Les’ll Wrestle

Wrestling out of my weight class“? Again with the sporto metaphors from 97-pound weakling Les. And again with the “Most Popular Girl in the School” crap. Does anyone who graduated high school before the 21st century recall who was the “most popular” girl in the school–not the class but the entire goddam school? The most popular. Whoever she is, I hope she’s holding up even half as well as Cindy here. And while dwelling upon one’s social status in high school may get old, one never outgrows a taste for flirtatious banter.

27 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Les’ll Wrestle

  1. William Thompson

    Compare a possible high-school date to a wrestling match, and phrase it to imply the girl outweighed you? No wonder you’re still so popular, Les. I can’t see why Cindy doesn’t jump your bones right now.

  2. Doghouse Reilly

    The second panel should be depicted Cindy pulling the JARREmobile over to the curb, putting Les in a headlock, dragging him out of said JARREmobile, and giving him a reverse piledriver on the sidewalk.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    They’re still stuck on this? Blech. We get it, Les wasn’t “really” a gigantic socially maladjusted dweeb back before he met Lisa, it just seemed that way at the time. All the girls secretly liked him and please kill me right now. At this rate they’ll NEVER get to The Big Pitch Meeting.

  4. Banana Jr. 6000

    “Would you have said yes?” Would she have said yes? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME, LES? She said “no” to you like a hundred times! Why is there any confusion about this? And why were you so damn smug yesterday if you’re so unsure now? Can this world make ANY sense?

    • CRM114

      I still think these are yet more Batuik dreams, as in, “They should’ve/would’ve/wished they’d gone out with me if they saw how very successful I am now.” It likes he never wakes up.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Or grows up. Who’s still bitter about high school at age 70? But that’s exactly what all this Lesterbation looks like.

  5. I feel pretty certain Batiuk thinks these “sayings” of Les are finely-crafted bon mots. Les, being this awesome author, would constantly come up with sayings like this, and everyone around him is simply awestruck at the raw talent possessed by this man.

    I think it’s why he keeps repeating them, he genuinely things this is good stuff. Batiuk is wrong about so many things.

  6. Gerard Plourde

    So he’s totally retconned the “Les sues Cindy for turning him down” installment out of existence just like he retconned the “Bull only pretended to beat up Les” strip out of existence.

    And really what is the point of all of this filler?

  7. billytheskink

    Les Moore, a first class creep around women since 1972…

    Sad TB fridged Livinia, who seems to be far and away the smartest and most perceptive cast member this strip has ever had.

    • Epicus Doomus

      “So Cindy, what if I had tried to make a pass at you that night? Would you have…”

      “(Expressionless) Uh, no Les.”

      (Deadpan loser face)

      It’s also sad how he can’t even write a joke anymore. It’s all just annoying playful wry banter that you can’t even understand unless you’re familiar with the context, which is forever changing and morphing and retconning in all kinds of unpredictable directions. Sure, they’ve been friends for a long time but there’s no way that the “real” Cindy Summers would even entertain the idea of engaging Les in his weird revisionist fantasies. If she immediately shoots Les down again there’s all kinds of history and continuity behind it, it’s believable and in character. This, though, this is just a bad idea that escalated into something foul.

    • Gerard Plourde

      Who, if memory serves, we learned was dead in the “time pool” reunion arc.

      One wonders who she represented in TomBa’s high school life.

    • Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)

      Is that a Mexican poncho or is that a Sears poncho?

  8. Hitorque

    This is not a productive area of discussion… Because all any red-blooded man would be hearing is “Oh, I *totally* would have fucked you back in the day! Did I mention that Masone is over in Vegas on business for the day? I don’t have to pick him up until 7:30 and there’s no point in fighting 90 minutes of traffic getting back to Malibu, so I might as well hang out with you in Burbank at the hotel… Whatever shall we do to *entertain* ourselves for three hours??” as Cindye and Lester trade smirks with each other…

    And yes, any woman with a such a constant need for affirmation of her sexual characteristics from random men would be hopelessly promiscuous in real life…

  9. Paul Jones

    Meanwhile, in the real world, the people I went to high school with are just photos in a yearbook. Finding out that I went to high school with the Chief Medical Office Of Health for British Columbia is a weird bit of trivia and nothing more than that.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      I can’t even remember the names of any of the popular girls. Though shortly after graduation I ran into one at the local mall. She had a job in one of the stores. I recognized her and didn’t think she would talk to me, but instead she came over and we had a nice conversation.

      Lesson for Batty: high school ends at graduation.

      • Paul Jones

        He can’t admit that or else he’d have to do something he sees as a defeat. If high school is meaningless, his revenge fantasies are simply the hobgoblin of a petty little man who likes to tie himself in knots.

        It’s like how when Cindy tried to apologize to one of the women she’d been a shit to and was told “Here’s a quarter….phone someone who cares,” it didn’t give her peace. It made her into the nutjob we see here, desperately trying to hold on to the One Time That Gave Batiuk’sHer Life Meaning. Marriage and career take a distant fiftieth place to whatever bullshit role you play in the artificial environment called “high school.”

    • Batgirl

      Bonnie Henry is pretty damn awesome now. I can’t even guess what she was like in highschool though. It’s not like you can tell anything from the pupate state

  10. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Come on, BatHack. Stop with the re-writing and retconning. Nobody believes for a hot second that high school Cinderp had a “thing” for high school Les. Just stop it. Likewise, nobody believed Les and Bullsquat were actually good friends in secret. This is hackism of the highest order.

    Also, and even I’m getting tired of saying this, non-pathetic people don’t constantly bring up isolated incidents that happened in high school 50 years ago. And here’s what makes today’s forced and contrived crap even worse – These two idiots have been in contact pretty regularly for a couple years now. In fact, Les and that woman who hangs around his house stayed with Movie Duuhhhren and Cinderp only a few weeks ago! I could ALMOST understand a “Hey, remember back in high school…” conversation with someone you hadn’t seen in 50 years, but why are these two SUDDENLY REMEMBERING old stuff to rehash now??

    I really hate Goatee McSpindly’s use of sports metaphors that could never apply to him. He once referred to “outkicking his coverage.” Now, he’s wrasslin’ out of his (110 pound) weight class. Wondering if this entire Filler Arc was done so Batty could use that term.

    Would be hilarious if this whole arc is nothing more than re-written high school memories, and next week we abruptly jerk back to Komix, with no further mention of pitch meetings and Dead Lisa Movie stuff.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      The worst thing about it is, Batiuk wanted us to believe Les and Bull were friends because of an ancient one-week arc where Les tried out for football. But now that he wants us to believe Cindy was secretly attracted to Les, which discards facts that were absolutely central to the strip. It’s almost like Les is writing his own revisionist history, keeping the parts that reflect well on him and editing the rest.

      • William Thompson

        “Les tried out for football” has to be on the list of “most idiotic things in this strip.” When I was a senior in high school, I was 5’11”, weighed 116 pounds and wore coke-bottle glasses. Even if I’d been deranged enough to want to play football, there’s no way the coaches would have let me try. They had enough problems with injuries without having the qualified players die laughing.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          It’s not as idiotic as the cheerleader and mascot playing. With no protective gear.

        • Hitorque

          It’s Westview… Bull infamously forced Chullo Kid (who was serving detention) into the mascot suit when the regular kid didn’t show, and then when Bull ran out of roster players he put Chullo Kid in the game wearing the full scapegoat outfit and of course he caught a 50-yard Hail Mary with 0:00 left for the winning touchdown…

          And before that, Bull had his girl quarterback (who was also homecoming queen) play in her formal dress with only cleats and a helmet for protection… And it was raining… And Bull called a QB option keeper on the goal line which the girl scored with no time left.

    • Hitorque

      “outkicking the coverage” is a fairly common expression, but it only applies to guys who *GET* the girl… Funkmeister outkicked his coverage in wifing up both Cindye and Holly (and for my money, high school Holly was always hotter than high school Cindye, and even when Batuik retconned slender high school Holly into curvy thicc high school Holly, that only made her even more fuckable)… And Cindye damn sure outkicked her coverage in getting wifed up by a Hollywood star (who is 15+ years younger and presumably has his choice of women) whom she met totally by chance…

  11. Hitorque

    It’s funny because Cindye is hellbent on re-living her high school glories every time she talks to Lester but the entire time I started re-reading this strip, around 2012 she hasn’t said ten words to Funkmeister (you know, the man she at some point was planning to spend the rest of her life with, and father of her kid(s) — Wait, Cindye does have kids, right? wouldn’t they be in their 30s by now?)

    And the farther along we go, the more of a grudging respect I have for Funkmeister+Holly, since they’re the only legacy characters who can talk about something, anything else besides how awesome they were in the good old days or their slavish comics geekdom… Yeah, all Rundfunk and Holly talk about these days is aging, declining health and their own mortality but that at least makes them more realistic than anyone else.

    As an aside, just like Krankenschaaften is on its own timeline, I’ve discovered that the Funkyverse legacy characters must ALL be living on slightly separate timelines since that’s the only way any of this begins to make sense.

    • Gerard Plourde

      “I’ve discovered that the Funkyverse legacy characters must ALL be living on slightly separate timelines since that’s the only way any of this begins to make sense.”

      Maybe TomBa is using the old DC Comics device of putting Golden Age characters in alternate universes from the Silver Age ones. (Although that would give Les the ability to travel between them, a concept that makes me shudder).