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…But it Often Rhymes
And let us not forget, folks, this isn’t even the first time Montoni’s has cucked Cranky out of a Margo Lanes bowling trophy in December!
Ten Years Ago…(Or Twenty…Time Bubble Rules are Still in Effect)
“I like to bowl there because of the reference to nearly dead pop culture characters from 90 year old radio dramas!”A reminder of the time Jess has frozen Montoni’s pizza shipped to LA.“So glad, otherwise I could have just handed that team the trophy and gone home early… soo happy…”Gonna be safe roads in Ohio tonight, with both a school bus and a pizza van slip sliding their way through the dark!As you know…Why is Bull here? He was (shockingly) never a Montoni’s employee. Whadda you mean, Tom? Don’t you want to over-explain the joke and ruin it?This must have been pre-intervention Funky.Anyone know any bowling rules?I’ve never painted daisies on a big pink bowling ball…That trophy looks familiar. And the ‘turkey’ imagery makes more sense in this context. “I don’t remember it, of course, I was wasted.”
A few gripes, many years after these were published.
“Which foot do you start with?” is not really a good psychological ploy. Because it’s very simple to figure out when you stand at the line. A better one, a real one, is asking someone, “do you breathe in or out when you throw the ball?”
I guess the only point of having Lena be the anchor is so that he could make that joke, but NOBODY puts their worst bowler in the anchor position. It makes no sense.
You do not get credit for a strike if someone on another lane throws their ball into your lane.
“Which foot do you start with?” is not really a good psychological ploy.
It also wouldn’t work more than once. Or on anyone who’s ever had proper training. The only approaches I learned about were 2-step and 4-step, and your last step is the same side as your throwing hand. So it’s not hard to work out. This isn’t exactly Tongue Awareness.
In the one panel included at the top, The Pizza Box Monster refers to himself as The Pizza Monster. Is that his official name? Or did he go back and have his name officially changed a second time, this time from The Pizza Monster to The Pizza Box Monster. WE NEED TO KNOW!
In the strip, he’s only ever been called the Pizza Monster. “Pizza Box Monster” just seems to have caught hold with the readers (probably because it makes more sense; after all, he’s made of pizza boxes, not pizza). (At least, I’m reasonably certain Batiuk himself has never used the “Pizza Box Monster” name, but it also wouldn’t be the first time he’s randomly changed a character’s name with no explanation or even acknowledgement, so…)
I think Batty’s only ever used Pizza Monster but now that they’re a seemingly more important character it’s only a matter of time before he becomes Pizza Box Monster officially, or Pizza Pie Monster, or Petezza Mostoni or Crust Coalfire.
Mr. Pizza B. Monster is simply one of those people who hates his middle name, so he never uses it. “It’s just Pizza, ” he says. “Pizza Monster. That’s it. That’s my whole name.”
“But on your driver’s license it says Pizza B. –“
“That’s a typo. It’s just Pizza No-Middle-Initial Monster. Pizza, Monster. That’s it.”
“Um, okay. Let’s put it this way. What does it say on your birth certificate?”
“What does it say on YOUR birth certificate, huh? Pete Roberts-Reynolds-Whatever-Name-Popped-Into-My-Head-This-Week? Huh? Huh? Who are YOU to question this? Listen carefully. “Pizza”. Followed by “Monster”. The end.”
“Yeah, yeah, alright…”
(His middle name is actually Brian. He just doesn’t particularly like the name Brian, that’s all.)
Also, this was back when Batiuk had people from Westview refer to Ed as ‘that old bus driver’; the response was ‘Stop trying to make us care about Crankshaft.’
This whole week has been an insight into Tom Batiuk’s obsession with awards. Crankshaft’s “participation” trophy from 2015 is bigger than what college football bowl games give to the winning team. And this is a tiny bowling alley in a tinier town. Give me a break, Tom.
Batiuk clearly has a deep need for external validation. His characters are constantly getting awards, professional contracts, book signings, interviews, and praise. Usually, the characters getting this validation is the entire story. Which ties in perfectly with Batiuk’s belief that he’s some kind of overlooked genius. He’s giving his characters what he wants for himself.
It’s a baffling, drifting, structure-free mess loaded with obscure aphorisms to prove how smart they are and they’re proud of it. If he were into jam bands, he wouldn’t be able to STFU about Cleopatra’s cat.
To be fair, “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” had the line “She want one man made of Hercules and Cyrano.” That is pretty high-concept for a catchy pop song. And the whole album is full of Superman references, including the album title. You’d think Batiuk could get on board with that. But he didn’t, probably because it needed to be about The Flash instead.
What Batiuk never gets is that the Beagle Boys are more iconic than Captain Cold.
The only use he has for Superman is whining about people in New York crushing people from Ohio.
FIFA’s got to be looking for next year’s recipient of the May Dupp Peace Prize. I think we might have a nominee!
It reminds me of the “runner-up” trophy Magilla Gorilla and Ogee received in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon, after a mean little kid cheated so he and his pet would win the competition.
It’s much bigger and much more ornate than the winner’s trophy, which the teacher used to bop the mean little kid with when he demands his prize.
The best, and funniest, part of the “Parti-ci-paaation Trophy” (best read as Dr Frank N. Furter in Rocky Horror) is the fact it looks less like the gleaming gold it’s supposed to be, and more like it was covered in Vaseline and rolled in Ed’s leg hair.
I already mentioned that My Team won a friendly bowling work championship because one of us was almost a pro bowler and the other was her equally unstoppable sister. We would’ve completely aced if not for…well, me. Johnny Gutterball! But at least I kept my body hair to myself.
It was a story worth a single sensible chuckle, but the trappings of Act 4 Funkyshaft did it absolutely no favors: the whole thing being over and done in a week while the original crossover story, even if repeating gags, at least gave everyone extra screentime compared to this focusing heavily on the Montoni’s team instead of our “favorite” bus crew’s reactions. The central “gag” of the tournament’s star player went by way too quickly, one single strike and it was over (we should NOT have had two days for the trophy either, for pete’s sake.) Throw in the Davis artstyle losing us the expressive Ayers moments of bowling gone wrong, with the copy-pasting being extremely horrible on the last two “victory lap” strips, and honestly I’d call this one of the weakest Pizza Box monster stories ever. Put it in the contender for the year’s worst arcs.
Three days of setup, two days of vague sports action that doesn’t tell you what happened, and two days of posing with the trophy. This may be the definitive Act IV arc.
CBH: If you ever make a pilgrimage to Akron, Ohio you can visit Luigi’s and get your picture taken by the photo of the original pizza box monster. I think Batty posted it on his blog a long time ago. I believe the photo is near the cash register but I haven’t been to Luigi’s in 30 years.
Walk the square in Medina to see the inspiration for the layout of Westview. Visit the gazebo where Les and Lisa sat.
Then head to Akron to visit Luigi’s (Montoni’s). Try to visit during off peak hours so you can linger and take pictures. Notice the band box above the main entrance, the photo of the pizza box monster and the green pitcher behind the bar. There has to be a photograph of Batty somewhere, but in my day we were more amazed by photos of The Pretenders. There used to be a microbrewery close by that featured artwork by Chuck Ayers on the beer taps and beer labels, but it has recently closed.
Finally, head on over to Kent State University to visit the University Bookstore. There used to be random pictures of Funky Winkerbean characters scattered around campus, but I doubt any of them remain. Maybe in the Art School?
If you’re going to visit Kent, be sure to visit the May 4 Visitors Center to learn more about the events of May 4, 1970, which (of couse) have also been mentioned in the strip.
My late stepfather was a student at KSU that day. In brief, his story was that he almost got shot as he was trying to walk from lunch to his job at the Chemistry lab.
Actually, RS, Lock 15 Brewery is one of the Akron microbreweries that hasn’t closed. It’s only about 1/4 mile from Luigi’s. Ayers does all the beer labels and has some other art there. https://www.lock15brewing.com/akron-craft-beer/
The imperious Rexall, Ayer’s mighty labyrinth, and TB’s home are within a five mile radius from Luigi’s. Kent is about 15 miles east. Toledo is about 130 miles NW.
I went to Luigi’s about 3 1/2 years ago, and I haven’t been able to trouble myself to drive the 15 minutes to get there again. The thing I’m most curious about are the photos of the chimp wearing clothes and drinking a beer. I wonder if he was packing heat.
Um, her “bookstore was set on fire”? You make it seem like a small local incident of petty arson, when in fact it was the shocking crime that kicked off THE BURNINGS, the world-changing destruction of every bookstore everywhere, an upheaval so mighty, so epochal, that humanity had to come humbly crawling to the insights of Summer Moore to prevent its imminent destruction.
For yea, it was Summer’s holy book “Westview” that sparked others to build on it to create a science of behavior-patterned algorithms that — wait, what?
Nothing came of it? What do you mean, “nothing came of it”? It was THE BURNINGS! It was — what’s that? Just a few singed stair treads? But what about the “science of behavior-patterned — oh. Okay. Nothing. Nothing came of it.
Carry on, then, csroberto. Sorry for the interruption.
I think that’s part of the point of today’s strip: to show off that Lillian’s slighty-singed block of stairs has been restored to its former glory! The main point is, of course, to prove to the world that Tom Batiuk learned the terms “building my brand” and “side hustle” 11 months ago.
If he’s a creep, he’d be the most ineffective creep in history. He can’t possibly feel anything in that outfit. Or move. The only weapon you’d need to defeat him is a cigarette lighter. Come to think of it, how are children supposed to sit on “Santa’s” lap? Or are mall Santas not doing that anymore?
The PBM: I decided to expand my prowling the streets of Westview and Centerville and started charging $9 dollars for it because Montoni’s hasn’t been getting any customers since a few months ago.
Actually, the Luigi’s Pizza Monster has been urging folks to contribute to the Akron-Canton Regional Foodbank (PO Box 1580, Akron, OH 44309-1580.) He’s asking folks to put “Pizza Monster” on the memo line of the checks. He figures that if enough folks do that, he’ll get his picture placed in the Foodbank lobby, just like in Luigi’s.
Do you mean Tom Batiuk is urging folks to contribute to the Akron-Canton Regional Foodbank, and write “Pizza Monster” on the line of the checks? Where did you see this? I don’t see it on his blog.
Comments readers have been making about this strip since Batiuk started stuffing it with Funky Winkerbean refugees in 2023 actually make it into print.
12/10: It might not be “right” to sit on Pizza Monster’s lap but unlike Ed, he actually knows what a mall Santa is supposed to do. Ed thinks his job is to publicly shame greedy takers: the same presumptuous kind that want a free ride on HIS bus.
In 2024, the Luigi’s Pizza Monster has published an anthology of his annual letters to the Luigi’s staff. In that, he’s urging folks to make an annual Halloween Foodbank contribution. Maybe he’s trying to start a movement or a cult or something.
In any event, the picture is on the second booth on the left past the bar.
Look, I know we’ve all been through a lot of ups and downs–mostly downs–with Batiuk’s troika of graphic storytelling explorations over the years. Some of us are neophytes who do not remember Funky Winkerbean as a strip, let alone John Darling. Some of us have been riding the TB Express since the early ’70s. Whatever our background, I feel safe in stating my firm conviction that today’s Crankshaft and its “Santa Domingo” bon mot marks a new nadir in attempted humor and wordplay. Somebody prove me wrong.
“Santa Domingo” is pretty weak. There are a few well-known cities in the U.S. whose names begin with “Santa.” Santa Monica and Santa Barbara were the first two that came to my mind, and those aren’t even among the five largest “Santa” cities in the U.S. If I were advising Batiuk as to which one to use in the joke, I would probably recommend Santa Fe.
But there is no city named Santa Domingo, because Domingo is a male name and the Spanish title “Santa” only is used for female saints.
CBH, I Love ya girl. I look forward to your deep dives and historical anecdotes on all things FW/Cranky. But, you are way off with this abomination, that is apparently never going to be solved of the Pizza monster thing.
It may have been a little, kinda, somewhat clever years ago, but now it’s just a lazy, tired act that has no rhyme or reason. Not sure if he’s going for the whole Wilson schtick from ‘Home Improvement’ or the Buggy Crispino from ‘One Big Happy’, but it ain’t working. Even at that, I could handle it for a day or so, but we are now in our 2nd week of an entirely different holiday season. He as Santa Claus, is mind numbingly horrific. I cringe every morning the past few days, opening up Crankshaft and wondering what asinine thing a pile of boxes will do.
One more week of this, and I’ll be ready to gargle Drano and end it all.
That being said, keep up the great work, and have a very Merry Christmas
Son of Stuck Funky 
A few gripes, many years after these were published.
“Which foot do you start with?” is not really a good psychological ploy. Because it’s very simple to figure out when you stand at the line. A better one, a real one, is asking someone, “do you breathe in or out when you throw the ball?”
I guess the only point of having Lena be the anchor is so that he could make that joke, but NOBODY puts their worst bowler in the anchor position. It makes no sense.
You do not get credit for a strike if someone on another lane throws their ball into your lane.
Would Lena get a zero and Rachel get a do over?
If that’s the case then the arc would still be salvageable, as long as Funky hadn’t told Rachel they ‘needed’ a strike.
Funny to think that Cranky actually more fair and square to The Pizza Box Monster.
Yep. Also Lena would probably also get kicked out of the place if she was doing that multiple times.
Batiuk hides behind it being called writing because the rip-off of Disney films from the seventies is all that matters.
“Which foot do you start with?” is not really a good psychological ploy.
It also wouldn’t work more than once. Or on anyone who’s ever had proper training. The only approaches I learned about were 2-step and 4-step, and your last step is the same side as your throwing hand. So it’s not hard to work out. This isn’t exactly Tongue Awareness.
Now that’s what I expected to see last week: one of them being mind-gamed by Crankshaft and Lena needing her eyes checked.
In the one panel included at the top, The Pizza Box Monster refers to himself as The Pizza Monster. Is that his official name? Or did he go back and have his name officially changed a second time, this time from The Pizza Monster to The Pizza Box Monster. WE NEED TO KNOW!
In the strip, he’s only ever been called the Pizza Monster. “Pizza Box Monster” just seems to have caught hold with the readers (probably because it makes more sense; after all, he’s made of pizza boxes, not pizza). (At least, I’m reasonably certain Batiuk himself has never used the “Pizza Box Monster” name, but it also wouldn’t be the first time he’s randomly changed a character’s name with no explanation or even acknowledgement, so…)
I think Batty’s only ever used Pizza Monster but now that they’re a seemingly more important character it’s only a matter of time before he becomes Pizza Box Monster officially, or Pizza Pie Monster, or Petezza Mostoni or Crust Coalfire.
Mr. Pizza B. Monster is simply one of those people who hates his middle name, so he never uses it. “It’s just Pizza, ” he says. “Pizza Monster. That’s it. That’s my whole name.”
“But on your driver’s license it says Pizza B. –“
“That’s a typo. It’s just Pizza No-Middle-Initial Monster. Pizza, Monster. That’s it.”
“Um, okay. Let’s put it this way. What does it say on your birth certificate?”
“What does it say on YOUR birth certificate, huh? Pete Roberts-Reynolds-Whatever-Name-Popped-Into-My-Head-This-Week? Huh? Huh? Who are YOU to question this? Listen carefully. “Pizza”. Followed by “Monster”. The end.”
“Yeah, yeah, alright…”
(His middle name is actually Brian. He just doesn’t particularly like the name Brian, that’s all.)
Also, this was back when Batiuk had people from Westview refer to Ed as ‘that old bus driver’; the response was ‘Stop trying to make us care about Crankshaft.’
Today’s Crankfuckery
(Crankshaft flips a table over and then tries to punch the PBM, only for the PBM to dodge it and then throws Ed into a oncoming truck)
This whole week has been an insight into Tom Batiuk’s obsession with awards. Crankshaft’s “participation” trophy from 2015 is bigger than what college football bowl games give to the winning team. And this is a tiny bowling alley in a tinier town. Give me a break, Tom.
He thinks if he gets an award, he can prove he really did deserve his milk and cookies.
Batiuk clearly has a deep need for external validation. His characters are constantly getting awards, professional contracts, book signings, interviews, and praise. Usually, the characters getting this validation is the entire story. Which ties in perfectly with Batiuk’s belief that he’s some kind of overlooked genius. He’s giving his characters what he wants for himself.
The problem is that he wants them for the wrong thing. He hates what he’s good at and wants a big cookie for stuff he’s bad at
That too. Todd In The Shadows’ analysis of the Spin Doctors’ doomed second album almost perfectly matches Tom Batiuk’s career.
It’s a baffling, drifting, structure-free mess loaded with obscure aphorisms to prove how smart they are and they’re proud of it. If he were into jam bands, he wouldn’t be able to STFU about Cleopatra’s cat.
To be fair, “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” had the line “She want one man made of Hercules and Cyrano.” That is pretty high-concept for a catchy pop song. And the whole album is full of Superman references, including the album title. You’d think Batiuk could get on board with that. But he didn’t, probably because it needed to be about The Flash instead.
What Batiuk never gets is that the Beagle Boys are more iconic than Captain Cold.
The only use he has for Superman is whining about people in New York crushing people from Ohio.
FIFA’s got to be looking for next year’s recipient of the May Dupp Peace Prize. I think we might have a nominee!
So that’s how Summer’s book inspires us to recognize humanity as our nation.
Yeah, it would really Unite their Passions.
It’s the May Dupp Pizza On Earth Prize!
It reminds me of the “runner-up” trophy Magilla Gorilla and Ogee received in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon, after a mean little kid cheated so he and his pet would win the competition.
It’s much bigger and much more ornate than the winner’s trophy, which the teacher used to bop the mean little kid with when he demands his prize.
“Take our advice
At any price
A pizza at Montoni’s is not mighty nice…”
The best, and funniest, part of the “Parti-ci-paaation Trophy” (best read as Dr Frank N. Furter in Rocky Horror) is the fact it looks less like the gleaming gold it’s supposed to be, and more like it was covered in Vaseline and rolled in Ed’s leg hair.
I already mentioned that My Team won a friendly bowling work championship because one of us was almost a pro bowler and the other was her equally unstoppable sister. We would’ve completely aced if not for…well, me. Johnny Gutterball! But at least I kept my body hair to myself.
It was a story worth a single sensible chuckle, but the trappings of Act 4 Funkyshaft did it absolutely no favors: the whole thing being over and done in a week while the original crossover story, even if repeating gags, at least gave everyone extra screentime compared to this focusing heavily on the Montoni’s team instead of our “favorite” bus crew’s reactions. The central “gag” of the tournament’s star player went by way too quickly, one single strike and it was over (we should NOT have had two days for the trophy either, for pete’s sake.) Throw in the Davis artstyle losing us the expressive Ayers moments of bowling gone wrong, with the copy-pasting being extremely horrible on the last two “victory lap” strips, and honestly I’d call this one of the weakest Pizza Box monster stories ever. Put it in the contender for the year’s worst arcs.
Three days of setup, two days of vague sports action that doesn’t tell you what happened, and two days of posing with the trophy. This may be the definitive Act IV arc.
12/8: Merry Pizzamas and to all, cheese strips.
Panel 1: YES YES YES CRANKSHAFT IS FINALLY DYING.
Panel 2: Uhhh….
Panel 3: Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me.
Maybe racing around like a contestant on Masked Singer is humanity’s nation.
CBH: If you ever make a pilgrimage to Akron, Ohio you can visit Luigi’s and get your picture taken by the photo of the original pizza box monster. I think Batty posted it on his blog a long time ago. I believe the photo is near the cash register but I haven’t been to Luigi’s in 30 years.
The great Funky pilgrimage is on my bucket list. Ohio better prepare itself…
Suggested Itinerary:
Walk the square in Medina to see the inspiration for the layout of Westview. Visit the gazebo where Les and Lisa sat.
Then head to Akron to visit Luigi’s (Montoni’s). Try to visit during off peak hours so you can linger and take pictures. Notice the band box above the main entrance, the photo of the pizza box monster and the green pitcher behind the bar. There has to be a photograph of Batty somewhere, but in my day we were more amazed by photos of The Pretenders.
There used to be a microbrewery close by that featured artwork by Chuck Ayers on the beer taps and beer labels, but it has recently closed.
Finally, head on over to Kent State University to visit the University Bookstore. There used to be random pictures of Funky Winkerbean characters scattered around campus, but I doubt any of them remain. Maybe in the Art School?
If you’re going to visit Kent, be sure to visit the May 4 Visitors Center to learn more about the events of May 4, 1970, which (of couse) have also been mentioned in the strip.
My late stepfather was a student at KSU that day. In brief, his story was that he almost got shot as he was trying to walk from lunch to his job at the Chemistry lab.
Actually, RS, Lock 15 Brewery is one of the Akron microbreweries that hasn’t closed. It’s only about 1/4 mile from Luigi’s. Ayers does all the beer labels and has some other art there. https://www.lock15brewing.com/akron-craft-beer/
The imperious Rexall, Ayer’s mighty labyrinth, and TB’s home are within a five mile radius from Luigi’s. Kent is about 15 miles east. Toledo is about 130 miles NW.
I went to Luigi’s about 3 1/2 years ago, and I haven’t been able to trouble myself to drive the 15 minutes to get there again. The thing I’m most curious about are the photos of the chimp wearing clothes and drinking a beer. I wonder if he was packing heat.
Thanks Ian, I had heard it closed. Glad to know it’s still going!
One more suggestion: Take in a Mudhens game in Toledo at Mudhen Stadium. You could visit Batty’s old house on the way to Toledo from Akron.
I’ve never painted daisies on a big pink bowling ball…
An incredibly appropriate reference for a strip featuring both the “bus drivers who don’t do anything” and the “restauranters who don’t do anything”.
Someone got the reference!!!!
Today’s Crankfuckery
Now we’ve shifted from the PBM kicking Crankshaft’s ass in bowling to the PBM at Lillian’s bookstore which staircase was set on fire over a year ago
Um, her “bookstore was set on fire”? You make it seem like a small local incident of petty arson, when in fact it was the shocking crime that kicked off THE BURNINGS, the world-changing destruction of every bookstore everywhere, an upheaval so mighty, so epochal, that humanity had to come humbly crawling to the insights of Summer Moore to prevent its imminent destruction.
For yea, it was Summer’s holy book “Westview” that sparked others to build on it to create a science of behavior-patterned algorithms that — wait, what?
Nothing came of it? What do you mean, “nothing came of it”? It was THE BURNINGS! It was — what’s that? Just a few singed stair treads? But what about the “science of behavior-patterned — oh. Okay. Nothing. Nothing came of it.
Carry on, then, csroberto. Sorry for the interruption.
Well said! Thanks for reminding us about The Burnings.
What I see happening is people basing their beliefs on urban legends and old sugar packets.
I think that’s part of the point of today’s strip: to show off that Lillian’s slighty-singed block of stairs has been restored to its former glory! The main point is, of course, to prove to the world that Tom Batiuk learned the terms “building my brand” and “side hustle” 11 months ago.
12/9: PBM has officially become the Christmas Creep.
YAY!!!!!
At least he knows what Santa is supposed to say.
If he’s a creep, he’d be the most ineffective creep in history. He can’t possibly feel anything in that outfit. Or move. The only weapon you’d need to defeat him is a cigarette lighter. Come to think of it, how are children supposed to sit on “Santa’s” lap? Or are mall Santas not doing that anymore?
They still do that. The photos are terribly expensive.
The costume will suddenly have a lap.
Today’s Crankshaft
The PBM: I decided to expand my prowling the streets of Westview and Centerville and started charging $9 dollars for it because Montoni’s hasn’t been getting any customers since a few months ago.
Actually, the Luigi’s Pizza Monster has been urging folks to contribute to the Akron-Canton Regional Foodbank (PO Box 1580, Akron, OH 44309-1580.) He’s asking folks to put “Pizza Monster” on the memo line of the checks. He figures that if enough folks do that, he’ll get his picture placed in the Foodbank lobby, just like in Luigi’s.
You can’t make this stuff up.
Do you mean Tom Batiuk is urging folks to contribute to the Akron-Canton Regional Foodbank, and write “Pizza Monster” on the line of the checks? Where did you see this? I don’t see it on his blog.
RE: Wed. 12/10’s Crankshaft:
Comments readers have been making about this strip since Batiuk started stuffing it with Funky Winkerbean refugees in 2023 actually make it into print.
12/10: It might not be “right” to sit on Pizza Monster’s lap but unlike Ed, he actually knows what a mall Santa is supposed to do. Ed thinks his job is to publicly shame greedy takers: the same presumptuous kind that want a free ride on HIS bus.
In 2024, the Luigi’s Pizza Monster has published an anthology of his annual letters to the Luigi’s staff. In that, he’s urging folks to make an annual Halloween Foodbank contribution. Maybe he’s trying to start a movement or a cult or something.
In any event, the picture is on the second booth on the left past the bar.
today’s Crankfuckery
It may just be me, but Davis’s clip-art looks extra shit to me
RE: Thurs. 12/11’s ‘Shaft:
Look, I know we’ve all been through a lot of ups and downs–mostly downs–with Batiuk’s troika of graphic storytelling explorations over the years. Some of us are neophytes who do not remember Funky Winkerbean as a strip, let alone John Darling. Some of us have been riding the TB Express since the early ’70s. Whatever our background, I feel safe in stating my firm conviction that today’s Crankshaft and its “Santa Domingo” bon mot marks a new nadir in attempted humor and wordplay. Somebody prove me wrong.
“Santa Domingo” is pretty weak. There are a few well-known cities in the U.S. whose names begin with “Santa.” Santa Monica and Santa Barbara were the first two that came to my mind, and those aren’t even among the five largest “Santa” cities in the U.S. If I were advising Batiuk as to which one to use in the joke, I would probably recommend Santa Fe.
But there is no city named Santa Domingo, because Domingo is a male name and the Spanish title “Santa” only is used for female saints.
12/11: The bad thing is that tomorrow, today won’t look so bad.
CBH, I Love ya girl. I look forward to your deep dives and historical anecdotes on all things FW/Cranky. But, you are way off with this abomination, that is apparently never going to be solved of the Pizza monster thing.
It may have been a little, kinda, somewhat clever years ago, but now it’s just a lazy, tired act that has no rhyme or reason. Not sure if he’s going for the whole Wilson schtick from ‘Home Improvement’ or the Buggy Crispino from ‘One Big Happy’, but it ain’t working. Even at that, I could handle it for a day or so, but we are now in our 2nd week of an entirely different holiday season. He as Santa Claus, is mind numbingly horrific. I cringe every morning the past few days, opening up Crankshaft and wondering what asinine thing a pile of boxes will do.
One more week of this, and I’ll be ready to gargle Drano and end it all.
That being said, keep up the great work, and have a very Merry Christmas