I Stand Corrected

In my last post, I said comic book week could have been a charming little throw back to Act I, and that Tom Batiuk should do this kind of thing more often.

I take it back.

Last week’s “bus driver shortage” arc in Crankshaft was a perfect example of why Tom Batiuk shouldn’t try doing Act I-style stories anymore. They miss everything that made Act I arcs good.

The best way to see this is to look at the Act I stories Harriet has recently dived into, such as the literary magazine arc, the video games/censorship arc, and The Eliminator’s hacking arc. 

What did those stories have that last week didn’t have?

  • There were actual stakes. Les was facing criticism, and possible termination of employment, for what his magazine published. Westview faced threats remove to popular video games. The Eliminator was tampering with Crazy’s grade, War Games-style.

A bus driver shortage should have serious effects on a high-school centric world, even if it’s just “hey, none of us have to worry about getting fired for awhile.” That should push Ed and the crew into even more extreme behavior, which is a staple of the strip. Here, of course, there are no stakes, no implications, and nothing that even escalates existing stories. Speaking of which:

  • There was an actual story. In all three examples, any gags were part of a larger story which the strip took time to unravel. For example:

The two strips are jokes, but they’re good ones, and they flow naturally from the story. The strip had spent a good week talking how the literary magazine had offended the community, which drove the easily-upset Les to having nightmares, and the feckless Fred Fairgood into making an actual decision. Then the story moves forward.

Bloom County was good at this:

This is silly as hell, but it was actually a small part of a long, complex story about Oliver Wendell Jones’ hacking misadventures. Which itself was also a longrunning theme in Bloom County. The story supported the joke, and the joke supported the story. Berke Breathed had a talent for writing insane stories, but also making them make sense in context. Which is exactly what’s not happening here:

The bus driver shortage isn’t a story, but just a premise to be restated at you over and over and over. It’s another form of “What are you doing, Dad?” Which as it turns out, Pam doesn’t actually say that much. It’s the Funkyverse’s answer to “beam me up, Scotty” or “play it again, Sam”. But you know what I mean: it’s the stand-in phrase for an overused trope. Even if Pam doesn’t say those exact words, she might as well be.

  • Those stories weren’t contrary to the reality of the world. The literary magazine arc in particular was very consistent with Les’ established personality, Roberta Blackburn’s personality, and the general spinelessness of school leadership in the face of obnoxious citizen critics.

Here, we were treated to a joke about how the school board was so desperate it was forced to hire a Hell’s Angel as an elementary school bus driver. A Hell’s Angel would probably be a way better bus driver than Ed Crankshaft is! They do Toys for Tots, so they must have some degree of altruism, and ability to interact with children. Ed Crankshaft and the other drivers certainly don’t, considering how they routinely blow off children at bus stops, and cause traffic jams to amuse themselves.

  • The jokes were aimed at the right targets. Les’s worry, Fred’s spinelessness, Roberta’s Karen-ness, and the public’s excessive squeamishness about the tiniest hint of sexual content were all on the receiving end of the barbs.

Here the victim is – to the extent there even is one – this Hell’s Angel who did nothing more than show up and apply for a job. Ed gets no guff for being an awful bus driver. Lena gets no guff for making bad hiring decisions. The school system gets no guff for managing its resources so poorly that it gets into this state. The “Tucker Twins”, who’ve never been mentioned before and probably never will be again, get no guff for bullying a grown man out of a job. (Can they please be assigned to Crankshaft’s bus?)

This is more evidence that the “good” characters can never, ever, ever be in the wrong, not even in the tiniest way. Even unseen “main “good” characters.

There isn’t much to say about this week’s “If Amazon drove your kids to school” arc, even though it progresses naturally from a “bus driver shortage” arc. Yeah, the jokes are lame, but a week of formulaic jokes isn’t worth talking about. It’s well above the level of awful that makes the Funkyverse fascinating.

What is worth talking about? The Burnings! And I haven’t forgotten that I owe you all the next installment of the reimagined Burnings story, so that is coming soon!

Unknown's avatar

Author: Banana Jr. 6000

Yuck. The fritos are antiquated.

62 thoughts on “I Stand Corrected”

  1. We used to joke on here all the time that all the smirks in FW were really Amazon arrows, that TB was subtly shilling for Amazon.

    That aged well…

    1. The thought of having the wrong baby made for a very funny “Dick Van Dyke Show” episode.

      We laugh at Rob Petrie not for being a racist, but for being an idiot.

      Drum away, Sticks Mandalay (different character, Greg Mosame actor, Greg Morris, the future Barney Collier of “Mission: Impossible”), and I’ll won’t forget to call you “Frank.”

  4. The restating of the premise each day doesn’t bother me. That’s common for strips that are telling multi-day stories.

    It’s a bit unnecessary for comics on the web, where you can scroll back to the previous day, but Batiuk doesn’t write for the web. He writes for the newspaper reader who didn’t get Monday’s edition.

    1. “The restating of the premise each day (is) common for strips that are telling multi-day stories.”

      But this isn’t a multi-day story. It’s just a series of punchlines to the same premise. The Act I-style arcs were an actual story, and they were less dependent on restating the premise than this is.

      Besides, to the extent the premise needs to be restated, it can be done with a small caption as it was in today’s strip.

        1. I guess I wasn’t too clear either. I was trying to make the “actual story” vs “empty joke premise” distinction in the blog post, which is why I was being overly persnickity about it. Yes, it’s fine and necessary to recap the premise sometimes, but Batiuk does it way too much. In fact he seems to view it as a way to fill space.

    2. Although when he did his “Funky revival” story (aka “Wait, When Did They Get The Eliminator Helmet Back?”), which was explicitly for the web, he STILL felt it necessary to restate the premise. I get that old habits die hard and all that, but… well, maybe Tom should consider an editor for his blog, y’know?

  5. Related To The Batiukverse: Week One of the Chien Gets Suspended Storyline of 2000

    What did Ally, Mopey and Darin write?

    blah blah blah blah blah blah yeah we get it now Tom stop talking about it

    Les: Chien, why do you look terrified?

    1. Seven clothing brands that were popular with 96% of turn-of-the-century youth doesn’t sound like a terribly strict dress code to me… but I went to a high school that had uniforms so maybe I’m biased.

      The inclusion of Old Navy in a list of brands that is probably supposed to say “everyone at this school is rich and preppy… or expected to dress as such” is particularly laughable. Old Navy was explicitly started because Gap wanted to get in on the cheap/$10-ish clothing business that was going well for chains like Target, Walmart, JCPenney, and Mervyn’s. I shopped at Old Navy when these strips were published, and my wardrobe then (and now) could be fairly described as skate poseur.

      1. She might as well have just said “if don’t buy your clothes at any store in the mall”. (Well, except maybe Hot Topic. And Chien seems like the type who might shop at the “conformity for non-conformists” chain store, to be honest.)

        It’s also curious that he name-drops all those companies, then gets all cautious about Nike (I’m assuming that’s who “the swoosh” is). Like… was Nike the one you were worried about suing you, Tom? Such an odd choice.

      2. I get what’s she’s trying to say, though. High school often has a strict dress code, in the sense that high school society imposes expectations on how you present yourself. Conform or be cast out. I wish Chien had continued with that line of thought, instead of her next three sentences being about bullying, mass shootings, and adults’ response to them. And the strips are dated 9-21 and 9-22, so there’s nothing missing in between.

        Which is exactly the problem with Tom Batiuk’s writing. It can be good in short bursts, but it lacks any overall point or even a direction. This essay needs to pick one topic and stick with it.

        1. What she’s trying to say isn’t unclear, of course, but I wanted to point out that it is just so ineffectively written.

          Seven different stores/brands = “one of the strictest dress codes around”? Sure, in a literal sense I suppose that is true, but how much more effective is that point if Chien lists only two or even one?

          If it isn’t Tommy Hilfiger or Gap… forget it!

          Much better. Better still, pull a Crankshaft but use the malapropism to give your point a more sarcastic edge!

          If it isn’t Abercrombie or Fitch… forget it!

          1. i agree with you, i just think that Chien makes a larger point about high school. It doesn’t really matter if it’s Gap or Hillfiger or Abercrombie, just that your family can afford one of the three.

            When I was on the high school newspaper, a girl wrote a story that boiled down to “not every family can afford the expected expenses of being a high school senior”. To this day I’m proud that I went to bat for that story, even if it didnt apply to me personallly.

            i think most high school conflict boils down to what life you were born into. And that articles like Chien’s are attempts go identify that.

          2. I wish someone in this plotline had been able to distinguish between “wanting to wear popular clothing brands, but not being able to afford them” and “intentionally dressing very differently from those who wear popular clothing brands.”

    2. “The school paper is supposed to be about SCHOOL!” Gee, where have we heard that straw argument before….

        1. They aren’t a press agent for what’s basically not relevant. Call’em jocks or sportos, the impulse to waste time playing games is kind of juvenile.

  7. Related to the Batiukverse: Week two of the Chien Gets Suspended Arc (this is when it gets real stupid real quick)

    You dont say

    HEATHER NOOOOO DONT DO IT

    I’m no legal expert, but I think Fred broke the law by suspending Chien because of a school assignment

    Darin: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS, WILL YA!?

    Ally: NO FUCKIN’ WAY, ASSHOLE!

    Les: You know that Chien’s parents are gonna sue you for this, right?

    1. I like the implication that Les’ insipid TBism (“inflict the comfortable”? That’s definitely writing!) in his self righteous defense of Chein’s article is what got her suspended. Good job, Les. Really, though, it was indeed Les who was directly responsible for Chien’s suspension.

      While Fred is depicted as obviously in the wrong here in that non-nuanced way that TB’s antagonists are pretty much always obviously in the wrong… Chien bringing up Littleton, CO in a student newspaper article in the year 2000 is about like loudly talking about a bomb while in an airport. The context of the mention and whether it adds up to any genuine threat doesn’t matter to the authorities. Chien didn’t act alone here, she used a school-approved publication under the direction of a member of the faculty. Les not only read Chien’s article before it went to print, he INSISTED on printing it. And while he defended her article to Fred, he didn’t really take responsibility for it.

      Just another day of Les doing Les things I guess…

      1. I think that Chien actually begged Les not to have her assignment to be in the Scapegoatzette, only for Les to do it anyways

        (in another note: For some reason, I feel like I identify with both Mooch and Chien the most out of all the characters in the Batiukverse (especially Chien))

        1. I had always heard it applied to the ministry or priesthood myself, surprised the origin is so secular tbh.

          “Let’s imagine a class, sort of a priestly class, who charge themselves with moralizing to everyone, deciding who is right and wrong, through gossiping and rumormongering, and forcing everyone to agree with them. Surely this won’t go to anyone’s head, and they will stay grounded and relatable! We’ll call them ‘Media’, of which a subset will be just ‘cartoonists.’ “

        2. Bad vocabulary and taking the tongue in cheek truthiness that marked Dunne’s Mr. Dooley as a self-serious credo. Granted, based on that link, TB is far from the first person to make that leap for this particular quote, but making that leap is a very TB thing to do.

      3. Except it’s supposed to be “comfort the afflicted” and “afflict the comfortable.”

    2. God, Batiuk is always doing this. He’s always writing stories about poor, put-upon, oh-so-talented writers whose dreams get unfairly crushed by the mindless Philistines of high school. Then we see their actual writing, and it’s ABSOLUTE SHIT. And who goes to bat for them? Les Moore, the patron saint of egotistical hack writers who think they’re Norman fucking Mailer.

    3. I wonder if this is why Fairgood’s brain turned to tapioca pudding and his marriage into a loveless sham.

  8. I guess I am in the minority in that I think the jokes this week are fine for a daily strip. Yeah, as always, the writing could be better and a bit of editing would tighten things up nicely. But still, it beats listening to Batty preach about whatever big issue is currently on his mind.

    1. The execution is weak, but considering the low bar Batiuk has set for himself, yes, this is passable. I mean, a decent writer (or a half-decent writer with a decent editor) could have wrung actual laughs with these ideas — but what we got was pretty good for 21st century Batiuk, I suppose.

      At minimum, this week has certainly been preferable to another week of sideways Pizza Box Monster comic-book covers. Or a return to the continuing saga of Hangin’ Out with Skip & Batton. Or revisiting whatever the hell that brain-addled Burnings extravaganza was.

    2. I’ll agree with Rusty here. After the lameness of The Burnings© and the annoyance of Pizza (Box) Monster comic book cover week, these school transportation jokes haven’t been too bad, in comparison.

      Also, let’s compare Crankshaft against today’s offerings from other comic strips well past their expiration dates. Zombie strips that should have been retired years ago, except for the fact some readers will scream bloody murder if they’re ever removed from their newspaper or canceled.

      Blondie: New character and recent pastry chef hire, Maya, is obsessed about coffee. Especially on the days when didn’t get any on the way to work. (insert sarcastic laugh)

      Hi and Lois: Part #34,587 in a series, Chip, the lazy, “rebellious teenager” whines when he is asked to do any work. (insert sarcastic laugh with a side of eye roll)

      Dennis the Menace: Dennis says Mr. Wilson is holding down the recliner by sitting on it. Oh, that Dennis. What a menace! /s

      Garfield: When Garfield first came out, pre Calvin and Hobbes, Bloom County, and The Far Side, it was my favorite strip. It’s sad to see how far it has fallen from its heyday. Today, Garfield makes a joke that he feels like a lampshade because he has to wear a pet cone. A joke that has been done to death. Somehow, this strip has 242 likes. I guess a lot of readers click the “like” heart to show they read it.

      The point is, as bad as Crankshaft has become, it has a lot of famous titles as company.

      Hey, somebody gave @Rusty Shackleford a down vote. They must like “listening to Batty preach about whatever big issue is currently on his mind.” Gross. 😝

      1. Ah, I don’t mind downvotes, everybody is entitled to their own opinion.

        I would add Mary Worth to your list. The week long victory lap is nauseating. And I did not care for the story to begin with. Estelle is just as annoying as Wilbur and they are made for each other.

        1. I’m not really a reader of soap opera strips anymore. The only reason I read Mark Trail is because of the blog, The Daily Trail. Without the blog, I wouldn’t read Mark Trail. It’s so campy.

          In a similar vein, I used to read the Mary Worth strip and the blog Mary Worth & Me. I lost interest when the writer of the blog quit. I miss the Worthy Awards.

          Do you read Mary Worth for the strip or the snark?

          ——————–

          I don’t mind the downvotes. It’s not knowing what they are particularly for that bugs me.

          In your case, did you get the downvote because you wrote, “I guess I am in the minority in that I think the jokes this week are fine for a daily strip.“? Or because you wrote, “But still, it beats listening to Batty preach about whatever big issue is currently on his mind.“?

          1. The snark mainly. Moy and Brigman purposely treat us to lots of snark worthy moments and I appreciate that. I also miss the Mary Worth and me website.

      2. I really only check on Crankshaft and Luann these days. Like i always said, Funky, Luann and Foob Better or Worse were the ones that hit the right tone for me in terms of being mockable or at times amusing on their own.

        I think the key is sincerety–Crankshaft doesn’t have much left, but compared to the zombie strips or–heaven forbid–the zombie strips turned into snarky webcomics after being taken over by millenials, it’s still just in the zone.

        1. Yes, that’s it! He is always writing for someone else, hence the lack of sincerity.

  9. I don’t imagine many will disagree that the 11/15 strip is the laziest, hackest writing and anti-drawing Tom has ever done, and it took TWO people to fail at it.

    Worst I ever saw was a political strip where the Bad Politician said “My administration will be the most transparent ever!” And the word balloon was all the strip was. It was otherwise completely blank. Because…The guy’s transparent, so he’s not transparent? That defeats not only the joke, but the entire concept. Guess some “cartoonist” woke up with a hangover that morning.

  10. Related to the Batiukverse: Week three of the Chien Gets Suspended Arc (Les went to Cindy to air the news of Chien getting suspended between this week and the week of Chien getting suspended, but it’s just mostly Cindy angsting and arguing with Funky)

    Fred: You’re fired.

    (Fred shoots Les with a revolver)

    Tony: You shoulda left the door open UNTIL I went inside, Lisa!

    Sam Driver: If I have to spend money for you, then you’re not worth it.

    Three years later, Lisa quits the division over Danny Madison’s execution

    1. WOW! FW was good back then! Not just a week of decorating a pizza dump for Halloween, but HAWT ENVELOPE OPENING ACTION!

    2. Christ almighty, Les and Lisa suck. “Someone’s been watching too much Ally McBeal!” She’s in law school, you condescending prick! She’s also your wife (four years at this point), so why don’t you know basic things about her? Why are you both surprised to learn how little money you have, considering your jobs are “Montoni’s part-timer” and “recently demoted high school teacher”, one of which is somehow paying law school tuition?

  11. There hasn’t really been much to say about this last few weeks of Funky strips. We’re back in the safe space of bemusing quarter-inch jokes and what-ifs that go somewhere back to the old Act 1 days, with the only real issue being critiquing the actual quality of the jokes.

    That said, I can’t help but shake some weird feelings with the overall vibe that the current week has given towards Amazon. It’s shafting actual school bus drivers, of course, but Crankshaft literally runs on the lampooning idea that bus drivers are terrible on purpose and get awards for making the most kids miss the bus and what have you, so that’s not unusual. The fact the strip outright calls it Amazon and uses their branding as opposed to the ol’ “MyFaceSpace” tactic is remarkable since he used to not be afraid to reimagine a cultural icon like that (such as whatever he calls his off-brand McDonald’s) is an interesting showcase, and even though he does lampoon Amazon’s annoyances with wrong packages or the like, it’s still an overall positive treatment of their process and how it would amusingly refine school bus services. Feels like a bit of a secluded perspective to take, considering all the heat the company takes.

    1. Amazon sells his books, so they must be treated with respect. He gets nothing from FleaBay, McArnolds or SprawlMart. Notice, too, that every award mentioned in the strip is given its proper name.

    2. Like the NFL in the CTE arc, Batiuk could have used this story to make some criticism of a real-world organization that needs to hear more of it. Batiuk chooses not to do this, or maybe doesn’t even realize this at all. He also declines to use the story as a commentary on his regular characters. This hypothesized Amazon school bus service is a massive improvement over Ed Crankshaft and his asshole friends. The public must have noticed this, but the overriding quality of the Funkyverse is that the public never notices anything.

    1. I tend to forget that Batiuk often lumps November in the period for plenty of snow to appear. A wistful notion for as fickle as such weather can be.

      Was looking at old photos from a decade ago when my campus got snow cover during this time of year, just made me a little sad seeing the dreary rain going on for me right now.

    1. You’re right! The twins are Emily and Amelia Mathews. Maybe Eugene finally found a replacement for Lucy, or Pete took a second wife. Or worse, this is an entirely new character. (shudder)

      1. “Second wife”? Mopey has yet to make an honest woman of Min-dull, has he not? It’s clear from this that Baron Von Eyebags in building his own Buckeye State harem. After all, what Westview/Centerville gal can resist a guy with an encyclopedic knowledge of comic books? DSJ John had better watch out, lest Petey Boy swoop in and take Becky by the hand.

        Another week of “Gee, I miss the smell of newsprint” forced nostalgia? This is just ponderous, man.

        1. I think Westview is so insular that eventually every single person will be named ‘Lisa Dinkle Roberts’ and they’ll each have their own series of award-winning cancer-themed comic cook covers.

    2. Soon, everyone’s last name will be Reynolds… or else. “The burnings” does not refer to books or climage damate, but to heretics.

      1. Sort of like everyone being “Johnson” in ” Blazing Saddles.”

        For a good look at “shadowing,” read David Lodge’s Nice Work, in which Robyn Penrose, a university professor, shadows a business executive, Vic Wilcox, and he later shadows her.

        The miniseries made of it is very good.

  16. Related to the Batiukverse: inaccuracies I found on TV Tropes

    That was Crazy, not Funky

    That was John, not Crazy

    That was Wally, not Funky (although they looked similar in Act II)

    I can’t blame TV Tropes for deciding Harriet’s take on the Dimorphos week-long storyline is the one actually happened because it was better than the original

    1. TV Tropes is a fan wiki. Naturally it’s going to contain some errors. Anyone can edit it. (Unless, like me, they forgot their password and haven’t been able to set up a replacement account.)

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