beckoningchasm

Once More, Without Feeling

Greetings, everyone, BChasm back for another round reporting on the World’s Most Miserable Midget Opera. So… yeah… on one of my previous jaunts I way over-praised a “Funky at the gym” week, thinking Hey there’s jokes and that while none of the “jokes” was great, it was at least a development worth pursuing. Apparently I got the idea wrong, and that made Tom Batiuk furious, as mad as bees even, and since that time, the Malevolent Old Ones who oversee Westview have never let me live that down. While I don’t regret what I wrote, I’ve stepped more cautiously since and the true meaning of “Funky at the gym” has since become obvious.

The main thrust of the “Funky at the gym” weeks has not, I repeat not, been to allow small slices of humor to appear in the strip. No, the main purpose here is to emphasize that Funky is a fat slob of a loser, who years ago dared to think himself better than Les Moore, and for that he will be a fat slob of a loser forever. No exercise will ever dim his paunch.

Which is really said when you think about it. Funky started the strip as a happy-go-lucky teenager, sort of like “Zits” I guess, with the usual wacky conflicts between him, his teachers, parents and friends. Then, the sky grew dark and everything changed.

His punishment at the hands of his creator has really been thorough, and thoroughly mean-spirited. I mean, I was going to make a joke about the artwork in today’s offering, saying “Hey, look, in panel one, Funky is holding in his breath so much that his head actually deflates, but he can’t keep it up and it expands again in panel two!” but I don’t think I have to. When Tom Batiuk doesn’t care about a character to draw him consistently between two similar panels, jokes about that character kind of miss the point.

In Dreams, You’re Mine

Link to today’s strip.

I guess this could be considered a “happy” strip, and Lord knows there aren’t many of those. The joke seems to be that this is a collection of tiny, tiny dreams, and–surprise–these are the very dreams that these folks desired the most when they were young. Okay, now it’s kind of depressing, honestly.

It might be that only Harry is really living his dream, and that the others are thinking “Jesus wept, Harry. Thanks for reminding me how far I’ve failed.” No one looks happy in the last panel, except Harry, who looks deliriously happy. One might almost call him “Crazy.”

When I was in high school, I dreamed about my future as well…and it was never anything like “co-owner of a restaurant” or “clerk in a comic book shop.” My dreams were rather more grandiose. Admittedly I haven’t achieved them, but at least I had them, and there’s always hope.

I guess in Westview there’s never hope, so it’s best to keep your dreams small, because that’s all you’ll get as life slowly crushes you under its heel. If you don’t die first, that is. Then, you win!

After a week of pretty bad artwork, this episode shouldn’t be unexpected, but wow. Those faces in the last panel are just awful. And what’s going on with Les and Funky in panel two? Funky is a shrunken old man, half a head shorter than Les, while Les seems to be missing half of his head. Suddenly in the last panel Funky is taller than Les. Also in that panel, Les is smirking so hard it looks like his beard is trying to tear itself off his face.

Well, if I wanted to nitpick the artwork, I’d be here all night…and in fact, the Guest Host SoSF chair has tossed me out! Watch Monday as DavidO takes up the reins (or as Tom Batiuk would say, the rains) as the strip continues to hurtle Hellward.

Band on the Run

Link to today’s strip.

And now you see why Tom Batiuk had to have two Black Friday jokes, one with his beloved Dinkle. Because he thought of a stupid pun.

Since this is a Saturday strip, I’m going to assume–and yeah, I really need to stop doing that–that this is a one-off, and won’t be continued on Sunday or next week. (But consider how lucky we are. Today’s episode could easily have been turned into a Sunday strip. Be thankful for small favors.)

Aside from John’s needlessly complicated question in panel one, and his totally unneeded response in panel two, the most remarkable thing in today’s strip is that little sign pointing to John’s head that says “Cashier.” It’s like one of those things in the old, old Dick Tracy strips which pointed out the “two-way wrist TV” and other crime-fighting tools. I’m guessing it’s a portent of the Komix Korner’s fate and John’s next career. (Can you imagine having John Howard as your cashier? Based on how he “runs” the Korner, he’d probably sneer at the customers who didn’t order extra peperoni. “Enjoy your weak pizza, loser? [Ding] Twenty-nine fifty-two. Oh and don’t forget to tip generously. Come again!”)

Other than that, this strip just sets up John–one of the “hero” characters and an obvious stand-in for Tom Batiuk–as a moronic dim-bulb. (Remember how I said yesterday that John is always drawn with care? Oops. Panel one, with John’s melty face, is having none of that. That darn Tom Batiuk is making me look bad again!)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah–Funky is clearly making a joke–his panel two expression is either “telling a joke” or “having a stroke”–and John wearily responds as if he’s being told the real deal. “So, those tiny homunculi decided to call it quits? Was it drugs, or jealousy over groupies, or did they decide ‘the road’ was no kind of lifestyle for men with families? Also…do you think they’ll try to make a comeback after a couple of years? I miss them already!”

Nice sign haphazardly taped to the door, too. (For the life of me, I cannot imagine what it says. “Closed–Batman obsessed weirdos only”?) But its random, off-kilter nature pretty much says it all–if there’s one word that Funky Winkerbean brings to mind, it’s kraftsmanship!

I’m All Ears

Link to today’s strip.

So, here’s Tom Batiuk’s actual “Black Friday” joke…if “joke” is the right word. Selling books instead of turkeys is hilarious? In both cases, the terrible odor from the unsold items would be intolerable as they fester.

Note that with a little change of tense (“didn’t have” for “don’t have”) he could have run this on Saturday and had something a little more traditionally holidelic on Thanksgiving, but when you’re giving Harry Dinkle a soapbox, well…priorities, baby, priorities. Thanksgiving Day comes and Thanksgiving Day goes, but Harry Dinkle is interminable.

Whenever Harry Dinkle appears, you can be sure the boredom will come thick and fast. He basically short-circuits his own content by being so utterly obnoxious that he’s his own heckler. If you ask him what time it is he’ll give you some insufferable response that boils down to “find a clock somewhere after I finish regaling you with irrelevance.” Actually, the only question I can imagine asking Harry Dinkle is, “Do you want me to punch you again?”

What’s really striking in today’s episode is Becky’s left ear. Look at that thing–has her face been torn open at the back? (We can always hope so!) I cannot imagine how, with her face positioned the way it is, that her left ear should be visible at all. Once again, I am guessing that Tom Batiuk had a bit of gold ink on the brush and didn’t want to waste it, and that meant drawing an ear to hold that earring.

In a strip drawn as badly and as lazily as this one, Tom Batiuk at least manages to draw his avatars–Les Moore, John Howard and of course Harry Dinkle–with a loving consistency. The other characters not so much, but this…this is kind of a landmark.

Not The Worst

Link to today’s strip.

Happy Thanksgiving, folks! To celebrate the holiday, Tom Batiuk presents…a Black Friday joke?

As “Black Friday” jokes go, well…this is…um, running on Thanksgiving Day? I guess when you’re ~~writing~~ drawing your comic strip a year in advance, and the calendar falls behind the couch, well, holiday mistakes will happen, right? I know that stores opening on Thanksgiving Day is a Thing now, but only in Funky Winkerbean would that be the aspect of the holiday that you want to highlight. Because that’s what holidays are all about–annoyances and boorishness.

I guess that means for Christmas we can look forward to a strip where Funky is stuck in the mall parking lot, waiting for a tow truck to haul away his car because it ran out of gas.

As for today’s offering, as a regular, plain old joke…well…this is…um, obviously a joke, so there’s that. It’s been done a few billion times before and has, therefore, lost its freshness, but it’s…uh–

I don’t know, I hesitate to call it an “attempt” since it doesn’t really try to do anything. Crowds on Black Friday, they’re wild and make stores super crowded, and even old ladies with walkers want to grab those big screen TVs that the youth like to watch Grand Funk Railroad on. And little kids won’t eat their vegetables, and women are always shopping for shoes, and old people like to rock in their chairs and complain. And teenagers today, those dance steps they do are like someone who has ants in their pants! Plus, with their long hair, you can’t tell the boys from the girls!

You know, I always like to give Tom Batiuk credit when he makes the attempt at humor. I went a bit overboard last Spring with a “Funky at the Gym” arc, but I thought the attempt to put actual jokes in the strip was worthy of notice.

Here, not so much. My main feeling when looking at this is a sense of tiredness, of being told a joke you’ve heard so many times it’s depressing, and you’re too weary to smile at the teller.

(Oh my God…I’m turning into a Funky Winkerbean character! Argh, today’s strip is the worst ever!)

Still, it does have one thing going for it–absolutely none of the Funky Winkerbean cast appear. I guess that’s a pretty decent holiday gift from Mr. Batiuk, so let’s all give thanks for that. Thank you, Mr. Batiuk.