You know, in 2023, Dinkle showed up in only six Crankshaft strips. Just six out of the whole year. And this year we cannot escape him. Like Lillian in Monday’s strip, I’m almost feeling stalked. I’m guessing that when I pull up the tallies for 2024, Dinkle will have outpaced the appearances of everyone except Cranky, Lil, Pam and Jeff.
Since I’ve been on such an intensive Act I dive these past couple weeks, I thought I’d continue the trend and pull up some of Dinkle’s first appearances. Some of these have been posted before, but having them all to consume at once, like big ol’ wad of waxy sweet band candy, lets us truly absorb the full flavor of a fresh Dinkle.
As I posted back in March, the first strip with any band director at all was March 18, 1973.
In this strip, the band director is unseen and unnamed, though the personality is completely in line with what Dinkle would be.
On May 13 of 1973 we got the first visual appearance of the band director.
Wait, you may be saying, who is this ‘Al’ fellow, and why does he look, sound, and act just like Harry Dinkle? Tom provides an answer.
In volume one of this Funky collection (and may I say that no truer words have ever been written about a collection of comic strips) we met the band director at Westview High. His name was Harry. Well, almost. Actually, in that very first appearance, he’s referred to as Al. Shades of Stan Lee and Peter Palmer the Amazing Spider-Man. Now, I could blame a notoriously bad memory, as Stan did when he forgot Peter Parker’s name, or I could make up some story about Al being the band director who preceded Harry at Westview, but, let’s face it, who am I trying to kid? In this, the definitive collection, definitive answers must be provided. When you’re wrong, you’ve got to step up and fess up. So I’m going to come clean and admit that it was obviously some sort of foul-up that took place during the printing process. Perhaps a glitch in the printing press or sabotage by a foreign agent. We’ll probably never know for sure. The point in not to dwell on it and move on. He was Harry after that, and Harry he remained.
Tom Batiuk, the forward to The Complete Funky Winkerbean Volume 2.
Tom may say that he was Harry after that, but in actuality the full ‘Harry L. Dinkle, World’s Greatest Band Director’ wasn’t introduced until January 19, 1975.
In fact, the band director’s last name was only established as ‘Mr. Dinkle’ on March 14, 1974, after several strips with the director had already went by.
So we can say for 1974 Mr. Dinkle existed with Schrodinger’s first name; ‘Al’ if you’re moving forward until the retcon, ‘Harry’ if you’re reading backwards.
I’m guessing that he ditched ‘Al’ as the first name for the band director because he’d already given the Westview principal, Mr. Burch, the first name ‘Al’, and just didn’t realize he’d used it again when he dashed off that first strip. Pretty common thing with gag strip writers to have a short list of names they keep going back to. Don’t believe me? Just see how many ‘Ethels’ and ‘Als’ there are in The Far Side the next time you flip through an entire book. Of course, Tom didn’t take the time to think it through again, and named Dinkle ‘Harry’ even though he’d already introduced Crazy Harry years earlier.
But, no matter what his name was, the crazed, egotistical, obsessive band director pretty much pops into the strip as a fully formed concept and would remain remarkably consistent for the next several decades.
In the late summer of 1974, we got our first Band Camp arc, which also featured the first mention of band candy.
All in all, a pretty funny bunch of strips. Oh sure, there were a few bad pun clunkers, but also some real clever gags. It’s hard to read these, and read then the last couple weeks of book flogging Batiukstrubation. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!
Son of Stuck Funky 
The original concept was funny and good because everyone has met a teacher who took himself too seriously to be taken seriously. Then, well, Batiuk started to take himself too seriously to be taken seriously and here we are now.
Right, this resonated with a lot of people, especially those of us who were in high school back then. Marching Band has become super competitive since I was in school, what with bands competing to march in the big parades around the country. Our big trip was to Cedar Point to do a performance and then we got to hang out in the park the rest of the day.
Ok, I give Batty credit for admitting his mistake. But just do so and move on, jeeze he thinks that by adding more words he sounds smarter. This proves that Batty never took notes and hence why there are so many inconsistencies in his work.
I was in middle school band in 1984, and it was super-competitive then. My directors were allright, but they were way too invested in winning these dumb contests. I switched from sports to music because I was tired of competition culture, not because I wanted more of it.
In high school, I switched to school plays. One day a kid from another school asked me how my school did in state drama competitions. We never entered one. I didn’t know they existed. The topic just never came up. I guess our teacher didn’t see the value of it, and the kids never asked about it. Even though we had a few ambitious kids who did things like help with local adult theater productions. (I was one of those kids.)
But it was one of those moments in life that makes you say “yeah, I’m on the right team.”
I played percussion in the pit band for our high school plays, it was a great experience and much more cultural than band competitions.
I was in high school band from 1981 to 1985. The first year band director was pretty relaxed and didn’t put a lot of effort into our performances and certainly didn’t take us to any competitions. The next year, we had a new band director and she was the extreme opposite. She wanted precision music and precision marching. I have to admit, she created a fairly good band and we did end up marching in a parade at Magic Kingdom and playing for Donald Duck’s 50th birthday. And I sold a lot of band candy.
Well as long as you had some fun in the process! By my senior year, I was playing out at weddings, etc. Back then people had live music at weddings, DJ’s were just starting to come around. We were called The Sounds of Simcha!
Tom Batiuk has a very selective memory when it comes to comic-books.
He mentions “Peter Palmer,”* which was a simple mistake, yet doesn’t reflect on the fact that the error with the Hulk in *Fantastic Four* #25 (the story keeps referring to “Bob Banner”**) led to Bruce Banner becoming “Robert Bruce Banner” in time.
Likewise, he doesn’t note that in the very first *Boy Commandos* tale Andre Chavard identified himself as “Pierre,” or reference the page promising the Howling Commandos assisting in “the crackdown of Captain Storm,” which would appear as “The Crackdown of Captain Flint” in *Sgt. Fury* #11.
Nor that the married name of the host body of the original Valkyrie in *The Defenders* went from “Norris” to “Norriss” because Steve Gerber thought it looked better that way. (“Istanbul, not Constantinople…”)
“Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you,” wrote Paul
Simon, and Bob Dylan felt that you must “take care of your memories…for you cannot relive them.” Batiuk reminds me not of “Old Friends” or of “Open the Door, Homer,” but of Gerda’s annoyance with with Jane in Gail Godwin’s *Odd Woman*:
“Oh, shit, Jane, how you edit your memories.”
Pete Roberts, meet Pete Reynolds.
*
Professor Warren of Empire State University had a brother who taught Peter Parker at Midtown High, according to Kurt Busiek.
**
In *Avengers* #2, Rick Jones meets the Space Phantom, posing as the Hulk, and says that the Hulk’s alter ego is “Dr. Don Blake.”
Jane Foster and Betty Ross would find that interesting.
(I find it more interesting that the Space Phantom doesn’t know of the Hulk’s dual identity, but knows that Iron Man is Tony Stark. Maybe he thinks that Giant-Man and the Wasp are actually Reed Richards and Sue Storm? Or Scott Summers and Jean Grey?)
On television, Bill Bixby would be neither Bruce nor Robert but David. (Never retconned into “Peter David Banner,” of course!)
They didn’t him to be named “Bruce” for the TV show because in the mid-60s to late 70s, that name somehow meant the character was gay. Why? Who knows. It’s not like the homophobic humor of those days was subtle. There’s a parody of the old song “Big Bad John” that was changed into “Big Bad Bruce,” and you’re wrong, the song was even worse than it sounds.
Laugh-In called every gay man Bruce until a viewer wrote in asking them to stop. “My son is named Bruce.” And they stopped.
In Australia, on the other hand, Bruce is a name to be uttered with pride. Think of the “Monty Python” sketch set down under where Michael joins a group of men named Bruce and the others ask whether they can call him “Bruce.”
To avoid confusion, you understand.
There is no Rule 6!
E. Nelson Bridwell in his introduction to *Batman from the 30s to the 70s* links “Bruce” as a code for gayness to Fredric Wertham’s view of the Batman/Robin relationship in *Seduction of the Innocent.* Bridwell then points out that Bruce Wayne has never lacked for heterosexual relationships in his life, beginning with Julie Madison (whom he was planning to marry, based on *Detective* #31), citing Selina Kyle, Linda Page, Vicki Vale and Kathy Kane.
Lois Lane could have her own solo title, but with the Batman, the book would have to be called *Batman’s Girlfriends* and would be something like the “NBC Mystery Movie” show, rotating arcs featuring the above-mentioned ladies and later favorites such as Silver St. Cloud and Talia al-Ghul.
There is no accounting for name changes: Max von Sydow said that he grew up reading Milt Caniff, but that it was *Jim and the Pirates,* not *Terry.*
(Not even *Teddy,* Mister Kurtzman!)
I think a lot of Yanks learned about Aussie “Bruce” from the Philosopher’s Sketch. I was confused–why are these macho men whose main rule is “NO POOFTAHS!” be named Bruce? It only turned up a few times in the series, but I guess the contemporary British Bruce equivalent was “Maurice.”
It got weirder when they did the game show “Prejudice,” the goal of which was to find stupid reasons to hate people. (“miserable fat Belgian bastards!!”). I don’t know, but I’m guessing Graham came out of the closet to them around then.
It was only on LP, but here’s the song if you missed it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9SqQNgDrgg
According to Kenneth Johnson (the producer who developed The Incredible Hulk TV series), he changed Hulk’s name because he felt the use of alliterative names was too silly and “comic book-y”, and audiences wouldn’t take the show seriously. (Stan Lee would repeat the “Bruce sounds too gay” story, but… Stan’s memory wasn’t always the best on these things. Especially if it made for a good story.)
(It doesn’t really explain why they didn’t just call him Robert Banner; yeah, “Bob Banner” would still be alliterative, but they could just… never have anyone call him Bob? I dunno. But Kenneth Johnson also said he chose “David” because it’s his son’s name, so… that really may be the extent of it.)
(Also, when recounting the “Bruce sounds too gay” argument, the counterargument usually cited was Bruce Jenner, the well-known athlete of the time. Yeah, that one hits a bit different today…)
In the Mad magazine parody of “The Incredible Hulk,” the David Banner character says, “As a matter of fact, my name is ‘Bruce’ in the comic book version. But the producers felt it wasn’t a masculine enough name for TV!”
In the same panel, an announcer’s voice comes from a TV set saying, “And Jenner wins the Decathlon!! BRUCE is the WORLD’S GREATEST ATHLETE!!”
Was that New Jersey guy not popular at the time? Springsteen?
Bruce Springsteen had a vast jump in popularity in in 1975 with the release of *Born to Run*; however, legal difficulties kept him from releasing his fourth album until 1978.
“The Hulk” TV series began in 1977.
Perhaps the Boss wasn’t as popular then as he would become, sort of like the Rutles flap when “we’re bigger than Rod” was misheard as “we’re bigger than God.”
“Rod” was “Rod Stewart,” who was then several years away from the Jeff Beck Group, the Faces and “Maggie May.”
His cover of “Drift Away” should be better known than it is.
The Mad parody appeared in the January 1979 parody, which would have been on newsstands late in 1978. So, as Anonymous Sparrow notes, Springsteen was known by then, but much less popular then he would later become with the Born in the U.S.A. album.
I was in high school during the peak of Springsteen’s popularity. One of my teachers commented, “I’m not much of a fan of Bruce Springsteen’s music, but I really appreciate what he has done for the name ‘Bruce.'” (That teacher was a heterosexual man named Bruce.)
even in 1973, Dinkle’s egomania was already there and holy fuck I dont wanna beat the fuck out of Dinkle any less
In today’s Crankshaft, I’m far less offended by Dinkle than I am by Lillian.
WHAT? Lillian’s got ANOTHER talent? What’s next, she’s going to host a talk show while painting a portrait and selling enough band candy to save Europe? And win then the Nobel Peace Prize for physics?
(I know she’s already a singer in the choir, but being asked to solo is more challenging.)
If Lillian were to win an Edgar for one of her novels, she’d give it to Les, wouldn’t she?
Given Simon Grim’s winning the Nobel Prize in “Henry Fool,” it could happen for her, but (switches to Rod Serling voice) it is the hope of all good and women everywhere that it never does…
Would it really be that bad if Lillian got to host a talk show? You know, if it ended like the last time Batiuk had a talk show host character…?
Nice idea, but I don’t think there’s any risk of the syndicate or anyone else wanting to acquire the rights to Lillian McKenzie.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
I could probably sing in the beside manorism jazz band but I’m more of a metalcore/pop punk/nu metal kind of person
and also my singing is okay at best and cringeworthy at it’s absolute worst
here’s me singing a crappy cover of Lit’s My Own Worst Enemy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAsI3ZL4B40
Related to the batiukverse: this abomination I made using the Act III images of Sir Nuts-A-Lot, Mopey Pete and Duhruin, and a image of Drunky Winkerbean and made it look like the album cover of Weezer’s Blue Album:
Make of this what you will.
While walking down Bleecker Street, I found a box of abandoned CDs. One of them was Weezer’s *Blue* album.
Or so it seemed…the packaging was Weezer, but when I got it home, I found that inside it contained the disc for Pink Floyd’s *Wish You Were Here.*
I wonder if someone who found the box earlier has a copy of *Blue* in a *Wish You Were Here* package.
From one lost soul swimming in a fishbowl year after year to another!
So when did Dinkle jump the shark?
Day One
When he stopped going by “Al”
The first band camp / band candy
The first band turkeys
The first “Battle of the Bands” monsoon
The first Claude Barlow strip
The first autobiography strip
When he sabotaged ABC’s Monday Night Football broadcast from Cincinnati by cutting the studio feed, kidnapping one of the NFL coaches, and having a parent president of the band booster club hijack the Goodyear blimp to keep its cameras pointed at the band, which was playing at halftime
When the band bailed said booster club president out of jail by selling extra band candy
The Rose Parade story arc where Dinkle hijacked the Elks float in strip (and in real life)
Act II’s beginning
When Harriet stopped being a Mrs. Columbo-style unseen character
When his pre-Lefty assistant with the curly hair disappeared
When Lefty was hired
When he had the performing arts center named after him
Act III’s beginning / “retirement” / hearing loss
When his hearing loss disappeared
When OMEA arcs became a regular thing
This… THIS
The community band
The Bedside Manorisms
The Belgian band candy award
The St. Spires “gospel” choir
Act IV-shaft’s beginning
Today’s strip
When he sabotaged ABC’s Monday Night Football broadcast from Cincinnati by cutting the studio feed, kidnapping one of the NFL coaches, and having a parent president of the band booster club hijack the Goodyear blimp to keep its cameras pointed at the band, which was playing at halftime
I think that’s when Dinkle’s ass should’ve been fired ASAP and sent to jail
Act I had a clear tone of exaggerated comedy, so Dinkle’s over-the-top antics worked. As did others, like Les being the hall monitor with a machine gun. (Batiuk later tried to whitewash this by trying to say it wasn’t a real machine gun, instead of admitting that real-life events made the joke age poorly.)
Later infamous stories, like the mascot catching the game-winning touchdown, would have made sense in Act I. Batiuk poisoned the well of Act I-style comedy. Then he kept going back to that well.
Dinkle didn’t jump the shark – the strip did. Dinkle never lost what made him a strong character. But once the main cast was out of high school, and the strip got all “quarter inch from reality” drama-heavy, he served no purpose. He became a Captain Planet villain in Allen Gregory. After Act I ended, Dinkle only made sense in Act I-type stories, where he could continue to bully the next generation of high schoolers.
In the traditional sense: Dinkle didn’t jump the shark when he retired. He jumped the shark when he couldn’t stay retired. I thought losing his hearing, and having to leave his job at the high school, was a skillful ending. Heavy-handed and capricious, yes. But realistic, and on-brand for the Funkyverse. It was also a deft way to get Dinkle out of his job, because he was never going to step down on his own.
I really liked the idea of Dinkle becoming the music director at Bedside Manor. It let Dinkle keep doing the job that gave him purpose in life, and brought some joy to other characters stuck in a miserable place. (Old folks’ homes are just the worst.) It also justified writing him out of the strip, something that was long overdue. I thought it was a magnificent ending.
What did Tom Batiuk do next? He gave Dinkle a fucking record contract. And a tour.
Rarely have Funky Winkerbean‘s past as a comedic but heartfelt comic strip, and its present as a masturbatory aid for Tom Batiuk’s ego, collided so violently.
Everything after that – the magically regained hearing, the OMEA arcs, the trip to Belgium, the second Rose Parade trip, the job at St. Spires, the book signings – are all evidence of the entire Funkyverse jumping the shark. Not the causes of one character jumping it.
While I certainly agree, I do think there is some YMMV with Dinkle and the gags TB built around him. I would say that some of them worked (the BOTB monsoons) and some didn’t (anything where Dinkle is writing), but TB never seemed to throw any of his running Dinkle gags out (other than unseen Harriet) so you wound up dreading the character’s appearance even if the running gag of the week was one of the better ones. We’re talking pre-Act III here, as no Act III Dinkle strip could be mentioned in the same sentence as the phrase “one of the better ones”.
From that standpoint for me, the character jumped when band candy/turkey/mattress sales became about him and not about the interactions the poor kids who had to schlep the merchandise around had while trying to sell it. Obviously, not every strip about band fundraising was about Dinkle and not the kids… but but the ones that were, ugh. And I flinched every time the subject came up because I dreaded seeing Dinkle talk about band fundraising.
Fair enough. But considering how Dinkle acted from Day One, I struggle to identify a time when it wasn’t all about him.
Oh look! Lillian’s going to get paid now! That must be nice for her to be an inexplicably successful singer, on top of her inexplicably successful writing career and inexplicably successful bookstore.
If Lillian falls in love with some elderly gentleman in the Bedside Manorisms, and we get a nursing home wedding, I want a million dollars.
I want two million dollars to pay the therapists I’m gonna need if the elderly gentleman is Mort.
But all of that would be way too ambitious for terminal stage Crankshaft. I’m putting 20 buck on a week of anemic gags and then let us never speak of this again…
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Lillian: If I get paid handsomely, I’M IN!
(ON THIS DAY, 18 YEARS AGO, Crankshaft went to the doctor with his best friend Ralph Meckler for a checkup because Ralph had a lump on his thyroid. Also on May 8th, 2006, I was born)
Plot twist: Ralph tested negative for cancer
Happy birthday to me, the youngest person who’s commented on Son of Stuck Funky
Happy Birthday young’un! Thanks for making me feel absolutely ANCIENT today.
❤
Ah yes, there is that Batty approach to drama—bring in more misery. How original.
Happy birthday!
As a present, we’ve arranged for the new Tom Batiuk spinoff strip Lil ‘n’ Dinkle! to be cancelled before it even debuts.
(Unfortunately, that had the unintended consequence of making Lillian and Dinkle still available for appearances in Crankshaft — sorry!)
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Looks like Timemop’s fucking with the time-space continuum led to the Bedside Manorism jazz band to forget who Lillian is
If only that happened with everyone else in the batiukverse
Meanwhile in Big Nate:
Francis catches Nate jerking off while reading a book about a high school teacher
Francis catches Nate jerking off while reading a book about a high school teacher
I meant to type in cheerleader instead of “teacher”