Many topics to cover today. And not enough brain cells to do it with!
First of all, Happy Easter to all who celebrate! May your plastic eggs be as full of sweet goodness as the tomb was empty of Messiah corpses.
Second of all, many thanks to commenter unabashedlyscrumptiousb3ecbcf7cb who has the breaking Akron News!
Hey CBH…hope you can read this article about Luigi’s band box I’ve attached from today’s Akron Beacon Journal. I tried to find a way to get it to you directly, but kept coming up empty. Maybe you might be able to get a blog post from it.
Check out this article from Akron Beacon Journal:
What happened to Luigi’s bandbox?
Not to worry folks, the band box is just out for repairs again. But I wish Mark J. Price had come to me to research his article, as there are numerous factual errors.
Error one. That’s obviously Crazy Harry talking to Funky Winkerbean, not Tony Montoni.
Error two. Ayers penciled that art, though at the time Batiuk was still taking full credit for the strip he inked, because…
Error three. That cartoon wasn’t drawn in March 2026. That was part of a Sunday strip that ran on July 28, 2013.
And now, third topic of the day.
On Monday my dad suffered a heart attack and needed emergency triple bypass surgery. I have been farming solo all week long, barring some assistance by the neighbors, which has been exhausting. While my dad is recovering well, he’s still in for more hospital time, followed by a recovery at home that will probably involve him puppeting me as his mindless millennial muscle while he sits with his feet up. Which, given the alternative, I’ll gladly accept.
While I fully intend to continue shitposting and snarking here, don’t expect anything super structured, coherent, or well researched from me for a few months. Banana Jr 6000 will have to handle the high effort posts for the foreseeable future. My posts are probably going to be more spontaneous and silly.
Love to all!!!
Son of Stuck Funky 
At least he recovered. Mine died on the operating table. Also:
4/5: More scary stuff today as Batiuk doesn’t serve up an actual joke.
I dunno, his attempts at showing romance always looks like a joke to me.
You got me there. The deluded man child thinks Gardner Fox wrote the book on romance and it shows. No blasted wonder Becky did what no actual woman would when Wally returned.
Sorry to hear about that CBH. Over the last few years my mom’s had a lot of health issues and scares including multiple heart attacks, kidney issues, COVID and a staph infection and for at least one of those she’s very lucky to have pulled through because she almost didn’t. So I certainly feel for and relate to what you’re going through but I’m glad that it seems like he’s on the mend and hopefully his recovery continues going well.
I don’t see any way to get in contact with either you or BJ6K but since I’m still a little Funkybrained, if it would be cool I might be willing to try fill the void a little bit and try my hand at a deep dive.
ComicBookHarriet,
Nothing but love and affection for you and your Mom and Dad. Sending lots of comfort to your entire family. Besides the cattle, I imagine there are crops to plant.
🧿💠”My posts are probably going to be more spontaneous and silly.”💠🧿
We will take spontaneous and silly from you any day!
💝🐄💖❤️🩹❣️🫂🌺💐🌹
Prayers for your father and all your family.
Prayers for your father and all your family.
Prayers for your father and all your family.
I’m sure this triple post was a glitch, but I’m gonna take it as three times the prayers, thanks mrvy.
And that goes for the rest of you wonderful people in commenterland. Thank you. Love and Easter blessings to each and every one of you.
I have no idea how that happened! But happy to offer 3x petitions for complete healing. Please try to get the respite you need too! Easier said than done, I know!
Looks like Batty was in Columbus Ohio last year! Probably after the Ohioana Book Fair, or the OMEA convention.
CBH: so sorry to hear about your Dad, sending kind thoughts and wishes for a speedy recovery.
Best of luck to you and especially your dad. (Next Saturday marks 13 years since my dad passed away.)
As for the band box article… it’s been said plenty of times here that Batiuk’s only lasting pop culture legacy is a throwaway joke on The Simpsons that he doesn’t even understand, and this probably adds proof to that. Even a local paper doesn’t know the characters, and couldn’t be bothered to check. It’s almost sad, really.
To understand the joke means understanding that Marge is past her sell by date.
Gabby says:
CBH–best wishes for your father and for you. We all look forward to a complete recovery for your father and a complete return to SOSF for you
I’m sorry to hear about your father, CBH. I hope he makes a swift recovery
Today’s Crankshaft
Maybe it’s just me, but I find today’s Crankshaft strip to be okay
Happy Easter to all!
CBH-Best wishes for your dad on a speedy, full recovery. It’s so tough to watch our parents age. Good vibes and prayers to all of your family!
Best wishes to you, your father, and your family, CBH.
As for Monday 4/6’s ‘Shaft: I must admit the “Lizard Lil Gets Schooled in Using 21st-century Technology to Promote Her Store/Novels by the Grady Twins” arc is one we haven’t seen for a while. Not that anyone’s missed it.
And I see that the siblings are currently remaining at high school age. Shouldn’t they be handling the day-to-day workings of the Centerville Sentinel, though, while Skip Bittman is out on his never-ending interview of Batton Thomas (Creator of the Former Syndicated Comic Strip “Three O’Clock High”)?
Oh, and Lillian? To paraphrase Winston Churchill (or Lord Beaverbrook, G.B. Shaw, Groucho Marx, or whoever): We’ve already established what you’ve turned into. Now we’re just haggling over the price.
Oh, this week is going to be hysterical. The only way to make it funnier is if Lillian seeks out Les Moore for instruction on how not to be a media whore.
Westview is basically a town full of failed reality show contestants, who can’t accept that their 15 seconds of fame is over.
As Tom Batiuk can’t accept that his 15-seconds of fame* is long, long over.
* “Fame” here being defined very, very generously.
CBH:
Best wishes to you and your family.
Best wishes to your dad, you, and your whole family, Harriet.
I guess TB can still surprise me. I certainly didn’t expect to see the words “whore” and “courtesan” in a single strip today.
Yeah, the language was a little edgy today. Goes to show how little anyone cares what Batiuk writes anymore.
The sad thing is that he thinks he is one. What he doesn’t realize is that nobody seems to care what he does. He’ll end up being one of those people who, when they die, you’ll swear died years ago.
With any luck, he’ll go through the entire Random Harlot Table.
I’m afraid to ask what game that’s from.
Believe it or not, it’s from the first edition of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. Really. Right out of the Dungeon Master’s Guide, from 1979.
I’d say he was trying to get out of his contract but that would require awareness of how little people care.
Our thoughts are with you and your family, CBH!
And any silly, off-the-cuff posts are always welcome.
Prayers for a speedy recovery for your father, CBH, and for peace and rest for you.
On Today’s ‘Shaft strip… 15 and a half years between gags isn’t too bad, right?
Oh, fuck you, Les. You need interviews more than most people need oxygen. Even 15 years ago. Same goes for you, Lillian. You’re both selfish pieces of shit whose ego is exceeded only by your mediocrity.
The people who crave attention rarely deserve it.
And the people who deserve attention rarely crave it.
They’d rather get results.
God, of all the characters he could have found something for in Act III what made him think what anyone wanted was more Apple Annie?
He has no idea what people want….and it’s our fault he can’t figure it out.
A fair point, though I like this appearance better than most because I believe it is the only time TB pulls Annie away from her precious New York City… even if it is just to drop her in Montoni’s. We grew weary of mocking how Les would fly out to New York every time he had to have a conversation with her, so the swapping the travel direction is almost interesting.
Best wishes to you, Harriet. Thank you for sharing the article. It brings to light just how infuriating and dumb the entire Tom Batiuk ecosystem is.
He isn’t even a Media Pick Me Girl.
Today’s Crankfuckery
(sigh)
4/7: Batiuk is too busy sneering all over kids to understand that Lizard Woman barely rates a Val-Pak coupon.
Does Krankenschaaften have a real-life sister??
https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-school-bus-driver-fired-after-train-crash-30-passengers-onboard
Today’s Crankfuckery
Day 2 of Lillian Week
(Lillian throws her computer out of the window)
4/8: And yet again, Lizard Woman’s language and understanding of the world changes to serve the alleged joke. Good thing for the inept fool that we’re the only ones who care.
So I have to wonder just what the twins are actually doing? They graduated high school in the final year of Funky yet there’s no indicator that they’re actually in college. Not a passing reference to classes or a Kent State sweater to be found. But it’s been 4 IRL years since the end of Funky so maybe they’ve graduated? It’s not as if TimeMop’s fixing of the time bubble actually fixed anything (more proof he’s just a delusional old man) and the twins have shown age shifting properties since going back to Centerville so whether or not 4 years have passed in universe, they apparently have control of their own personal timelines so maybe they’re no longer in school.
And all their time is spent helping this vultureish crone do things to promote her likely barely better than AI generated slop books so… did they go to school for marketing? Do they work in marketing and advertising and are doing this on the side? Am I putting more thought into any of this than Batty has?
Yes, you are. Not that it’s like very hard to do. In his mind, people are just there and only beady eyed types bully him with the question “Do they have nothing better to do than spout buzzwords at an old lady?”
2009 buzzwords at that. They’re trying to get Lillian to embrace social media NOW? I just permanently deleted my Facebook account because I haven’t used it in years – not even during the pandemic.
He’s yesterday’s manic.
Today’s Crankfuckery
Day 3 of Lillian Week
Lillian: Ameila, I don’t know how to make a weekly newsletter!