The Les You No

Today being 4/20 and all, I found it perfectly appropriate that Mason’s contact photo on Les’ phone should be a picture of some cannabis. But the “trees” we’re looking at in today’s strip are the kind that “don’t provide any shade,” not the kind you smoke. So, the Lisa’s movie is already in the pitch meeting stage, is it? Normally, this would mean that the screenplay’s been completed. Otherwise, they have nothing to “pitch.” Of course, normally, location scouting for a major motion picture takes place after the script is done, and by someone (or a team of people) whose job it is to scout locations; not by the leading man/exectutive producer taking pictures with his cellphone.

Les, perhaps still smarting over his students’ shabby treatment of Batton Thomas, shows little enthusiasm over going to Hollywood to pitch the movie. This sends the normally mellow Mason into a tizzy, demanding that Les join him immediately, his teaching job be damned. Mason is hellbent on involving Les in every single aspect of this movie project, but one questions the wisdom of dragging him along to the pitch meetings. Is no one in Hollywood going to be aware that Lisa’s Story already had been optioned and gone into production nearly six (!) years ago? And that, after insisting that he write the screenplay, Les arrived in Hollywood, splitting his time between complaining, daydreaming, and wishing for death , before walking away from and sabotaging the project?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

37 responses to “The Les You No

  1. Epicus Doomus

    So Dick Facey is bailing on his job again, eh? It must be nice to have that kind of vacation time and to be able to use it at a second’s notice.

    “Pitch meetings”…”location scouting”…yeah, whatever you say there Tom. His fascination with his vision of “how movies are made” continues to be both inexplicable and intensely boring. Like with everything else, he just wrings anything of possible interest out of every single detail of his little stories, leaving the reader with lots of inane babbling about things no sane person would even imagine caring about. And why can’t any FW character ever do anything over the phone? Les’ bio-stepson and his dimwitted wife parented by video chat for like two years, but Les has to jet off to La-La Land every time Mason needs to talk to him. I’m so sick of his smug bearded face, there’s already been WAY too much Les this year and I think it’s going to get a whole lot worse before 2020 is mercifully over.

  2. Gerard Plourde

    Based on last week’s arc, I can only assume that Principal Nate and the entire population of Westview are more than happy to have any substitute take over Les’ class. At least then the possibility of real education can occur.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    I see two possible paths here this week. One is that they go to the big “pitch meeting” where Les expresses his misgivings over taking money from those Hollywood scumbags…again. Maybe a big fat crass “producer guy”, all greedy and soulless and very un-Lisa like or something like that, with Mason using his Hollywood charm to save the day.

    Then there’s the other way more likely path, which is Les and Mason spending the next five days talking about “how Hollywood works” with lots of “insider” lingo and wry rejoinders about the movie biz being tossed around like so much pizza dough. It’s practically inevitable. It’ll be 2022 before he even gets to the “casting call” and the “table reads”, much less the filming. And correct me if I’m wrong here but shouldn’t someone be writing the screenplay sometime soon?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      “You have to be there, Les! We have to get the treatment to the dolly grip so craft services can arrange the foley!”

      • Epicus Doomus

        “Les! Get out here! We’re assigning parking spaces tomorrow!”

        “(Sneering) Lisa really preferred mass transit.”

    • Perfect Tommy

      “I told you, it’s IMAX or nothing dammit!”

  4. billytheskink

    I know Les isn’t the brightest bulb in housewares aisle, but you would think he would have gotten wise to the fact that the best way for him to sabotage this film is to be as heavily involved as possible given that he successfully derailed the last Lisa flick.

    So, is Batton gonna teach Les’ classes this week?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      That would require Les to realize that anything is ever his fault. And, to care that anyone else suffered as a result. He thinks he’s protecting Dead Lisa’s honor, and that is the greatest consideration at all times.

  5. louder

    “Is no one in Hollywood going to be aware that Lisa’s Story already had been optioned and gone into production nearly six (!) years ago?”

    Of course not, because no studio has lawyers who look into the rights and history of the books they’re going to pour money into! BatHack and JarrHead sure know their way around Hollywood!

  6. William Thompson

    A pitch meeting? Who wouldn’t love to see Les meet up with a vat filled with boiling pitch?

  7. Banana Jr. 6000

    Jesus H. Christ, Les, make the movie or don’t. This is not Hamlet.

  8. Paul Jones

    The irritating thing about all of this dithering is his fear that they’ll tell Lisa’s Story wrong and make it cheery and optimistic. He wants to leave people feeling as gutted as he still is. Christ…..what an asshole.

  9. comicbookharriet

    I’m beginning to actually believe that Masone has Bipolar Disorder.

    Can’t wait for a very special arc where he wastes all his money in a manic frenzy, paying Les millions for Lisa’s old clothes so even the props on his current obsession are authentic.

    • Count of Tower Grove

      Didn’t he tell Cindy that he is bipolar? He just squeezes his bent nails to keep grounded.

      • comicbookharriet

        Yup. He told her when they were first dating. But since then we haven’t seen any mania or depression from the guy. At least, no mania that was couched as part of his diagnosis. All these weirdos tend to get manic at times.

  10. Well, Mason is an idiot. He cannot be unaware of Les sabotaged the previous production, yet here he wants Les right in there.

    I can imagine it–“So, why should we give you money to make this movie?” Les: “It’s better than burning it?”

  11. sgtsaunders

    I hope they get that lovely new starlet Cantaloupe Rind to play Lisa.

  12. In the real world (yes, I know that nothing about this is real world), no one in the film industry would EVER work on a project that had Les Moore’s involment attached to it again. Frankly, the only way Lisa’s Story sees production is in the distant future, when the studio is dealing with Les Moore’s estate.

  13. Banana Jr. 6000

    This perspective should be on Mason here, not Les. Because I would love to see a Hollywood movie star tell a group of Hollywood executives that the pitch meeting can’t start yet because the schoolteacher from Ohio isn’t here.

  14. Count of Tower Grove

    Indeed, in my grogginess I thought the phone pic was weed. Oh well. Stay strell and 420 on!

  15. Rusty Shackleford

    So last week Batty insulted school kids, implying they were dumb because they were not interested in cartoonists, nor did they care much about newspapers.

    Today in Crankshaft, he insults the people who attend the Ohioana book fair. Those rubes and hayseeds…they expect to find rides at a book fair! Ha ha ha…

    I get the feeling Batty doesn’t care much for people who don’t see the world exactly like he sees it. (Ghost Lisa gives me a thumbs up)

    • Christopher Robin

      People who see the world exactly as he does are even worse. How can he possibly even interact with someone who isn’t being wrong?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I get the feeling Batty doesn’t care much for people, period.

      Why does he name-drop a local event just to insult people who go to it? This isn’t being done for laughs. The guest is genuinely confused and upset that she can’t find the Tilt-A-Whirl, and Lillian looks like she’s watching 9/11 happen. The message is clearly “Yes, visitors to the Ohioana Book Fair really are this stupid!”

      Earlier this year we saw “Ohio” removed from the music educators association conference that Dinkle and One-Arm go to every year. Did the Ohioana Book Fair commit some even greater crime against Batiuk’s ego?

  16. Banana Jr. 6000

    Spot on. It’s just like the Inedible Pulp from yesterday. Things that are so silly they’d be self-parody anywhere else, are presented with the utmost seriousness.

  17. billytheskink

    Mason added the “e” to the end of his name after Archie and Dilton used ham radio to foil his attempt to rob Hiram and Hermione Lodge’s jewel safe.

    How did he get access to the Lodge house? He pretended to be a famous Hollywood film director who agreed to help Veronica rehearse for an operetta.

  18. The remarkable thing to me about this Hollywood super-arc is how TB manages to get every single detail wrong about how this would work in real life. I know nothing about the way Hollywood works and I can see that. Wouldn’t pitch meetings have been scheduled weeks in advance, and Less’s travel schedule would have been arranged at the time the meetings were scheduled. You don’t just call a guy from California on your cell phone and demand his immediate presence unless you’re a mob boss.

  19. Meanwhile, I am delighted to learn that Tom Batiuk is actually the weird kid Martin from Cow and Boy:

  20. bayoustu

    That image of a sad, sad Les- so utterly dispirited by the immense burden of being involved in yet another Hollywood production, fills me with a monumental, irrational rage. And I guarantee you that the fact that I’ve been under quarantine for the last 6 weeks has absolutely nothing to do with it!

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      It really is insulting. Other comic strips, and even animated TV shows, are doing “social distancing” jokes by now. But the Funkyverse just plows on with its insufferable characters, and their petty publishing-related problems.

      • William Thompson

        Somebody could have inserted new dialog and made today’s strip work. “Les, are you ready for the pitch-meeting videoconference?” “No. The nineteen viruses all scare me.” “Look, Les, we’re in Hollywood and you’re in Reduce Speed, Ohio.” “So?” “So you can’t get more socially isolated than that!”

      • Christopher Robin

        On the other hand, I think we’re all better off not knowing what kind of limp morose wordplay he’d come up with on the topic. Possibly something about how much better polio was.