Cory is Ex-Interesting

Oh, hey, Maybe-Summer speaks again. I kind of hope that isn’t actually Summer, just because it would be hilarious to me that someone who sort of looks like Summer has had more lines in two days than actual Summer has had in probably five years.
And look, it’s Maddie! Or possibly a random redhead, who knows. What’s funny is that she’s at this wedding but apparently doesn’t know the couple was in the military, which is one of the two character traits they have anymore.
I’m also not sure what the two figures in the first panel are for, since they sure don’t seem to be favors. The little green army men are at each setting and seem to be the favors. It looks more like a centerpiece or cake topper, which makes it extra funny, to me at least, that both of the figures are apparently male. There are female G.I. Joes, after all. It maybe would’ve been nice to have one of them be used, since the bride served in the army and all. Heck, he could’ve had Rocky talk about how she was inspired as a child by one of the female G.I. Joes. But that would’ve taken a little more effort than apparently Rocky’s character is worth.

35 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

35 responses to “Cory is Ex-Interesting

  1. Y. Knott

    “I’m so excited by this wedding, I spontaneously grew an extra finger!”

  2. Epicus Doomus

    God forbid Summer should have a normal human interaction with her old classmate Cory or his new bride Rocky. I mean, they only grew up together and all. But, as usual, BatNard totally ignores strip history and focuses his energies on a cheap, totally witless gag that a second grader would dismiss as being too stupid and trite. These character don’t actually interact at all, they just meander around making dumb “observations” or sub-moronic gags that couldn’t possibly have anything less to do with Cory, Rocky or their wedding. He put absolutely no effort into this arc at all and, as usual, it shows.

    Coming tomorrow: the IED-shaped cake is a huge hit, then Cory and Rocky pitch their pup tent in the mud and begin their honeymoon.

    “DO YOU, CORY, TAKE THIS WORTHLESS DISGUSTING MAGGOT AS YOUR LAWFUL WIFE TO HONOR AND OBEY AS YOU OBEY THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?”

    “THIS IS MY WIFE. THERE ARE MANY LIKE HER, BUT THIS ONE IS MINE!”

    “DO YOU, ROCKY, TAKE THIS NAUSEATING LITTLE PUKE AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND AND AGREE TO DEFEND HIM AGAINST ALL ENEMIES FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC?”

    “I DON’T KNOW BUT I’VE BEEN TOLD,
    THIS WEDDING BAND IS MADE OF GOLD
    HOW GOLD?
    REAL GOLD!”

    “I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU SICKENING GRUNTS HUSBAND AND WIFE! NOW HIT THAT DECK AND GIVE ME TWENTY!”

    Les leans over and whispers to a confused Cayla. “They were in the army together.”

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      You remind me of an old beer commercial:

      • Hitorque

        God, I miss Keith Jackson… Saturdays just haven’t been the same since.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          Since name image and likeness passed, Saturdays will never be the same again.

          Don’t get me wrong, it needed to happen. The NCAA had no authority to forbid it, and it flew in the face of everything about capitalist society. But schools like Texas A&M found loopholes in it so fast that they might as well just operate professional sports teams now, like how European sports clubs operate.

  3. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    Are you sick of this wedding yet? The army figure on the right definitely is.

  4. Banana Jr. 6000

    And we still haven’t seen any of Cory or Rocky’s friends. This redhead can’t be much of a friend, since she doesn’t know the first thing about them.

  5. William Thompson

    Okay, who brought the Fidel Castro GI Joe?

    • erdmann

      New from Hasbro, it’s GI FIDEL with life-like hair and beard and Kung Fu grip! GI FIDEL is fully posable and comes ready for action with rifle, grenade launcher and pink tulips. GI FIDEL comes dressed in Freedom Fighter fatigues, but by dressing him in other uniforms (sold separately) you can make him:
      A Baseball Player
      A Frogman
      An Astronaut
      A Dictator for Life
      A Nurse
      And more!
      GI Che Guevara also sold separately.

      • Anonymous Sparrow

        Don’t forget Chinaman Brother Raul. (Nobody mentions Raul in songs, do they? Che Guevara turns up in “Panic in Detroit,” and Phil Ochs and Bob Dylan both name-check Fidel, but Raul seems as unloved as Barry Balderman.)

    • Anonymous Sparrow

      History has absolved him!

  6. Sourbelly

    Comic book displays. GI Joe dolls in fruity, infantile poses. Batdick seems violently opposed to the idea of adults acting like adults. And the result isn’t whimsical or innocent. It’s idiotically creepy. Or creepily idiotic.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It’s a wedding that’s literally YEARS in the making, and so far we haven’t seen even a single normal human interaction. He has an excuse to have pretty much every character gathered together, and he STILL can’t think of anything to do with it other than comic book jokes and corny “military” themed gags.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I wonder what Sigmund Freud would make of Tom Batiuk. This is a 75-year-old man who has to make everything about his childhood toys. That in itself as enough material for an entire psychiatric conference, but it’s only the beginning.

      TB had a comic strip that was once about something completely unrelated. Now it’s full of characters who make everything about their childhood toys – which of course are the same as Batiuk’s. Nobody in FW ever collects coins, stamps, vinyl records, trading cards, or anything else. Not even non-Silver Age comic books.

      Then there’s the endless awards and publishing stories in the Funkyverse. That one’s easy, though. Batiuk is using the strip to satisfy his need for awards and ego-feeding, which real life does not give him. So Les gets a goddam Oscar delivered to his doorstep. For a movie he tried to sabotage at every turn. Made by people who bent over backwards to please him without it ever being clear what he wanted. And the overarching theme of the story was “Hollywood people are phony.” Okay, Tom. Please lie down on the couch.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        Yep, his strips are used as a means to validate his world view, his likes, his politics, etc.

        The world has moved on substantially in every way and left him behind. I am old enough to feel this too but I can also acknowledge the good changes that have come about. But Batty will have none of that.

        I wouldn’t mind his old school thoughts if they resulted in an interesting strip, but they don’t. Heck, Covid should have been a gift for generating new stories but it barely registered with Batty. He has tenure, so I guess he can do what he wants.

  7. billytheskink

    Between the last strip and this one we’ve covered every single trait that Cory and Rocky have. Yes, both of them. I suppose Cory had more before he was lobotomized in the service.

  8. RudimentaryLathe?

    Name-drops GI Joe but doesn’t draw either figure as any recognizable member of the cartoon/toy line, so Hasbro can’t C&D your hack ass.
    😤 I guess you win this one, Batty.

    • spacemanspiff85

      I mean, it would’ve worked just as well if he just pointed out the little army men at each plate, rather than name-dropping G.I. Joe. Although I’m pretty sure his thought process went along the lines of “Well, I’ve already decided they’ll have comic books at their wedding, because who wouldn’t, but what else would two military people have? G.I. Joes! Of course!”.

      • Bad wolf

        My favorite part is the large Joes, which were produced 1964-82. So Tom and/or Ayres first thought was the one not produced for forty years.

    • PrezGAR

      That looks to be more the classic GI Joe from the 60s, rather than the 80s incarnation. In which case, the only female character in that line was a nurse named Jane. Which would not properly represent Rocky.) The smaller figures appear to be the classic green army men, not actual GI Joe toys.

  9. J.J. O'Malley

    And it really took five adult people an entire weekend to plan out THIS!? My early ’60s kindergarten class, with a little help from our teacher Sister Elaine, could have come up with these decorations in the course of one afternoon!

  10. Hannibal’s Lectern

    Maybe BatHack’s investigating giving his younger generation a new interest (in addition to komix and pizza, of course). Just last month (visiting a friend whose house is bursting with thousands of the things) I learned that “GI Joe” and “Action Man” (the European version) dolls are every bit as collectible-tradeable-obsessable as komix.

    In the Batiukverse, going on endlessly about GI Joe AND komix is called “broadening the character.”

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    To keep with the army theme I think the guests should be force-marched deep into the woods and then given 1/2 rations. Enjoy!

  12. Banana Jr. 6000

    We’re watching an unknown character tell a second unknown character the meaning of an object on a table at the wedding of the 36th and 55th most important characters of the previous year.

  13. Dood

    Wouldn’t all of this trigger Wally Winkerbean?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      It would, if he were at the wedding.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Batty was hoping we wouldn’t notice. All of his one-off gags are turning against him now and make it impossible to tell a consistent story with no in-universe conflicts.

      One would think a Pulitzer nominated author would think of these things ahead of time but he was too busy chasing awards with his cheap drama/ issue of the day approach to telling a story.

  14. Perfect Tommy

    And instead of a limo, the bride and groom arrive in an Abrams M1 main battle tank. They’re ex-military you know.

  15. Rusty Shackleford

    Batty isn’t even number 1 when it comes to laziness. Moy/Brigman recycled a panel from 2017. That’s pro level laziness.

    Check out MaryWorthAndMe for details.

  16. I like Maddy’s outfit, but the Summer-Lisa Homunculus disturbs me.

  17. be ware of eve hill

    I assumed the redhead is Rachel because she’s married to cousin Wally and works with, or used to work with, Cody at Monotoni’s. It’s hard to be sure because her hair isn’t in a ponytail like usual. Rachel is oddly colored as a blonde on Sundays, so maybe we’ll be able to determine for sure then.

    On the other hand, it could be Maddie because of her obsession for wearing obnoxious hats. That’s some bad hat Harry Maddie.

    Or it could be somebody else entirely. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    This comic is so horribly written it is up to the reader to guess who these characters are. There are no visual clues here at all. The presence of other characters would help a lot. If the woman in the yellow dress is Rachel, why not include Wally or Robbie? If it’s Maddie, draw her with Donna or Harry. As usual, Batty shows no consideration for the reader. It’s clear he writes this strip for himself.

    I’m not going to blame Chuck Ayers at all. Drawing more characters takes more time. If I had to draw this strip, I’d want it to be done with it as soon as possible, too.

    • be ware of eve hill

      Case in point, I assumed the woman in red is Summer because she was drawn with Cayla and Les yesterday.

  18. be ware of eve hill

    I also interpreted the redhead’s statement not as, “I didn’t know they were in the Army,” but rather, “I knew they both served in the Army, but what are the G.I. Joes and plastic army men doing on the tables? That’s silly. What are they, seven years old?”