Poor Prospects

Link to today’s strip

Min completes you Petey? The first time Mindy had a comics idea, it was for a kid side-kick you found so repellent you tried to erase him from your field of vision.

But, really, in the right hands a comic about blue collar space miners/treasure seekers running into adventures could be a fun, character driven, romp. I’m picturing a cross between Firefly and Farscape with a dash of Justice League International. IN THE RIGHT HANDS. With Atomik Komikxs ‘Stardusters’ we’re more likely to get something like this goofy idiot from Episode 30 of Lost in Space.

Still, whatever nightmare sideways strip we’re getting tomorrow, it has to be better than the underground comics ‘Stardusters‘ that came out in 1991. I found someone reviewing issue 3 of the series. It’s like if a Jack Chick tract fell into the creepy BDSM scene and was expecting a visit from Chris Hansen.

So the bar for ‘Stardusters’ as a concept has already gone as low as it can go. But it’s also gone as high as it can go. Because the GI Joe character Starduster is a stone cold jetpacking badass from the circus who juggles live grenades.

So I guess what I’m saying is that GI Joe comics from 80’s were pretty great. And you should read those instead.

27 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Poor Prospects

  1. As I said yesterday, and am more and more convinced–
    Pete’s ideas have to be worse than Tom Batiuk’s. Because if Pete came up with something that might actually be a saleable comic, everyone would say “That’s way better than the Amazing Mr. Sponge, or Starbuck Jones.”
    And I don’t think Batiuk can handle people having better ideas than his.

  2. William Thompson

    GI Joe’s Starduster juggled live hand grenades? That wasn’t new. Somebody must have seen “Oh! What A Lovely War!” (1969) where a World War I Tommy juggled live grenades, to the tune of “Hush! Here Comes A Whizzbang!”

    • justifiable

      While doing a Chaplin impersonation, to boot. But ahem, they’re Mills bombs, because Britain. And since active bombs weren’t shipped to the front back then, whichever poor sods were put in charge of unscrewing the base plug, inserting the detonator assembly and then screwing the plug back in, thus arming a bomb full of amatol really were juggling them – in a way GI Joe’s Starduster never figured on.

      • William Thompson

        I know they were called Mills bombs, but most readers probably don’t have the advantage of getting all OCD about taking a deep interest in the history of the Great War.

  3. William Thompson

    Yes, Pete, Mindy completes you, like a children’s crossword puzzle done in crayon.

  4. William Thompson

    Anybody else looking forward to a group of space-’49ers, with whiskers on their space-helmets, meters and knobs on their picks, and jet-assisted robo-mules packing their gear? “Jumping Jupiter, Windy Johnson, we done hit the mother lode of unobtainium!”

    • Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

      Your comment made me picture Stinky Pete from “Toy Story 2” finally giving in to the spaceman craze and donning a helmet. Also, I see we thought alike on Unobtanium; I knew I should have gone with Upsi-Daisium.

  5. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    I really want to go off on a rant about how Mindull’s idea brings to mind Walter Huston dancing a jig on a tiny asteroid once he and his partners find a vein of Unobtanium, or a group of grade schoolers riding “rocket mules” a la Hanna-Barbera’s “Space Kiddettes,” but first I’ve got to ask…
    WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH MINDY’S NOSE IN PANEL ONE!?!?
    She looks like a cross between Joe E. Brown and an Animorph mid-transformation!
    By completing him, I assume Mopey means she adds the other 99.44 percent of humanity he’s lacking.

  6. billytheskink

    Prospectors? Another space western? Isn’t Atomic Ape already one of those? He’s “The Lone Ranger of Space”, after all… I guess there’s the crossover baked in.

    Also, much appreciation, CBH, for the link to Stardusters on Mr. Kitty’s Stupid Comics. Stupid Comics is one of the greatest websites out there, highlighting some tremendously awful self-published pap that might well rival what TB would produce if Atomik Komix was more than covers.

  7. Epicus Doomus

    Interesting, as she “complete-ly” disgusts me. Once again a FW character saves the day with an off-handed remark out of nowhere, proving once again that in spite of his love for the genre, BatYam thinks creating comic books is ridiculously easy. And I suppose it is, as long as they’re all really stupid and never go anywhere.

    Coming soon: Pete creates yet another AK title…”Starfish Jones, Hemorrhoid Miner”.

    • justifiable

      They have to be exceptionally easy, that way the only requirement for their creation is really being in the right place at the right time.
      Otherwise, Todd can’t tell himself he was just unlucky that Marvel and DC didn’t hire him, and not that his artwork was substandard and that Starbuck Jones was a derivative, unimaginative piece of crap.

  8. ian'sdrunkenbeard

  9. Paul Jones

    So instead of getting sued for doing a rip-off of Silver Surfer, we’re going to spend Sunday looking at Store Brand Space Cowboys. Yummy.

  10. Hitorque

    That dude just kissed his fiancee on the forehead??

  11. William Thompson

    Why does Mopey kiss Minduh on the forehead? Is he afraid a real kiss would give him girl-cooties, or does he want to devour her brain? Or did he misunderstand the rule about “Never talk with your mouth full?”

    • justifiable

      What brain? If there’s ever a zombie apocalypse in Worstview, the walking dead will starve to death. Todd really pulled out the paternalistic stops here – it’s an extra-speshul metaphorical pat on the head from Pouty Pete for being such a dood dirl, and if Mindiot had a tail, she’d have wagged it.

  12. Hitorque

    Prospectors who mine asteroids??

    James S.A. Corey is gonna have TomBa’s legs broke…

  13. sgtsaunders

    Pete’s about to mine her asteroid. Not sure what that’s even supposed to mean, but it sounds filthy.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Pete doesn’t know which end of the pick to use, how to swing it, where to strike, or what’s supposed to come out of the ground when you do. And Mindy wouldn’t be any help. She makes Luann look like Betty Boop.

      The idea of these two stunted imbeciles trying to consummate their “marriage” isn’t filthy; it’s hilarious. Imagine the look of horror on Mindy’s face after she finally pieces it all together. And Pete, after he’s had a close look at the target for the first time in his life. The last panel would be the two of them reading comic books in bed with three feet of space between them, and Pete sucking his thumb.

  14. Perfect Tommy

    I’m thinking George Peppard’s character from Battle Beyond The Stars.

  15. Banana Jr. 6000

    Pete, the only way to “complete” you would be to replace you with a whole other person.

  16. Maxine of Arc

    This person seems like she might have been an inspiration for Ruby Lith, but is much more interesting.

    https://sfseniorbeat.com/2020/05/22/ill-show-them-after-a-career-challenging-sexism-pioneer-and-icon-of-underground-comix-for-wimmin-fends-off-ageism/

    • comicbookharriet

      Anyone who might have been an inspiration for Ruby Lith is guaranteed to be much more interesting.

  17. Banana Jr. 6000

    Sure, Pete. She completes you. The woman you proposed to with a stuffed animal. Whom you haven’t spoken to in the year since then. To whom you devote no time or attention whatsoever. But she completes you, because she improved your comic book idea by adding an “S” to it.

    It’s sad what passes for love in this universe.

  18. I read the linked review for the “Stardusters” comic. I’ve written down a bunch of excuses for when the FBI show up.

    • comicbookharriet

      “But officer! Officer! I had to read it because Funky Winkerbean!”

      “You’ve had enough Funk in your Winkerbean, sir. Obviously.”