Trolling for Towels

Link to today’s strip.

More praise for the awesomeness of Lisa’s Story and its author, the worst human being on the planet. I could pull the “Badges” quote from yesterday, but honestly it just isn’t worth it.

That should be the Funky Winkerbean motto: It just isn’t worth it.

Maybe on Monday, Mason was talking about Les’ cameo. They’re certainly treating it as if it was the single most important aspect of the production.

Of course, it’s not exactly ringing praise…”Well, we finished the movie about how you agonized and suffered over your feelings while, uh, it says here your wife died. Because of this powerful and emotional experience, we’re giving you this towel.”


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

41 responses to “Trolling for Towels

  1. William Thompson

    “Here’s your award, Les–and I want fries with that!”

  2. billytheskink

    First Les puts the movie over budget and now they’re giving him gifts?

    The token should have been a sock to the jaw, but we all know that…

    • The fun thing about the trip copied above is Les’ frustrated gestures each time he blows his one line. Put a toilet bowl under his ass and it’s suggest he’s having a particularly difficult BM.

  3. Gerard Plourde

    Let me get this straight – Les was a teacher for decades, raised a daughter, and was married and widowed – and the Lisa Trilogy was his life’s capstone? What a sad commentary!

    • spacemanspiff85

      You’d think by this point people would be creeped out by Les finding all of his meaning and purpose from his wife’s death, but apparently not.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    “And let’s not forget the real hero here, Les Moore, who LIVED “Lisa’s Story” in real life. Then re-lived it, then re-re-lived it, then re-re-re-lived it, then re-re-re-re-lived it and so forth”.

    • Green Luthor

      “As opposed to Lisa, who did it once, then bailed. Lousy quitter. She shoulda been more like Les… actually, scratch that, no one should be more like Les.”

  5. J.J. O'Malley

    No, Masonne, it was not HIS life! It was LISA’S life! She’s the one who was raped, gave up a child for adoption, rebuilt her life, married Lester (well, nobody’s perfect!), had a daughter, developed cancer, battled it, and died! Without her it would be a story about an annoying high school English teacher, like “Dead Poets Society” without the comedy, conflicts, or emotional impact.

    If there was truly any justice in this universe, director Martin Johns would have rolled up that towel and smacked Lester on the tuchis with it. This would both honestly express Martin’s feelings on Mr. Oh-How-I -Suffered-Too’s cameo calamity and also take his victim on a nostalgic trip back to where he first met Lisa…and where I’m sure he was on the receiving end of more than one snapping incident, be it courtesy of the late Bull Bushka (You know, the guy who was secretly “looking out” for him) or some other campus jock. .

    • Sourbelly

      Well, sure, JJ, but it was Voldemoore who convinced Lisa to just give up and die. Without him, none of this movie wrap party stuff would have been possible!

  6. erdmann

    “You’re the worst character ever, Towelie, except for that giant douche Les Moore.”
    “I know.”

  7. Epicus Doomus

    Yesterday I rambled on about how everything in the Funkyverse is sort of shitty and half-assed. Then today Les is given a name tag and an old towel in honor of his cameo role. It’s almost as if BatBlab went out of his way to prove my point.

    • Charles

      If this weren’t the Funkyverse, where a guy brings his wife an unremarkable rock home after a trip, I’d believe that this was an elaborate troll they set up to make Les feel foolish and unwelcome.

      “We got you a gift, Les! For everything you’ve done for us!”
      “It’s a dog turd.”
      “Isn’t it wonderful?”

      Or more likely “Now that we’ve finished, we don’t have to pretend we like you anymore, you gigantic tit.”

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        The look on everyone’s face would support that theory. They all look like they’re pulling a prank on someone. And Les would walk right into it. He’s so full of himself that it wouldn’t even occur to him that such over-the-top praise wouldn’t be sincere.

      • gleeb

        Or where a bottle of salad dressing is enough to make up for having stayed with Crazy Harry for the sake of the children.

      • billytheskink

        Batiuk has actually used the humorously bad gift gag he now refuses to before, with Coach Stropp.

        But he hasn’t been willing to deprecate his hero characters in decades, so these terrible gifts of rocks and salad dressing are written to be endearing in their awfulness rather than humorously terrible… because the givers and receivers are supposed to be endearing instead of humorously terrible like Coach Stropp. If only it worked like that…

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          This is one of the things I hate most about Funky Winkerbean. We’re supposed to find it charming when these people are rude and insulting to each other.

          One of these cheap ingrates couldn’t slip out to the drugstore and buy a card? But they had time to wrap the copy paper, apparently. Are they hinting that he’s going to need to print out resumes? And what the hell is Dinkle doing? Is he licking his finger so he can stick it in the air to gauge the winds of his own job security? Seems like something he’d do. And Les is apparently unclear as to why the attention isn’t focused on him.

          These people are just the worst.

      • Epicus Doomus

        A signed photo of the cast might have been nice, but instead they gave him literal garbage as a token of their appreciation. “Here, Les, it’s the piece of tape we put on the floor so you’d know where to stand!”

        “(Sniff) I…I…I don’t know what to say!”

  8. Mr. A

    I have rarely, if ever, seen Les as happy as he is in panel 3. What does that say about him?

  9. Hitorque

    Okay I’m pretty sure by now that before the party Masone shoved a fistful of Adderalls in his mouth and washed them down with a six-pack of Red Bull, because he is absolutely buzzing right now with this speech…

    LOL A “PASSION PROJECT?!” Where exactly was this fucking “passion”?? Masone admitted long ago that he was whoring himself out for that Best Actor Academy Award he felt he was entitled to, and Lisa’s Movie seemed like the easiest vehicle to do so… Marianne Winters is only in this for the $20 million payday and a chance to keep working with Masone, a lead she has good on-screen chemistry with… The director only signed on because he was FUCKING UNEMPLOYED AT THE TIME(!) because we’re supposed to believe that the dude who directed the Funkyverse equivalent of Avengers Infinity War wouldn’t have gotten a single offer in his inbox for an entire 18 months. The producer is only in this for the money, and the investors only care about making box office over in Communist China… And Les was so passionately involved in this project that he completely shut out St. Lisa’s only two children from having any input at all, and after the wildfire he fled back to Ohio and pretty much forgot entirely about the movie shoot (despite being co-producer and demanding full creative autonomy in his contract) until Masone called to invite him to the wrap party… Nevermind the fact that Les didn’t want the damn movie made in the first place…

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Good point regarding Les ignoring Lisa’s two children. Batty thinks he created a masterpiece here, but everyone sees a bad story made even worse as it focuses solely on Les. We never see this story through the eyes of her children. It’s always about Les, his feelings, the perfect story he created.

      What rubbish. So glad Batty didn’t win a Pulitzer, it would have just encouraged him more.

  10. Biggles

    I find it genuinely mind-boggling that anyone could draw such smug faces without wanting us to hate them.

  11. The Nelson Puppet

    That is some godawful “artwork”. I think Batiuk and Ayers have a contest to see who can finish first.

    • ComicBookHarriet

      There’s a really dirty joke hiding somewhere in there…but I’m not going to be the one to make it.

  12. Dee Lusion

    Cayla must be having the best time ever! Not everyone gets to be married to a miserable, egotistical prick who uses his first wife’s death for attention.

    Well, back to my boring existence.

  13. Banana Jr. 6000

    Again. is this NOT supposed to be sarcastic? “This movie was a real passion project for the man who hasn’t been here in a year, complained the whole time, got a producer credit for doing nothing, and screwed up his bit part so badly it put the movie over budget. As a token of our appreciation, here’s $1.32 worth of props we bought from the Dollar Store!”

  14. Rusty Shackleford

    Well at least Wilbur is back on Mary Worth this week, so the comics page is not a total loss.

  15. be ware of eve hill

    Leslie is totally overjoyed with his “tokens of appreciation.” Simple things please simple minds.

    Makes the whole cross-country plane trip totally worth it.

    • be ware of eve hill

      Oops. I forgot the sarcasm switch.

      Makes the whole cross-country plane trip totally worth it. /s

    • Hannibal's Lectern

      Well of course Less is overjoyed. He’s now got everything he needs for True Happiness: the Dead St. Lisa Tapes, conveniently digitized and at-the-ready in his smartphone… and now, a towel.

      I hope Cayla’s got dinner plans. Less will be indisposed.

      • Gerard Plourde

        Well, in his defense, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy does recommend that one always should know where one’s towel is.

        I think I’m going to need a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster to get through this week.

  16. be ware of eve hill

    In the name of all things holy, I implore you. Please don’t let Les speak!

    • Hannibal's Lectern

      Oh, there’s no question Less will speak tomorrow. And Friday. And Saturday. And Vegas odds-makers are currently 50-50 that Sunday will be a single panel with a cameo by the Ghost of Dead St. Lisa.

      On Monday… back to Flunky pontificating about his lost Discman.

  17. newagepalimpsest

    I like to imagine that Mason wanted to gift Les a gold trophy and a plaque, but the producer had a fit and would only let him pick through the costumes and props that were about to be trashed.