Only the Wrong Survive

Nice of Mason to let Les know that their film project has drawn an Oscar nom for its leading lady. And kinda nervy of Cayla to denigrate “Lisa’s Story: The Movie” in front of Les. And speaking of nomineeds, a note to our Comic Book Harriet: we already have our first candidate for Most Punchable Les face in panel 3.

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41 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

41 responses to “Only the Wrong Survive

  1. It just says what awards Tom Batiuk regards as “real” awards. Anything from Plastic Hollywood is just dross. But…those…Pulitzers…those awards, they MEAN SOMETHING. They MUST mean something!

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Get a load of Cayla in panel three. “Well, at least that whole intelligence and dignity-insulting debacle wasn’t a total waste of time”…next time how about dialing down the enthusiasm there, Replacement Lisa. Absolutely NOTHING excites these weirdos. It’s like he just told her that it wasn’t the transmission, just an oxygen sensor.

    We all knew it was coming to this, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stomach now that he’s arrived. It’s always so easy to kind of forget just how objectionable Dick Facey really is when he isn’t around. Don’t get me wrong, as I still hate him with the intensity of a million exploding universes even when he’s absent for long stretches, but every time he returns it’s like “oh, yeah…f*cking Les”. I suppose it’s just a coping mechanism, in a way, the mind’s way of dealing with intense trauma, disgust and etc.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      “Let’s tell Les about your Oscar nomination, so he can have totally unremarkable reaction to it.”

    • billytheskink

      At least she looks human in panel 3… in panel 2 she appears to be a balloon wearing a wig, her face drawn on in magic marker.

      Maybe she was childhood friends with Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

      • erdmann

        Noooo! Balloony! You could’ve done so much better! You could’ve married Klimpaloon or even Ducky Momo! You didn’t get to settle for Les!

        Tune in next time when Doofenschmirtz wins the Pulitzer for Best Failed Attempt to Take Over the Tri-State Area With an Inator.

    • Charles

      Get a load of Cayla in panel three. “Well, at least that whole intelligence and dignity-insulting debacle wasn’t a total waste of time”

      Absolutely. If she’s going to be sarcastic and nasty about it, might as well go all the way.

      “Cool! For what? ‘Cause I know she wouldn’t get one for that failing piece of shit you worked on!”

      And it would work because despite knowing these people beyond casual acquaintances, Cayla’s demonstrated that she, like everyone else, has no awareness of what’s going on in anyone else’s life.

      • Epicus Doomus

        Granted, the stupid movie didn’t do well initially, but what was so shipwreck-y about it? Les helped make a movie that met his lofty artistic standards, he made it with a Hollywood friend of his AND he saved the star’s life TWICE. These are fairly remarkable accomplishments, yet Les and Cayla are all resigned and wry about it, like the whole experience was just a huge debacle. Imagine trudging through life like this.

        • Mela

          -Given Les’ totally jerk faced reply of “Can’t you see the smile on my face” when she asked if he was sad that the movie flopped, I’m OK with Cayla’s wry response here.
          -I agree that everyone is way underplaying the excitement here. I’d probably be running down street shouting if I were nominated for an Oscar.
          But look-not one smirk in three panels. Everyone is actually smiling. That may be a first!
          -If Les gets to speak at the Oscars, I’ll lay you money he forgets to thank Cayla.

          • Charles

            I think part of the lack of effect is that Batiuk really doesn’t appreciate the achievement that is being nominated for an Oscar, or winning an Emmy. Mason, who’s a complete idiot and who we’re supposed to think is pretty dumb, is nonetheless capable of producing a film that wins the biggest award on the planet. Cindy just squats down and shits out a documentary with no preparation or research and she wins an Emmy. Summer shoots a couple shots at a basket in her driveway and suddenly she’s the star player on the best team in the state, and she can also dunk. Whenever a character in this dumb universe decides to do something, they always achieve the pinnacle of the activity. If it didn’t require Batiuk removing him from Westview High, I’m sure Dinkle would be conducting the Berlin or Vienna Philharmonic right now. As it is, he just constantly gets invited to the Rose Parade. So why the hell should any of these people act as if it’s some great accomplishment?

            Which is amusing, considering that Batiuk’s been riding his Pulitzer nomination for the last 15 years (which really isn’t as prestigious as he seems to think it is, or as prestigious as someone ignorant of how it actually works would think it is). He makes sure to have at least one sequence each year reference it. The only time he shows one of his characters show that much enthusiasm over something, it’s about something stupid they did in high school forty years ago.

      • Hitorque

        But she’ll be the first one asking when are they getting their Oscars passes and who are they sitting next to and which parties and after-parties they’re attending and if course she’ll need to buy a whole new wardrobe for the trip…

        • batgirl

          You think Les will remember to bring her? He sure didn’t want to bring her to the launch party.
          I’m betting they’ll watch it on tv at home.

  3. J.J. O'Malley

    May I just point out that this Masonne/Marianne rendezvous is taking place ONE WEEK after the Oscar nominations were announced (according to the 2/18 strip), and today we are made to understand that neither Less nor Wife-Not-Lisa, nor anyone in their social or work circles, nor apparently the whole town of Westview, would have heard the news about “Lisa’s Story: The Movie: Chemo Sabe Strikes Back” getting a nom during that timespan. Really, Batiuk?

  4. J.J. O'Malley

    “Shush, Dowwy! Remember 1 Corinthians 14:34!”

    • J.J. O'Malley

      Sorry. The above was a misplaced comment from another site which shall remain nameless.

      • William Thompson

        For this strip the correct quote is, as always, John 11:35.

      • Drunken Squirrel

        “Dowwy”? Were you attempting to comment on ‘Family Circus’ in the Comics Kingdom?

        Geez, J.J. O’Malley. While I confess to have been so shitfaced I’ve left a comment on the wrong comic strip, I’ve never been so shitfaced to leave a comment on the wrong website.

        Sláinte is táinte, dude. Keep on poundin’ that Jamesons’. You’re my hero. Respect!

        • J.J. O'Malley

          Thanks for the ocmpliment, DS, but never attribute to Gaelic overindulgence what can just as easily be part of a expertise with computers that’s barely above Amish.

  5. ComicBookHarriet

    Ugh, that IS a punchable Les Moore. Into the folder it goes.

  6. Dood

    Sure, yeah, inform “the hero” by text message. Perfect!

  7. Gerard Plourde

    The artwork is definitely trending toward end stage Apartment 3-G.

  8. Gerard Plourde

    And what’s with the leech attached to Les’s cheek in Panel 3?

    • ComicBookHarriet

      Cayla?

    • be ware of eve hill

      It’s supposed to be a dimple, but Batty is such a craptacular inker he left a splotch that appears to be a leech. Rather than fix it, he let it run. How lazy is he?

      A dimple is Batty’s ham-fisted attempt at making Les appear more attractive to the female readership. EPIC FAIL!

      Tom Batiuk, substandard writer, letterer and inker.

  9. Hannibal's Lectern

    I read Les’s complex run-on sentence in the second panel and think, “This guy teaches high school English? No wonder our kids can’t write a coherent paragraph.”

  10. Hannibal's Lectern

    “So there was a survivor from the shipwreck.”

    Did Caucayla just slyly say that “Dead St. Lisa’s Story: The (Not So) Moving Picture” is the Wilbur Weston of movies?

  11. Perfect Tommy

    It’s getting worse, isn’t it? Sigh.

  12. So, apparently nobody in the world except for Masone was aware that Lisa’s Story made it to #2 on Netbusters (which I assume is a major streaming service in the Funkiverse), and thus they are still under the impression that the movie is a bomb/shipwreck. How is it that nobody in Westview/Centerville either watches Netbusters or pays attention when the Oscar nominations are announced? And why do Masone and Marianne wait until they’re half in the bag on champagne days later to decide that maybe they should let Les know about the news? There are just so many things wrong in this whole Lisa’s Story arc that I become enraged to just think about it.

  13. be ware of eve hill

    Ugh! It’s… Les!

    Grab your crash helmets, safety googles, and Kevlar flak vests. Take your vitamins and get a tetanus shot. Put your psychiatrist on speed dial. The upcoming weeks will be a tough slog.

    The kissing up to Les. The humblebragging and complete indifference. The improbability of plot developments. Batty’s lack of research and wish fulfillment.

    Will I survive the onslaught? Please have pity, Batty.

  14. Jeff M.

    The term is “train wreck”, not “shipwreck,” dumbass.

  15. be ware of eve hill

    Once again, TFHackett’s modified panel is far better than the original.

  16. Hitorque

    1. It’s funny because Les is supposed to be a teacher of journalism yet he doesn’t watch or read the news…

    2. WAIT A MINUTE HERE — I thought awards and commercial success didn’t matter; only “protecting St. Lisa and telling her story the RIGHT way?!”

    3. It’s funny because Masone didn’t think to call Les hours ago when he called Marianne… I guess he should probably call the director, the producer lady, his agent, the backers, the studio execs, the rest of the cast and crew, the L.A. Times, the Academy, etc. to let them all know…

  17. Westview Radiology

    Panel 1 Marianne looks like she’s suffering from an eating disorder and/or a fatal neuromuscular condition. Panel 2 Cayla looks like an amalgam of original sassy Cayla and current Not Wife Dead Saint Lisa. Panel 3 Cayla has become CauCayla again.

  18. Y. Knott

    The mystery of “Art” deepens. After a single day, “Art” is gone, and Ayers returns.

    Who is or was “Art”? A completely different artist? Or a hastily-adopted pseudonym? If so, was there something about this one specific Funky Winkerbean that Ayers felt he just couldn’t put his name to? Or did he inhale too much red champagne and simply forget how to spell “Ayers” (as well as how to draw Mason)?

    This behind-the-scenes stuff is certainly more compelling than anything happening on-panel in FW.