Nobody is Fine in Westview

Haha, wives sure are heartless, am I right? I really, really, do not understand what the point of this story was. People in the real world don’t usually tell stories that highlight what clumsy buffoons they are. Or that their wives don’t care if they’re injured (and are incapable of telling if the wall in a room they’re in is damaged and have to ask someone else). The only way this would make anything close to sense is if Funky really was dying for a beer when he was on the treadmill, and this whole story is actually about him relapsing.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

26 responses to “Nobody is Fine in Westview

  1. Epicus Doomus

    His battered frame is emitting all sorts of agony lines, indicating he is NOT fine, but at this point who cares? The obvious punch line here was “look what you did to the wall, now we have to reno the bedroom”, then Funky says “d’oh!”. But naturally that never occurred to Pulitzer (nominee) Boy.

  2. J.J. O'Malley

    “I know some of you in this meetings may have lost loved ones, or lost your jobs, or suffered health or financial issues during the pandemic that’s now apparently over. But look at me! I could have damaged equipment in our house’s exercise room! No wonder I needed a drink!”

    By the by, why does it look like the Winkerbean home gym has a gravel floor?

    • Epicus Doomus

      Holly overspent on the kitchen table, so they’re cutting reno corners wherever they can.

      “The hardwood and the tile are out of your budget range. We can do the exercise room floor in either bare mud or gravel.”

      “Eh, let’s go with the gravel. Is it Italian gravel at least?”

      “Nope, Guatemalan.”

  3. billytheskink

    Har-dee-har-har, Holly cares more about the treadmill and the wall than she does Funky… I don’t know if she uses the wall, she sure doesn’t use the treadmill. Doesn’t speak well for Funky, does it? Maybe she has a nice life insurance policy on him.

  4. Sourbelly

    “And then my fat, bitchy, ugly, stupid wife clomps in and asks about the wall and the treadmill. Doesn’t give a shit about me or my priceless Discman. And then she belches out some crap about security cameras. What? I just can’t stand that…never mind. Anyway, that’s why you shouldn’t drink. Moving on, I like to talk about this time Crazy Harry and I were watching…”

  5. “I really, really, do not understand what the point of this story was.”

    Funnily enough, everyone at the AA meeting said the same thing.

    • spacemanspiff85

      It’s just baffling, because for the past two weeks everyone has been hanging on every word of Funky’s like this is the greatest story they’ve ever heard. Honestly, if the Sunday strip was the entire AA class all passed out drunk at the bar in Montoni’s while Funky and Wally give each other a high-five with wads of cash in their hands, it would be the perfect ending. Because having to listen to Funky ramble on seems like it would push anyone right off the wagon.

  6. Mela

    Funky may have fallen off the treadmill, but not before he and Holly both gave Les, Cindy and Mason all a run for their money this week as to who is the most shallow person in this strip. Sigh, I really miss Bull.

  7. Mr. A

    At what point did Funky hit the wall? He’s lying in the middle of the floor, directly behind the treadmill. And the room looks pretty spacious.

    • billytheskink

      Maybe the sound Holly heard was this story hitting the wall in Monday’s second panel…

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Why is Holly even asking about the wall? He’s nowhere near it! He’s clearly in the middle of the floor!

      And the dialogue makes no sense too. Nobody hears a loud clatter in their house where their spouse is known to be, charges into the room, and their first question is about the wall. Unless they’re storing their Monet paintings on it. But wait! The story tells us this is “one of two Discmans on the planet”! Which is lying on the floor in plain sight of Holly, and she says nothing about that. “Is the Discman OK” would actually be a realistic reaction here! And a viable punchline! And really, somebody couldn’t have suggested this?

      “Are you OK” is just a natural human reaction, which would come out 99% of the time in this situation. And yes, there is a 1%, but there needs to be a better reason for it than concern about one’s walls. Holly is actually being really nasty here. Never mind that Holly and Funky seem to have the healthiest, most functional marriage in Westview.

      • It might have worked with Holly being concerned about the wall if they’d just spent a lot of money on home renovations (as evidenced by the kitchen “reno” arc). There, she might be concerned about costs to repair it.

        But that would provide Batiuk to set this up (“We’d just finished having the exercise room remodeled”). He just seems incapable of getting the details in place.

  8. Hitorque

    1. I’m disappointed Holly didn’t ask about the status of the second to last Discman in the planet…

    2. I don’t get it — Was Funkmeister expecting sympathy after telling us he made a conscious decision to step off a moving treadmill? This story has too weak of a setup and payoff to be even a little funny, it’s too stupid to be entertaining, and Funky is too unlikeable to play it off for pathos…

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      As always, you’re on point. This story was totally setting up Holly asking about the Discman instead of Funky. Or, as Epicus Doomus said, this incident being the impetus of the unwanted “renos.” But it just ends pointlessly.

  9. BigDickJohnson

    I don’t want to speculate on what happens at an AA meeting (having never been to one) but isn’t it customary to talk about drinking?

  10. Gerard Plourde

    I’m trying to figure out how Funky ended up in that position. If the treadmill is moving as it should, I think he should have been pitched forward and be lying face down. Even if he was able to roll over onto his back before Holly got into the room, he should be reversed with his feet closer to the door and his head nearer the wall. But, why should today’s installment make any more sense than what preceded it?

    • Hitorque

      Or like I said the other day, the Discman would have already hit the ground and been smashed before slow-witted Funkman even had a chance to turn around and react…

  11. Charles

    “Thanks for your story, Funky. Now I’m going to tell my story about this great bowel movement I had this week. Man, did it ever unclog me! And it was so solid and well formed! But little did I know that great bowel movements can contain unforeseen dangers! Did you know that you can sit on the toilet pooping contently so long that your legs stop working and you can’t stand back up? Let me spend the next twenty five minutes telling you ALL about it!”

  12. sgtsaunders

    Nothing a bottle or two of Night Train wouldn’t cure, Funks.

  13. batgirl

    What bothers me far more than the pointlessness of this slapstick is the throwaway cliffhanger (only TB could achieve that) of Funky’s admission of wearing a mask all his life. WHAT DID HE MEAN? Was laid-back everykid Young Funky an alcoholic even then? Suicidal? Self-harming? A sociopath faking normality?
    The only reason I can imagine such rapt attention is that the AAers are also waiting on that revelation – is this unassuming shlub really a monster who may have poisoned our donuts?

    • Mr. A

      Maybe Funky is a Mission: Impossible agent.

    • Hitorque

      I took that to mean he was calling himself ugly?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Because it sounds clever. It sounds clever and it consumes space. And that’s all that matters to Tom Batiuk. He loves to write things that sound profound, but actually mean nothing. Funky already said “we’re well, but not to do”, which makes no sense because neither part of the phrase works by itself.

      “I’ve been wearing masks all my life” could mean something: it’s an obvious metaphor for concealing your true self from others. But Funky doesn’t do this. Ever. If anything, he’s the most authentic character in the strip. A strip where no one where masks of any kind: everyone is blunt, selfish, rude, and apparently ignorant of the most basic social constructs. People like Les, Linda, and Dinkle SHOULD wear masks, because they’re all deeply terrible people. It doesn’t even make sense in meta way, where Funky is secretly happy but pretends to be miserable to fit into the world of the comic strip.

      On top of all that, this remark makes no sense at an AA meeting! You’re supposed to be having an honest talk with others about your addiction, and helping them overcome theirs. It is a place for candor. When you cap off your AA speech with “I’ve been wearing masks my whole life”, you undermine everything you just said.

  14. Banana Jr. 6000

    I feel like I’m watching a new art form develop. I call it anti-absurdism.

    Funky Winkerbean has no meaning. But it isn’t absurd either, because that would be a meaning. It’s a story that lacks any of the elements of a story, but imitates the form of a story. Exposition is either omitted, or done and ignored. Here we get both: four days of talk about the priceless Discman, then when it falls to the ground, no one comments on it. The scene isn’t realistic, because Funky lands in an implausible way, and Holly’s line is something random about the wall. But it isn’t unrealistic either, because nothing is exaggerated enough to be funny. Nor is even clear: the Discman landed almost perfectly that it could be either broken or not. But do you even care?

    Yes, sometimes in storytelling you setup a payoff and don’t give it. Or otherwise subvert the reader’s expectations. But Funky Winkerbean doesn’t even do this. This story doesn’t even hint at anything the reader would want to see. Do you really care what happened to Los Angeles? Do you want the Lisa movie to get made? No, but I bet you still want to know how the three seashells work.

    There is no conflict. There are no characters; they’re all the same, and most character traits can be added or removed at any time. There is no resolution. Dialogue does not resemble human speech. There are scenes in the structure of a joke, but aren’t jokes, but aren’t not-jokes either. As with today, a perfect punchline is set up, and then the story does something that kills it entirely.

    It’s almost as Funky Winkerbean‘s only goal is to keep existing, without drawing attention to how bad it really is, or even containing any content. Hey, wait a minute…