beckoningchasm

The Helmet of DEATH

Is that the helmet that Bull was wearing when he died? That seems like a remarkably tasteless gift, to be honest.

Of course, Buck’s line is rather tasteless as well–“I was one of the guys who gave your husband the CTE that killed him!”

I guess “tastelessness” is a characteristic; it’s certainly better than the boredom and uninteresting trivia we’ve been served thus far. But you’d think Tom Batiuk would reach for something a bit more positive. Hey, remember when he used to be funny? Those days are rapidly receding in the rearview mirror, soon to be forgotten by all.

It makes me wonder why he decided to do this comic strip in the first place. Did he really want to take uninteresting stories and stretch them to tedious length? Because that’s exactly what he’s doing.

I honestly don’t know what the point is to any of this. And really, I could say that about any Funky Winkerbean strip from the past few years, come to think.

The Buck Stops There

Link to today’s thing.

Hello, folks; BChasm back in the Box. Shout-out to Comic Book Harriet, who as always did a stellar job of entertaining and educating us…things l’Auteur Glorieux feels are now beneath him. Well done, especially with such poor material to work with.

Speaking of being back, guess who has returned? That’s right, it’s nobody’s favorite smirker, Buck Somethingorother. You remember, the guy who couldn’t resist smirking wryly to both Linda and Bull while reminding them about the latter’s impending death. And speaking of impending death, Buck is getting his! “I’m afraid that the news isn’t that good, Buck” says Doctor Flattop, “You’re a character in Funky Winkerbean.” Now, I may be stupid, and this strip may be making me more so, but I thought Buck played football. Isn’t “layup” a basketball term? Shouldn’t he say, “You always gotta throw the penalty flag, don’t you?” I guess once you’re a sporto, you’re required by cosmic law to make only sports-related metaphors, even if they aren’t your sports.

I’d really like to know what’s going on with Doctor Flattop’s head. In panel two, it looks like there’s a second head emerging from the back of his skull. Is it Voldemort? Because that could be an interesting development.

Oh, I’ve just killed it. I used the forbidden word, “interesting.”

Watch Out, The World’s Behind You

Link to today’s strip (eventually).

As usual, Sunday’s strip was not available for preview. It’s impossible to know what we’ll “get,” except that pneumonia would be better. But me, I’ll go on and on for paragraph after paragraph!

I’m thinking we’re going to get more Les-Linda commiseration.

It’s an interesting compare-and-contrast with the characters Batiuk likes and those he’s, at best, indifferent to.

Les, Dinkle, Dullard and Pete have fortune rain from the skies on them. They’re handed good luck, wealth, perfect jobs (in the case of P&D), and (in the case of Dinkle) awards with no effort at all. Heck, Dinkle’s deafness and Mort’s dementia have been completely reversed (though the latter was only to bedevil Funky).

Linda, on the other hand, just can’t catch a break. Of course, Batiuk is using her to Prove A Point, so she’s doomed.

If only she’d thought to start writing comic books.

I’m also thinking that the commentators here are correct, that Linda is going to ask Les to write a book about Bull. “After all,” she’ll lie, “you were his friend. You knew him best.” Of course, the resultant book won’t be about Bull, it’ll be all about Les. He could call it “Bully Pulped–How a man discovered he was a monster, and got what he deserved.”

It also might be, as others have guessed, that Les will encourage Linda to write her own book. That seems to be Batiuk’s gateway to redemption; if a horrible character like Lillian can write a book, why now she’s a lovable old coot like Crankshaft.

The only thing certain is that it will be done completely ineptly. As the whole arc has been. If this story had focused on Bull’s perspective, on his anxieties over his condition and his fears about what he might do, and his worries about Linda’s future, well, then the story could have been an interesting one. But Batiuk being Batiuk, Bull is barely in his own story and it’s all about how Linda Feels Bad. Say, that’s a great title for her book!

Well, that’s it for my turn in the chamber of torpor. Tune in tomorrow, as Comic Book Harriet takes the reins and educates us, as the Batiuk Zone rotates trivially around us.

Same Brain, Different Damage

Link to today’s strip.

The expressions in today’s strip are really something. Panel one’s Les looks like he’s ready to burst into a whine. “I’ve been listening to you talk forehhhhhhhver. It’s miiiiiiiiiiii turn!”

Panel two’s Linda counters with “Gad. Why am I talking to this excrement stain. I could be watching TV, or eating toast.”

I’ve no opinion on the NFL-as-monster issue, though it’s pretty clear Batiuk is saying they have blood on their hands because they won’t fund Linda’s post-marriage lifestyle. “It’s not fair.” Well, Linda, I’d say that if Bull never played in a game, his brain damage can’t be ascribed to the NFL. Some players have a career in the NFL that lasts years, and I’m sure their brain damage would be far worse that someone who (apparently) got his CTE while in high school or college. The NFL can reasonably say “We don’t know who this guy is.”

Fair? Maybe not, but life isn’t fair. Never has been, never will be. The NFL is not, repeat not in the business of providing health care for its players. It exists to make money through entertainment. That’s an argument that ought to be applied to comic strips, but somehow never is.

1962 Called….

Link to today’s strip.

“And I mean I literally made sure to preserve his brain for study. If you look inside this closet, you can see that I severed Bull’s head and put it in this photo-developer tray. I attached some tubes to his head so it would look cool, but they’re just for show. Oh, and you can see he’s got plumber’s tape over his mouth; that’s because he kept yelling at the big mutant in the other closet to break out and smash the place up, and I’d just vacuumed.”

So, is Linda’s dialogue (in panel two, blimp one) supposition, or did she find a note explaining Bull’s plan? Because he could have been wearing his helmet because dementia. Or because he forgot he had it on, or simply wanted to wear it. The longer this arc goes on, the more apparent it is that there was no plan at all here, just another pathetic stab at getting attention. A phishing attempt that somehow managed to snare the New York Times.

And if Linda did find a note, how many weeks will it take her to read it? At one word per day….gee, are you sure ten weeks are enough?

Special Movie Bonus: has anyone here seen…this?