Epicus Doomus

Master Of The Obvious

She’s correct: this can’t be good. And I’m willing to bet everything I own that it won’t be. Because it can’t be, you see? Anyway, TB appears to be dusting off the dustiest of old tropes today, the ol’ “idiot husband forgets anniversary” bit. How original. Check out Cayla’s vindictive sneer today, looks like Les is really (shudder) rubbing off on her. If the final panel of FW’s run doesn’t feature a silent panel depicting Moore Manor cordoned off with yellow crime scene tape, I’ll be shocked.

Speaking of the artwork, today we see why Summer isn’t a regular in the strip anymore. BatTom can’t draw her consistently, especially from a distance. That side view in panel one is hilarious and the almost triangular head in panel two is just as bad, it looks like an old nuclear bomb test film from the 1960s. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good thing. The less Summer the better, as she’s just grating and annoying beyond belief. Summer is like having a dog with fleas or a backed-up toilet, you don’t need to elaborate on why it sucks, it’s self-explanatory.

Don’t Ask…Don’t Tell

Link To Today’s Strip

Thanks to DavidO and the rest of the outstanding SoSF staff for all they do!!!

Not too long ago I was going back and forth with the SoSF staff and I mentioned how I don’t always mind getting a Les arc, as at least there’s something to really hate there as opposed to the typical “Funky is fat” idiocy. Well, the gods of the Funkyverse must have been listening, because this week something I’ve long-dreaded has come to pass…Summer (shudder) is back. Never tempt the gods of the Funkyverse, friends. The consequences are simply not worth it.

I’ve always despised Summer almost as much as Les (and Lisa for that matter). She’s always too twee, too gritty or, as you can see today, too snotty. The hair, the neck, the hoodie…it’s all so grating. Summer is truly her father’s daughter. So today she’s back in her (surprise!) robin’s egg blue car to remind us about an arc we’d all prefer to forget. If that wedding was any crappier you’d have to scrape it off the bottom of your shoes with a stick. Meanwhile Dickface is (surprise!) furiously raking leaves, as Leafpocalypse ’14 has begun. The Funkyverse’s stars are all aligning in some sort of grand confluence of boredom and misery, it’s gonna be a long, long week, snarkers.

It Goes Fast…But This Week Won’t

Link to today’s strip

Epicus here filling in for the evening. I have to admit I didn’t see this coming, I thought the annual cancer fun run thing was confined to that horrible Sunday strip. But nope, BatBrain dropped Owen’s grand moment on the big stage just to run yet another ponderous “Lisa’s Legacy” promotional arc featuring the Wistful Widower and his fat trusty sidekick, Near-Death Man. Couldn’t this drivel have waited for a week? Or for eternity?

So I guess the timeline continuity just kinda comes and goes at TheAuthor’s convenience, eh? Don’t even get me going on that whole timeline conundrum thing again. Check out the dick with ears, strutting around with that #1 on his back, acting like a big shot just because HIS wife died making the annual fun run possible. What a dick.

And it’s official: here come the leaves. That means Westview’s annual three month long blizzard is right around the corner. Time really does fly, I suppose.

Nothing Works Out If You Don’t Let It

Link To Today’s Strip

Good ol’ Cayla, always the affable doormat. “Oh, you’re spending the entire summer living large in an all-expenses paid five star Hollywood hotel suite and dining with movie stars? And I’m not invited? OK, whatevs, I’ll keep some lemonade on ice for you honey!”. Married folks everywhere are reading this and thinking, “uh yeah right, Tom, seems plausible”.

And then he returns home to inform her that the whole thing was for nothing. No big TV bucks, no fame, no future in the business, not so much as an autographed Mason Jarr 8×10 glossy. Nothing. But that’s our Cayla, always content with whatever scraps Les deigns to toss her way. She is, after all, a mere substitute who knows her place, which is directly behind the Lisa shrine with feather-duster in hand.

Look at Dickface in that last panel…(urge to kill rising rapidly). Har-dee-har har. Only Tombat could tell a story that takes years to unfold, have absolutely nothing happen then pretend it’s a delightful happy ending. Look at that moronic grin on his stupid face. Look at Cayla purring away in bliss…blech, just nauseating. And does anyone remember the part of the story where Les heroically fought for “credit”? I sure don’t. TB could have skipped this entire arc and just had Les reject the offer and it would have ended exactly the same way. What a sorry display. Thank God it appears to finally be over, hopefully he’s reached his Les quota for 2014.

Le Chat Stupide

Link To Today’s Strip

Yeah, that Hollywood sure is crazy all right. This arc was a perfect example. What a wacky place, like how they changed the cancer screenplay so that Lisa lived, the way they wrote an adopted son into the script, the way they go to restaurants…man, the zaniness is just overwhelming in Hollywood, just totally nutty. No wonder Thelma (who, like Mason, only gets to have a personality at the END of the story) is seeing an imaginary cat that Les talks to when he’s agonizing over writing about his dead wife. Very clever, Author Guy, very clever.

And all this time it’s been that damned cat that’s made Les the single most objectionable character in the history of ever. I see. Perhaps Batom needs to slow down with the seasonal craft beers until AFTER he finishes one of these mega-long arcs. What’s another ten minutes, right?

But seriously, if this is indeed the end of the epically annoying screenplay arc, talk about ending with a resounding thud. You can almost hear the sad trombone after panel three….”whaaaa-waaaa”. TB’s the master of the anticlimax, it’s like he wants to just get it over with as much as his readers do. What a dreary display.