwhile with this strip anymore.

  2. billytheskink

    I guess Funky’s diet is going to consist of government cheese and Vienna sausages, because the “guys at the auto plant” are all unemployed. The plant closed 20 years ago, a victim of consumer tastes moving toward trucks and SUVs and away from the compact Batiukmobile and of auto manufacturers’ growing preference for facilities located in “right-to-work” states, where the Westv-UAW’s demands for multiple hour-long comic book breaks per shift need not be heeded.

  3. Rusty Shackleford

    Hey hey,.,,.Battys outta here for the holiday…but here is some thrown together crap to get you through. I just really don’t care anymore, and screw you, I have tenure, you don’t, therefore my work is good, yours is crap. Muslims going to a thanksgiving, where they can’t eat anything, but get to smirk at a senile old man….pure gold…secret sauce….man how does he do it. He keeps it so fresh, so rich, so engaging, the awards should be flowing in.

    It all went bad after Uncle Mort gave his Christians vs heathens diatribe. But dumb Rana and dumb Adela just smirked. He should have had them remove their head coverings…WLky had to lose his jacket, so the must give up some clothing too. Hey, that’s how it works in the cultural cafe man..compromise….well only be some. Some are more cultural than others, and so they don’t have to follow the rules. White man, take off that army coat!! Now!

  4. Paul Jones

    Since Batiuk is himself, he sees no problem with dropping a bomb yesterday and dropping a deuce today.

  5. Chyron HR

    The dialogue makes more sense if Holly is the one speaking in panel one, although that’s a mildly greater level of incompetence than Batom has demonstrated up until now.

  6. Rusty

    Funky is the male Cathy character, a fat ass who is always shown exercising and dieting, yet never losing a pound. Aack indeed.

  7. “I’m sticking to my plant based diet…I eat what Robert Plant eats.”

  8. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “Plant…?”

    “I’m only eating food that is grown in the run-off from the nuclear plant. I figure it’ll give me super-powers!