In Medias Arrest.

Link to today’s strip

Did Funky ever get to see the game winning shot? We’ll never know.

Actually, of course he did. Because it’s 2020 and he was able to pull the clip up on his smart TV within hours. We just didn’t get to see that part, because Ayers got tired of drawing Funky trembling in fear and amazement at the very idea of a last second tie breaker in a non-playoff game for a team we never had identified to us.

Back to the old grind then. Becky and Dinkle. Blathering inanely and pointlessly.

Nice to see Dinkle stopped at the office to sign in and get the ID badge that allows this old coot to wander the halls clutching squirrel books. Why did he bring the book with him, unless he’s been converted to some kind of nutty new rodent religion and is on the hunt to proselytize. Ave Sciuridae, glandulae plena.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “In Medias Arrest.

  1. Doghouse Reilly

    So, Dinkle is going to stand under trees and act like a nut?

  2. Epicus Doomus

    God I just can’t stand Beleaguered Becky. She always has Dinkle there to carry half the load, so what’s she whining about? It’s way too soon for another band arc, wasn’t there just one a few weeks ago?

    • AmigoLupus

      Look, it’s either a band arc or yet another Universe Kowtows to Les Moore’s Ego storyline, and I’d rather take the former.

  3. William Thompson

    Two squirrels look through the classroom window and rub their paws in glee. “Let’s eat one now and save the other for next winter!”

  4. William Thompson

    Retire from what, Lefty? Standing around and echoing Dinkle’s orders like a geek chorus?

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Geese, she sure has it tough. Loads of vacation and sick time, great benefits, summers off…well partially as band camp occupies a couple of weeks.

  5. billytheskink

    The world in which Dinkle is actually retired is apparently a world too good for Lefty… and a world too good for us.

  6. AmigoLupus

    Silly Becky. Millennials don’t retire, they get ground down to dust by late-stage capitalism.

    And we never did find out if Funky remembered that he can just look up that winning shot on Youtube, huh? So the punchline is just “LOL misery”. Batiuk gonna Batiuk, I suppose.

    • billytheskink

      Millenials can at least look forward to a post-Boomer workforce eventually opening up jobs… Lefty is Gen X, so she’ll hardly get to spend any time in the post-Boomer workforce. Plus, I’m starting to think Dinkle is immortal and she’ll never even be free of his meddling even if she works into her 100s.

  7. The Nelson Puppet

    So no more “electric prostate exam” Funky faces? AWWWW DAAAAAAAMN!

  8. Paul Jones

    If Batiuk weren’t Batiuk, there would be an arc that has people whisper behind Becky’s back about how she thinks the old band director is still alive. He might as well be a ghost because he haunts the place like a spirit tethered to the Earth.

  9. William Thompson

    “Harry, what in the wide, wide world of sports are you doing here?”
    “Becky, I want to plan for your retirement.”
    “With my loser husband I can’t afford to retire until I’m seventy.”
    “I know, but I’ll still be here. I want to pick a replacement as spineless as you. Think one of your children would like to inherit your job?”

  10. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “Did you say ‘retire,’ Young Lad BECK? Here, let me walk you down to Princ’pal Nate’s office. He has all the paperwork. No, no, not a word… Come with me. We’ll get this done in a jiffy. Here, give me that lovingly-drawn badge of yours. They have a barrel we can toss these into. Oh, you’ll LOVE retirement! You and, um, what’s his name? That man with the smelly tee shirt and kid’s haircut? You’ll have all day to spend together! Think about that! You don’t need this school and the snotty, talentless children who won’t practice and all the fundraising nonsense and worrying about the stupid school levy. There ya go… now sign this one… Initial here… and sign this one… There! You’re all retired. Aaaand hey look, here’s the front door. Here’s your hat – What’s your hurry? Heh heh heh… Goodbye, dumb ol’ gor……. WHOOPS! Goodbye, BECK. Goodbye.”

    “What the Hell was all that about?”

    “Oh, didn’t you hear? BECK retired! Say, would you be a love and get someone with a pencil, piece of paper, and scotch tape to put MY name back on the band room door? Thaaaanks…”

  11. How on Earth can Dinkle be considered “retired”? He constantly hangs around the school. You’d think someone in authority would tell him, “Dinkle, Becky works here. She’s supposed to be directing the band. She can’t do that if you’re constantly here giving book reports. Go home. Or we call the police.”

  12. Count of Those Grove

    Compare Panel two today with Panel two yesterday. See? DSH John is the spawn of Dinkle!

  13. hitorque

    Christ, not this shit again… We just had a Dinkle storyline two storylines ago!

    • The problem is, when you think about it, there aren’t any storylines he can pivot to that are interesting or tolerable. No matter what Batiuk turns to, it’s terrible in every respect.

  14. hitorque

    Am I the only one who remembers when the high school storylines used to involve actual high schoolers? And is Les retired or what? I haven’t seen him teach his class in a couple years?

  15. LTPFTR

    I come for the Funky snark, but the ecclesial Latin wordplay is what keep me here!

  16. Banana Jr. 6000

    It’ll never happen, but today’s strip would make a great beginning to an arc about Dinkle being forced to retire. He’s got his own ID badge, he’s there bright and early in the morning, he’s chipper, and he’s absolutely wasting Becky’s time. She’s clearly not happy to see him. Tuesday’s strip would be Becky in the principal’s office, complaining that Dinkle’s presence has become a negative, and his help isn’t useful anymore.

    Westview having to dismiss Dinkle could be a powerful story. Some people just can’t retire, and Dinkle strikes me as one of those. It’s also difficult, but sometimes necessary, to dismiss people you care about. If a good Funky Winkerbean existed, that would be a prestige arc. Instead, they retired him in way that lets him keep going to work every day, and doesn’t affect his quality of life in any way, but OMG THE MUSIC TEACHER IS DEAF SOOOO IRONIC.

    • hitorque

      That’s the whole point… There are no “interesting” books about Squirrels — He’s clearly just looking for any old excuse to barge in and wax nostalgic on how band directors did it in his day. The real issue here is Dinkle doesn’t know that the hell to do in his retirement, since his connection to the Westview High Marching Band is what has given his life meaning for decades… (NOTE: I have a good hunch that Bull was killed off because Batiuk would have made him into the exact same character, constantly butting in on his successor’s workday because his entire life is connected to Westview athletics and no way in hell could the Funkyverse tolerate two of these types). And as an aside, Batiuk does need to find a new football/basketball coach for storylines because we’re too close to 2022 for him to introduce a new “crop” of 9th graders.

      And like you said, the underlying story probably has some meat on it… Is Dinkle in early stages of dementia? Alcoholism? (yeah, I know they have been done already). Doesn’t Dinkle have a wife? The marriage must be in trouble if Dinkle is finding any excuse to spend all day at school, or all week at a Band Directors’ convention… Didn’t he have some musical history book or biography to finish? Isn’t he a scholarly expert on John Phillip Sousa or something? I promise you some college’s music department somewhere in Ahia would pay American money for him to give a series of lectures… As shitty as a concept it was, whatever happened to his nursing home “band”?

      And at what point does Becky’s patience finally break? It would be one thing if Dinkle was, you know, actually DOING SOMETHING USEFUL or offering his wisdom (although I don’t know how much “wisdom” he can offer to the successor working his old job for what, 15+ years now?) But all Dinkle does every appearance is spout these Grandpa Simpson anecdotes and rattle off the occasional lameassed one-liner…

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Dinkle does have a wife! She complained to the high school principal (good ol’ Fred Fairgood) that he was driving her nuts around the house. Of course, Westview was obligated to hire him back with permanent effect. This was in 2008.

        You make a lot of good points, but I especially like the one about the nursing home band. That would have been a great way for Dinkle to ride into the sunset: still leading a band, sharing his passion for music with other people, and making some old lives a little brighter. Nope! Because of Tom Batiuk’s fixation on awards and recognition, they have to get a record contract. And a concert. And a trip. And merchandise. A nursing home band! Then it’s all forgotten just as quickly. The wish fulfillment never ends, and it consumes what should be the human parts of these supposedly human stories.

    • Perfect Tommy

      If Dinkle were an Eskimo, they would have sent him out on an ice floe long ago.

  17. Professor Fate

    1) He’s not retired. He not only goes to the school everyday, he goes to marching band conventions (which he was doing the last arc) These are not the actions of a retired person.
    I suppose i could nitpick that about how unlikely it is that a fascinating book about Squirrels actually exists but really are we supposed to believe that Dinkle who has never shown the slightest bit of interest in anything not band/music related would be reading it?

    • Look at this way–any book about squirrels is bound to be more interesting than any volume of The Complete Funky Winkerbean. (And yes, I include the early ones.)

      • Professor Fate

        This is true. By the by I wandered over to Amazon and looked up Squirrels in the book section – lots of kid’s books and calendars and some trade bound comic books featuring the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl but the only Adult oriented book on Squirrels is “HOW TO BECOME A MASTER SQUIRREL HUNTER” by one J.Z. Greene. And it’s not a joke it’s a dead serious book on how to hurt Squirrels. Maybe that’s the one Dinkle was reading.