High Loss Finish

Link to today’s strip.

Poor, poor Bull.  Despite being a generally decent guy over the last fifteen years of his life, he will never catch a break from Tom Batiuk.   Just thinking of all the things he did to help Les makes me believe Tom Batiuk is a deeply ill man who needs a good solid look in the mirror.  Not that he doesn’t look, often and at length; he should just try a different angle.  Bull also gave his students an encouragement to play, and the parents an opportunity to cheer; what did Les do for anyone other than himself?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

All the Hollywood work and comic book careers were given out by other people–Cindy in the case of the former, Chester in the case of the latter.  Heck, even DHS John gave Harry a job when he was suddenly unemployed.

Les?  “I screwed up.”  “Yes, you did.”

As for Bull’s viewing habits, well, I think if I were a coach, I’d watch losing games over and over.  It’s the best way to see what mistakes were made and how to correct them.  But for Batiuk, no, this was just Bull wallowing in masochism and self-pity, two things no Westview inhabitant should be without.

I actually do own a VCR (it’s one of those DVD-VCR combo things), but I haven’t even plugged it in in years.   And I can’t remember the last time I bought a tape (certainly not in this century.)  Let’s also not forget that Funky Winkerbean is supposed to be set ten years in the future (your rules, Batiuk, not mine).  This is like keeping important files on a floppy disk–and a 5.25 disk at that.

All that being said, it’s not impossible for someone to have a huge collection of VHS tapes…just less and less likely as time goes on.

Kind of like this strip.

29 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

29 responses to “High Loss Finish

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Ha ha ha! Bull’s life was a joke and he essentially died for nothing! My knees are aching from all that slapping! BatYap is clearly a very sick man, I can’t believe I’m suggesting this but perhaps he should consider sticking to comic book humor full time, lest he embarrasses himself any further.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      You think Batiuk can’t embarrass himself with comic book humor? Check the latest FW Blog post and see what he’s got queued up for our enjoyment. To say nothing of yesterday’s atrocity in Crankshaft, where he rips off Peanuts and doesn’t even do it right.

      And yes, this is what he’s blogging about during the climax of his “prestige arc” where a second character is dying of a horrible mental condition.

    • hitorque

      You know, you’d *THINK* that Linda would be showing off the shit she should actually PROUD of, like Bull’s state championship coaching football (which was literally just two years ago in Funkyverse time) or his state championship coaching girl’s basketball (yes that happened somehow because reasons)… Even in real life, how many coaches can boast that double??

      Given Westview’s generational legacy of losing, there’s no way that Bull Bushka isn’t the greatest ever coach in school history.

      • Epicus Doomus

        Box it up, throw it out. Linda never respected Bull anyway. In fact, without Bull around to generate her eye-rolls I can’t see a single reason why BatWad wouldn’t kill her off too. Perhaps next year, when the Pepperoni virus sweeps through the Montoni’s district.

  2. billytheskink

    I mean, I have an enormous collection of Betamax tapes (no better format for watching My Favorite Year, I’ll unsuccessfully argue) and I think this is ridiculous. Much as I do enjoy my old tapes from time to time, if I was revisiting them with any frequency I would have them converted. Oh wait, Bull did that…

    Maybe Crazy never got around to converting all (or any) of these tapes, or maybe Linda wants to keep the DVDs.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Oh yeah, Crazy Harry’s tape-baking business. In Westview that’s considered steady work.

  3. William Thompson

    So, Batiuk, what are your chances of grabbing a Pulitzer this year? Tell us why you feel so overconfident.

  4. Doghouse Reilly

    “Yep, the man I loved really sucked at the thing that gave his existence meaning for decades!” “Ha, ha, he really wasted his life, didn’t he?”
    How many swirlies/wedgies/wet willies/etc. did TB get from the jocks in high school that he still feels the need to belittle and berate their comic strip avatar months after he “died”?

  5. comicbookharriet

    Amazing parody strip today! And as Epicus pointed out, your fan strip fixes a Batiuk canon mistake. Bull already had his tapes put on DVD years ago.

  6. erdmann

    Coincidentally, while cleaning out an old file cabinet at work this week I came across a 5.25 floppy disk. I have no idea what’s on it and I don’t really care. It makes a fine coaster, which means it’s far more useful than this strip.

  7. Paul Jones

    It would appear that self-awareness is not a problem Batiuk has to deal with, Not only does he torment characters most people would sympathize with for no more reason than they were more popular than someone who peaked in kindergarten, he still thinks that people care about his fake comic book company.

  8. Banana Jr. 6000

    I can see Buck being interested in recordings of Bull’s games against his team. But all of them? That’s not how nostalgia works. You look at old recordings of your own life, not other people’s. Unless you’re really close to them, and there’s no evidence of that. The last time they went for a walk, Bull seemed disinterested.

    This is all starting to look like Buck had some kind of unrequited crush on Bull. I’m sure that’s not the author’s intent, but he’s so far off the mark I don’t even know what he’s aiming for anymore. Seriously, a man losing his memory is cheerfully collecting someone else’s past. WTF are we supposed to make of this?

    • William Thompson

      This is the Funkyverse. The only team the Scapegoats ever faced was Buck Futt’s team, because that’s how sportball leagues and seasons work. So of course Buck is on all of those tapes. He’ll watch them and find new reasons to mock Bull.

    • hitorque

      I’m pretty sure all those games are against Hank Hill’s team?

      I thought it was pretty well established that Westview’s football schedule every season was a 10-game home-and-home series against Big Walnut Tech (plus once more in the playoffs)

  9. Count of Tower Grove

    Linda’s keeping the Law & Order tapes for herself.

  10. I’m trying to envision what a video of a High School football game in the 90s would look like. I’m guessing they just took a Sony camcorder and set it up on a tripod in the press box and pushed the ‘record’ button (unless it’s possible Jessica was there to make a shaky handheld video from the sideline). What Bull would see is a bunch of ant-sized people running around on a field. The quality would be good enough for post game analysis, but not something you’d want to watch over and over, especially if (as FW lore has it) the team sucks and always loses.

    This week has provided nothing to move the CTE story arc along, other than the revelation (?) that Buck’s condition is getting worse (we don’t even know how it’s getting worse or have any clue as to how the condition is affecting him, since all he does is spout lame jokes about a serious condition). Are we supposed to have some empathy with Buck, a character TB pulled out of his ass a couple of years ago and up to this week weren’t even really sure he existed outside of Bull’s CTE-addled brain?

    • hitorque

      Think of the 90’s nostalgia factor… Who wouldn’t want to see Harry Dinkle still in his prime leading Westview’s Marching Scapegoats through a kickass rendition of “Epic” by Faith No More and “Loser” by Beck??

      If I could choose one thing to put in a time capsule so anthropologists centuries in the future could see what smalltown Ahia was like in the early 90’s, it just might be that.

      • William Thompson

        Can we make that millenia in the future? I don’t expect to live anywhere near that long, but better safe than sorry.

  11. Perfect Tommy

    To say that Batty goes to the well once too often is an understatement.
    Hey! let’s run another character through the CTE meat grinder!
    And does anyone else wonder why Tommy Boy regrets creating Sadie Summers? Asking for a friend.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Yeah, I wondered that too. Of all the loathsome characters Tom Batiuk’s created, why does he regret THAT one?

      That blog post seemed to imply that he’d explain more later. But he probably won’t, because I actually want to know the answer.

    • hitorque

      Who the hell is Sadie Summers?

      • William Thompson

        Mercedes Summer, little sister to Cindy Summers (which appears to be her only character trait–she resents being known as Cindy Summers’ little sister).

        The blog post that calls her Batiuk’s biggest regret also mention “Suprintendent Shoentell,” and a forgotten guidance counselor, Claire Voyant, a Romany woman who uses fortune telling to help the students. From looking at the cartoons of Sadie “Extra-long hair spike” Summers, I’d guess Batiuk disliked her because one time she wasn’t deferential enough to a boy.

        • Perfect Tommy

          I find it telling that he claims to of forgotten Clair Voyant.
          More proof that Batty has no inner circle to bounce ideas off of.

      • billytheskink

        Mercedes “Sadie” Summers is/was Cindy’s younger sister, introduced in early Act II along with Wally Winkerbean as the new generation of Westview HS students. She carried on Cindy’s stuck-up popular girl shtick and had the same dumb narwhal haircut. Later she cut her hair really short and, believe it or not, worked at Montoni’s.