M.C.G.A.

A very wise man once said, “N’interrompez jamais un ennemi qui est en train de faire une erreur.“

Unfortunately for all of us, he said this in French, which is a language no one speaks but the French, (who are too snooty to translate) and French Canadians (who are somehow even snootier than the French).

I asked Grok what the saying meant and it gave me this.

“Never interrupt Banana Jr. 6000 when he’s on a roll.”

But I cannot stay silent anymore. I am well and truly sick and tired of this disgusting state of affairs going on in Crankshaft right now.

I’m not talking about the shameless pandering to the Canadian Football League, the city of Winnepeg, Princess Auto Stadium, poutine as a food, or the Canadian Museum of Human Rights.

I’m talking about the eponymous so-called protagonist himself, Ed Crankshaft. The old bastard is too damn agreeable these days. It makes me SICK.

For the first week he sat idly by watching Pam and Jeff angst over damaged sports apparel with the disinterested flat affect of a cow watching CSPAN. Barely got a quip out. And since then he’s been all grins and enthusiasm. Even when he’s ‘complaining’ it’s more Mr. Magoo than Misanthropic.

This is what we have now:

And this is what we NEED:

Humor is subjective. But anger is funny. Anger is energy. Anger is passion. Anger is life.

It is what this strip was built on. It’s CRANKshaft, not GOOFstick.

Get rid of this passive, grinning, empty headed dundermuffin, and give me back a Crankshaft with some spite. MAKE CRANKY GRUMPY AGAIN!

And what is up with this best buddies relationship between Cranky and Jeff these days?

Be-ware-of-eve-hill said it well on the last post.

In the old days Crank and Jeff’s relationship was dynamic, fun, and a breeding ground for jokes. Because they couldn’t stand each other and weren’t shy about it.

Jeff and Ed, the blue-collar bus driver and the white collar accountant, they didn’t understand each other, and were brimming with resentment, and yet sometimes found common ground, or had moments of connection.

Was the old relationship a lazy copy of Archie and The Meathead? Maybe. But stock conflict straight from the trope rack is better than this anemic bland bond built of nothing.

So this is my rallying cry! Make Cranky Grumpy Again! And let him go back to hating Jeff just as much as the rest of us do!

103 thoughts on “M.C.G.A.”

  1. I would find it surprising if, in real life, an unauthorized elderly man managed to run out onto a professional football field just before kickoff, then sit down to rest on the team bench, without at least being accosted by a security guard to lead him off the field.

    I mean, I realize this is a comic strip and plays by the rule of humor. But it also needs to touch base with reality. Before Ed could sit down, he should have been approached by someone shouting at him things like, “Hey! Who are you? What are you doing here? You need to get off the field!” The humor, if any, should then come from Ed’s reaction.

    1. Yeah, it’s like the story is trying to make a joke about Canadians being overly lax. But like the dronefests in Mary Worth, Luann, and Rex Morgan, I know better than to expect any greater point to any of this.

      1. Most of us think Genghis Khan was a pansy because he wore a helmet. Ed would get tased mercilessly in real life.

      2. So you’ve had your fill of Mary Worth’s:

        “You saved my life!”

        “No, you’ve saved mine!”

        “You’re such a wonderful friend!”

        “I’m so glad we’re friends!”

        Our family watched the new King of the Hill episodes over the past couple of days. They’re great fun-I hope they do more.

        “

  2. The implication inherent in “Can I be mistaken for a member of the coaching staff?” is way racist because it’s “I’m WHITE so of course I can.”

    Also, learn to spell Winnipeg properly. There’s only one ‘e’.

  3. This is the coverage about CS that I found in the Winnipeg media. SPOILER ALERT! (If anyone cares) I guess they figured no one was going to bother to read CS so they reveal the end of the story. And yes, it is as craptastic as you can imagine.

    Out of the top six stories on CTV News, one was about trash cans, one was about a new bus, and one was about potatoes.

    https://www.winnipegfreepress.com/featured/2025/07/21/crankshaft-comes-to-winnipeg

    https://www.ctvnews.ca/winnipeg/article/felt-like-home-crankshaft-comic-makes-road-trip-to-winnipeg/

    https://www.bluebombers.com/2025/07/20/crankshaft-for-the-w/

    1. I love how the actual coach asks who Ed thinks he is. It’s not summoning security but at least people question his presence.

    2. Yep, this ends up as crappy as I thought it would. I was hoping they would run into Batton Thomas and Lynn Johnston, we could watch them both being interviewed.
      As bad as this is, Mary Worth has been even worse.
      Agh well, at least the new King of the Hill is out.

      2. And in “Suite Smells of Excess” King Of The Hill did the whole “main character wanders into the wrong place in a football stadium and impacts the game significantly by unexpectedly calling a play” story arc years before and drastically better than Crankshaft.

        And I’m not just saying that because the University of Texas loses the game in KOTH.

        1. And also, Hank has the decency to fear for his life and worry that he ruined football for Bobby.

        2. I just started watching the new King of the Hill episodes on Hulu this weekend. 21 year old Bobby Hill is hilarious.

  4. The problem that I see is that his daddy worship is getting in the way of remembering what made Ed the jerk he is: his smug refusal to do what’s expected of him because he misinterpreted doing the bare minimum as being pushed around. He used to love cowering behind having to support his family to justify not learning to read but he would’ve played hooky in a booming economy and everyone knows it. Look how he has always treated Keesterman. He mistreated the man because of the mistaken impression that he was being bossed around. It’s why he’s Great Big Jerk Santa: he sees happy, hopeful children as enemies who want to slam him!

    1. Batty ruined both of his strips. He had a decent premise for both, but by the end they became bland strips devoted solely to Batty’s lame interests. Wow, Batty went to Canada and found out things are different there. I really wished Winnipeg hadn’t indulged Batty, this is what happens when you do. The OMEA can’t get rid of him, now Winnipeg won’t be able to either!

      1. Which brings me back to an earlier point: why are syndicated comics still allowed to exist and spew falangist mush? For pity’s sake, Hi and Lois ignore the crap out of Bezos and blame the shuttering of independent book stores on woke mind virus public libraries!!

          1. If you’re looking for someone to let go of a wrong in the distant past, you’ve come to the wrong place

        2. I guess they are just running on autopilot until the jet runs out of fuel.

    1. Oh, that is fabulous. A blog post about getting ideas that doesn’t have a single idea within it anywhere.

      1. “So did I go to Nashville to reference a story, or did I go there to simply get a cool new sticker for my laptop?”

        Beats me. But I certainly know what you’re going to tell the IRS about the purpose of your trip….

      2. No one takes worse photos than Batty does. They’re always incredibly mundane, somewhat oddly framed, and oftentimes just plain confusing. They always make his trips appear much duller than they actually were, which is a terrifying thought.

        1. If I ever take a trip to Nashville, I’m probably thinking “country music.” Nashville is the birthplace, spiritual home, and superstar factory for that type of entertainment. Batiuk’s pictures of the Grand Ole Opry look like he stumbled into it and didn’t know what it was used for. And didn’t care.

          1. This is what made Summer’s wandering through Westview so annoying: the buildings she walked by meant nothing to her because they don’t mean anything to Incurious Tom.

          2. Doors, walls, advertising signage, random strangers milling around…they aren’t just bad photos, they’re also inexplicable to everyone but him, and even that’s debatable. It’s like back in the day, when you’d take a trip and bring some of those disposable cameras. You’d get home, drop the film off to get developed, then you’d get an envelope containing some of your precious moments, along with shots of your thumb, the AC unit in the hotel room, and indistinguishable blurry things.

            Batiuk should do a whole slideshow presentation with his collected vacation snaps. It’d be completely surreal. “Now here we have one from my trip to Cleveland. That is a dumpster behind a diner where the creator of Superman used to get lunch. Now here, we see a door in Hollywood. It led to some kind of production studio. And here, we see a few people I saw at a pizzeria one time”.

  6. “Cody Chomiak, Travel Manitoba’s vice-president of marketing, said having Winnipeg featured in a comic strip is the kind of publicity you can’t buy.

    ‘This is marketing gold for us,’ Chomiak said.”

    Bwa ha hah! That’s funnier than anything Batty has written in years. Wait, what? He was serious?

    Oh, that’s just sad, then.

    1. Either he’s flattering a no account or he doesn’t realize that Batiuk isn’t so much a has-been as he is a never-was. Both are distressing.

    2. I wonder how much the coaching staff likes being depicted as needing playcalling help from random game attendees. Random American game attendees in 2025.

  7. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 18 of Canadian Football Storyline

    If this doesn’t lead to the Blue Bombers breaking every single bone in Crankshaft’s body I’m gonna be disappointed

    1. Especially since we’re being subjected to a Winkerbean Football Story that reminds us that while Batiuk loves watching the game, he has no actual respect for it.

      1. It’s the same thing with Ed’s Toledo Mud Hens career. And John Darling and Cindy Summers’ TV journalism careers. Batiuk thinks anything that’s not at the highest, professional, award-winningest level of performance is bush league amateur stuff full of idiots to make fun of.

          2. An insecure idiot who secretly fears being inadequate loves to downplay the accomplishments of other people. For proof of concept, we have Funky Winkerbean himself who based his whole life on jealousy of Cindy.

        2. He also seems to believe pretty much everyone is a miserable, cynical fraud. The football coach, the pizzeria owner, the comic book creators, the news anchor, the one-armed band director, the comic book store guy, they’re all exasperated, weary, barely hanging on, and resigned to their fates.

          1. Being a beaten down idiot who would rather die than avoid an easily preventable disaster is what he thinks humanity’s nation should be. Boy, is he stupid.

  8. Jeff… JEFF calling out anyone else for their arrested development is a classic TB move! Great archive dive, CBH.

  9. Agreed, CBH. One hundred percent. Make Cranky Grumpy Again! Crankshaft is supposed to be a curmudgeon, not a social butterfly.

    The adversarial relationship between Ed and Jeff was one of the things that made Crankshaft Crankshaft. This mutual admiration society crap has made this story arc totally lifeless. Smile. Smile. Smile. Smirk. Smirk. Smirk.

    Jeff: I love you, Ed.

    Crankshaft: I love you too, son.

    Puke city.

    In addition, there were no roadblocks traveling to Winnipeg. There were no issues getting to the game. Jeff bought his precious Winnipeg Blue Bomber game jersey. No conflict or difficulty of any kind. Everybody knew Crankshaft would somehow end up on the field.

    Yet another story arc Batiuk puffs up in his blog only for the finished product to be dull, bland, and predictable. Dull. Dull. Dull. This morning, I couldn’t even come up with any snark for today’s Crankshaft comic strip. The whole story is just so uninspired. This is the worst buddy road trip story I’ve ever witnessed.

    Thank you for spotlighting my comment.

    1. Perhaps I should watch a buddy movie this weekend as a palate cleanser. After reading Ed and Jeff for the past three weeks, Dumb and Dumber comes to mind.

      1. I’m thinking Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Or at least one of the National Lampoon’s Vacation movies. Traveling with other people is a giant pain the ass, even if you get along with them most of the time.

        1. How about Ed and Jfff re-enacting the final reel of “Midnight Cowboy”?

          Glad I’m not reading these.

    2. In addition, there were no roadblocks traveling to Winnipeg. There were no issues getting to the game. Jeff bought his precious Winnipeg Blue Bomber game jersey

      To once again go back to the thing I’ve been harping on, it would have been absurd and amusing if they did all this crap because Jfff needs a new shirt to watch his football game, and the stadium store is sold out. So he refuses to watch the game or he has to buy a woman’s cut or something. Hell, even a huge shirt three sizes too large would be mildly amusing.

      1. Without a doubt, all the scenarios you envision would be an improvement on Batty’s effort. Sadly, Batty doesn’t do amusing anymore. Nowadays, Batty only writes in one manner, dull and predictable.

        I’m imagining Sissy Jeff in a woman’s french cut t-shirt. Ooh là là! Très magnifique!😘 /s

        1. It’s as if he doesn’t understand the concept of a McGuffin. He actually believes that his unironic audience genuinely cares about whether Jfff gets his shirt and whether he and Crankshaft enjoy going to the game in Winnipeg. They actually care that Jfff’s shirt got ruined when Pam spilled bleach on it. That’s a story to him.

          We saw something similar every time Les was involved with the film version of Lisa’s Story. He thought they actually would care about a fictional film’s fealty to a fictional book, and relate to Les’s anxiety over that while he’s still getting paid a ton and rewarded a ton for virtually nothing.

          1. When the public he bores with his nothing pizza and side order of irrelevance sticks gives a non-event they can’t care about its right name, he simpers about being bullied.

          2. “Virtually nothing” would have been a huge improvement for Les. He wielded his veto power over the entire movie every time it wasn’t “correct” enough for him, botched his walk-on role so badly that it pushed the movie over budget, gloated when it failed financially, and accepted an award for it that he didn’t earn.

          3. Asking him whose story it was would elicit the same eruption we saw when he realized Summer wasn’t wearing a burqa to prom.

  10. Day 19: Can I punctuate my idiot plot with a reference to how my stupid main character has no common sense?

      1. Given Ed’s utter lack of common sense, that describes every cliffhanger. He’s bitter and angry because he’s clueless.

        1. Sorry, that came out a lot harsher than I meant. ‘stupid main character with no common sense could be a lot of people in the Funkyverse.

          1. Given that they’re all author inserts..,. that’s kind of to be expected. I’m not seeing someone with common sense when I read his gibberish.

  11. Batiuk’s travelogues are so extremely peculiar. NYC — Hollywood — Kilimanjaro — Winnepeg, and he gives us nothing about any of those places. What were his impressions of NYC, good or bad? We don’t know. How did it feel to summit Kilimanjaro? Awe, a sense of smallness in a vast universe, a feeling of triumph, a disappointed “is that all there is”? He gives us nothing.

    Once again, I get nothing from this. What’s Winnepeg like? Kinda rust-belt-ish, industrial? Or like an overgrown frontier town? Sprawling, or compact? Is it pretty? Gritty? Modern? What are the people like? The architecture? What sorts of industries are there? It would have been cool to know. But … poutine, I guess. Which, as already noted, is really a Quebec thing anyway.

    The only conclusion I can draw is that his impression of any location from Cincinnati to Singapore is: “I, TOM BATIUK, AM AT THIS LOCATION. ADMIRE MY WORLDLINESS.”

    1. Exactly so. Childe Thomas recks not for a place’s history. It’s all about his making the place meaningful by appearing there.

      Christ ….. what an asshole.

    2. His photos are always just random doors, walls, and other mundane things anyone could see anywhere. So we can conclude he’s either insanely fascinated by mundanity, or he’s incredibly boring.

    1. This is actually funny. Ed’s lack of common sense (the only character trait that’s consistent with the cantankerous misanthrope of old) is not.

    2. For the love of God, why isn’t the third panel just Ed atanding up, instead of Jeff narrating it?

      1. Because Ayers never drew a panel of Ed standing up from behind, of course. At least not that Davis or TB could recall…

    1. In real life, he’d get his head handed to him. Since Batiuk learned about us Canucks from GI Jerk Dad, people who think the Mongol Hordes were a bunch of fruits ’cause they wore helmets turn into sissies.

    2. Also, we have to contend with a thing Batiuk is blind to: in real life, Crankshaft is seen here as “Random Scatter-Brained Senior Citizen Who Got Lost.”

      It’s like how he blanks out on how people who have no idea who Dinkle is see “Power-crazed, high-strung, humorless sadist who needs a chill pill” or how strangers see Les as “arrogant and incompetent blowhard Freshman Comp teacher.”

  15. Day 20: Someone asks the question that Ed can’t answer: who the Hell do you think you are, random old person?

  16. Thank you for the post! It helps to put perspective on how much Tom has lost control of his own creation. Seeing early Pam and Jeff always throws me for a loop.

    I’m trying to write more but wordpress keeps eating my words. TLWon’tRewrite – where is Ed’s origin story? He’s softening over time and the majority of flashback content never shows Ed as being completely insufferably miserable. Billsplut has addressed this as much in prior posts too. If Ed’s MO is being a raging dick, why did it even happen to begin with?

    1. I have no idea myself. Whatever it was, it seems obvious that it was in response to something stupid.

      1. I think it was both the deaths of his infant son Ed Jr. and his wife Mary (both happened before Crankshaft (the comic strip) started) that made him into the bitter asshole we know and barely tolerate

        2. You can almost see his reasoning too: “How dare they be happy when I’m miserable!”
          Worse still, it could be “How dare they pity me!”

  17. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 20 of Canadian Football Storyline

    Tony Jones (one of the players of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers): Coach, who the fuck was that guy in red jacket?

    Mike O’Shea (coach of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers): I have no idea.

    1. Which, as I said, is where it falls down. People know who The Flash is because he wears that bright red jumpsuit and yellow boots when running at Idiotic Speed to punch Captain Cold. Nobody outside of Ed’s hometown knows his name.

  18. Day 21: Real life: The coaching staff was going to use Ed’s play anyway because it was obvious. Batiuk: The potato people need the main character to solve their problems. Reason: Batiuk doesn’t realize (or want to admit) that a security guard is armed and can shoot Mirror Master stone dead.

    1. Days 22-27; the entire world talks about how wonderful Ed is, and give him an award. This is basically the “Les tells Mason to use a nail” arc, combined with the “Marianne hands Les the Oscar for no reason” one.

      1. Despite (or especially because) the fact that he might as well yelled that play at the television set for all he really did.

      2. Also, this is the reason I keep harping on funny books rotting his mind. Police sharpshooters have to pay obeisance to a jogger running at Impossible Speed so the coach has to slobber to Father Time.

  19. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 21 of Canadian Football Storyline

    WHY ARE THEY RUNNING THE PLAY OF A 105 YEAR OLD JACKASS FROM OHIO

    This storyline kinda fits in Act I and maybe early Act II (1992 to early 1994) but not anywhere else

    1. The quarter-inch-from-reality explanation would be “They’re not. They’re just coincidentally running a similar play, and these delusional egomaniacs are filling in the blanks with their own fantasies.”

      But if you read any of the news stories that give away the ending, the quarter-inch-from-reality explanation is not where this is going.

        1. Yeah, Batiuk has a bad case of Main Character Syndrome. His characters can’t just go to a game and buy a shirt; they have to be instrumental in winning the game for the good guys.

          1. Which is unbelievable really. Most people would be satisfied with something that explains Canadian football but he can’t do that.

    2. Because a slightly younger jackass from Ohio has the catchphrase “Its called writing.”

    1. If the announcer is to be believed, it only looks like they ran Crankshaft’s play.

      Football action is another thing Ayers never drew, I suppose…

      1. I wonder if that’s why we skipped over from smirking to smirking: he never drew things.

    2. In real life, they’d have done it anyway because it’s so obvious that even a hundred year old simpleton can see it. In the strip, Ed in awarded the Order Of Canada for saving football.

      1. Yeah, I’m waiting for the ego tongue-bath to start. Who knew Ed was such an expert in Canadian football, with its very different rules about how players can go in motion? It’s amazing how he knows more than the coaching staff does!

        1. I don’t know about the CFL, but triple reverses in the NFL usually end up resulting in a 15-yard loss or a turnover. The NFL defenses are too fast and disciplined. That’s why it’s extremely rare to see one. I can’t say I’ve ever seen a triple reverse pass from a fullback to a quarterback at any level of organized football.

          The play in the comic strip was a success because Batty can’t envisage any other outcome.

          2. Yeah, this is very much a high school trick play. Or the game-winning play in a silly football movie, like Necessary Roughness.

            But let’s say, theoretically, that Ed’s right. He noticed a weakness in the opposing defense, told the coaching staff, they realized he was right, and called the play. The Blue Bombers must have already had that play in their playbook. So the team would have all kinds of plausible deniability. They’d just take credit for the decision themselves. “That guy on the sideline? I don’t know who that was, security took him away.” What’s Ed going to do, sue them for copyright infringement?

          3. Of course, we’re talking about the same guy who thought a brilliant play would be “have the quarterback fall back so that all the opposing players rush him, leaving all the receivers wide open”. And had it work. Even though it totally wouldn’t, because the team on defense wouldn’t all rush the quarterback like that.

            Even more importantly, we’re talking about the same guy who thought passing the ball to the friggin’ mascot would score a touchdown instead of resulting in massive penalties. (I mean, I’m not football expert, but even I can see several reasons that wouldn’t and couldn’t ever work.)

            But, y’know. It’s called writing.

          4. pj202718nbca:

            Damn straight.

            Banana Jr. 6000:

            I can easily see a play like Ed’s featured in one of those Wonderful World of Disney movies, or an ABC Afterschool Special. You know, stories written for the mentally immature who don’t quite grasp the nuances of football yet.

            OTOH, perhaps a dysfunctional team like the Cleveland Browns might be willing to listen to local fan Ed Crankshaft. How many QBs do the Browns have on the roster now? Six? Perhaps they’d like to run a play with four quarterbacks on the field. Who’s going to pass the football? Who knows? 🤡 /s

            Johnny Manziel called the Browns front office to say he’s available.

            Just as an exercise, I counted all the ex-Browns quarterbacks still in the NFL. Joe Flacco and Tyler Huntley are on their second go round with the Browns. Aside from the quarterbacks on the current Browns roster, I count ten. If they get cut by their current teams, there’s a chance the Browns will call.

            Green Luthor:

            That’s why blitz pickups are so important. How many times have we seen a quarterback in real life get destroyed because he didn’t change the blocking assignments at the line of scrimmage? The defender rushes totally free, and the quarterback gets blown up real good.

            If the defense is rushing the quarterback unblocked, he must get rid of the ball quickly, like throwing a screen pass. He can’t be diddling around waiting for a receiver (or a mascot) to get open.

            I wonder what foul the refs should have called for the alleged touchdown via mascot. Fan interference? Too many men on the field? Illegal substitution? Offsides? Illegal procedure. In the Batiukverse there are no rules. They make them up as they go along. IT’S A MADHOUSE!!!🤪

          5. BWOTH: I’m reminded of Little Big League and Eddie, movies where ordinary people were put in charge of real pro sports teams. (Who agreed to let their names be used in these unflattering, fantastic stories. Something I doubt the Blue Bombers did.) Neither film was meant to be taken all that seriously. But this…

            I ask this question all the time, but: what the hell is the intended tone here? This could work as a goofy jock fantasy camp scenario, but instead of we get Jeff and Crankhole dutifully traveling through international customs and visiting airport restaurants, as if they’re going to a sales convention. And we know from spoilers in the media stories that Crankhole is going to be awarded a game ball. Because everything in the Funkyverse is about winning awards. Because elite professional performers in every field need the help of schlubs from Westview to solve their problems.

          6. This is also a recurring thing for Batiuk, that the professionals involved here have no actual expertise and can have their job done more effectively by one of Batiuk’s favored characters.

            Crankshaft can just walk on the sideline of a professional football game and tell the coaches what to do, and if they do it, they win! Pete gets hired as a screenwriter with no professional experience for a failing movie project because his high school buddy talked to the girlfriend of the star, and suddenly the movie is a roaring success spawning multiple sequels. Les writes a book, then writes a screenplay for it and is told it’s a “beautiful work of art” by his producer, but his only problem is that said producer isn’t interested in beautiful works of art because he’s a shithead. Jarod Posey is picked up smoking in the restroom at school and is put in at starting quarterback with no experience for the school’s team and they’re immediately better. Owen gets put in as a wide receiver in a high school football game, again, with no experience, and catches the winning touchdown. Bull makes it to training camp for an actual NFL team despite the fact that his high school team never won a game. Cindy half-asses an impromptu interview with an elderly man and immediately wins an Emmy despite doing no research into her topic whatsoever.

            I’m sure I’m forgetting a bunch. The guy has absolutely no respect for expertise whatsoever. His random characters can fill in and do better than actual professionals, sometimes so much so that they win best-in-industry awards!

          7. In his mind, they’re being held down by cruel gatekeepers who hate them. Triumphing against being bullied is the end game because he doesn’t want to admit that SWAT teams can do a better job of taking down a stereotype Australian bank robber in a ridiculous costume than a man who runs really fast.

        2. He cannot know something Batiuk doesn’t. I half expected them to wonder why there was a turnover after the thirdcdown!

    1. They couldn’t have him at a Jays game without cheating on whatever they call Cleveland’s team.

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