Crankshaft Awards 2025, Day 4: Why?

They didn’t have a joke.

They didn’t have a goal.

They didn’t elicit an emotion (other than confusion.)

They didn’t convey any useful or interesting information.

They were….

The Nominees for

Most Pointless Strip of 2025

That Isn’t Even a Real Place

And Who is She?

And This. Definitely Needed. Three Panels.

Mindless Binging

Hopping Times at the HoJo.

Invasive Weeds

This Strip is Sponsored by Shillcon

Grounds for Termination

The strip that got the most points (ironic).

And This. Definitely Needed. Three Panels.

7 thoughts on “Crankshaft Awards 2025, Day 4: Why?”

  1. I honestly can’t remember which one I voted for. Having just read these strips again, I can barely remember having read them in the first place. For that matter, I can barely remember having re-read them just now. They’re that unmemorable.

    Whichever strip won, it probably deserved to, I guess. I’m not scrolling up again to check. (Or maybe I just did and already forgot?)

    1. Sometimes I’ll scroll through the archives, and I’m always amazed by how much of FW I instantly forgot. It really was that boring.

  2. The sad thing is that the foolish man smirking smugly at the people he’s baffling thinks that information has been conveyed.

  3. I voted for Invasive Weeds, because it was the most blatant. The entire Funkyverse needs to be introduced to the concept of “sir, nobody gives a shit.” As well as basic commercial concepts like “sir, we don’t stock flowers that nobody buys anymore.” Any florist is probably dealing with at least three bridezillas at any given time, and doesn’t want any drama from this corpse-humping old guy. (I imagine that creepy men are also a regular customer type.) “Place your order and come back in a week, sir. I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Good day to you.” I’m sick of watching the world indulge his characters’ wistfulness, for situations that were 100% their own fault.

    And Who Is She? was my runner-up, because of how socially ignorant, dickish, unfunny, and it is. Pam obviously means “how is her recovery?”, having just been told about the broken leg. We have no idea who this person or his daughter are, but that’s down the list off this strip’s offenses. Whoever he is, he’s an asshole, and this strip needed a third panel of Pam telling him to go fornicate himself.

    I also Photoshop parodied Invasive Weeds and This Scene Is Sponsored By Shillcon:

  4. “Invasive Weeds” was very worthy, as BJr6K notes. “Old Guy + Dead Girlfriend + Flowers = Poignant! GOD, I’m good!,” you can practically hear Bats thinking. Not only is he wrong about how pathos works, he’s trying to get us to feel sorry for a loathesome dolt who, incel-like, preferred to wallow in self-pity till the age of 115 than to actually man up and do anything while his “beloved” was alive.

    But I still had to give it to “And who is she,” because it ticks every box — stupid concept; random one-off characters; boring visuals; no joke — and adds the classic Funkshaftiverse element of People Being Hostile Assholes for Absolutely No Reason.

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