Sorry for such a long gap between posts. I think the ‘Crankys’ this year would more aptly be called the “Slappies”. You would not believe how long I’ve been agonizing about the relative dickishness and awards-worthiness of an entire A-Team of Assholes.
Cs asked for it, so I thought I would give it to you. The plotline where Cranky almost died of the flu. What year was this? I’m not sure. The ‘Strike Four’ collection doesn’t have any dates on the strips, but Mindy and Max are still pretty young, so some time in the early to mid 90’s. Fairly early in the strip’s run, relatively speaking.
I post this as a reminder that Cranky was tackling soap-opera style pathos and long form arcs from the beginning. It was never purely a gag strip like early Funky Winkerbean was. I’m curious to know what you all think of it. Personally, I find a lot to like here, but I’ve always been a classic Crankshaft apologist.
So there ya go. I don’t hate it. Not every strip is a winner, and I’m pretty iffy on the notion of Cranky going code blue for at least a few minutes, then his heart starting again, all without any medical personnel coming in to check him. But whatever. He gets his ‘disney’ death, and we get some really heartfelt moments from Pam.
As the daughter of a man who can be a bit of a Crank at times, I really identify with Pam in those strips where her relationship with her dad is at the fore. And this arc had plenty of that. But what do you guys think?
Son of Stuck Funky 
I think contemporary Crankshaft suffers from the lack of Jeff’s Mom as a foil who is even worse a person than Ed.
I think you’re right. One way to make an unlikeable protagonist work is to put them into conflict with someone much worse. That line “she’s jealous someone was sicker than her” was pretty good.
This story is also misaimed in that Crankshaft’s dying fantasy is to do something he already did. He already struck out Hank Greenberg in a meaningless game, why does he have to do it again? There were much better things to have a near-death epiphany about. A more fulfilling story would have examined Crankshaft’s busted dream of (as he sees it) missing out on the major leagues because he couldn’t read. Or confront his own behavior in life, perhaps with some unflattering comparisons to Jeff’s awful mother. It’s not as if Tom Batiuk is above retelling Dickens’ Christmas Carol.
I’m also confused as to how Hank Greenberg, who was an observant Jew, can exist in a pseudo-Christian afterlife. Yes, I’m probably overthinking this, but it’s a theological question that always bugged me in my Christian school days.
Rose worked well as foil for ‘Shaft even to her end. Alas, ‘Shaft himself is such a monster that TB inflicted Rose on the rest of the cast to make sure we knew how much worse she was. Rose’s appearances without ‘Shaft are pretty much all unpleasant on about as deep a level as a comic strip can be.
The gist of ‘Shaft needing to strike out Hank Greenberg again but this time in the ethereal void is certainly muddled. It comes across to me as if ‘Shaft needs to believe that his baseball career meant something in order to fight to keep living. Given that he has two daughters, two grandchildren, and a remarkable number of friends considering his behavior and demeanor, this implication is a bit unsettling.
I would say you nailed the Hank Greenberg issue with the phrase “pseudo-Christian afterlife”. While I certainly cannot speak for TB’s personal beliefs on the matter, his depictions of Christianity and spirituality have long been rooted in the shallow soil of the pop culture tropes of western cultural Christianity rather than any particularly considered theological view (probably for the reader’s benefit… but TB is one to make you wonder). In this story alone you’ve got plenty of well worn pop culture afterlife hallmarks: seeing your closest deceased loved ones, “all dogs go to heaven” (you’re wondering about Hank Greenberg, let’s dive into the theology around Homer…), going toward the light, the implication that all “good” people go to heaven. “Pseudo-Christian Afterlife” is an excellent description of what we’re seeing here, and the two of us are thinking about this much more deeply than TB probably did.
Maybe TB only used these tropes so he could make that Reader’s Digest joke… if so, it was worth it, great joke!
(Crankshaft’s) time in the ethereal void is certainly muddled. It comes across to me as if ‘Shaft needs to believe that his baseball career meant something in order to fight to keep living.
A better writer than Tom Batiuk could make that story work.
Maybe Hank Greenberg tells Ed he’s not eligible for the Major League Baseball wing of heaven, and Crankshaft challenges Greenberg for it. After Ed whiffs Greenberg again; Crankshaft is double-crossed, by being revived in the world of the living instead.
Then when Ed wakes up, he is severely pissed off – and for good reason. The juxtaposition of Ed’s righteous anger about being alive with Pam’s delight that her father lives could have been a great moment in Funkyverse history. It is the basic building block of comedy; two characters arrive at the same situation for very different reasons. Batiuk just swings at emotional weight, and misses every time.
This is another way you can make an unsympathetic protagonist work. Give them a valid justification for their anger at the world. Say what you will about Hayden Christiansen’s performance in the Star Wars prequels, but you can appreciate why Darth Vader became what he did. It took two and a half movies, but when he finally butchered those Trade Federation assholes for messing with his wife, you are 100% on his side.
Ed Crankshaft is an angry, petty, abusive jerkass for no good reason. This story could have given him a reason. Batiuk swings and misses again.
I’d have to say that the “Crankshaft Dies But Somehow Comes Back To Life By Striking Out Hank Greenberg” storyline is okay (probably a 7/10)
In order to judge a “normal” arc like this, I have to turn the Snarkometer back to factory settings and just read the strips as I would have if I were sitting in my favorite coffee shop in 1992, flipping through the paper and straight to the comics.
With that in mind: I think these effectively sidestep the worst of Batiuk’s glurge tendencies. Cranky’s near-death experience is handled with some humor and without the award-bait bathos of the long Lisa Death Spiral.
Once again, I’m startled by how effective TB could be once upon a time. Pam comes across as a real person, not the “What are you doing, Dad” fembot that Pmm has become. Crankshaft has a consistent and realistic personality that isn’t broken for some terrible wordplay.
And flu leading quickly to catastrophic pneumonia is, unfortunately, a realistic scenario for an out-of-shape, very old person. The interactions with doctors are realistic and neutral.
Compare that with the Lisa Death Spiral: A crusading social-justice lawyer doesn’t even get angry that flagrant malpractice will cost her her life, let alone set legal wheels in motion to compensate her survivors and protect future patients. Doctors are shown as incompetent and unsympathetic nincompoops.
(Did TB have some kind of pivotal horrible experience with the medical system some time in the 90s? His attitude toward the entire medical system seems to have turned adversarial, and not in a crusading “this needs reform” way — in a kvetching “all medical personnel are assholes” way.)
I like that TB really committed to this story arc. It has some warts, but it knows its characters well and it hits most of its intended emotional beats. ‘Shaft’s near death is depicted hitting the various people in his circle of family/friends in appropriately different ways.
Lisa’s death story suffers in comparison in a lot of ways, perhaps none more so than that TB positioned it to be statement. It and (most insufferably) Les’ grief afterward were positioned as meaning something more than they realistically would have.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day Three Of The Ed Has Back Problems 2025 Edition Storyline
good god this week is boring
Today’s Past Batiukverse Strip: May 20th of 2004 of Crankshaft
Essentially in agreement with you here, Harriet. This is not terrible, and a couple of strips are actually funny. The whole sequence could still use some pruning, and there are Batiukian logic lapses and misfires along the way, but overall this is … a fine mediocre.
Also, BJr6K is right on the money with the analysis of the Hank Greenberg plot. It really weakens the story that in order to succeed, Crankshaft simply has to do something he’s already done before.
What’s even the point? Crankshaft’s not trying to get into heaven here. One at-bat in a friggin’ spring training game isn’t a score that needs to be settled, one way or the other. It doesn’t prove that Ed is any more worthy than he already was. It makes no sense that this is what kept him alive.
I like the Hank Greenberg challenge, and I’ll explain why.
So when young Cranky struck out Hank, it was him beating the odds and doing something entirely unexpected. It was an exhibition game, he was a minor league no-name pitcher, and Hank Greenberg had spent multiple years in a row with a batting average over .300. People were expecting him to struggle and fail. His catcher even suggested he should fake an injury to get out of it. Then he went and struck out the top of the order.
And it happened when he was in the prime of his life. That’s why it became the apex of his manhood that he celebrated forever. Lots of men have wives, children, jobs and war stories. Striking out Hall of Fame level batters is something unique.
It might not have been the most dangerous, or important thing he ever did, given he was a war vet and father. But it was most visible moment of his life where he was he was counted out and then stunned everyone. The moment where the jump from what people expected to what he did was the greatest. He always took it as a sign that he had a little something extra in his tank.
Now he’s a tired and deathly sick old man, a clear underdog, and overpowering death is challenging him. Hank standing in for death as the greatest ‘foe’ he ever took down.
It isn’t repeating something that ‘he’s done before’ because time has taken its toll and he’s got to prove himself in the now, by doing it again with what little he has left. Death is asking Cranky if he has just a little more life left in him, if there’s just a bit of his youthful virility left.
And by striking him out, and rallying from near death, Cranky once again overcomes the odds when everyone was just expecting him to fail.
Should Batiuk have been more obvious about this being the point? I don’t think so. You may disagree. I always like when there’s a ‘huh’ moment that you have to ponder over for a bit, as long as a reasonable answer is there. I like having to chew on a moment like this to really understand it. Makes it stick in your head so much more than Lillian pontificating on free speech to a faceless crowd.
“But it was most visible moment of his life”
As a retail manager, I’ve had CVs that listed “Scored the winning touchdown in my high school’s football game!”
Yeah, good on ya, but you’re applying to a toy store. Are you going to tackle the customers?
Every time I saw who was going to the high school reunion, I’d see names that made me say “You peaked 20 years ago. And that’s all you’ve got.” And I didn’t feel superior to them. I just felt sad.
You could have hired Terry Tate, office linebacker.
As you said, Batiuk needed to be more obvious about this. We can’t know what the stakes were if the story never tells us.
What you call “ponder over for a bit, as long as a reasonable answer is there” I call “a lack of basic exposition.” If these were the stakes, fine – have your characters say that. Even if it’s just an offhand line like “I struck you out once, I can strike you out again!”
This is Tom Batiuk’s biggest failure as a writer. He doesn’t tell readers things they need to know to understand the story. He loves writing strange scenes like this, without ever justifying them. Or he bases them on obscure Funkyverse trivia, and blames you if you don’t know it.
FW requires you to parse the importance of long-ago strips, without any context clues. “Remember when Les tried out for the Westview football team in 1980? It turns out that was a pivotal moment in Les and Bull’s friendship.” Even though everything the strip has shown you seen since 1980 defies that interpretation.
A lot of media challenges the consumer to interpret events. Tom Batiuk hasn’t earned that right.
I just remembered, there’s a good Twilight Zone episode Batiuk could have borrowed from: “A Game Of Pool” with Jack Klugman and Jonathan Winters. Klugman’s character is bitter because he never became the best; Winters’ character returns from the afterlife to challenge him to a game. This works because the story establishes what the stakes are. Batiuk expects us to guess why Crankshaft needs to strike out Hank Greenberg again, and why it brought him back to life.
The storyline is from the spring of 1993,I’d need to check again. I don’t know about you guys (since you guys mostly criticize,which I 100% understand–I’ve just always liked the unpopular stuff. And I do agree TB is very braggy,but my grandpa’s the same way),but I’ve cried 3 or 4 times reading both strips.
1:When I read the Crankshaft strip for July 29th,2003.
2:When Lisa sang “you are my sunshine” to Summer,who was in the NICU (I don’t even cry when I see my NICU pictures)
3:The October 10th,2007 strip. Makes me cry every time,as I’ve never seen grief drawn that good. We’ve seen Les cry before,but not like that.
4:The lines :You know your mother would be really proud…of the young woman you’ve become.’
But I thought the storyline was okay,but saw articles on Newsbank that some got upset. (Once I saw a 2000s article that said “Funky Winkerbean is not for children”. No crap! It’s adult-aimed,have the parents not looked over the comics?)
Alexa, I really appreciate you coming here and telling us what you like about Batiuk’s work. It’s a better conversation for all of us, when we can hear and appreciate a differing point of view. (And, in your case, a POV that actually gives us some specificity about what you like(d) and why!)
I will agree that I’ve seen material posted by CBH and others that clearly demonstrates that Batiuk once had something, and I can see why his work garnered fans in the early years. Any time you wanna come by and remind us of that — you are more than welcome!
Seconded. I hope you keep reading and posting, Alexa. We could all use a different and fresh perspective to remind us of why TB’s been able to stay in the newspapers for over 50 years.
Tom Batiuk can write a powerful strip sometimes. But the larger story always betrays it. The four strips you named are good examples of this.
Harriet and I collaborated on a big piece about strip #1, which was Lillian admitting to Mindy that she drove her sister Lucy into a nervous breakdown. Yes, that was a moving scene, but the overall story is so flawed it became a stupid joke. No, really, he proposed by letter (laugh track), Lillian hid the letter, and somehow this didn’t get discovered for 60 years. Even though they still loved each other and lived in the same area. It’s way too contrived.
Yeah, what was the point of him striking out Greenberg? So if Hank had hit the ball, then Ed would have just said, “Welp, guess I’ll die now!” How did that make him want to live, or whatever?
I assume that “Greenberg” was Masky McDeath disguised as the real deal and was giving Cranky a second chance at life: if Crankshaft struck him out, then he would be revived. If “Greenberg”/Masky struck the ball, then Crankshaft would be dragged off to hell
Good theory.
Also: it’s baseball. Nobody’s life is defined by one at-bat, unless you’re Bill Buckner or Kirk Gibson or Ralph Branca or Fred Merkle.
Or Eddie Gaedel. Or Mitch Williams. Or Cookie Lavagetto. Or Bucky Dent.
Actually, maybe there ARE a fair number of people who are defined — at least in the popular imagination — by one fateful at-bat….
Sad baseball news today: Bob Uecker has died at age 90. Now there’s a guy whose life wasn’t defined by one at-bat.
The thing about this is that it explains why Pam is in a state of mild panic. After all, her dad almost died once.
Hey, wait a minute. That story was longer than three weeks! Doesn’t Tom know “The Rules” of writing comic strips say you can’t do a story longer than three weeks?
So Crankshaft flatlines and none of the hospital workers do anything. That Cranky Guy’s family doesn’t run for help. They just stand there crying. And of course Jfff can’t take care of his own children when Pm’s off at the hospital. He’s a Boomer Man! The children have to go stay at Abusive Grandma’s instead!
Sounds about right for a Batiuk storyline.
Let’s not overlook Ayers work here. The art in these strips is strong and evocative, a far cry from what we get now.
Today’s Banal Crankshaft
Today’s Past Batiukverse Strips: Week of July 20th, 2009 of Crankshaft (The Story Arc Which Flash-Forwards To Crankshaft Dying At A Little League Baseball Game, That’s What I Assume Because Batiuk Flash-Forwarded The Strip To Act III For This Week)
Ed looks like he’s about to die in a few minutes, and unlike last time, there’s no Hank Greenberg to give him another chance at life
I admit to feeling kinda bad for the nurse who brought Crankshaft to watch the game with her, and she not aware that Crankshaft just died a few moments prior (I assume the flashbacks in this week to be Crankshaft’s life flashing before his eyes, I have no idea what the fuck happened in this week)
the week after this resets the Crankshaft timeline to Act II and involves Crankshaft nearly getting bit by a snake
This probably would read better with the original colors; I definitely maintain that the current syndicates’ recolors are a very lackluster patchwork of a job.
So this nurse wheeled Crankshaft from the ballgame back to the nursing home without noticing that he DIED? The bashing of health care workers just never stops, does it?
Wait, WHAT? He DIED? Then just…came back? Without an “elegant solution”? With a nurse who couldn’t even be bothered to hold an umbrella over him in the rain?
cs, I’ll take YOU out to the ball game for some peanuts and brass knuckles to your Crackerjacks if you don’t explain…whatever this thing is!
(Didn’t Tommy say on his blog-like object once that Lisa’s story was inspired by his wife’s cancer scare? That she got better from because of prompt attention from her doctors? Seriously, why does this weirdo hate the medical profession?)
And, if I may reiterate–CRANK DIED?
And didn’t STAY THAT WAY?!
According to TV Tropes (which ruins your life), Batiuk’s father, Martin passed away a week before this storyline (I’m not so sure that Batiuk wrote this immediately after Martin’s passing because he usually writes a year ahead)
This series is also another one of Batiuk’s favorite tired tropes. I call them “yesterday and today” strips. This is where he juxtaposes an adult enjoying their childhood hobby with the younger version of themselves doing the same thing. 99% of these are about Batiuk’s own interests: comic books, The Phantom Empire, and coming later this year for some reason, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. And this Crankshaft story shows why that’s probably for the best.
Batiuk seems to have no clue why some people love baseball instead of comic books. I realize that baseball fandom can be pretty opaque sometimes. But Batiuk doesn’t even try. He just pairs up a bunch of superficially similar moments that support no larger narrative. Baseball fans don’t reminisce about that time the game got rained out in the 6th inning.
And Crankshaft is supposed to be *dying* here. He’d be thinking about his own life and career in baseball, not being a mere fan of it. (Which happens next anyway, in the Hank Greenberg scene.) Or he’d be thinking about how baseball was a way he connected with his family, even though we know that he’s the only baseball fan among them.
Compare this story with the sports stories Charles Schulz wrote. Baseball, football, tennis, ice skating, and ice hockey all turned up in Peanuts. But the stories were always about something larger than sports, and were ultimately about the human condition. Much of the humor and conflict was about the characters’ differing levels of devotion. Charlie Brown lived and breathed baseball, but the other kids were far more blase’ about it. Here we see Ed dragging his family members to games nobody but him wants to go to, and… that’s it. It’s explored no further.
Or that one Calvin & Hobbes story, where Calvin inadvertently makes an out for the wrong team because nobody told him how innings work. Then the coach calls him a quitter for dropping out of a sport he didn’t want to play anyway, and nobody cared enough to teach him how to play. The scholastic sports complex only cares about winning, even if you’re just a six-year-old in a gym class.
On a side note, this is something Dinkle stories should have delved into more. We know Dinkle’s only interest is feeding his own ego. But it would have been interesting to see the human cost of his 1 am practices in the rain. Or to see, you know, any conflict whatsoever.
Which happens next anyway, in the Hank Greenberg scene.
I was conflating two different stories here. Strike the “next”.
And this is his inevitable destiny. He even meets his future self.
Today, I honor the one rule that defines SOSF. I stay on topic. No wandering. No Shilly- sallying. On topic like CBH chasing a wayward calf. So without further ado, I celebrate Crankshaft nearly dying by declaring today is “Opposite Day”!
What better way to imbibe the spirit of the moment other than by wishing our own Be Ware of Eve Hill a very merry birthday. 🎉 🎁 🎂
Way back in 2020, I met this fine SOSFer as she commented day after day. She wrote so well that when I made my first comment, I complimented all of the writers that posted the daily blog, and included her among the likes of Epicus Doomus and ComicBookHarriet. She straightened me out very quickly.
BWOEH displays wit, keen insight, and enjoys my sense of humor. Now that is a trifecta. If you examine closely, you discover a level of savoir faire rarely seen in one so young. Best of all, she enjoys the company of us all at SOSF. So join me in wishing this wonderful person a very happy birthday. 🎈 No presents please. She already has the best gift: Mr. BWOEH. 🌺💐🌹
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BWOEH!!!
THANK YOU, CBH!!!
Thank you for your blogs, like today’s and especially your always enjoyable end of year blogs. I can’t wait for this year’s Cranky Awards.
You and Banana Jr.6000 rock.
Aw, thanks SP! That is so sweet of you to remember.😊🙏
Wait, opposite day? So you’re not wishing me a happy birthday?
🤔❓❓❓
Yesterday, my boss, who is not particularly funny, jokingly asked me when I planned to retire. Rude and awkward! Not cool! I like my job, my coworkers and have a few years left. Why retire? I suggested that if he were willing to fund my retirement, I would consider the idea.
Segue! Speaking of retirements, I know we here at SoSF have discussed this issue to death, but one last thought on the retirement of Funky Winkerbean. Batty originally claimed that he had to discontinue FW after Chuck Ayers retired, stating that he could not find a replacement artist. However, pretty much everyone here knew TB was full of coke. As someone here previously noted, TB admitted in the TB dot com blogs that it wasn’t his preference to end FW. But here’s a thing to think about if Batty’s claim was true. If finding and illustrator to work with him was so difficult, what would happen if Dan Davis walked away from Crankshaft? Was TB one Dan Davis away from total retirement?😱
Seriously, I don’t see TB retiring anytime soon. Off in the distant future, in my mind’s eye, I see TB in his 90s on his deathbed with an oxygen mask firmly affixed to his face. He’s wheezing his final breaths. His gnarled, bony finger hits ‘send’, submitting yet another batch of hybrid Crankshaft-Funky Winkerbean strips to the syndicate. Crankshaft/Funky Winkerbean lives on after death.
In closing, it was a great day when I subscribed to SoSF. Commenting on FW on the Comics Kingdom was fun, but participating on SoSF was like joining the adults table. A whole higher level of snark.
Thanks, again.
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
❤️🔥Commenting on FW on the Comics Kingdom was fun, but participating on SoSF was like joining the adults table. A whole higher level of snark.💗
Schnikes! That is the perfect description of SOSF. We have no lower levels of snark, we only have higher levels. Perfection!
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
One of my favorite likes about you, is you have marvelous choice in icons. I love the white kitty!
Back in the day, I used to be known as ‘Eve Hill’. While searching for a new profile pic, I found the white kitty and changed my profile name to match. Three and a half years later, I have yet to receive a cease and desist order from the image’s creator.😁
Why did you pick a longhorn steer as a profile picture? Is it because you like giving people “bull”?
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
I always live in residential areas, and always wanted a pet long horn. This is the closest I got to owning said pet.
I won’t name the team, but I think we both were quite happy with yesterday’s result.
Today’s Crankshaft
It’s gonna be another week of this shit, isn’t it
also, Happy birthday, BWOEH
It’s going to be several more years of this shit.
I still stand by my thought that the final Funkyshaft was on 12/29, the day before Tommy’s contract expired. It’s Cranks all the way down from now on. Too bad for us wiseasses, but better news for the Syndicate.
The CS comments are turning into: “Well, back in 1985—or was it 92? Maybe yesterday, which I think is 1993? I had the lumbago very bad in my spleen. I ate flax, because that’s what they recommended. Maybe it was my gout, because three very loud dogs came after me! One barked in Egyptian. Then, I remembered a prune I hadn’t eaten, due to the weather being quite un-prunely. Queen Elizabeth died from Mr Bean! I ate me a hot dog. We all ate those then, there was no other food. Back then in 1922, or possibly 2015, we had Gummy Worms. Also, I have a 50% off coupon from the Crimean War that you must honor, so GET ME YOUR MANAGER! We had Jello today. It was lime with grapes. Golly, my kidney stones! STALIN HAD LONG HAIR TOO YOU HIPPIE!!”
You know you’re a Plugger when you read Crankshaft.
Jff’s future trip to a winnipeg blue bombers game belies that theory.
We’ll have to disagree on that. The 50+ years finale of FW–I don’t think that was planned. It was “What would the FLASH do? In 1963?! Oh god I only got 3 months! Wait–time-traveling JANITOR of course!” (giggles weirdly)
Tom did NOT know FW was going into the bin. Look at 12/29/24–even for him, “I took that as a yes!” is not remotely a joke. It was a setup for 2-3 weeks of “DinkLillian do poker in church jokes.” And it didn’t happen. The Syndicate finally sat him down and said “We didn’t buy Funky. We bought Crankshaft. Stay in your lane. Or hitchhike home.”
I’ve no doubt Tom has a 75th anniversary strip planned. He will waltz with Lisa’s ghost while riding the Bombers’ zamboni. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to be published.
Name comic artists who’ve retired. Watterson, Breathed, Schulz, Trud–no, wait, not Trudeau, he still does Sundays. And Schulz literally fell over dead the day the last Peanuts ran.
I was at a lecture given by Bill “Zippy” Griffith, and he was asked when he would retire. “Never,” he said. “I can’t NOT do comics every day. I don’t care if they never get published.” Tom can’t not write Funky. He just can’t find anyone to draw it.
by “shit”, I meant the “crankshaft whines and is a asshole over his back problems”
Thank you, csroberto2854!
I wish Batty would give you folks some snarkworthy material. If Dan Davis can copypasta the artwork, why can’t Batty redo some of his better jokes and story arcs? There’s 35+ years of material. It’s nice we are seeing Ed in the strip instead of Dinkle, but why is Batty redoing the doctor arcs that were dull and uninspired the first time around?
Today’s Crankshaft
Ha ha it’s funny because Crankshaft’s back problems caught up to him again
Related to the Batiukverse: a piece of fanart I made involving Holly and Funky
Do you know meme this one is based off of? (I’ll give you a hint, it involves Mordicai from Regular Show)
This is basically for Banana Jr. 6000.
There are two versions of “A Game of Pool,” one from the original “Twilight Zone” series and one from the 1980s revival.
They have different endings, with the victory going to a different player, and with different consequences.
Both work (though I give the edge to the first, perhaps because Jack Klugman and Jonathan Winters are so good), but with Crankshaft and Hank Greenberg, I don’t know.
No one bats a thousand. No one in major league baseball has broken .400 since Ted Williams in 1941.
An unknown striking out a celebrity is something…but it’s something along the lines of Al Bundy’s boast that he played high school football (all together now: FOUR TOUCHDOWNS IN ONE GAME!) for his country. It’s not having the fewest demerits at West Point.
(The guy who beat Robert E. Lee in that department was Charles Mason of Iowa. He is basically known for how high he graduated in the class of 1829, as opposed to Lee, who came in second…or Douglas MacArthur, who was the third highest graduate of the Military Academy.)
It’s like being the pitcher in the game which broke Joe DiMaggio’s 56-game hitting streak (also in 1941). A little research reveals that there were two pitchers in that game, Al Smith and Jim Bagby, Jr.
Maybe I just feel this way because I’m skeptical of moments of glory after hearing LATW perform Neil Simon’s *Broadway Bound* and can’t square Eugene’s mother’s dance with George Raft with her marriage to Jack Jerome and Raft’s own prominence.
Or the fact that its predecessor, *Brighton Beach Memoirs,* takes place in a 1937 which never mentions the Spanish Civil War and has relatives fleeing Poland before the Anschluss.
Time to find a copy of *Stalking the Nightmare* and revisit “The Cheese Stands Alone”…
Anonymous Sparrow,
I have a drought in my life that has now been watered. A missive from Anonymous Sparrow. Oh, I have missed you!
1. Ted Williams batting .406 in 1941. No one has done it since. Only a few have come so close. Williams himself almost did it again in 1957. My own George Brett came within 5 hits of batting .400 or better in 1980. I believe in August of that year, he batted .400 and had a 30 game hitting streak. I love my boys in blue. (Yankee manager, the great Billy Martin not so much!)
2. I had never heard of *the Cheese Stands Alone*. So I took up the challenge of letting AS educate me. (BWOEH pronounces it: edjumacate.) On Wiki it seems to be a card game. But on Apple Music There were many, many versions. Such as by: Echolyn, Michael Cooley, Grapevine Gossip, Family Animals, Stiletto, and my favorite version by Andy Beckmann from the album, *Don’t Get Killed*. He gets extra credit for telling a great story about opening for Don McLean, absolutely that album cover I have ever seen Spectacular!!!! All that to say, if that is not your Cheese, there are many pretenders to the throne.
Le fromage est seul! (French can’t quite grasp the context.)
SP:
The specific cheese is Harlan Ellison’s, and it may be found in his *Stalking the Nightmare* collection.
Ted Williams’s final game in 1960 provoked a John Updike essay called “Hub Fans Bid Kid Adieu.”
Knowing that you look forward to seeing my comments here makes my day. Merci beaucoup.
(No, Inspector Callahan, it doesn’t make my day that way…)
Interestingly, it was the second version of “A Game of Pool” that used the original ending that was written; the 1961 version changed the ending. I’d probably give the advantage to the earlier one, as it more clearly has the “twist ending” that The Twilight Zone was known for. (Though if the 1989 version had Jack Klugman reprising his character but in the Jonathan Winters role, they could have done something really nifty with the concept.)
GL:
Perchance to dream…
Seeing Jack Klugman as “Fats” Brown (remember the Skittle Pool commercial in which Don Adams comes to play “Wisconsin Skinny”? Adams’s “you’re Wisconsin Skinny?” ranks right up there with the best of the “would you believe?” lines on “Get Smart”) or a ruefully victorious Jesse Cardiff would have been a joy.
Klugman and Burgess Meredith are the protagonists in four original “Twilight Zone” episodes. It’s a shame that the revival didn’t look to them, as the “Columbo” revival did with Patrick McGoohan, William Shatner and George Hamilton. (Or even with a small role, as Robert Culp received in “Columbo Goes to College.”)
There are two versions of “A Game of Pool,” one from the original “Twilight Zone” series and one from the 1980s revival.
Yes, and the difference is outlined in the Wikipedia article about the episode. I prefer the original ending, because I tend to prefer the original version of anything Twilight Zone. And because the original ending also mimics this The Far Side comic strip. And I just think it’s better than the remake.
An unknown striking out a celebrity is something
A Triple-A player in baseball is not the same as an “unknown.” Triple-A players are legitimate prospects, and routinely compete against major league competition in spring training. Triple-A baseball itself is stocked with fringe and older players who aren’t far removed the majors. I realize that things were different in 1940, when the Pacific Coast League was a pseudo-major league (it had its own classification until 1957). Anyone competing at that level wasn’t far removed for the big leagues. A Triple-A pitcher striking out a major league hitter in an exhibition game is, frankly, not very remarkable.
It’s like being the pitcher in the game which broke Joe DiMaggio’s 56-game hitting streak (also in 1941).
The bigger antagonist in that game was Cleveland Indians third baseman Ken Keltner. He was an excellent defender who made two tough plays to throw DiMaggio out, helping put an end to the hitting streak. DiMaggio hit in 16 straight games after that, which means that Keltner kept the streak from going to 73. For perspective, Pete Rose is the closest since then, at 44 games in 1978. No one has gotten over 40 since. Paul Molitor, Jimmy Rollins, and Chase Utley got into the high 30s.
Banana Jr. 6000:
Beyond some obvious statistics and facts (Babe Ruth hit 59 home runs in 1921 and had a much better year than he did in 1927, when he hit 60), my baseball knowledge is small, so I appreciated your putting Crankshaft’s striking out of Hank Greenberg in perspective.
Have a poem from Franklin Pierce Adams (better known as “FPA”) as a thank you:
These are the saddest of possible words:
“Tinker to Evers to Chance.”
Trio of bear cubs, and fleeter than birds,
Tinker and Evers and Chance.
Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble,
Making a Giant hit into a double—
Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble:
“Tinker to Evers to Chance.”
Likewise, I was grateful to learn about Ken Keltner’s role in preventing DiMaggio from hitting successfully in his fifty-seventh game. I knew of the second, smaller streak, but not that it followed so fast on the first.
(What’s that you say, Mrs. Robinson? I should look for those other Mark Harris books for Mister Fiore? But they’re so obscure compared to *The Southpaw* and *Bang the Drum Slowly,* and he’s a slow reader to boot.)
O’Brien to Ryan to Goldberg and out!
Thanks, I appreciate it. I read a ton of baseball literature when I was a kid. I especially remember The Bronx Zoo, which was pretty hilarious, especially when you’re a 13-year-old boy.
Same here. I totally devoured sports books as a kid. “Always On The Run”, the biography of Larry Csonka and Jim Kiick, was my personal favorite. And during our SoSF conference call, some may remember me mentioning Tug McGraw’s old comic strip, “Scroogie”, the ultimate merging of sports and the wacky world of comic strips.
http://strippersguide.blogspot.com/2023/03/obscurity-of-day-scroogie.html
I used to have the first paperback collection, but who knows what became of it. As you can see from the linked strips, it had a bit of a 1970s Batiukian vibe to it, sort of. Unlike FW, it only lasted for a couple of years, so it didn’t last long enough to have anyone get pregnant or die or anything. I’ve always found it sort of strange how no one remembers”Scroogie” at all. For a while there, I almost thought I’d imagined the whole thing. It really wasn’t bad, though.
“The Great American Baseball Card Flipping, Trading, And Bubblegum Book” (Boyd & Harris), in spite of its unwieldy title, was another big favorite of mine. Lots of fun, good-natured snark re: 1950s pop-culture, ballplayers, and their baseball cards. Definitely an influence on my own snarking.
Today’s Crankshaft
(puts on party hat)
FINALLY, WE HAVE A STRIP THAT DOESNT FEATURE ED AT ALL AND IT FEATURES-
(checks the strip, takes off party hat and sulks)
goddamn it, not Skip Rawlings again
SPOILER FOR THE NEXT WEEK OF CRANKSHAFT:
Emily’s essay is on the FRONT PAGE!