You guys have been KILLING it in the comments this week. I haven’t seen such creative and joyful art spun from such tone deaf dross since Stephen Colbert covered Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’ on The Late Show with Jimmy Fallon. And this time I didn’t even have to put up with Jimmy Fallon to enjoy it.
I just had to put up with Les Moore.
I’m not here to put a damper on this at all. By all means! Keep the crazy theories coming. I know BJ6K has been collecting all the suspects and collating them into some truly epic posts. But how about a little history lesson palate cleanser, in the meantime?
I said in my last post that Act I of Funky Winkerbean light on the censorship arcs. In all my hunting through the accursed tomes, the closest approximation I found was a weeklong arc in April of 1982. In it Batiuk’s go-to crooked politician Noah Vale starts a crusade against arcade cabinets.
It’s over the top. It’s stupid. Crazy Harry testifies to Congress. It seems to be poking fun more at politicians who go on meaningless moral crusades as a power trip, and the news cycles that feed off their manufactured and artificial outrage. In short. It’s actually kind of funny.
But at the same time, buried between the lines are tiny seeds of the strawman Werthamisms that would grow into Batiuk’s pet punching bag.
Son of Stuck Funky 
I mentioned before that Ray Bradbury sort of drifted on what he “meant” with writing Fahrenheit 451. Most accounts at the start said it was about the dangers of censorship, primarily from the government, but over the years he said it better addressed consequences of illiteracy and anti-intellectualism borne of the new mediums like television that took over everyone’s time. And further one he felt it applicable to censorship via alledged political correctness issues for editing to be more “palatable” for certain groups, and that’s where the conversation gets dicey and best to divert away.
The point that can be taken away is that Ray had a lot on his mind he felt his book paralleled, all in the interest of the dangers up against reading. With that in mind, how much can that be paralleled with the Burnings?
-The Westview public school board has abruptly made F451 “not approved” for teaching or buying. So that is an entity preventing it being read, albeit for nebulous reasons, something of an act of censorship, even if a high school’s reach is limited.
-The general public is acting in an outcry of political correctness of a sort, parents partaking in protesting that this old book has “things they don’t want their kids to see.” Beyond that all we have is righteous speculating about its themes being perceived as “too adult”, and that everyone’s just scared of challenging ideas like how books were burned “almost from the moment books came into existence”, and that the fear’s being weaponized as fire.
-By contrast, I guess nobody in Westview is concerned about kids caring more about Tiktok or other brain wasting social media, if all of Les’s class is enthusiastic about this one book and getting to defy the school board. Maybe they’re like all the millennials lamenting the death of forum culture and personal websites lost to the social media craw, or just enjoying the feeling of being rebellious (considering one of the twins even claiming that their activities are “like we’re committing a crime with a back-alley handoff!”)
Now the question is, does any of this have anything to do with a senior citizen who didn’t learn to read for whatever reasons in his youth, happened to get screwed out of a baseball career because a jealous peer took advantage of this, and then didn’t bother actually learning until he was grey and school bus-driving? It’s not like he’s doing much intellectual reading when he saves the newspaper for the toilet and has an addiction to a farm supply website.
The hump day of the arc is past, and we’re on a rapidly descending slope to see if there’s any substantial or even passable events to offer more points before our odyssey ends. And I’m running out of days for my bingo squares. Come on, Holtron…!
It’s interesting, isn’t it, that the only thing we learned about the supposed motivation(?) of the arsonist(?) is Skip’s third-hand assessment that the protestors “felt there were some things in the book that they didn’t want their kids to see.”
An objection so vague that it could apply to anything from snuff films to Little Golden Books about Bible stories.
Re: being banned, there have been at least a million books written in English. Any given high school curriculum has approved — how many? Say 200? And how many books does a school library hold? Let’s be generous and say 25,000.
That means that at least 975,000 books are “banned” according to TB’s definition. Why is he focused on just the one?
As I sit here at my desk, here are the nearest 5 books in my bookshelf.
—Teaming With Microbes (gardening book about how plants use microbes)
—Get It Together (book about making your will/directives)
—5 Minute eBay Descriptions That Sell
—The Berlitz Self-Teacher: German (1973 printing of a 1950 book)
—Selected Poems of Robert Browning (1957 hardcover)
Are they on every high school’s reading list and in every library? What about the other few thousand books in my library? Probably not more than a few are on the standard high school reading list. Therefore:
BANNED! ALL THE BOOKS I OWN ARE BANNED! God help me, they’re gonna burn my house down! Here they come with the gas cans and torches to punish me for having BANNED books!
LES! LILLIAN! HELP ME!
The burnings story is too vague to be of any value. We don’t know why the book is “on the not approved list”, we don’t know who wants it there, and we don’t know who is taking the extreme action of starting fires because Les is teaching it. And the reality of Fahrenheit 451 – it’s not very offensive, and most of us read it in high school – muddies the water even further.
On top of that, the story doesn’t acknowledge the extreme behavior of these “protestors.” Even if people don’t want the book taught to their children, most of them don’t want their objection expressed in this way. Reasonable people prefer reasonable methods, like complaining to the principal or the school board. Maybe you get extreme after attempts to resolve the dispute fail, but that hasn’t happened here.
The extreme behavior in the story undermines the point the story thinks it’s making. Just like Malcolm’s little “I just moved the shirts around” stunt. That story tried to establish the clerk as a racial profiler, but Malcolm gave her a valid reason to suspect him. And the story never addressed that. This story wants us to view the “ban” as a worthwhile position some people may hold. I’ve defended it myself in earlier posts. But having them commit arson as their first step in expressing their objection destroys any sympathy we might have for their point of view. And this story never addresses that either.
Are you studying German? I passed German A1 some years ago but never continued my studies. Next week my wife and I leave for Germany for a couple of weeks. I find that a lot of the language comes back to me when I hear it spoken daily. It’s a difficult language that’s for sure.
Yep. I studied it in college and have been getting back into it. The Berlitz book was a fortuitous stoop find (in my neighborhood, people put unwanted books on their front stoop). I find that sometimes older language books are more to-the-point. Of course, there have been a lot of changes to German since 1950, along with spelling reforms, but the grammar/sentence structure is the biggest challenge, and that hasn’t changed much.
Me, to my first cat:
“You know German?! It sure sounds like it!”
(She was coughing up a hairball.)
Good to see you back among us, CBH! I like those strips you posted. The lightly satirical tone suits the material. “Noah Vale” is miles better as a punny name than anything we got in the last 20 years. And the exposition is infinitely less kludgy. Quick summary in first panel, setup, punchline, and out. Nicely done.
Anyway, on to today’s dross:
Suddenly, we’ve gone from 20-year-old Crankshaft realizing he has to learn to read to 60(?)-year-old Crankshaft starting to learn how to read?
What happened in the intervening decades? How did he get a bus driver’s license, deal with banks and mortgages, raise a family, and cope with all the countless parts of adult life that require literacy? There are a all kinds of potentially interesting and moving stories in that situation.
Not to mention the question of how someone raised in the early or mid(?) 20th century in suburban Northeast Ohio could have ended up illiterate. That’s a deep well of stories in itself.
Of course, the possibility of delving into interesting stories causes TB to close his eyes tight, put his hands over his ears, and run away screaming “LA LA LA I’M NOT LISTENING.”
There’s nothing Puff Batty hates more than paying off an interesting setup.
Do we know that Crankshaft is from northeast Ohio? He could be a farm boy from almost anywhere. That was a common backstory for ballplayers at the time, and minor leaguers routinely get shipped all over the country. So his illiteracy isn’t too farfetched, but it needs more fleshing out.
A quick Grandpa Googling shows that illiteracy rates in 1950 were about 4% nationwide. My guess is that the 4% might have comprised mostly itinerant sharecroppers, recent immigrants, and/or people in isolated, blighted rural “hollers.”
Even tiny rural towns had a “little red schoolhouse” where farm kids would learn the basics of readin’, writin’, and ‘rithmatic.
For Crankshaft to have been raised to adulthood in early 20th Century America and be so illiterate that even a roster with his own name and a few extra words was beyond him — that’s an extraordinary circumstance. Especially when he had enough access to the basics of civilization (decent health care and nutrition, etc) that he got recruited for a minor league team — certainly a dream of millions of boys at the time.
You’re right, BJr6K. There should be a very unusual, perhaps tragic story behind this illiteracy. And of course we get none of it.
There have been a couple hints that Crankshaft’s house is his childhood home, and that he’s always lived next door to the McKenzies.
Crankshaft and his buddy Ralph were childhood friends, a pretty good indication that he’s at least always lived in Centerview.
OK, that works. But it also makes this story even dumber.
The Toledo Mud Hens are a top-tier minor league team, and have been since 1902. It’s not unfathomable that they signed a local kid, but that kid also would have had to work his way up through the ten lower-tier clubs that existed in 1940.
Batiuk treats the Mud Hens like they’re some kind of local beer league team, but also only one step from the major leagues. Which fits the Funkyverse career path pretty well. Cindy Summers, Funky, Les, Mopey Pete, Darin, Bull Bushka, and adults like Dinkle and Lillian, walked straight out of high school into national prominence in their chosen professions. Ed is treated like he’s some kind of tragic failure for “only” pitching at the highest level of minor league baseball – something that’s actually a very strong accomplishment.
There’s a whole other truckload of problems with this story if you know anything about how Major League Baseball operates, but I’ll spare you.
Back in late September 2018, there was a class reunion story arc. A reunion badge for Ed was shown along with another for Lillian. So, at least, Ed and Lillian attended high school about the same time, if not the same graduating class.
That story arc is also memorable for Eugene crashing the reunion to have Lillian sign his copy of her latest mystery. You can’t own a book in the Batiukverse unless it has been signed by the author.🙄
Eugene suggested to Lillian she write a book about Lucy, which, of course, became the Batiukverse’s version of Roses in December. 🙄🙄
Batty: Buy my book. For the love of god! Somebody, please! Buy my book!
Lillian had the chance to confess about absconding with Eugene’s proposal letter to Lucy, but she didn’t.
So much for Lillian being brave.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Day Thirty Two Of The Byrnings/Day Four of Crankshaft Rambling About His Illiteracy
Stop talking, Ed
The Nightline strip in particular is well-executed and the punchline is funny even if not unexpected. And on that note, did TB draw those caricatures of Ted Koppel and Good Morning America‘s David Hartman? Or did he bring in Tom Armstrong or the late Gerry Shamray for the task? Several of Shamray’s online biographies note that he penciled Funky Winkerbean on at least a few occasions before he took over drawing John Darling from Tom Armstrong, though these strips were some time before that switch happened.
I’m surprised TB didn’t pat himself on the back and revisit this story arc the Congressional hearings on violence in video games were happening a decade later. That would have been insufferable… but I must say that this Pac-Man arc does a pretty good job grafting various well-known moral panic bits of its time (pinball bans, McCarthyism, Bill Gaines’ congressional testimony on comic books, even the now-debunked link between saccharine and cancer in lab rats) into the story to sell its absurdity.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Day 33 Of The Byrnings
Cs grabs a torch and hucks it at the Village Booksmith
Still Today’s Funky Crankerbean
On TV Tropes, there’s this little bit on the Crankshaft WMMV page:
Fridge Logic: That a ball player as good as Crankshaft was supposed to be would only get one shot at impressing big league scouts.
I’m assuming Crankshaft gave up playing in the baseball leagues after Beanball sabotaged his chance, and didn’t wait for a second chance
After the “couldn’t read the lineup card” incident, Ed lost some of his baseball career to World War II. But he must have come back to minor league baseball after the war, since he was around to support a black teammate when his team was integrated.
Apparently Ed is unaware of the underlying controversy over Fahrenheit 451 in this storyline, which is somewhat understandable since it’s barely been explained.
According to Les, the novel was on the “not approved” reading list “because some people think that its themes are too adult for the students,” and Skip said, “The protesters felt there were things in the book that they didn’t want their kids to see.”
Since Ed himself has been an adult for a very long time, there’s no reason to think that anyone wants to stop him from reading Fahrenheit 451.
Today’s strip showcases one of Puff Batty’s worst tendencies: Radically changing a character’s established traits for the sake of a one-off.
He does this all the time and it’s a cardinal no-no of cartooning — hell, of storytelling in general.
Suddenly, Crankshaft is a lover of literature who’s outraged that anyone would try to get between him and his 50s sci-fi tomes.
Gone is the TV watcher, the anti-intellectual who hates the opera, the mangler of words whose only reading material seems to be the Bean’s End catalogue.
And when this arc is over, he’ll change right back to his previous self.
Was/is Ed dyslexic? The scenes of him reading the lineup card that says “NRTZY AO … BAMERT XG …” seem to represent dyslexia, but I don’t know that the strip has ever mentioned dyslexia as the explanation for his inability to read. It seems like it would have been an important thing to mention if it were part of the story.
This whole story is like a pitch meeting, and all the characters are trying to make the story about themselves. “It’s about my brave decision to remain open despite suffering a minor arson! See how brave I am?” “No, it’s about my illiteracy that cost me a trip to the major leagues!” “No, it’s about my 11-part autobiography as the world’s greatest band director, somehow!” “No, it’s about my decision to ignore the school board!” Meanwhile, there’s not an antagonist or a plot to be seen anywhere.
Extremely astute observation, BJr6K.
May I add: Many of the characters in this arc are Gary Stus for Tom Batiuk. Those that aren’t (Ed C.) can morph into Gary Stus briefly for as long as it takes, then morph back.
We’re not gonna hear the point of view of anyone who’s not a Gary Stu — the Booksmellers owner, the parents or kids involved, Principal Nate (who will now have to deal with the school board over this escalating craziness), etc.
But there are so many brave, censorship-defying Gary Stus we haven’t seen trotted out yet! That’s why I’ll be surprised if we can get out of this story without seeing comix dragged into it, replete with appearances/lectures from DSH John and Batton Thomas
Oh, WordPress. Why do you continue to deny us an edit function?
A couple weeks ago I predicted a trip back to Montoni’s for the third week of the Batton Thomas interview. Maybe that’s next week, so Batton can weigh in on the burnings. Lord knows this story has no other reason to exist.
“Lord knows this story has no other reason to exist.”
OK, I’ll bite. Which stories told in this strip DO have a reason to exist?
The one where Lisa finally and mercifully died.
Ah. The one which unleashed a bland and ever-present evil into this world.
BJr.6000:
You remind me of the running gag in “Shakespeare in Love,” in which each actor sees Romeo and Juliet as being about their character.
“It’s about this nurse…” is my favorite, although the poster giving top billing to the money-man presses into service as the Apothecary is a close second
It’s Who Shot John Darling all over again. It’s not about freaked-out parents who we’re never going to see. It’s about how people react to arbitrary bullshit and why it makes them heroes. Les is a hero because he’s a law unto himself. Lilian Lizard is a hero for showing off a safety hazard. Ed is a hero because he played hooky during the Depression….
When all this is over, I think I should reread Ruth Rendell’s Judgement in Stone, or at least its opening sentence:
“Eunice Parchman killed the Coverdale family because she could not read or write.”
Claude Chabrol’s film of it is “La Ceremonie,” and Rendell thought very highly of it..
What is the connection between this illiteracy thing and book bannings? It’s like writing about medications, and then complaining about Pop Tarts. You put them both in your mouth, so, same thing, right?
Yes, Tom wants to do this strip until he croaks. But he’s not the only one with a vote: there’s the Syndicate, and Davis. The Official Explanation is that Ayers was done with this, and TB couldn’t hire anyone to replace him. That I believe. But why didn’t anyone want to work with him? People who’ve met him at cons say he’s nice. Maybe his coworkers have other opinions.
I imagine it used to be Tom throwing a wadded-up script and yelling “Draw this, you waddling toad!” And now the strips are pre-approved by Dan. “I’m not drawing that. You take 5 minutes to write this crap, I’m giving it THREE TIMES your effort, and yeah Tom, do the math. Shit, I just don’t draw here anymore. Maybe use this old arc tangentially related to book bannings. Take it or leave it. You need me more than I need you.” That, or Tom’s going to load this with every Pulitzer beg he’s ever done.
Will CS be here in 2025? Me, I’m on Team 12/29. Gather ye Tom posts while ye may, for tomorrow Crank may be a-dying.
Batiuk is already talking about his “Jeff goes to see the Winnipeg Blue Bombers” story he’s written that will run in 2025. I would have to imagine he’s confident the strip will still be around by then if he’s discussing upcoming stories like that.
Shoutouts to the spambot that replied to all of my comments on the last blog overnight with links to some Japanese site. Amusing surprise in my inbox.
Crank’s comments in today’s Funkyshaft do at least get some kudos, they make a point about “anyone telling me what” to read, as meager as it is; exactly the sort of thing that’s triggering political arguments and “You tell ’em, Ed!” comments elsewhere. The easy snark would be “they’re not even against adults reading F451”, which is actually what became GC’s top comment so far today for the crux of arguments.
Assuming the Burnings at this point actually are going to be a nationwide arson of bookstores there could be merit to that, but at this point Summer’s ancestors seem to be talking about things that may actually be beyond the scope of this arc. I’d love to be proven wrong though, get some fun anarchy in the funkyverse.
Crankerbean 9/28:
This seems like the reasoning Batiuk uses to blow off concerns that being a pathetic and obsessive fanboy is no way to live.