In Them High-Rollin’ Hills

School chums Cindy and Les arrive, not at the Jarre’s beach house, but at Mason’s new pied-à-terre in “the ‘Hills’.” I don’t know where TB cribbed his California architecture notes, but all those tubular steel railings and odd-sized windows do give the building a sort of Cali modern feel, even if the doors on their three-car garage suggest a public storage unit.

44 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

44 responses to “In Them High-Rollin’ Hills

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Yeah, Mason was craving more action, so he sat down with “Lisa’s Story” then got together with Les Moore. He’s quite a party animal all right. That’s like snorting some Ambien then getting hit in the head with a shovel.

    At least they’re not discussing sex anymore. Otherwise this is just plain filler, another tentacle on Batom’s weird monster version of Hollywood. No one even cares about Mason himself, much less his “digs”.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Wait, you mean you’re not clipping today’s strip and adding it to your Official Mason Jarre Fan Club Mason Jarre Scrapbook?

      • Epicus Doomus

        I hate when he futzes around like this, it’s not even a joke unless you’re familiar with BatYap’s intense eternal hatred for Hollywood and everything behind THAT little quirk. Mason bought a second house…oh those irresponsible wasteful greedy showbiz types, with the money and highfalutin airs and such!

    • Christopher Robin

      “At least they’re not discussing sex anymore.”

      This is what gives me the jibblies. She’s taking him to her house. Her husband may or may not be inside; he wasn’t available to pick up Less, so he might be busy elsewhere.

      THEY MIGHT NOT BE DONE WITH THE MAKING-PASSES TALK

      • Perfect Tommy

        For Les, Cindy is the personification of the gym rope. Difficult to ascend, impossible to let go of.

    • hitorque

      Masone and Cindye want to constantly remind us that they got clout in Tinseltown now and are no longer C-listers… That’s why he evidently has that Clint Eastwood amount of pull he used to stroll into the Chairman’s office at Paramount or 20th Century Fox and told *them* how things were going to be on his next movie project…

      As an aside, why the hell isn’t Masone busy filming “Starbuck Jones, Chapter II”? Lest anyone forget, the studio greenlit TWO sequels while the original was still in theaters.

  2. billytheskink

    Cindy is no Robin Leach, that’s for sure. Les is a leach, though.

  3. Gerard Plourde

    The architecture does say California but for an apparently A-List actor it lacks a certain level of affluence.

  4. Banana Jr. 6000

    “Starbuck Jones paid for our new digs”? Cindy, I don’t recall you working on the movie, despite the entire town of Westview being on the payroll somehow.

    • Hitorque

      Cindye got banned from the set after she interrupted the scene when Masone was about to kiss his on-screen love interest…

      This is a 50-something woman folks, and she has the paranoid jealousy of an 8th grader…

      FFS… All her life successes and triumphs and all that wealth and fame and despite being a part of Hollywood’s newest “power couple”, and despite being 59 with a 25 year old’s face and body, none of that means shit in comparison to that entire universe of fear, doubt, self-loathing, rage, unhappiness and bitter resentment, in addition to having the most fragile ego in recorded history… Motherfuckin’ soap bubbles have more durability than her psyche.

      She should have gotten a psychiatric evaluation decades ago. But yeah, keep on telling us it’s Masone Jarre who’s
      “Bi-………………..polar”

      • William Thompson

        Mason was going to kiss his own ass on-screen? Is that in the director’s cut of “Starbuck Jones?”

      • Christopher Robin

        All her successes, all that she has, it’s all ashes and dust next to the lingering emptiness inside her, the gnawing absence of the one thing that would make her complete, the existential void of not being hit on by Lester Moore.

        • hitorque

          One thing is clear — Cindye is a volcano of latent resentment and rage that she’s just barely keeping the lid on day-to-day… Masone had to wonder what the hell kind of psycho he was about to wife up…

          I’m surprised Cindye hasn’t imposed the infamous “restrictions” that Kirk Cameron’s wife put on him, which essentially killed his career… Well, that and also the fact that he’s Kirk Cameron killed his career.

          • Christopher Robin

            Well, it’s not as though any boiling-resentment-free humans are available in his universe — the only existing example died of breast cancer a few years back — so he didn’t really have much choice.

        • Charles

          A minor note: His actual name is Leslie, not Lester. This isn’t me snarking, either. It came out of the whole “Les is a sadsack” trope, with the idea that his own parents saddled him with an embarrassing, gender-bending name.

          • Christopher Robin

            Duly noted. Plus thanks for yet another point on which to dislike Batyuck, for implying by logical extension that Leslie Neilsen was not pure awesome.

          • Hitorque

            Leslie Buck O’Neill wants to have a word with Tom…

    • Hitorque

      To quote the great Eddie Murphy, Cindye only has one job responsibility, and that’s to fuck her husband…

    • Rusty Shackleford

      New digs? Urban dictionary tags this as 60s slang.

      Another swing and a miss.

      Crap, now he’s got me using washed up sports cliches.

  5. Doghouse Reilly

    WHEN ARE THEY GETTING TO THE FRACKIN’ PITCH MEETING!?!?

  6. William Thompson

    Okay, let’s have a tour of the Jarre’s condomansion. Hot and cold running chocolate in the bedroom? An English butler to deliver fresh comic books in bed? A full-length oil painting of Starbuck Jones? With Les looking more and more shocked by each new extravagance, until he finds the chapel with the copy of Lisa’s Story on the altar?

    • Christopher Robin

      Would Less perceive that last item as remotely unusual?

      • William Thompson

        He’ll be quite happy, as long as the chapel shows the proper deference. Kneelers surrounding the marble altar which hold the book and a chalice of hot chocolate, an alcove holding a statue of Dead St. Lisa, a crucifix with Young Les nailing himself to it.

  7. Paul Jones

    All this to waste a week getting him to a pitch meeting we’re never going to see. Typical Batiuk.

  8. Yeah, “closer to the action” because telephones are only to be used in an emergency as a last resort. As for email, whoah, now you’re talking about pure evil!

    • Christopher Robin

      Wait, you mean phones can be used to convey non-cancer-related information? Crazy talk!

  9. Ray

    Gaaah…my following comments fall under “giving the devil his due” category.

    Having had a love affair with Hollywood since my first journey there in 1985, and having stayed in “The Hills” as late as last July, he’s got the California modern look down. The roll-up garage doors are out there like that.

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    Oh my God, maybe Cindy really is going to throw herself at Les! The contrived encounter… the unnecessary use of sexual words like “wrestling” and “action”… the awkward banter about their romantic past… and now they’re making an unnecessary stop at a private location. This is the first 5 minutes of every cheesy Skinemax movie.

  11. Charles

    What is the point of this, really? Why are we being shown Mason and Cindy’s brand new house? I can only imagine that it’s Batiuk aggrandizing his own Starbuck Jones creation. It’s not that Mason’s been doing well, or (heh) that Mason and Cindy have been doing well financially – no, it’s that Starbuck Jones did so well that Mason could buy this house from the proceeds. Amazing that the lead of “Dino Deer” was able to score points on the hottest property in years, but I digress.

    It’s just Batiuk once again talking up one of his creations as if it were an actual thing of merit. It’s pathetic.

  12. Westview Radiology

    Between that sports car and the their new Ma-soon / SinDye mansion these two have a weird affinity for the color “Depressive Grey”