Well, Chris, maybe you should have thought about the implications of regulating market rate rents before you decided to build the city on rock’n’roll.
Obligatory
He’s just now learning that she’d be lucky to rent a packing crate. Typical.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day Two Of New York Storyline, 2025 Edition
The joke here is that the cost of Christine’s apartment is really high
Via That Blog: “An iconic cover for an iconic character. So iconic that you don’t even have to show him on the cover.” Can you guess who it is?
A deerstalker cap. A magnifying glass. An old timey revolver–oh, you got it at “deerstalker”?
See if you can guess who these iconic characters are!
An exploded grill. Many expensive tools. A tube of prescription anti-syphilitic nose cream.
A yellow legal notepad, covered in doodles. A briefcase with a sandwich in it, and nothing else. A medical diagnosis that’s sooo wrong–but what you gonna do, call a lawyer?
A murder mystery book! Another murder mystery book, with a slightly different title. Another murder mystery book, with a slightly different title. A FOURTH…
A severed left arm. Another severed left arm. OK, trick question, 2 different people.
A pair of glasses. A hand mirror to gaze upon history’s hero. A can of brown gasoline for burning. Hand soap, so much soap, why will the spot not come off?!
Ed Crankshaft
Lisa
Lillian McKenzie
Skip Rawlings and Becky
Les Moore/Dick Facey
So close! #4’s correct answer is “Becky, then Skip.”
Here’s a new one!
Straight blonde hair. Works in Westview or Centerville. No reader remembers her name.
Better capture a Nazi U-boat, because you ain’t decoding that without an Enigma machine!
a couple to guess
army jacket, small pistol and dog collar
camera, choker and black lipstick
slice of pizza, half-drunk beer bottle and a alcoholics anonymous book
a silver-age comic book and a lighter
a can of skin cream, a can of hair spray and a shattered picture frame of Funky
csroberto takes it to–The Next Level! I’ll try, without using artificial aids.
1: Wally
2: I was offended when CBH declared you “Chien’s Number One Fan.” Eh, I’ll settle for an A-.
3: Drunky Stumblebean
What? It’s Final Jeopardy now? These aren’t easy.
4: Some variant of Tom’s mother
5: Cindy?
csroberto: Don’t tell us until everyone has answered!
round 2
flaming baton
huge blond hair that would fit on a frontman/frontwoman of a hair metal band from the 80’s, a camera and a metal spaceship toy
300 pounds, incredibly greasy Batman T-shirt, “aged and creamy” Starbuck Jones comic book
band director outfit, bronzed hat, 800 restraining orders
John Howard. I know you hate him, but your characterization of him as “300 pounds” is unfair. If anything, he’s one of the more svelte men in the Funkyverse.
Dinkle, obvs. Becky wouldn’t have the restraining orders.
Donna
Lena
round 3
cracked football helmet, letter from NFL
space helmet, mop
ed
copy of lisa’s story, 90’s VHS camera and knockoff taco bell
purple long sleeve shirt and a handheld sign that has a hole in the middle
clothing made out of leaves and a revolver
shoulder length black hair, a football and a rain-soaked prom dress
cigarettes and a beaten up trumpet
air guitar, back problems and comics
cullio and black T-shirt
eye glasses, blue jacket and green lantern outfit
a basketball, a copy of Westview (the book) and a framed picture of Lisa
*ed
i dont know how that got there (ignore it please)
Yes, Tom, the character is so iconic he can be represented with a symbol.
Batiuk is so obvious, he explains things you can already see.
He’s so wordy, that he uses more words than necessary.
I love how confused the baby Cranky snarkers were at this strange frizzy haired Chris person. Don’t know if we’ve gotten a Chris storyline in the last decade.
And Monday’s strip had that word dirigible instead of explaining who she was. Batiuk really expects us to remember obscure characters not seen in years.
Well, she did call him “dad”, but that’s a little undersold for greeting a parent you rarely see. They should at least hug, or something.
The last “Cranky in New York” strips I found online were from 2020 and 2022, respectively. According to SoSF’s weekly listings Chris didn’t show up in 2023 or 2024. Can anyone shed more light on this perplexing mystery?
Batty forgot about her. I mean she is just one of the many throw away characters he creates to force fit a gag.
Not as an adult, but Chris appeared as a child at least twice since the move to GoComics. Both of Crankshaft’s daughters appeared as children in a flashback during the old-timey-Centerville-Hardware-store-going-out-of-business story arc. Then there was the Sunday strip where we thought Ed was dying. There was a clock, tick tock, tick tock, getting louder and louder in the background. One of the panels featured Ed “reading” to Pmm and Chris on the porch.
Chris is obviously the most intelligent character in Crankshaft. She left Centerville, never to return, and appears in the strip as seldom as possible. It makes me wonder if she changed her last name.
Of course, the real source of their confusion is this: Why is this occasionally-seen geezer and his Brillo-headed offspring taking away time from the heart of the strip — the compellingly addictive ongoing conversation between that fascinating raconteur Batton Thomas and the delightful, insightful Skip?
We go from sort of topical humor to word salad with Ed not making the logical connection dressing.
You know, for how much Batty brags about his New York trips, I’m surprised his NYC strips are so unflattering. How about for a change, Crankshaft enjoys something there. Maybe he rides the subway and appreciates the vintage stations, maybe he tries something exotic at an ethnic restaurant and enjoys it. Despite all the problems there, there are still many things to enjoy. My wife and I do a couple long weekends there whenever there are airfare deals out of Cleveland. We like fall and winter best.
That’s a recurring theme in the Funkyverse. As much space as Batiuk uses to showcase his little interests in Funky Winkerbean, he has no clue how bad he makes them look most of the time.
“I was just in New York recently where I got a chance to see Good Night and Good Luck.“
He posted that on 6/16. Today it’s a strip? Hasn’t one of his big bragging points been about his unedited 11 month lead time?
Tommy, you need Don’t-Care Dan more than he needs you.
Today Ed walks down a Manhattan street and says, “Every single building in New York has one of these scapulas in front of it.” I stared at that for a long time. A scapula is a shoulder blade. Is he drawing some kind of parallel between awnings and shoulder blades? No… no… he’s mangling some word. What word? They’re walking under scaffolding, which is not on every single building or even 2% of buildings, so that couldn’t be it. Scapula… scapula… what does that sound like?
Folks, I think it’s supposed to sound like “scaffold.” It doesn’t even have the same amount of syllables, or any of the same sounds apart from “sc.”
And it’s a more obscure word for the average person. Why does Batty always do this, have Ed substute an obscure word for a common one? Remember “Romanesque countenance”? It’d be funny if Ed were supposed to be a pompous professor prone to forgetfully using the wrong word, but he’s supposed to have been illiterate till late middle age.
Schrödinger’s Ed: A technophobe/Luddite AND an AI expert. A blue-collar illiterate AND a spouter of sesquipedalian malapropisms?
Today’s Crankshaft
Day Three of New York Week
(YAWN)
Typed “scaffolding sidewalk stock photo” into google.
And whadda ya think showed as the third result?
One day Davis is going to accidentally trace “alamy” and our heads will simultaneously explode with laughter and rage.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day 4 of New York Week
christine, why do you need GPS for NYC if you know almost all of the place
other news: Happy 47th birthday, Garfield!
Today’s Past Batiukverse Storyline: Cindy’s Credit Card Gets Taken Away Because The Credit Card Bill Was Incredibly High Because of Her Overspending On Shit She Doesn’t Need
Cindy: you FUCKING WHAT!?!?
i’m no legal expert but I don’t think that you can file for chapter eleven bankruptcy protection because your father took away your credit card after overspending it for money
Carrie: You’ll be able to walk around the mall, but you can’t purchase anything.
Cindy pulling a Claudia Kincaid from From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, fishing coins out of the fountain to survive. Well, at least TB was cribbing from the classics here.
I’m no big city lawyer, but I don’t think a minor can file for Chapter 11. But you certainly can’t get another credit card after filing. Unless you want to give the boys at Friendly Finance a good belly laugh.
M: “I hate these new fangled aeroplanes! In my day, they had 2 wings and were made of canvas!”
T: “My apartment is expensive.”
W:”Why are these SCALLOPS not wrapped in BACON! I had those once at the VFW, but they threw me out when I told them I defected after D-Day to join the Wehrmacht…”
T: “Ed’s brain…be PUDDING.”
Is this his new writing style? He sets up a plot and then doesn’t follow through. Like, “Snowy VW didn’t hit me! Not sure why I mentioned it!” Maybe he DID edit those 11-months-old strips? And these are recent, and he has no idea that “gag-a-day” strips can’t wait a year?
F: “Ah, I stepped in a puddle! When I sneeze, my snot’s black from NYC air! Got any Chapstick? If he’s Deputy Dawg, who is the sheriff?!” “Dad…this may be your last visit to NYC.” (quietly dials Bedside Manor)
Is that funny? No. Just random. Like the strip.
Sorry, I was wrong about Friday’s strip!
The real strip: Ed is machine-gunned to death by Dick Tracy.
DICK TRACY kicks Ed’s bullet-riddled corpse into the gutter. SAM KETCHUM runs up. “What happened?!”
With a half-smirk, Dick says “He got the reference.” Sam says “You mean–the reference got HIM!”
They laugh. Starving stray Chicago dogs eat Ed.
I still consider myself to be the “new guy,” and not an adept in the arcane knowledge you have. You were Pliny the Elder, and I was Pliny the Millennial Hipster. “Forsooth!” you thouest wouldst say, “Get off your phone and go mine some coal, or whatever I pretend I did when I was your age!” (When times were hard) Thus, I did not know of this “I got the reference!” What forgotten lore was this? Possibly Pliny the Really Elder told you of it, in between telling you how many times he had to get up and pee last night.
I was…not happy to finally discover the wisdom. Les (OF COURSE IT WAS LES) thinking “Dick Tracy” was some obscure Plato’s cave shadows shit, or the secret fourth verse of the Brady Bunch theme song. Not happy! No wonder he just posted on his blog that the real topic of the post with the deerstalker cap was [insert huge cover photo screaming SHERLOCK] SHERLOCK HOLMES! Like it was the fucking da Vinci Code and he’s Alan Turing. I was thinking it was a lost writing of Paracelsus. But it turned out to be “Keep this safe to your breast! None outside our secret cult must ever know: ‘GREEEN Acres is the place for me! FAAARM living is the life for me!’ SPEAK NEVER–of the Professor and the Mary Ann!”
But we’re all supposed to know who Curly-Haired Daughter is. And her scapulas.
My guess is that the sheriff is either Hildy Granger* or Ricochet Rabbit.
*
Or Suzanne Somers, if you’re one of those hidebound literalists, giving to nitpicking when it’s so much nicer to go tiptoeing through the tulips.
It was Quick Draw McGraw. Not sure how he held his gun, given he had hooves.
Some good theen-ing on your part, as Quick Draw would say to Baba Looey.
The hooves seem to have no problem with the kabonger (which Quick Draw employs in his El Kabong guise), so they probably find the gun a piece of cake…
…if not a slice of Montoni’s pizza!
They drew it like the gun was glued to his hoof. Even when I was at the age when I thought “Hanna-Barbara is GOOD!” I knew about glue factories and horses.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day 5 of New York Week
that malproper was painful to read
Oh, that is mild compared to how disgusting this story in Mary Worth has been. Imagine that Lisa was actually Les’ sister, and you’re most of the way there.
RE: Sat. 6/21 and Day Six of Cranky’s Big Apple Funfest:
Oh, boy! And here I was worried Chris wouldn’t drag Ed to the opera–something he has never once professed an interest in or ever claimed to enjoy–this year!
Why does she do this to her father every time he visits her in New York? Is this some form of retribution for childhood traumas? Is she a music teacher and she’s trying to educate him (What does she do, anyway?)? Does she not know NYC has two major league, one minor league, and one independent baseball team within the five boroughs…you know, something Ed might actually like to do for a change?
Big Question: Will Sunday feature Ed on the plane complaining about how hard to open the Goldfish packet is, or will he simply be on the sofa with Jmm watching CFL football?
Fun fact! Parterre tickets (where I think they’re sitting) to the Metropolitan Opera run about 500 bucks each. Is Chris running a hedge fund or something? She sure has a lot of money to throw around.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day 6 of New York Week
This week is boring but at least we may go for another week where Ed is still in NY
Today’s Past Batiukverse Storyline: Cindy and Carrie dress up as nerds (i think this storyline is a 6/10)
Cindy: Now that you’ve became a nerd, get the fuck out of my life.
Carrie: Gladly. (walks off)
this is 100% OUT OF CHARACTER FOR CINDY IF SHE SAW CARRIE DO THIS THEN SHE WOULD BULLY THE FUCK OUT OF HER
I can say with full confidence that Nerd!Cindy looks ridiculous
I saw the post title, and thought “this is either a very late April Fool’s post, or a really, really early one”.
I know no one likes me talking about 9 Upchuck Lane, so shut up. Her boyfriend (somebody’s boyfriend; even Tom doesn’t draw his generic blondes that identical), his name is Famous Anus or something, and we’ve had weeks of him and Edda (or somebody blond) slobbering repulsive kisses upon each other. Look–or really, don’t look–they have no chins. Yet he has this…thing shoving off his face-like object. Lips, maybe? You could shelve books on whatever that is. He looks like some sort of grotesque deep sea creature, the kind whose head is all horrible fangs with some book light hanging off its nightmarish gob, except grosser. It comes out like a foot. How does one “osculate” with that? Looks like his mouth would swallow Edda’s head, and you know her head tastes like hair product, rancid string cheese and all the boogers.
At any rate, it’s on horrible display more than usual today, along with some relatively human-looking female whose name I neither know, nor ever hope to know.
Crankshaft is so boring, is why this I inflict upon you. So boring. No, you shut up.
Today’s Lame As Shit Crankshaft
Day 7 of New York Storyline, 2025 Edition
If boredom was a comic strip then Crankshaft would be it
Today we learn that Chris took Crankshaft to see “A Chorus Line” when he was in New York.
TIME MOPPPP! [shakes fish]
“A Chorus Line” hasn’t been revived in about 20 years. There’s gonna be a limited-run 50th anniversary production this fall.
Did TimeMop take Crankshaft backwards to 2006, or forward to this fall? I hope he took him back to the 70s to see the original production. I saw it then and it was great. Plus, maybe he could do what we’d ALL do if we were plopped into midtown Manhattan in, say, 1977: Go look for comic books! That’s the dream, isn’t it? That’s the dream. Thanks, TimeMop.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Ha ha, nice!
Well, Chris, maybe you should have thought about the implications of regulating market rate rents before you decided to build the city on rock’n’roll.
Obligatory
He’s just now learning that she’d be lucky to rent a packing crate. Typical.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day Two Of New York Storyline, 2025 Edition
The joke here is that the cost of Christine’s apartment is really high
Via That Blog:
“An iconic cover for an iconic character. So iconic that you don’t even have to show him on the cover.” Can you guess who it is?
A deerstalker cap. A magnifying glass. An old timey revolver–oh, you got it at “deerstalker”?
See if you can guess who these iconic characters are!
An exploded grill. Many expensive tools. A tube of prescription anti-syphilitic nose cream.
A yellow legal notepad, covered in doodles. A briefcase with a sandwich in it, and nothing else. A medical diagnosis that’s sooo wrong–but what you gonna do, call a lawyer?
A murder mystery book! Another murder mystery book, with a slightly different title. Another murder mystery book, with a slightly different title. A FOURTH…
A severed left arm. Another severed left arm. OK, trick question, 2 different people.
A pair of glasses. A hand mirror to gaze upon history’s hero. A can of brown gasoline for burning. Hand soap, so much soap, why will the spot not come off?!
So close! #4’s correct answer is “Becky, then Skip.”
Here’s a new one!
Straight blonde hair.
Works in Westview or Centerville.
No reader remembers her name.
Better capture a Nazi U-boat, because you ain’t decoding that without an Enigma machine!
a couple to guess
csroberto takes it to–The Next Level! I’ll try, without using artificial aids.
1: Wally
2: I was offended when CBH declared you “Chien’s Number One Fan.” Eh, I’ll settle for an A-.
3: Drunky Stumblebean
What? It’s Final Jeopardy now? These aren’t easy.
4: Some variant of Tom’s mother
5: Cindy?
csroberto: Don’t tell us until everyone has answered!
round 2
round 3
*ed
i dont know how that got there (ignore it please)
Yes, Tom, the character is so iconic he can be represented with a symbol.
Batiuk is so obvious, he explains things you can already see.
He’s so wordy, that he uses more words than necessary.
I love how confused the baby Cranky snarkers were at this strange frizzy haired Chris person. Don’t know if we’ve gotten a Chris storyline in the last decade.
And Monday’s strip had that word dirigible instead of explaining who she was. Batiuk really expects us to remember obscure characters not seen in years.
Well, she did call him “dad”, but that’s a little undersold for greeting a parent you rarely see. They should at least hug, or something.
The last “Cranky in New York” strips I found online were from 2020 and 2022, respectively. According to SoSF’s weekly listings Chris didn’t show up in 2023 or 2024. Can anyone shed more light on this perplexing mystery?
Batty forgot about her. I mean she is just one of the many throw away characters he creates to force fit a gag.
Not as an adult, but Chris appeared as a child at least twice since the move to GoComics. Both of Crankshaft’s daughters appeared as children in a flashback during the old-timey-Centerville-Hardware-store-going-out-of-business story arc. Then there was the Sunday strip where we thought Ed was dying. There was a clock, tick tock, tick tock, getting louder and louder in the background. One of the panels featured Ed “reading” to Pmm and Chris on the porch.
Chris is obviously the most intelligent character in Crankshaft. She left Centerville, never to return, and appears in the strip as seldom as possible. It makes me wonder if she changed her last name.
Of course, the real source of their confusion is this: Why is this occasionally-seen geezer and his Brillo-headed offspring taking away time from the heart of the strip — the compellingly addictive ongoing conversation between that fascinating raconteur Batton Thomas and the delightful, insightful Skip?
We go from sort of topical humor to word salad with Ed not making the logical connection dressing.
You know, for how much Batty brags about his New York trips, I’m surprised his NYC strips are so unflattering. How about for a change, Crankshaft enjoys something there. Maybe he rides the subway and appreciates the vintage stations, maybe he tries something exotic at an ethnic restaurant and enjoys it.
Despite all the problems there, there are still many things to enjoy. My wife and I do a couple long weekends there whenever there are airfare deals out of Cleveland. We like fall and winter best.
That’s a recurring theme in the Funkyverse. As much space as Batiuk uses to showcase his little interests in Funky Winkerbean, he has no clue how bad he makes them look most of the time.
“I was just in New York recently where I got a chance to see Good Night and Good Luck.“
He posted that on 6/16. Today it’s a strip? Hasn’t one of his big bragging points been about his unedited 11 month lead time?
Tommy, you need Don’t-Care Dan more than he needs you.
Today Ed walks down a Manhattan street and says, “Every single building in New York has one of these scapulas in front of it.” I stared at that for a long time. A scapula is a shoulder blade. Is he drawing some kind of parallel between awnings and shoulder blades? No… no… he’s mangling some word. What word? They’re walking under scaffolding, which is not on every single building or even 2% of buildings, so that couldn’t be it. Scapula… scapula… what does that sound like?
Folks, I think it’s supposed to sound like “scaffold.” It doesn’t even have the same amount of syllables, or any of the same sounds apart from “sc.”
And it’s a more obscure word for the average person. Why does Batty always do this, have Ed substute an obscure word for a common one? Remember “Romanesque countenance”? It’d be funny if Ed were supposed to be a pompous professor prone to forgetfully using the wrong word, but he’s supposed to have been illiterate till late middle age.
Schrödinger’s Ed: A technophobe/Luddite AND an AI expert. A blue-collar illiterate AND a spouter of sesquipedalian malapropisms?
Today’s Crankshaft
Day Three of New York Week
(YAWN)
Typed “scaffolding sidewalk stock photo” into google.
And whadda ya think showed as the third result?
One day Davis is going to accidentally trace “alamy” and our heads will simultaneously explode with laughter and rage.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day 4 of New York Week
christine, why do you need GPS for NYC if you know almost all of the place
other news: Happy 47th birthday, Garfield!
Today’s Past Batiukverse Storyline: Cindy’s Credit Card Gets Taken Away Because The Credit Card Bill Was Incredibly High Because of Her Overspending On Shit She Doesn’t Need
Cindy: you FUCKING WHAT!?!?
i’m no legal expert but I don’t think that you can file for chapter eleven bankruptcy protection because your father took away your credit card after overspending it for money
Carrie: You’ll be able to walk around the mall, but you can’t purchase anything.
Cindy pulling a Claudia Kincaid from From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, fishing coins out of the fountain to survive. Well, at least TB was cribbing from the classics here.
I’m no big city lawyer, but I don’t think a minor can file for Chapter 11. But you certainly can’t get another credit card after filing. Unless you want to give the boys at Friendly Finance a good belly laugh.
M: “I hate these new fangled aeroplanes! In my day, they had 2 wings and were made of canvas!”
T: “My apartment is expensive.”
W:”Why are these SCALLOPS not wrapped in BACON! I had those once at the VFW, but they threw me out when I told them I defected after D-Day to join the Wehrmacht…”
T: “Ed’s brain…be PUDDING.”
Is this his new writing style? He sets up a plot and then doesn’t follow through. Like, “Snowy VW didn’t hit me! Not sure why I mentioned it!” Maybe he DID edit those 11-months-old strips? And these are recent, and he has no idea that “gag-a-day” strips can’t wait a year?
F: “Ah, I stepped in a puddle! When I sneeze, my snot’s black from NYC air! Got any Chapstick? If he’s Deputy Dawg, who is the sheriff?!” “Dad…this may be your last visit to NYC.” (quietly dials Bedside Manor)
Is that funny? No. Just random. Like the strip.
Sorry, I was wrong about Friday’s strip!
The real strip: Ed is machine-gunned to death by Dick Tracy.
DICK TRACY kicks Ed’s bullet-riddled corpse into the gutter. SAM KETCHUM runs up. “What happened?!”
With a half-smirk, Dick says “He got the reference.” Sam says “You mean–the reference got HIM!”
They laugh. Starving stray Chicago dogs eat Ed.
I still consider myself to be the “new guy,” and not an adept in the arcane knowledge you have. You were Pliny the Elder, and I was Pliny the Millennial Hipster. “Forsooth!” you thouest wouldst say, “Get off your phone and go mine some coal, or whatever I pretend I did when I was your age!” (When times were hard) Thus, I did not know of this “I got the reference!” What forgotten lore was this? Possibly Pliny the Really Elder told you of it, in between telling you how many times he had to get up and pee last night.
I was…not happy to finally discover the wisdom. Les (OF COURSE IT WAS LES) thinking “Dick Tracy” was some obscure Plato’s cave shadows shit, or the secret fourth verse of the Brady Bunch theme song. Not happy! No wonder he just posted on his blog that the real topic of the post with the deerstalker cap was [insert huge cover photo screaming SHERLOCK] SHERLOCK HOLMES! Like it was the fucking da Vinci Code and he’s Alan Turing. I was thinking it was a lost writing of Paracelsus. But it turned out to be “Keep this safe to your breast! None outside our secret cult must ever know: ‘GREEEN Acres is the place for me! FAAARM living is the life for me!’ SPEAK NEVER–of the Professor and the Mary Ann!”
But we’re all supposed to know who Curly-Haired Daughter is. And her scapulas.
My guess is that the sheriff is either Hildy Granger* or Ricochet Rabbit.
*
Or Suzanne Somers, if you’re one of those hidebound literalists, giving to nitpicking when it’s so much nicer to go tiptoeing through the tulips.
It was Quick Draw McGraw. Not sure how he held his gun, given he had hooves.
Some good theen-ing on your part, as Quick Draw would say to Baba Looey.
The hooves seem to have no problem with the kabonger (which Quick Draw employs in his El Kabong guise), so they probably find the gun a piece of cake…
…if not a slice of Montoni’s pizza!
They drew it like the gun was glued to his hoof. Even when I was at the age when I thought “Hanna-Barbara is GOOD!” I knew about glue factories and horses.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day 5 of New York Week
that malproper was painful to read
Oh, that is mild compared to how disgusting this story in Mary Worth has been. Imagine that Lisa was actually Les’ sister, and you’re most of the way there.
RE: Sat. 6/21 and Day Six of Cranky’s Big Apple Funfest:
Oh, boy! And here I was worried Chris wouldn’t drag Ed to the opera–something he has never once professed an interest in or ever claimed to enjoy–this year!
Why does she do this to her father every time he visits her in New York? Is this some form of retribution for childhood traumas? Is she a music teacher and she’s trying to educate him (What does she do, anyway?)? Does she not know NYC has two major league, one minor league, and one independent baseball team within the five boroughs…you know, something Ed might actually like to do for a change?
Big Question: Will Sunday feature Ed on the plane complaining about how hard to open the Goldfish packet is, or will he simply be on the sofa with Jmm watching CFL football?
Fun fact! Parterre tickets (where I think they’re sitting) to the Metropolitan Opera run about 500 bucks each. Is Chris running a hedge fund or something? She sure has a lot of money to throw around.
Today’s Crankshaft
Day 6 of New York Week
This week is boring but at least we may go for another week where Ed is still in NY
Today’s Past Batiukverse Storyline: Cindy and Carrie dress up as nerds (i think this storyline is a 6/10)
Cindy: Now that you’ve became a nerd, get the fuck out of my life.
Carrie: Gladly. (walks off)
this is 100% OUT OF CHARACTER FOR CINDY IF SHE SAW CARRIE DO THIS THEN SHE WOULD BULLY THE FUCK OUT OF HER
I can say with full confidence that Nerd!Cindy looks ridiculous
I saw the post title, and thought “this is either a very late April Fool’s post, or a really, really early one”.
I know no one likes me talking about 9 Upchuck Lane, so shut up. Her boyfriend (somebody’s boyfriend; even Tom doesn’t draw his generic blondes that identical), his name is Famous Anus or something, and we’ve had weeks of him and Edda (or somebody blond) slobbering repulsive kisses upon each other. Look–or really, don’t look–they have no chins. Yet he has this…thing shoving off his face-like object. Lips, maybe? You could shelve books on whatever that is. He looks like some sort of grotesque deep sea creature, the kind whose head is all horrible fangs with some book light hanging off its nightmarish gob, except grosser. It comes out like a foot. How does one “osculate” with that? Looks like his mouth would swallow Edda’s head, and you know her head tastes like hair product, rancid string cheese and all the boogers.
At any rate, it’s on horrible display more than usual today, along with some relatively human-looking female whose name I neither know, nor ever hope to know.
Crankshaft is so boring, is why this I inflict upon you. So boring. No, you shut up.
Today’s Lame As Shit Crankshaft
Day 7 of New York Storyline, 2025 Edition
If boredom was a comic strip then Crankshaft would be it
Today we learn that Chris took Crankshaft to see “A Chorus Line” when he was in New York.
TIME MOPPPP! [shakes fish]
“A Chorus Line” hasn’t been revived in about 20 years. There’s gonna be a limited-run 50th anniversary production this fall.
Did TimeMop take Crankshaft backwards to 2006, or forward to this fall? I hope he took him back to the 70s to see the original production. I saw it then and it was great. Plus, maybe he could do what we’d ALL do if we were plopped into midtown Manhattan in, say, 1977: Go look for comic books! That’s the dream, isn’t it? That’s the dream. Thanks, TimeMop.