Last week, I wrote about Tom Batiuk’s blog post, where he defended his use of what he calls “non-linear storytelling.” He said that he intentionally abandons stories and returns to them later. I thought this was a nod to the fact that 90-something Eugene wordlessly rowed into a lake a couple weeks ago, and his story abruptly stopped there.
Silly me. It turns out Batiuk wasn’t talking about Eugene. He was actually talking about his favorite subject. No, not comic books. Himself!
I will go through this week of Crankshaft day-by-day, because it deserves that much attention. But first, let’s take a moment to review the history of the Centerview Sentinel.
Its story began on June 14, 2021, with a week of the locals complaining about newspaper layoffs and reduced editions. On September 20, the infamous “Mordor Financial” arc began. Skip published a whiny story in the newspaper about the newspaper’s own demise. In a flashback, Skip goes to New York, quits the paper, and announces his plans to destroy its archives.
Don’t ask me how Skip quit his job at the newspaper, told off the owners, deleted its archives, and then published a story about these events in the same newspaper. Must be more of that non-linear storytelling.
The newspaper apparently went defunct. But on February 22, 2022, all the residents of Centerville were invited to a meeting about the newspaper’s future. They discussed subscriptions, community ownership, delivery, printing presses, and appointed Skip editor. They covered every detail except for one: who’s going to write the stories. (Ponder the irony of that for a moment, considering how much the Funkyverse runs on every important character being a writer.)
So it’s very unclear what this newspaper even is. We only know of two employees besides Skip: an unnamed woman who called the meeting and apparently oversees the business side; and Crankshaft punching bag Lena, who volunteered to write a baking column. And this was a full-featured newspaper. There’s no way in hell one man is producing a daily paper with that many sections, even if he’s just buying all the content from wire services and arranging it. Especially when that man is 100 years old and missing an arm.
With all that in mind, let’s start with Monday’s strip. Skip just interviewed Batton Thomas a week ago, in a series of strips I described as “My Dinner With Andre, if Andre was the most boring, insufferable twit you’ve ever met.” And Wallace Shawn is back for seconds.
Skip says he had to meet with Batton again, because the piece is “longer and more in-depth” than he anticipated. This is the first of many ego tongue baths Tom Batiuk will be giving himself this week. Tell me, Skip, what was it about “I like pizza and comic books” that was so in-depth that it warranted further investigation? And making the community-owned newspaper pay for another trip to Montoni’s? Dude, you’re getting grifted.
Also, when you’re an interviewer, you don’t tell the subject things like “I’m not sure what form our interview is going to take.” It’s none of their business, and they don’t care anyway. You tell them who you’re working for, the intended purpose of the interview, and what “on the record” means. Other than that, you just interview the person. Skip is unprofessional and incompetent. I went into detail about why in the previous post, so I won’t again here.
On Tuesday, Skip asks about his “interest in comics” and Batton responds about “comics.” It’s not clear if they mean comic strips or comic books, but I’m sure you can guess where this intentional vagueness is going.
And how many times do we need to see this face?
Harriet is the expert on re-used art, but I think using the same face three times in the first 9 days of an a arc is a record. And it’s definitely an old drawing, because I used it in my Being John Malkovich parody a long time ago. There are other similar-looking faces in this arc.
I’m going to skip Wednesday’s strip and come back to it, because we need to look at Thursday for some additional context.
On Thursday, Batton describes flying to New York City the summer after he graduated college, to interview with Marvel and DC Comics. This is a word for word re-telling of Tom Batiuk’s own life.
I was shocked to learn that Batton Thomas is much more of an self-insertion than we thought. He’s not just an older cartoonist from Cleveland who loves pizza and comic books. Batton Thomas has lived the same life as Tom Batiuk, down to the last detail. Batton says in the above graphic that he just ended a comic strip but is still doing a second one, which is true of Batiuk, at least his version of what happened. And today we learn that Batton did exactly what Batiuk did, which was try to go straight from college to a job at Marvel or DC. And he did it exactly the same way.
Batton isn’t a fictionalized, exaggerated version of Batiuk, like you see in movie cameos a lot. Some actors like Bill Murray and Christopher Walken specialize in playing hammy versions of their real selves. Batton is the most straightforward non-deconstruction imaginable. There isn’t a drop of self-parody, self-deprecation, or self-awareness; only self-promotion. It’s hard to view this story as anything but a colossal ego trip for Batiuk. Starting with the conceit that he’s not stupefyingly boring.
By the way, Batiuk has dragged out the sepia-toned flashback panels again, for the third story in barely a month. But let’s move on to Friday. Batton describes being rejected by DC Comics because his “story treatments were too long.” Which doesn’t match any details Batiuk has shared about his own life, as far as I know. But after yesterday, don’t we have to conclude this must have happened to Batiuk too?
In the next panel, Batton/Batiuk is re-writing his stories in a phone booth, on his way to Marvel Comics. He also says “The Jon Gnagy courses weren’t bringing it home the way I hoped.” That’s uselessly vague, but at least it’s a story point. He failed his first job interview, and feels pressure to do better in his second and final attempt at his dream job. This is a relatable feeling. We all have memories of getting our first job, how stressful it was, how much we wanted to impress employers, and the feelings of acceptance and rejection the process inspired in us.
We move on to Saturday and… Batton moved back to Cleveland and became a cartoonist. I guess he didn’t get hired by Marvel. As usual, Batiuk edited around the only interesting thing in the story. But at least the story is finally moving forward– oh, wait, no it isn’t, because Skip ends the interview. “That story has to wait for another day.” Which means we can expect a third week of Batton sitting in Montoni’s telling Tom Batiuk’s life story.
I said I wouldn’t talk about Skip’s incompetence, but now I have to. Skip, you’ve paid for two trips to Montoni’s to interview a 50-year cartoonist, and you haven’t gotten to the part where he’s a cartoonist yet. What has Batton been yammering about for two hours? How have you not died of boredom, or maybe just old age? How do you even have time to do this, when you’re the editor of a newspaper whose only other known staffer is a baking columnist who can’t bake? Could you at least try to take control of the interview?
As for you, Batton, do you not realize how bad you look here? You claim to love cartooning, but all you want to talk about is comic books and how you wanted to make those instead. You’re bitter about being criticized for “long story treatments,” but we just heard you bury an interviewer in an avalanche of words without saying a damned thing. So that note seems pretty valid.
Knowing that this arc is Tom Batiuk’s autobiography, let’s go back to the Wednesday strip I skipped over. Batton says he always dreamed of being a cartoonist, even though that contradicts everything else we’ve learned about him. His future wife says “you’ll get over that once you mature,” which Batton defies, thinking “watch me!” As we all know, he remained a cartoonist for life, and did very well for himself.
Now, we don’t know much about Batton’s personal life. But in light of how Batton’s life is identical to Tom Batiuk’s in every way, I have to think this actually happened to Tom Batiuk. And it raises a very big question, one I’ve asked many times before.
What the hell is the tone of this?
Tom Batiuk isn’t the first successful artist whose ambitions were doubted by others. And yes, it’s great when a dreamer proves the naysayers wrong. But this is not who you gloat to about it! This is his own wife of 50-plus years, who he raised a family with and is still together with. Of all the people whose noses he could rub in his success, he chose his own loyal wife? She’s not even being rude or unreasonable here. It’s great to have dreams, especially when you’re young enough to be attending your senior prom. But it’s also good to be realistic about your future. If anything, her concern for his career plans is sweet, because it suggests she’s already sizing him up as a potential mate.
Why couldn’t “Batton” have heard this from some jock bully who’s now a DoorDash driver? Why couldn’t this girl have been some long-forgotten ex instead of “Batton’s” future wife? Lord knows everyone else in the Funkyverse is still nursing some stupid high school grudge. This scene really could have used that.
I didn’t want to write about Wednesday’s strip. I really, really didn’t. If Tom Batiuk hadn’t put so much effort into making Batton Thomas’ life match his in every way, it would be easy to ignore. But I can’t help but think there’s some real-life subtext here. And because it’s so poorly written, I have no clue what that subtext could be.
Next stop: The Burnings!
Son of Stuck Funky 
Skip, you’ve paid for two trips to Montoni’s to interview a 50-year cartoonist, and you haven’t gotten to the part where he’s a cartoonist yet. What has Batton been yammering about for two hours? How have you not died of boredom, or maybe just old age? How do you even have time to do this, when you’re the editor of a newspaper whose only other known staffer is a baking columnist who can’t bake? Could you at least try to take control of the interview?
I think Skip is not qualified to be working for ANY newspaper at this point
I’m starting to suspect he earned his nickname by skipping over anything interesting when pursuing a story.
The Funky event of the year is almost upon us! Expectations may’ve gone up and down in this rollercoaster of a year ever since Annotated Funky gave us that warning, but I think whatever happens in the Burnings, we can expect some fantastically-snarkable stuff to go down. Gonna be a pleasantly fun September in the funny pages, one will hope!
In the spirit of things, behold my bingo board of predictions:
Not certain there’s a winner in any of these columns and rows, but hey, making these predictions up was fun in and of itself, and that’s what matters. Rooting for my boy Holtron!
I’m betting that Batton rambles like Steven Seagal, the contiunity getting fucked over yet again, Pedoskunk Johnny and Crazy Harry rambling over comics and Climate Change/Damage mentioned, but the rest of them are just too ambitious for Batiuk to do (especially killing off Loathsome Lizard Lillian and/or Ed Crankshit)
Andrew,
The BINGO CARD is excellent. The notice underneath is perfection. My addition would be no appearance by Funky himself.
Andrew,
Speaking with Be Ware of Eve Hill from yesterday’s post, will the Oscar from the “Best Actress Award Winner” make an official appearance?
I considered that, but with his well-deserved/planned retirement in Florida I considered Funky’s absence a given, barring particularly unique circumstances. Like if maybe the state starts going underwater from the climate damage.
One never knows; Batiuk said that the reference to Lillian’s bookstore originally was going to say it was one of the few to survive “the floodings”, but changed it to “The Burnings” instead. So he was probably intending on doing a Climate Damage polemic, and probably will find a way to sledgehammer one in.
(Also, if The Burnings is going to go into October, he might bring Funky back for another Pizza Monster showdown. There’s also the chance that Batiuk will have just plain forgotten that Funky retired, sold Montoni’s, and moved to Florida, and he’ll be in Westview as if it were still September 2022. It’s really impossible to predict what form his slipshod work will take.)
I’d take 5 to 1 odds Funky is back in Ohio with no explanation so Batiuk can do the Pizza Box Monster bit again.
I’d take 100 to 1 he’s running Montoni’s with no explanation.
Those are some tempting odds!
if some betting house would offer me +500 that Funky appears in Crankshaft this Halloween, and +10000 that he’ll do so as the operator of Montoni’s, I’d jump on both bets with both feet.
Great bingo card!
I’d say the far right column has a chance — “continuity snarled again” is practically a gimme, and the others have a reasonable shot!
Does “Batton Thomas Ramble” count if he stops the Burnings for a week and goes back to the interview with Skip in Montoni’s? I think that’s very likely, because this arc is 6 weeks and Batiuk has a “three week rule.”
It’s the “watch me” that just kills the Wednesday strip.
It was such an easy punchline to nail, you just end on the “you’ll get over that once you mature” bit. That makes it a self-deprecating joke, the reader can easily infer a follow-up “but alas, I never did mature… aren’t I blessed to have been able to make a career out of my childhood dream?” It’s well-worn territory but also competent cutesy couples shtick.
But TB misses the layup, destroying what would have been the only decent strip of the week with two words and a thought bubble.
But he doesn’t commit to it either. He doesn’t say “aren’t I blessed to have been able to make a career out of my childhood dream?” In fact, he doesn’t say anything! We’re supposed to be impressed with a witty internal thought he had 55 years ago. We’re supposed to infer the gloat.
And in addition to the lack of commitment, and being cruelly aimed at his biggest ally in life, there’s a third problem: this idea needed to be fleshed out more. If you’re going to revisit your own life like this, “proving the doubters wrong” should be more of a theme than the job you wanted but didn’t get. But we know what Batiuk’s priorities are.
The term “Tomsturbation” has never been more appropriate.
His actual opinion of Marvel is buried in the story of Batom Comics. They were bullying them by defending their copyright.
A man who earnestly believes that someone should just let themselves be plagiarized because they’re big enough not to miss the money is the sort of asshole who steals cable. Batiuk doesn’t see that as wrong.
Nor does he see anything wrong with stealing property (the Sentinel’s archives and systems) from a hedge fund that legally purchased it from the previous owner.
The hedge fund is the bad guy, Skip is the good guy. So anything the hedge fund does is bad and anything Skip does is good.
Tom is the good guy, as he reminds us constantly. Therefore anything he does is good. That includes stealing intellectual property from other creators, including a little kid.
And if you question that, then you are the bad guy.
This is a constant theme in the Funkyverse and in Batiuk’s own life. He frequently uses other people’s intellectual property, especially comic books, in ways that don’t qualify as fair use.
And the Funkyverse’s “bad guys” are so easily defeated. If some one-armed clown from Buttville, Ohio had showed up in a hedge fund office in the Flatiron Building in New York City, he would never have gotten out of the lobby. The minute he said “I quit” he would have been locked out of every Centerview Sentinel computer system. Then he would have been sued, or gone to jail, for threatening to destroy company property.
Same for Frankie and his reality show. The town’s unwillingness to help wouldn’t have been an obstacle. Same for Les and his stupid book. That “kill fee” stunt would have gotten him blacklisted, assuming his obvious lack of talent wasn’t enough reason to reject him.
But all the bad guys can do is sit helpless and let Tom’s avatar lecture them, because that’s how he thinks the world should work.
It’s why people rallied around an incompetent asshole bus driver who took pride in not doing his damn job while riding the woman who wanted his dumb ass fired out on a rail.
This is why the saga of Dead Skunk Head is just plain awful. Roberta might be loud and rude but she was right about John having no issues with selling porn to minors. She’ll be right when the Burnings start too but Batiuk’s mommy issues and clear lack of empathy will decide her fate.
I wish that Pedoskunk Johnny dies in the Byrnings
Perhaps if he does, Becky might reconsider behaving like what only Batiuk thinks a woman is.
RE: Sunday 8/25’s ‘Shaft (featuring Ed Crankshaft):
Okay, Ed, let’s go over this one more time since you seem to keep forgetting. Your grandson is Max, the late 20s/early 30s chap with the chin fuzz who “runs” the Valentine movie theatre with wife Hannah. Their child Mitch–who was born in said theatre back in February of 2020, making him about four years old–is your great-grandson. In other words, neither Max nor Mitch should be getting on a school bus at this point in time. Got it? Can you–and, more importantly, your creator who writes this strip–keep it straight?
His not being able to get his facts straight is a symptom of the mental infirmity that makes him a meandering and disorganized mess who thinks too much of himself.
Crankshaft or Batiuk?
Since Cranky is his pet curmudgeon, both.
“Ah, yeah. Well, whenever you notice something like that, a̶ ̶w̶i̶z̶a̶r̶d̶ Timemop did it.”
“I see, all right yes. But in episode AG4…“
“W̶i̶z̶a̶r̶d̶. Timemop.”
I’m just going to work off the assumption that Chinbeard is, in fact, still in school, due to being a massive imbecile. (Hey, it’s plausible!)
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Lena: Ed. Mitch is your great-grandson.
Ed: Who the hell are Max and Mindy?
two guys come in and grab Crankshaft and drag him to an insane asylum
“I just don’t understand it. I tell people over and over how smart and clever I am, and how my work is genius-level, and the readers don’t seem to get it! *sigh* Time to tell them again, I guess.”
<i>The Burnings.</i> Tom Batiuk bravely moves from CTE to UTIs.
Further aside: Is it ironic that Lillian is going to be portrayed as the brave defender of free speech given her youthful censorship of her sister’s love letter? Just wondering.
He will make her into another Lisa and all of Lillian’s previous actions will be forgotten or ignored, leaving readers confused and unable to connect to her character. This is why none of Batty’s characters resonate with anyone.
“Of all the people whose noses he could rub in his success, he chose his own loyal wife?”
Why? Because he forgets nothing and forgives nothing. He’s still pissed off about DC and Marvel rejecting me, he’s still pissed about ‘hollywood’ not making a Crankshaft TV show and that he didn’t win the Pulitzer is a constant source of complaint.
So of course he would remember his wife doubting him and still be angry about it. Underneath the ‘nice’ there is a profoundly petty human being with a nasty streak. It’s well understood that Les is the Author’s avatar (among others) and his sneering contempt of EVERYONE I suspect all too accurately reflects his creator’s inner feelings.
And above all else, he’s still pissed off his mother took his comic books away for five minutes.
I don’t know exactly why you’re getting downvoted, Perfessor, but I can’t disagree with what you’ve said. Of course, I don’t know TB personally. I can only judge him by what he’s said, written, and done publicly. And what he’s written about his mother and his wife doesn’t reek of “good guy.” I don’t sense a folksy, jocular, Dave-Barry-jokes-about-his-marriage tone here. I sense bitterness and long-simmering resentment. And Rose Murdoch, the clear avatar for his own mother, is just a horrible person with virtually no redeeming values.
Don’t get me wrong; I don’t judge someone for being angry at their parents. I do judge someone who can’t simmer down after nearly seventy years. Especially when, based on his own writing, Ma Batiuk seems to have been a pretty normal mom.
The unforgivable nature of his mother’s offenses, as far as we know, was: She thought comix would rot his brain.
(She was right.)
Seconded. Some people have legit reasons to be angry at their parents, but Tom Batiuk doesn’t seem to be one of them.
Syndicated comics seem to attract the infantile and vindictive. Lynn Johnston will never let go of her seething resentment for her mother for….uh…not wanting to accept Lynn’s half-assing her way through life because she wanted praise but didn’t care to earn it.
I think you can blame your parents for some of your problems. Until you’re 21, then it’s just you not realizing that the only thing all your problems have in common is you.
But I’m not Tom.
My parents had as say issues and it affected me. Still they honestly did their best and after time and a LOT of therapy I learned to accept that and move on. They’re both gone now and I do miss them. Any lingering issues I have and I do have some are my problem.
I think there’s definitely some truth to this. There’s always been a weird, ugly undercurrent running through FW and the other strip, especially where comic books, Hollywood, modern medicine, and air travel are concerned. Not to mention women, but that’s a whole other barrel of rotting fish that’s best left covered.
Somewhere, alone in the darkness, a solitary figure weeps and cries out.
Best Actress Award Winner Les Moore: Batton Thomas?! I thought I was your favorite author avatar insert! (sobs uncontrollably)
Batton: Go fuck yourself, you whiny bearded dick with ears! You are incapable of getting over the death of your wife!
Batton beats up Les with the Best Actress award
Les proudly stands up in a beaten, bloody slouch. Smirks at Batton. Grasps his well deserved Oscar, and poses for his adoring masses. (He waits and waits for them to arrive.) The Best Actress Award Winner waves to the crowd.
Les isn’t “incapable of getting over the death of your wife“. He chooses not to. It’s his excuse for his own negative behavior.
Dang, remember 20 years ago, when every socially-incompetent weirdo with no social skills and even more body odor claimed that they “had Aspergers”? Yeah, you’re an UNDISCOVERED, UNAPPRECIATED GENIUS according to an internet quiz you took, not a guy who thinks showers are a monthly thing, wiping your own ass is SO GAY, and still couldn’t understand why the Sailor Moon cosplayer wouldn’t want to bang you–was a thing?!
(looks at modern internet)
Okay, I guess that never went away. Like how Tom is mad that it’s not 1962 anymore.
I still think the creepiest image this strip has ever had is: Cayla and Susan, warring over Les’s affection on New Years Eve, while he psychotically dances with Dead Lisa. And they all considered this normal.
In the pre-social media days of the web, somebody did a great prank. They set up one of those dumb “are you a genius” tests. No matter what your answers were, you got a “genius” rating and a helpful snippet of HTML you could use on your own blog to tell the world about it.
After a couple weeks, the scores all changed from genius-level to mediocre. Which meant thousands of people now had boastful “99 IQ!” designations on their home page.
Nobody could deal with this. Everyone insisted “no, I really am a genius, I swear!” even though they’d just been duped. No one could laugh it off, and say “okay, good one, you got me, ha ha.” Which is what an actual genius would do. A person who’s intelligent and confident of it wouldn’t be so insecure about it, and wouldn’t need seek kind of amateur validation in the first place.
Fragile ego is a sign of somebody who doesn’t really believe what they say about themselves.
I saw the winners of the 78th annual Reuben Awards The Daily Cartoonist web site. Tom Batiuk was NOT present! The outrage!
Bill Hinds was awarded the Gold T-Square for Tank McNamara, which started two years after Funky Winkerbean.
Would their definition of a cartoonist be someone who actually draws cartoons? If so, Tom hasn’t been a cartoonist for at least a few decades now.
Long time lurker, first time poster here.
On The Daily Cartoonist where the Reuben Awards story was posted was this gem:
https://www.dailycartoonist.com/index.php/2024/08/25/comic-strip-stats-and-stuff/
Welcome aboard. And thanks for an excellent first post! I’ve wondered about Batiuk’s Blue Bombers fandom for awhile. He’s written about it in his blog, but never told us what the connection is. The article refernced in your article explains it.
And it’s just as boring and petty as we’d have guessed. He randomly saw them on TV during an NFL lockout. (Which ran from March to July. Only the Hall of Fame Game, the traditional first game of NFL exhibition season, happens during that window. So I wonder why Mr. I Hate Dumb Jocks couldn’t live without televised football for that whole time period.)
Here’s that article: https://www.winnipegfreepress.com/breakingnews/2024/08/23/its-first-and-longtime-goal-for-u-s-comic-strip-creator-smitten-with-bombers
Thanks and welcome! I always thought he had a friend up in Winnipeg and he was just doing that bit to impress that person.
Here in NE Ohio we have a lot of Canadians that live and work. My neighbors are from Ottawa and my grandparents were from Montreal. Niagara Falls and Toronto are popular vacation getaways as you can easily drive to both places from here. So I just thought Tom had a similar connection to Canada.
Thanks again for the link!
Thank you for posting that link! Hope to see more from you!
My response to the piece –
but why do they care
why is he getting free press about this
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
You know Canadians, they’re just so nice to a fault.
Thinking more serious though, outside the snark-sphere there’s no real reason to shun Batiuk or his work, and with someone with even as modestly big of an audience as him to give attention to something as internationally niche as Canadian US-style football, it’s only natural for Winnipeg’s PR industry to want to give kudos to the shoutouts, pay for tickets and whatnot.
I would question if going as far as letting him run with the team is worth the merit, but I don’t know all the workings of special guests at football games. All I know is baseball giving people the right of first pitch or singing the national anthem.
Tom is really hurt from being rejected by Marvel and DC. He won’t let it go. Haven’t all of us missed out on dream jobs? It’s like the rest of his career is insignificant because his art didn’t match up to M & DC. Tom was born too late to become that level of fame. In the 50’s and 60’s I remember both companies producing caricature issues: Bob Hope, Jerry Lewis, Sugar & Spice, the Inferior Five, the monster issues, Millie the Model, Not Bland Echh, Tom’s art could have fit in with those issues, but by the time he is old enough, those days had left. Super Hero art had evolved past him. I don’t think that he gets it. He created his own niche. He has nothing to regret.
I do have a question for our SOSF researchers. Did Tom ever draw a superhero cover? Did he ever write a superhero story? Is there any evidence that M & DC maybe made a mistake? (That last sentence was hard to write🤪) I believe he creates his own characters and cover titles, but is there ever anything deeper?
Last thought, if I was gonna write my final Magnum Opus, I don’t think I would start with Dinkle.
I find it interesting that Batiuk never considered working anywhere other than Marvel or DC. Nor does he have any interest in becoming an independent publisher of comic books himself. Even though he has the financial means to do so, and modern technology makes this viable. (Which makes his antipathy towards the Internet even stranger.)
Batiuk doesn’t actually want to make comic books. He just wants to be part of that world. He wants to live in the publishing world as his 8-year-old intellect imagines it. Where he just sits around in the “bullpen” all day, talks about comic book covers, gets paid gigantic amounts of money, wins awards, and hangs out with Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. He has no interest in the unglamorous day-to-day work of it. Not even story. None of his fictional comic books have ever had one. They’re just vague, derivative concepts.
I doubt Marvel or DC wishes they’d hired Batiuk all those years ago. I would politely call him “not a good fit” for this kind of job. He’d be an annoying co-worker, because he’s a know-it-all and isn’t shy about sharing that fact. He’d have to follow rules he doesn’t agree with. He’d have to work as part of a team. He wouldn’t get to choose his assignments. We know him to be prickly about editors and business concerns, and his need for comic books to be “correct.”
The world is full of skiled people who are so obnoxious nobody wants to work with them. I think Batiuk would be one of those. I won’t deny he has some natural talent, but I think his attitude would have turned employers off.
“Hey Tom, how’s it going.”
“Hey Bill, I brought your script to Stan like you asked. Oh–and I made a few improvements!”
(Bill turns pale and runs down the corridor.)
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
So it begins with Dinkle begging people to buy his god-fucking-awful books
“This story arc is about how you shouldn’t ban books!”
*Begins story by featuring books that pretty much every sentient being would be fine with banning*
Related to the Batiukverse: More strips I got from the Toledo Blade
Kara: But why can’t we use the music I chose?
Dinkle: BECAUSE I SAID SO, YOU STUPID CUNT!
(Darin, Terry, Jess and Richard bust in and beat Dinkle up
Keesterman: No, Ed, I’m gonna fucking kill you!
Save those tears for when Lisa inevitably dies of cancer, Eraser-Head Les
If only Lillian choked to death here
If only……
Fred: The only thing that CEOs and Principals have in common are sitting down and having hecka-lots of power.
Donna: More than She-Hulk?
Crazy Harry: Far more than Power Girl.
Dinkle: Did I say nice job? I meant to say that your performance was absolute SHIT.
Kara: (sobs)
ha ha it’s funny because Dinkle is the one who snuck the playboy, not the students, judging by his grin in panel 3
Sure, Fred. You’ve got the REAL hard job: sitting around not giving a shit how badly your school is failing to educate the town’s children.
This is another thing Batiuk loves: letting low-end workers whine about how hard their lives are, compared to people with objectively more difficult jobs.
“Employees aren’t sent to the CEO’s office to be punished”? Of course they are, dipshit: it’s called being fired. Real-life CEOs have HR specialists to handle that kind of thing, but that’s not true in your world. You just had Skip go to New York to quit in the office of some high-ranking person, when he could have just sent an email.
And if making sure kids are safe is an annoyance to you, then you’re in the wrong life of work.
God, these people are just the fucking worst.
csroberto2854,
I want you to know why I downvoted your comment. Generally, I enjoy you. You are bold and brash. Fiery. But I do not like the abusive names for women. I do want you to know that I respect you. I like your research abilities. You have a strong sense of humor.
THE MODERATORS ARE ASLEEP AT THEIR POSTS!
THE HEATHENS RUN AMOK!!!
THE C-WORD IS NSFW!!!
HELP! HELP! I’M BEING OPPRESSED!!
😎💛🤪🫶
so I guess Batiuk has very little church experience?
While a few progressive churches might find some wry humor in it, I feel most would be extremely put off by the choir director giving a sacrilegious title to their autobiography, especially as I think Dinkle unironically thinks he is “bigger than Jesus” here.
Unlike the Rutles, who never thought they were “bigger than God,” but only thought they were “bigger than Rod” (and accurately, too, as Rod Stewart would not be big for several years).
That’s from “All You Need Is Cash,” and when I saw it, I thought: “this hits all the targets and misses the essence.”
What “The Burnings” will hit and miss I cannot say, but I expect it will be “nearer grotty than gear.”
Marvel and DC turned me down, too. I was bummed out for about 5 minutes and moved on. More than 40 years later, I can safely say they made the right decision. Just because I enjoy reading a good comic book doesn’t mean I can actually write one.
So, “The Burnings” begin with Dinkle’s newest literary nightmare? Wait here while I run home and get my gas can…
Wow, you applied to Marvel and DC? Do tell.