I’d Like To Find Your Inner Child And Kick Its Inner Ass

The last two weeks of Crankshaft have been about their annual trip to Comic-Con. It has been an exploding clown car of all Tom Batiuk’s worst qualities as a writer. I think it’s worth analyzing as a window into how far gone Funky Winkerbean was by its end. All of the mistakes in this story grew from Funky Winkerbean, or were just as commonly made there.

The story is about Pete and Mindy taking her father Jeff to Comic-Con. Because it’s July, and Tom Batiuk must do a Comic-Con arc. It’s the second-most important event on the Funkyverse liturgical calendar. It’s ahead of Ohio Music Educator’s Association Week in February, but behind the ongoing Millennium Of Lisa.

This will be a multi-part series. But today, I want to focus on that obnoxious inner child character.

Inner Child’s most famous appearance in Funky Winkerbean was during the during the Lisa’s Story/wildfire/Bronson Canyon/Phantom Empire/climate damage/setting up Les’ Oscar arc:

Bronson Canyon was of importance to something from Tom Batiuk Jeff’s childhood, so it makes sense for Inner Child to appear as adult Jeff is discovering it. As adults, we sometimes get opportunities that appeal to our younger selves, and remind us of that time in our lives. For example, I just bought this thing:

Only $300.

I was born in summer 1972, which is the perfect window for arcade games to be my childhood passion. I was hit by puberty and The Video Game Crash Of 1983 in the same week. When I saw I could buy this magnificent device at the furniture store, my inner child came out too. So this comic strip captures a real feeling, and one I can relate to.

Inner Child’s first appearance in the current story, on July 12, is similar to this. The problem is that Inner Child keeps showing up, in ways that make no sense: doing favors for their father, losing their luggage, enforcing terminology, and carrying stuff. Twice. How do you even lift, bro?

And what aspect of getting on a plane, going to a comic book convention, and using an app to locate your luggage brings out your inner child? None of those things were widely available during Jeff’s childhood, so they can’t be stoking his memories. There’s no reason for Inner Child to be in these moments. And he’s absent from moments where he should be, where adult Jeff laments his past. (Which has the side effect of confirming that no “Inner Child must be in every strip” rule is in play.)

Another big problem is that there’s no indication of this character’s nature. This wasn’t a problem in Bronson Canyon, because there were no other people around. But now he looks like a real child, standing around an airport, talking to a grown man about his underwear. Chris Hansen needs to get involved.

Why doesn’t Batiuk make Inner Child transparent, to portray that he is a non-corporeal being? Oh, wait, he did do that:

…in 2016. I guess this was enough to make the point.

Transparency to represent dead, imaginary, or otherwise non-corporeal beings is a common visual trope in comics. In the Funkyverse, it somehow makes things even more confusing. More recently, Batiuk has also used the transparency trope on people who weren’t dead. Tony Montoni appeared in the strip just before its end, but was transparent the winter before, as if he had died off-panel. There was also this:

Neither of these transparent characters is actually dead. Phil Holt was revealed to be faking his death, and Dead Lisa has shown up in the strip so many times she should be called Undead Lisa.

But there’s another problem: the Funkyverse is full of blond boys of indeterminate age, mainly Skyler and Mitch. They’re both about 5, with gusts up to 12. On other comic strip forums, people (inlcuding our own J.J. O’Malley) had to explain who this character was. Because Lord knows the story didn’t.

So Inner Child’s appearances had visual cues, no written exposition, and didn’t make any sense in the story. Other than that, he’s fine, I guess.

Unknown's avatar

Author: Banana Jr. 6000

Yuck. The fritos are antiquated.

123 thoughts on “I’d Like To Find Your Inner Child And Kick Its Inner Ass”

  1. It’s certainly an indicator of the unwarranted assumptions TomBa makes that he thinks he can drop Inner Child, who, to my knowledge, hasn’t been seen since the Great Fire of Los Angeles arc into this arc without any explanation. And I’m at a complete loss to understand how he somehow thinks that it’s perfectly normal to have Inner Child toting real objects.

  2. 1. I do not get Jff’s age. In some strips he looks 40, in others, like at Bronson cave, he looks 70 or older. Then in Crankshaft, he is back to 40 something.
    2. I like comics, Marvel especially, but this Batiuk worship of comics nauseates me. I can even identify. Mom made the 3 boys get rid of all our comics. She gave them to a neighbor. It was heartbreaking, but you know what? The sun came up the next day, and the day after. I worked 25 years in acute mental health care. Jff has severe mental health issues. Only disturbed people imagine themselves as a little boy for 2 weeks, and doesn’t change his underwear.
    3. I do thank yesterday’s posts that questioned why Jff couldn’t buy his omnibus at Komix Korner.
    4. As I said, I do like comics, but if Secret Invasion does not have a slam-bang finish, I am finished with the MCU forever.
    5. Just for Anonymous Sparrow: I listened to Martha Wainwright singing French songs. I loved the entire album, especially, “Me glisser sous ta peau”. Then today, my library got me a copy of “We Have Always Lived in the Castle.” I will probably read more of Shirley Jackson.
    6. I am shocked that CBH has not invited us to the farm to play, Super Pac-Man. I will bring the chips.

    1. 1. Wait ’til you see how Jff looks in Sunday’s strip. He’s balding on top and his remaining hair is totally white, and he’s got blackheads on his nose. To be honest, he looks like another person entire…huh? What’s that? That’s not Jff, that’s Ed Crankshaft, the guy the comic was named after? Oh, well, that’s different. Never mind.

    2. How old is Jff? Old enough to be obsessed with a Gene Autry film from 1935, which defined his childhood and the decades after. Seriously, if TB doesn’t know Jff’s age, how the bloody hell are readers? Kind of like the main cast of Funky, who graduated from high school in 1972–except Crazy Harry was obsessed with an arcade game from the early 1980s and Cindy sprayed enough product in her air to put a hole in the ozone layer.

      1. Batiuk himself saw Phantom Empire in some sort of school program in the 50s/60s, so I guess its shelf-life did manage to outlast its release date by a bit, but with Jff’s shifting birth year it becomes a little harder to swallow, yeah. At this rate it would have to have been the 70s when he saw it.

        1. I truly hope my two year old nephew pulls a Jff. In 2078, he will travel to Ontario and see Brookfield Plaza only for his inner child to emerge. “My God. This is where they filmed TekWar.”

    3. 2. It’s very unhealthy. And the worst thing about it is that Batiuk doesn’t seem to have been treated unfairly. His own blog reveals that he was allowed to draw, continue to buy comic booksd, and do pretty much whatever he wanted. It also doesn’t mention his parents being abusive, absent, alcoholic, or anything like that. But it does mention him throwing a tantrum in a college TV room in the middle of the sexual revolution because he didn’t like the Batman TV show.

      Tom Batiuk’s mother was absolutely right that he needed to put away his comic books. And Batiuk proves it every time he does this story.

      1. Banana Jr. 6000
        1. Great post, my friend. Superb. Like CBH, I could read you all day.
        2. CBH has HIGH dating standards. It makes me feel the country is safe in the hands of today’s youth. (It also makes me want to go out and buy a Takara Masterpiece Ironhide.)
        3. If you want to see how a true comic strip artist handles SDCC, go to Mutts.com. I know ArcaMax has Mutts, but AM leaves off the title panel. Why does it do that???? That’s a shame because Patrick McDonnell does a huge tribute to Jack Kirby and Fantastic Four #12. The difference? Mutts doesn’t make me cringe.

        1. The Comics Kingdom does not have that Mutts title page either. Shocker. /s

    4. Mom was nicer to my younger brother concerning his comic book collection. When his bookcase got full, he started leaving the newer ones on the floor. This of course got in the way of Mom’s vacuuming. Mom told him he needed to cut his collection in half to make room for more comics or he could clean his bedroom himself. He was okay with it and donated the comic books to the church rummage sale. Win-win.

    5. Sorial:
      I like the Marvel TV shows better than most of the recent movies (Eternals? Who thought that was a good idea?)–until now. Invasion makes little sense, and I’ll bet that the “slam-bang” conclusion is “a major character dies.” Just as in all other 5 episodes. Hard to get excited about something you can almost set your watch to.

      1. Eternals is what we get when they try to make Inhumans a thing, and it fails miserably. (And Inhumans is what we get when Marvel realizes they can’t use mutants because Fox has the X-Men license.)

        Granted, Marvel managed to make Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man into popular movies, but still… I’m not sure that anyone has ever cared about the Eternals, and that may include Jack Kirby.

        1. Luthor:
          I think I have the full original run of Eternals. From a thing we had 30 years ago, “The Quarter Bin.” When MCU announced the movie, I thought “They’re going to change it into something that bears no resemblance to the original.” (For those who haven’t read it: There is no God. Humans were created by the Celestials. Satan is just deviants punk’ng humans. Kirby was in an “Ancient Astronauts” phase) And these dozen nobodies coming from nowhere debuting in one movie, as if they’d made The Avengers before introducing even Iron Man?

          If they’re going that far down the Marvel food chain, I want to see Cap fight—SWARM! The radioactive Nazi skeleton made of BEES! Mutant bees of course, because a radioactive Nazi skeleton made of normal bees just isn’t believable.

          1. I had to look up Swarm. None of that character made any sense until I saw the creators. Bill Mantlo, and he that has fallen on hard times, John Byrne.

        2. They managed to make Guardians and Ant-Man work because nobody had ever heard of or cared about those guys, and their first movies were a delightful surprise carried by a good balance of humor and a likeable cast. Eternals was such a slog. Nobody seemed even remotely like they wanted to be there. (Maybe except Kumail Nanjiani but he was wasted.) Diminishing returns ever since IMO, but I’ve been largely checked out of the MCU for the last two phases.

          1. Maxine,
            I can’t say that I blame you for checking out of the MCU. I felt “Infinity War” was a perfect movie. That should have been the climax. They could have started their multiverse right there. I believe Endgame was a waste of time. I liked WandaVision, crappy ending. I liked Loki, but think I got 2 episodes of number 5, instead of a conclusion. I loved the first “Guardians of the Galaxy”, and liked the other 2. I hated “Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness”. Hated Captain Marvel. I enjoyed the 3rd Spider-Man film. I did not see the first 2. I have pretty much sworn off all of the rest. The first phase had better writers and well known characters. The remaining phases don’t seem to have first rate writers, and lesser known characters. Marvel’s movie villains can’t match Thanos in scope, power, or believability. High Evolutionary had promise, but Kang has sucked in 2 tries. He is no Thanos.
            I enjoy reading your comments.

          2. When you have no expectations about a property, it can agreeably surprise you, whereas if you have expectations, you may be easily disappointed.

            With Shakespeare, I still have fond memories of a production of *All’s Well that Ends Well,* while a production of *King Lear* made it only too clear why the review in *The New York Times* didn’t mention the actress who played Cordelia.

      2. This is a ***Spoiler Alert*** for episode 5 of MCU S. I. (You are warned!)
        .
        .
        .
        .
        1. There is an interaction between 2 characters at one’s domicile, and a bunch of others.
        Lame! No stakes. I never had any concern over either.
        2. There was a difference of opinion between the antagonists. After 5 episodes, I could only identify the leader. Had no idea who any of the others were. I had seen them before, but could not tell you their importance.
        3. You can tell where the producers save money: aliens still appear as humans, when there is no reason to do so.
        4. I think TB is one of the script writers.

        1. I think TB is one of the script writers
          Why did Tom heap abuse on poor Lisa? Why does the MCU do the same thing to Rhodey? Fired the first actor to play the character, had him paralyzed, now he’s a Skrull, probably kill him this Wednesday? Sounds very Tommy.

    6. SP:

      You’ve made my day, thank you so much.

      Now I must explore *Fantastic Four* #12, because all I know about is that

      it’s the first meeting of the Thing and the Hulk, and that the second in #25-26 overshadows it (how could it not? The Avengers get to take over in Part 2 and Stan Lee forgets that the puny Banner’s first name is Bruce and calls him Bob!); and

      that it features a villain known as the Wrecker, whose name would become more famous with a Thor villain. (DC has a couple of Wreckers, one who fought the Batman and Robin and one who fought the Doom Patrol at the end of the first series.)

      A funny thing about first meetings: Film Forum is doing a Billy Wilder retrospective, and it includes “The Fortune Cookie,” the first pairing of Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon. It’s a good movie, and it won Matthau an Oscar for his performance as attorney Whiplash Willie Gingrich, but many folks would probably think that their first collaboration was in “The Odd Couple” two years later.

      Brown sandwiches or green sandwiches?

      Pasta against the wall is neither spaghetti nor linguine, but garbage!

      1. “Fortune Cookie” is a great film. Lots of great New York character actors. No one is sleazier than Gingrich. Great acting by the poor running back. It’s almost a bottle episode. I bet it is great on stage.
        I saw “the Odd Couple” at the Antioch Theater in Gladstone Missouri in 1967. I was 13ish. I remember 2 things. The girls. Then Lemon laughing when he corrects Matthau throwing the spaghetti. Priceless. I saw both “Grumpy Old Men.” They both still had it. But what’s not to like? It has Ann-Margret and Sophia Loren. To quote the Egyptians: Ooh la la.

        1. SP:

          Something Batiuk would not like in “The Fortune Cookie”:

          One of the detectives wants to wrap up for the day so he can watch “Batman.”

          (Walter Matthau should give me his Oscar for such blasphemy! Jack Lemmon should give me both of his Oscars!)

          1. At the very least, Jack Lemmon could give you his Golden Globe received from Ving Rhames.

  3. Hi y’all, long-time lurker, occasional snarker here. Great post, BJ6K and congrats on the purchase – I’m right behind you on that. My basement is going to be a Chuck E. Cheese when I’m done and my kids will know what the 80s were like.

    Quick question (because I’m too lazy to go back through the archives and figure it out): what is the origin of spelling “Jeff” “Jff”? I’ve wanted to know for years but never asked. Hope everyone’s doing well and staying cool!

    1. Hey paypahclip! Glad to see you still lurking around. Hope you’ve been enjoying all the post Funkypocalypse content.

      ‘Jff’ comes from this strip back in the “Frankie threatens Boy Lisa with a reality show” arc. Fred Fairgood, who had recently suffered a stroke, was trying to indicate they should contact Pam and Jeff for more information on Evil Frankie’s Evil High School Date Rape Van.

      1. Aaaahhhh. Thanks very much for the history, CBH. I can only assume we were in baby mode during that arc and I missed a few months. Appreciate y’all!

        1. The Clip! You go way, way back here at SoSF, nice to see you again! Our hilarious nicknames for the various characters was one of my favorite things about SoSF. Jff, Boy Lisa, Lefty, Dick Facey, DSH, Masone…never failed to crack me up, no matter how many thousands of times it came up. Never gets old for me.

          1. I hope I never tire of typing out Jessica Darling Daughter of John Darling Who Was Murdered or Batton Thomas Creator Of The Comic Strip Three O’Clock High.

      3. Pm nd Jff is another example of Narm – something that’s supposed to be serious, but is done so badly that it’s unintentionally funny, and completely undermines itself.

          1. Actually, I don’t think it’s funny, because I’ve had a stroke and it was fucking scary.

            I got up one night and half my mouth didn’t work. I looked at the mirror and watched half of my face not move as I tried to say things. 18 months later, it still feels like I’m drunk every time I talk, even though people hear me fine and assure me there’s little difference in how I sound to them. Also, my left hand feels like it’s asleep. I use voice recognition software at work because I can;t ytpe wle..

            I’ve had improv training, and it’s a big part of my life. But I’ve been staying away from my local troupe (whose theater is 3 blocks from my apartment) until this month. An off-stage tech role has opened up, and I’m super-interested in it because I’ll also get to do occasional sound effects and voices. Because I want to be part of the show, and I think that’s all I can do anymore.

            So yeah, I thought it was funny until it happened to me. I don’t find Pm nd Jff so funny anymore, but I understand why people do. That’s what makes it Narm. He’s trying to represent the effects of stroke damage in a dignified way, but he’s failing so badly that it comes off as funny. And insulting.

          2. BJr6k,

            I’m saddened to hear about your stroke. (I don’t think it was mentioned before, but, if so, forgive my cluelessness.) I hope your recovery continues so that you can return to improv, but know that your clearly undiminished skills and ability are appreciated here. You are one of the shining lights at SOSF (a site with a truly deep bench of talent when it comes to our “tour guides”).

          3. Thank you, Gerard for putting into words what we all feel for BJ6000. I do add that BJ is an overcomer. We all love you.

          4. Thanks. I don’t think I mentioned it before, because I try not to make a big deal out of it. But it was highly relevant to the topic of Pmm nd Jff, so I did here.

        2. As you noted in your post below, he plays these debilitating illnesses for laughs, but in weird, low-key way, where the victim becomes endearing in a pitiful kind of way. He did it with Fred Fairgood, and he did it with Morty’s dementia too. They become cute quirks, and that’s kind of the gag. And of course it trivializes things like strokes and Alzheimer’s in a really annoying backhanded way that’s obviously deliberate while pretending it’s sincere, which is BatYam’s trademark.

      4. CBH thanks for the clarification and PClip for raising the question. I always took “Pmm” and “Jff” as perfect encapsulations of this pair’s banality as characters.

    2. Sounds awesome. Let me know if you put a tour on YouTube.

      I’m sure you’ve looked into Arcade1Up’s oeuvre. I really want one of the near-full size cabinets, but I thought I’d try a smaller one first. I picked that one because it had Super Pac-Man, which is a personal favorite and wasn’t otherwise available. I’ll probably end up getting the trackball/dial machine (Centipede/Millipede, Tempest, Missile Command) and the essential Galaga/Ms. Pac Man combo, which otherwise mostly duplicates the machine I already have (Dig Dug, Mappy).

      They’re omnibus arcade games. 🙂

      1. Great suggestions, BJ6K, thanks! Will def. let you know if I put my first-ever YT video up😬. I’m more likely to share it with just y’all. Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Galaga all on the list. Should be fun!

  4. The whole bloody thing about Jeff’s Inner Child is that he’s meant to make us feel sorry for the man he is now. It’s mighty hard to feel sorry for someone as dim and self-absorbed as that kid appears to be. We never get any hint that he gets what he looked like to the people around him.

    1. Compare this to how Watterson deftly handled Hobbes. You knew he was just a stuffed animal but Watterson made you suspend your disbelief.

      With Batty, he thinks he is tugging at our emotions by using inner child. Instead we see a foolish old man who hasn’t grown up.

      1. IIRC, Watterson has said in his writings that he prefers not to say one way or the other if Hobbes was just a toy or was real, and some stories do make it a point that Calvin must’ve been doing some impressive stunts/personal sacrifices to cater to his imagination (his “tied up to a chair” stunt being one of the more notable ones).

        As it is it’s probably still debated by it’s readers, but it certainly keeps discussions I find online these days interesting, wanting and preferring to enjoy the possibility of Calvin’s world being more fantastic and mirroring his imagination than it could be. Maybe that’s why I tend to find some of the Act 1 antics and it’s legacy activity in later acts endearing, I’d honestly like to believe a computer was that sapient or Crazy can have a time travel pool in his locker. Things are just more fun that way, and it’s a shame when the later strips go all “Nah we were just imagining things… OR WERE WE?”

        1. A bit I loved from Act I was Hall Monitor Les and his desk-mounted Maxim machine gun. Decades later, it was retconned into a cardboard replica. The original was funny, as it represented the only way Les could get any respect was to have a murder weapon. I guess “murder weapon in a school” plays different today, but why not just never mention it 35 years later rather than change it?

          1. It was such a non-apology apology. He wouldn’t defend the joke, or admit that it’s harsher in hindsight. But it was an opportunity for Funky Winkerbean to talk about itself, and Tom Batiuk’s never going to pass that up.

          2. The irritating that about that is that he retconned an earlier joke where it was a novelty music box.

        2. @andrew

          I enjoyed the silliness of act 1. Despite what Batty thinks, I think it was his best work. When he tried to be dramatic, the result was just misery and stupidity.

    2. Though why we should feel sorry for Jff is something of a mystery. All things considered, he has a pretty good life. He’s happily married (contrast with the Fairgoods), he’s in reasonably good health, his kids turned out okay (sure, one of them ran a movie theater into the ground, but he still managed to be allowed to run the place, at higher pay and without the worries of ownership, and his other kid is engaged to Mopey Pete; still, they turned out decent enough)… really, Jff’s only problem in life seems to be the constant risk that Ed will burn the house down some day, and Jff doesn’t seem concerned enough to have Ed put into a retirement home yet, so… not that big of a concern for him, it seems.

      Out of everyone in the Funkyverse, Jff actually seems like he should be one of the happier, more well-adjusted people. When you look at how much misery has been heaped upon various other characters, Jff really made out pretty good. He may not get heaps of unearned rewards like Les, but he’s not getting beaten down on the regular like Wally. In the Funkyverse, that’s a net win.

      But we’re somehow supposed to feel sorry for Jff because… his mommy didn’t let him like comic books?

      1. Oh, Jff’s relationship with his mother went way beyond just her not liking comic books. Make no mistake, Rose Murdoch was a piece of work. But Jeff really is a whiny self-centered manchild about the whole thing too. Makes him hard to pity.

        A fascinating view on the lifelong damage of narcissitic parenting.

        Who wants to see a Rose and Jff deep dive? I feel like one may be warranted now that Jff is the author avatar du jour.

        1. I’d be up for a Rose and Jff deep dive. (Though I’ll be honest here: any deep dives you decide to do, I’d be up for.)

          1. Agreed: if ComicBook Harriet does it, whatever it is, it’s going to be great!

  5. BJ6K, when you said you were planning a take down on this Comic-Con arc, I wasn’t picturing you lifting the whole thing Brock Lesnar style and taking it to Suplex City.

    You’re so right. There’s nothing wrong with a moment of ‘inner child’, but Jff not only takes it to ridiculous levels, he’s always isolated in the experience. It’s so self-centered. Jff playing with little Jffy means he doesn’t interact meaningfuly with his daughter, his son-in-law, or have any peers to be his friends.

    I had a good, private chuckle over the strip where Jff picks up comic after comic and says, ‘I had this and sold it.’

    It’s not really a good strip, but once upon a time I was considering allowing a fine young geeky gentleman to court me. He was a massive Transformers nerd and we met up at a couple conventions. He would walk through the dealers room, picking up expensive toy after expensive toy and say the same thing. “I had that, but I sold it, I had that and I sold it.”

    I soon learned that he compulsively would buy an action figure, but then would get rid of it or trade it in for another, usually less than a few months later.

    Needless to say, if he couldn’t commit to a Takara Masterpiece Ironhide for longer than than six months, I didn’t deem him boyfriend material.

    1. I was planning one long article, but realized it made more sense to break it into multiple individual ones. There are several avenues that each needed their own explotation.

      This is one of the “scenes Inner Child should be in” that I mentioned. Jeff is lamenting having to sell this item; why isn’t Inner Child there looking sad, with some wistful comment?

      1. Thanks BJ! I grew up around the same time and used to play pac man and the like at our local Montoni’s ( which is now owned by my cousin). We would go up there, order a pizza and play the games.

        Oh and I call BS on Batty’s Eliminator arc where he talks about sexism back then. We had a couple girls that would meet us and play and we enjoyed their company and I assume they enjoyed ours. We were just kids having fun. We all grew up together and then went our separate ways as we went to different high schools.

      2. “Jeff is lamenting having to sell this item; why isn’t Inner Child there looking sad, with some wistful comment?”

        This nails the problem exactly – If any scene should have had Inner Child, this is it. This makes far more sense than having an imaginary person (symbol of lost childhood?) toting a pile of books.

    2. I don’t get it… Is Pete Rattabastardo not his son-in-law to be? You know, one of the single most juiced-in and connected guys in the entire comics industry? Could he not easily obtain any comics issue ever printed with a phone call to his boss Chester Hagglemore?

      1. Even if Chester is surprisingly generous in giving benefits to his indie comic company of dubious success, he’s still lurking every comic auction and incognito-outbidding every single one so he can gloat in his private comic vault that he’s taken every comc muhahahahaha, so I don’t take him to be the guy to share any vintage comics without a fight breaking out.

      2. This is going to be another deep dive based on this week: why doesn’t Atomic Komix function as an actual comic book company? Why does Pete have so much status within the industry despite this?

        1. I’m guessing part of the problem is it’s all based on life–Batiuk’s life the last time he went to SDCC as a pampered guest. As a one-man-band creative he didn’t have to pay for flights or hotels for his extra hangers-on, man a booth, or slog through a million overpacked crowds or 4-hour lines. He just got a free pass, maybe a comped hotel room upstairs, showed up to a panel and picked up an award. “Hey, why don’t i have my comic company characters do this too!” he asked himself, never noticing how much it costs everyone else and how hard the company underlings had to work.

          1. Not to mention how it made Comic-Con awards look worthless and dishonest. Ruby and Flash won the Comic-Con Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field of Knowing Pete Roberts.

            Which seemed like a shot at awards in general, as if Batiuk doesn’t get them because he doesn’t “play the game.” He made the same point in the Oscar arc. If Tom Batiuk is reading this, I hope he hears this: you didn’t lose the Pulitzer because you didn’t play the game. You lost it because Berke Breathed is a way, way, way, WAY better cartoonist than you are. And that was his best year. It was the year of Deathtongue, a brilliant and seminal comic strip arc. Anyone who cares about comic strips in 2023 knows who Deathtongue was, almost 40 years ago. And probably gets a smile at the mention of their name. Your precious Lisa has no such effect on anyone.

          2. @BJ

            Batty loves taking pot shots. He takes cheap shots at Hollywood, Wall Street, and anyone with differing political views.

            He does this because taking a stand would mean examining his preconceived notions, opinions,etc. it would mean entertaining the thought that his ideas are flawed, or that he is misinformed. Nah, for Batty, the rest of the world is the problem.

          3. Rusty,

            “it would mean entertaining the thought that his ideas are flawed, or that he is misinformed. Nah, for Batty, the rest of the world is the problem.”

            As evidenced by his classic screed against the Adam West Batman TV series.

          4. (edited, obviously:)
            Batty loves taking pot shots…cheap shots at…anyone with differing political views.
            He has political views? I know some of you call it “virtue signaling,” but his opinions are bland. “White guy marries Black woman” I’d call “award pandering.” He throws out these “liberal for 1989 or 1954” ideas, and when the nominations don’t come, he ignores them. Has anyone seen a strip where you thought “Oh, Les and Cayla! They’d be perfect together!” No, I’ll bet not. He ignores her and her daughter, so he can whine-mope about his Saint. Miscegenation didn’t get any traction, so he just gave up. I guarantee Les will be back, but Cayla never will.
            Same could be said about TBI/suicide, Muslim refugees, senility, strokes, did it get him attention? No? Then stop talking about those, and back to comic books! A theme that clearly is not taking off with the old CS readers. But that’s one soap box he’ll never step off of.

  6. Thanks for the insights, Banana Jr. Yeah, TB’s worst qualities have been front and center as he celebrates Comic Con as the traits and characteristics that killed FW migrate over to Crankshaft. The “inner child” simply became one more way for TB to relish in cheap nostalgia, including his obsession with old comic books, while limiting his audience to basically himself.

  7. Krankenschaaften: Is this the worst “long buildup desperately reaching to a WTF punchline” Sunday strip we’ve seen in the Funkyverse since “Ultima Thule?”

    And I’m still pissed off about that because “Thule” has not nor has it ever been pronounced like “Thor” except for one day inside of Batiuk’s head.

  8. All this time I kind of figured that this kid was Jff’s grandson, and the thought didn’t even occur to me that he was the inner child. It would have made more sense to have a Grandfather/Grandson bonding experience than to have this old dude hallucinating about having a dialogue with his younger self.

    1. That’s the damnedest thing – it would make a lot more sense if the child WAS real. But that would require a character in the Funkyverse to show a drop of interest in their non-adult children.

      1. Heaven forbid that a parent show interest in his/her child! After all, TomBa engineered a ten-year time jump to avoid Les single-parenting Summer. And notice how little “screen time” the Act 3 progeny received, and almost none of that time was family interaction.

        The near-total avoidance of what would be a natural source of story material is baffling.

  9. Re: “Crankshaft” 07/23.
    Unless there’s a missing throwaway panel, poor Pm didn’t get to ask her usual obligatory “What are you doing, Dad”.

    I posted the above in the “Crankshaft” discussion on GoComics this morning. I’m repeating it here for posterity because there’s a good chance it will be deleted.

    I left a comment on “Crankshaft” around 7:30PM MDT yesterday. This morning it was gone. More than half the comments were gone. Do the pearl-clutchers return to the discussion after their early bird specials to flag comments that “Aren’t nice.” Who knows, perhaps it’s a rogue moderator.

    Nothing but snarky comments on “Crankshaft” today. If the moderator goes on a binge like yesterday, it will be empty by this evening.

    I’ve changed my GoComics profile name and picture in case someone is looking for it. I should post my comments as replies to non-ironic comments. Perhaps the Flagee McGees and the moderator won’t be so hasty if some non-ironic comments get deleted with mine. Perhaps I’ll even start flagging non-ironic comments.

    Maybe I’ll lose my GoComic commenting privileges but if I can’t snark on craptacular “Crankshaft” story arcs, who cares?

    Mini-rant over. It’s Sunday, bwoeh. R-E-L-A-X.

    1. I wonder what would happen if I started posting over-the-top comments gushing about “Crankshaft” like the comments @FunkyFan left for Funky Winkerbean years ago?

      CrankyFan? LillianFan? Oops, I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth over that last one.

    2. BWOEH,
      1. Here is a napkin to spit out that Lillian upchuck from your mouth, and also a small mint.
      2. I, for one, will miss your old avatar. I liked the winsome wind blowing past your flowing brunette hair. It had the taste of autumn.

      1. Not including today, my comments have been deleted three days in a row. That’s approaching J.J.O’Malley territory. I was hoping the profile name and photo change would throw off the flaggers and/or the moderator for a day or two.

        I’ve had that profile pic for a few years. Pre-“be ware of”. Time to change.

        1. To me, you’ll always be willowy, whispery, winsome, windy Eve Hill. Why not?

        2. I’m looking at the strip on a Windows 10 PC, and I see your comment. Once I got every comment deleted, now sometimes I can be the Featured Comment. And my comments are close to the meanest.
          Are they deleting by platform? I’d Fire up my Kindle (get it? Tom just wishes he made that not-joke!) to check, but I spent 7 weeks with that crap browser as my only connection to the outside world, and nostalgia for that part of my life hasn’t kicked in yet–
          “OH, BOY! YESSSSS! You tell’em!”
          GAH! Rictus Homunculus just appeared, in the form of Little Billy Splut!! Good thing I keep a glass of Holy Water always handy!

          1. I still see your comment on an Apple iMac (macOS Ventura). Also, on my iPhone. I still see it on my work phone, a Google Pixel.

            With 10 likes and 5 replies, you have the featured comment… for now.

            I have the featured comment from last Wednesday but I cheated a bit. I was bit annoyed that the featured comment had 3 upvotes and 3 replies while my comment had 7 upvotes and 3 replies. I jokingly wrote a reply to myself “Who do I have to sleep with to get featured comment?” That put me over the top. I was shocked the comment was still there the next day.

            Rictus Homunculus creeps me out too. Half-creepy bastard, half nutcracker. Ghostbusters, where are you?

          3. @Gerard Plourde

            You mean my conversation with J.J. O’Malley at the bottom of the comments? Those comments occurred after the moderator’s comment culling.

            In the 7/22 comic strip, Jff mentioned he’d like to spend eternity at comic-con. I left a comment stating how the boring story arc seemed to last like an eternity. And also pointed out the abandoned story point where Jff was supposed to buy the comic books on Ed’s list for the investor group. Hardly nasty stuff but was deleted nevertheless.

            On Friday, I commented that the strip appeared to be an ad for Comic Book Omnibus Editions. It was deleted. How is that comment insulting, harassing, or bullying?

    3. I thought of doing that. Just to see if any flagged comment got auto-deleted by a bot. GC has a lot of comics, so it’s hard to believe this being done on a one-by-one basis. As CBH noted, “the 8AM Purge.” They will even delete comments on political cartoons, which is where you’d think “spirited discourse” would be expected. If not even encouraged, to build views in this Facebook-addled era.

      1. I’m not sure if my scruples would allow me to just flag any non-ironic comment. I’d have to search for a comment from one of the whiners (i.e., @RetiredGezzer, @DawnQuinn, @TammySpeaksLife) and flag it.

        Perhaps there is something to “the 8AM Purge.” My comment last night was added at 9:30PM EDT, when most of the pearl-clutchers had most likely shut off their devices for the day.

        Earlier this year there was a group of people sharing jokes on Ripley’s Believe It or Not. There was a flagging war between the joke tellers and others who thought the jokes cluttered up the discussion. I wrote GoComics support and made a suggestion that they set up a joke telling forum. Basically, the response was “We don’t need any more work, lady.” They sent the below message:

        Moderation issues related to comments made by other users are best managed by utilizing the “Flag” tool, which creates an instance requiring the moderator to review the comment, automatically. That said, depending on the number of these instances, it may take a few days for each flagged comment to be reviewed by the moderation team.

        Unfortunately, this support desk is unable to assist with moderation, or comment tool, related issues. However, you can write the moderator directly by e-mailing moderator@gocomics.com.

        Reads like a form letter. The flagging/moderation explanation is a bit vague. I have no clue what they meant by reviewing the comment “automatically”. I flagged a person’s comment last month. It’s still there. I got an acquaintance to flag it, too. That stubborn comment is still there.

        1. it may take a few days for each flagged comment to be reviewed by the moderation team
          Well, there it is. They have the same amount of control over the comments as they might over the Roomba they left on when they went on a week’s vacation. Can’t turn it on/off if you’re not there.
          Hope the dog don’t poop in the kitchen.

        2. The sentiment isn’t bad. It’s exactly the kind of thing I’d write about my own forum, because it’s important to be transparent and set realistic expectations for users.

          But the execution is all wrong. It’s unclear what “automatically” is referring to; it should say “automatically creates an instance for moderators to review.” As it is, it sounds like someone is automatically required to review it, as if they’ll get a text message at 3 a.m. because someone was mean to Tom Batiuk. (Lisa would like that.)

          And “a few days” to moderate a forum that responds to daily material is just plain lazy.

          1. Your middle paragraph most likely sums up how the flag tool operates.

            Every once in a blue moon, I’ll spot a moderator posting in a comment section. They’re out there. Lurking.

  10. Oddly enough, I’m AT Comic-Con.

    No Crankshaft or Funky Winkerbean cosplayers sighted yet. Thank god.

    1. Are there any Pretty Blonde Girls Free of Personality there? That’s half the cast of both strips.

    2. Oooooh! Did you have fun?!? Were you followed by a ghostly apparition that resembled your younger self?

      (Seriously, what did you go see? Sounds fun!)

  11. What was the deal with Corpsey the Cartoonist anyway? “I faked my death!” and everyone’s just “Oh. Huh. I’m going to the vendo, want anything?” “Also, I went to Heaven and met another ghost, and came back to Peeping Tom on you guys!” “I’m getting a Twix.”

    It’s fiction, dude! Just create another century-old comics geezer! Name him “Kirk Jackby” so even your dumbest readers can get it!
    Well…not the CS readers, who seem a bit confused by all these comic book shenanigans.

    1. TB wouldn’t be TB if he could stop himself from writing about very specific scenarios with very specific data points and getting all aspects about those scenarios and data points completely and totally wrong.

      He doesn’t have to namedrop specific people as well as spell their names wrong, but he does.

      He doesn’t have to show a given event as occurring in a specific year where that event could not possibly happen in that year, but he does.

      To your post here, it’s practically impossible to both fake your own death as well as reveal the fake and face zero legal consequences for it, but that’s what he wrote here.

      “It’s just a comic strip!”. I wonder what would happen if that empty retort was stated in response to any earnest praise the strip happens to get.

      1. The most inexplicable thing about the Phil Holt arc is that TomBa DID kill him off (hence the scene with St. Lisa) and then totally retconned it out of existence just so he could bring the Batty BaTom Bullpen’s top team together at Atomik Komx.

        But you know “It’s called writing,”

        1. Phil dies. Phil goes to Afterlife. Ghost Phil meets Ghost Lisa. They spy on old coworkers and children. Phil says “You know what? I’m done.” And quits and is Lazarus-ed right outta there, like he just was ending his 1996 AOL Free Trial that he got on a 3.5 floppy. And he’s alive!
          So…WHAT WAS GHOST LISA ABOUT? We know she’s dead, as someone has been reminding us for 18 fucking years.
          What is the Funkyverse’s Afterlife like? You can just opt out? Or was Phil in a months long drug induced coma from taking too many Flintstones Vitamins?
          Does the Afterlife have a Lisa? Was she the hallucination all along?

          1. I think Lisa might be stuck in the realm of living because Les is completely incapable of letting her go

          2. That’s an interesting theory. How would Les react to the news that his endless grieving is preventing Lisa from moving to the Great Beyond? It’d probably make him go back and grieve some more.

          3. If Les found out that Lisa is still in the mortal realm, he’d probably hang himself just to be with Lisa again

  12. Aha! One of my favorite Eagles’ lyrics, right up there with “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave” and “We’ve been up and down this highway, haven’t seen a goddamn thing.”

    1. We haven’t had that spirit here since 1969!

      Colitis is probably coleus, and it doesn’t seem to have a smell, warm or otherwise.

  13. 7/24 CS:
    “But–but–I’m on a fixed income! That was my life savings! WHAT DID YOU INVEST IT IN?!”
    Crankshaft: “My son-in-law bought SO MANY COPIES of comic books, he needed an imaginary gremlin to carry them! He has SO many X-Force #1s and Deaths of the Superman! We’re RICH! He also got Beanie Babies and POGs.”

    At least we know that not one single panel of the art is a clone. The only date says 2023!

    1. “Remember Funky Winkerbean? He’s back, in POG form!”

      Gotta be honest here. I thought the joke in today’s (7/24) ‘Shaft, by TB standards, hit the mark. Ed teed up the punchline in Panel Two and Ralph hit it into the hole in Panel Three. Nothing spectacular, but amusing.

      Now, let’s see how long before my complimentary GC comment gets deleted just out of force of habit.

      1. I agree, I thought the joke was solid and in character for Ed.

        You know Batty has no idea how the stock market works and dismisses it with a wave of the hand and shouting GREED!

    2. Crankshaft today: “our investment club needs to talk about our investment strategies.”

      Crankshaft 10 days ago: “I have a list of comic books I need you to track down for my investment club.”

      What do you think they’re going to be talking about all week?

      2. Aw, jeez, Banana Jr. 6000, why did you have to go and state that? I was feeling magnanimous towards today’s strip until now.

        I thought we were done with comic books for a while. If you’re correct, our comic book fueled nightmare will continue. 😩

        Remind me to call you the next time I feel the need to be depressed. 😂😭

  14. It’s 9m EDT, and let’s see how long my most obnoxious CS GC comment will last:
    “Dear tammyspeakslifecereal: Wow. You just picked up what “Eve Hill” means? After months? We’re moving you up to 2nd grade reading skills class! Glad to know you don’t…drink that coke stull. Do you snort it?”

    Note that “f” and “l” aren’t that close on a keyboard. And I’ll bet that you’re never going to see me again after I get banned.

    1. I did not know this. When you sign up for GC commenting, everyone can click on your name and see what your favorites are.
      Not thrilled by this.

      1. Your GC profile page also lists your last ten comments. Did somebody question your choice of favorites?

        J.J. O’Malley has no favorites listed in the “Favorites I Follow” section of his profile. That could be why the pearl-clutchers have an issue with him. They probably think, “He’s not reading any comics. Why is he commenting on Crankshaft?”

        They keep asking him, “Why are you here?” It’s painfully obvious to us, he’s there to snark on Crankshaft. They don’t get it. They don’t understand snarking, i.e. hate reading.

        J.J. O’Malley comments (snarks) on quite a few Comics Kingdom titles. Despite the commenting platform’s change to address “the crisis of toxicity online”, readers still snark on their titles. The migration of Disqus to OpenWeb has been a total failure. The person(s) responsible for that decision shouldn’t even be allowed to manage a Dollar General.

        1. To be perfectly honestly, until today I never knew there was a “Favorites I Follow” link in the GC profile. And, quite frankly, I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what strips I read regularly (do they still put out “Smilin’ Jack”?). I prefer keeping as anigmatic a profile as possible. In the immortal words of Tom Servo, “I’m the wind, baby.”

          2. I got the name wrong in the previous post. It’s “Comics I Follow” not “Favorites I Follow”. “Favorites” is a Comics Kingdom term/feature.

            The main benefit of the “Comics I Follow” feature is to make it easier to read the GoComics you enjoy/hate read. In the example below, my personal “Comics I Follow” are listed in the horizontal blue band. Clicking on the white arrow on the right navigates to the next “Comic I Follow”. The white arrow on the left navigates in the opposite direction. Clicking on the comic name itself in the blue band also takes you directly to the comic’s “Comic” page. Only the comics updated today are listed. It’s a lot nicer than reading your comics one-by-one from the big A-Z list.

            How do you read your Comics Kingdom favorites? One by one, or do you subscribe? I loved the CK’s Favorites page until they ruined it.

            ====================

            I think another intended benefit of the “Comics I Follow” section was to allow you to follow a commenter you like on another comic.
            Person: I like this commenter. I’d like to read what they have to say on other comics.

            Unfortunately, it works the other way too.
            Person: I hate this commenter. Where else can I troll them?

    2. It’s 9 AM EDT, and your comment is still there. I think it’s because you replied to my original comment rather than @tammyspeaksbullsh*t. It is fair because they have done that to me in the past. She might have flagged you or written to the moderator.

      I figure she meant “stuff” but I wanted to use the dictionary because that was a tactic she used against me in the past. How in the hell do you hit an “l” instead of an “f”? As you said, those keys aren’t even close to one another.

      I encountered @tammyspeaksbullsh*t a month ago. She wrote a comment complaining about the behavior of the Crankshaft snarkers. I asked her why it bothered her. She called me selfish and narcissistic and other names. According to her, everyone was allowed to comment on the strip… except if they’re critical of it. And it’s okay for her to criticize the readers whose comments she didn’t appreciate. Who was selfish and narcissistic? Who was the one who wanted the discussion to conform to their narrow worldview? What do they say about people who live in glass houses?

      She never answered my question, constantly claiming I was attacking her. “Gaslighting” her (I don’t think that word means what she thinks it does). Then she called me defensive. Which is it?

      She has the worst commenting etiquette I’ve ever seen. She deletes comments as you’re replying to them. I started copying her commentary into my replies so it didn’t appear like I was talking to myself. After we agreed to disagree, I tried to leave things on a friendly level and even gave her the last word.

      How did she respond? Instead of leaving a friendly note of her own, she went back on the attack. But I was unaware of those posts because she wasn’t replying directly to me, she was replying to herself. By replying to herself, I wasn’t receiving any notifications. If I didn’t check to see which of my comments somebody upvoted, I would never have known she left those comments. I can see doing it once by accident, but three comments is a pattern. Gutless.

      Her original comment in that thread is the one I mentioned earlier that was still there despite getting flagged by me a month ago. I revisited that conversation this morning and removed the flag. I’m kind of proud of that thread because I kicked her ass.
      🦚

      If you’re worried about getting banned over your comment, you can always delete it.

      My uncle, who lived in northern Massachusetts and was a Navy vet, used that “You’e full of coke” quip to indicate he didn’t believe you. I always assumed it meant you’re just expelling hot air because Coke gives you gas. Could he have meant he didn’t believe you because you must have been high? Odd thing to say to a kid. 😂

      1. I always thought it was a reference to coal. Like, you’re full of combustible rocks…

        1. Sounds pretty heavy. I’ve heard of eating charcoal for poisoning, but eating coke?

          Coincidence. Uncle Jim was a train engineer, well after the days of the steam engine powered by coal though.

      2. Eve:
        After posting, I thought that maybe she meant “I don’t drink that coke still,” as I and U are right next to each other. A grammatical graveyard it is, as Yoda would say, but she doesn’t seem to super proffread her stuff. Sorry, “stull.”

        Have you googled her name? I don’t know if it’s the same person, but if it is, she’s a heavyweight motivational speaker. Like, literally 1000 pounds heavy. Not juding, just sayin’.

        If you’re worried about getting banned over your comment, you can always delete it.
        OH NO! Then where will I go to mock Tom?! Some dedicated site full of smart, funny people?!

        1. Nice! “Proffread” was intentional, the unclosed tag and “juding” weren’t!
          Well, broke another window in my glass house!

        2. 😂 I think you have the wrong woman. Try the search with no spaces, “tammyspeakslife.” She appears to be a slender woman with dark hair and glasses.

          I don’t know how she’d have time to be a motivational speaker. Every time I read a GoComics comment section, she’s there. She also appears to have an account with every possible social media platform.

          I checked out several of her TikTok videos. “tammyspeakslife” doesn’t speak much in her videos. In most of her TikToks, she has a pillow behind her head. I sure hope she’s not lying on her fingertip-adjustable deathbed, wheezing out her final breaths.

          Doctor: Damn it. Tammy would have made a full recovery if it wasn’t for that damnable Eve Hill woman.

      3. I bet Mr. BWOEH just loves it when you get on the offensive. I remember reading your comment, “Step outside, you Nazi Cow!” Perfection.

        1. Oh, come now. I haven’t had a physical altercation since high school. I do sometimes erupt in a fit of anger at Mr. BWOEH. He calls it Hurricane (my first name). He just stands there, expressionless, arms crossed, waiting for the “storm” to blow over.

          He used to have quite a temper himself. I remember once at a bar, he had a bit too much to drink, and the bartender confiscated his keys. In those days, I didn’t know how to drive a stick, so we had to take a taxi home. He was fuming the entire ride home. When we arrived home, Mr. BWOEH threw some money at the taxi driver and said to keep the change. The taxi driver insisted he was a few dollars short. I started opening my purse, but Mr. BWOEH leaned in close to the taxi driver and bellowed, “I SAID KEEP THE CHANGE!”. Bills in my hand, the taxi driver took off, tires screeching, and disappeared down the street. As a big man with disheveled hair and a 5 o’clock shadow, Mr. BWOEH can be quite intimidating. He called the taxi service the next morning to apologize and to pay for the missing money. The dispatcher said nobody reported getting shorted. We feel for that taxi driver, but we still laugh about it.

          Mr. BWOEH has a way of winning arguments. He’ll say, Alright, that’s it! Outside! Coats off!” He’s joking, of course, but no one ever takes him up on it.

  15. Bronson Canyon was of importance to something from Tom Batiuk childhood, so it makes sense for Inner Child to appear as adult Jeff is discovering it.

    Bronson Canyon was of importance to something from my childhood young adulthood early middle age: the delightful retro spoof Lost Skeleton of Cadavra was filmed/set there.

    I should probably worry that a homage to a bygone era is itself now 20 years old, and the original era was not that much earlier relative to it… huh.

    https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0307109/

    1. The ironic thing is that many, many, MANY things were filmed in Bronson Canyon, including both the entrance to Moronia from Batiuk’s beloved Radio Ranch/The Phantom Empire, AND the entrance to the Batcave in Batiuk’s loathed Batman TV show. (Do you think he knows they’re the same place? If not, who gets to tell him?)

  16. Today’s Crankshaft is taking aim at non-fungible tokens. I doubt that TomBa would the irony if one substituted comic books as the retirement investment vehicle, given that comic collections have funded weddings, etc. in the Funkyverse.

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