Epicus Doomus

This Is The Story Of Johnny Rotten

Finally, our twenty-three year long national nightmare is about to come to an end as Plantman is at long last going to reveal the late John Darling’s very last dying words and (zzzzzzzzz). Me, I’m more amazed that TB finally drew a woman with normal regular-sized buttocks, which had to be a real challenge for him, what with going “off template” like that and all (and none of those weird pareidolia faces he sometimes does just to freak us out either, thank God).

So here’s the big twist of TB’s little John Darling victory lap story, eh? Forget the documentary, throw out the motive. Plantman has a world exclusive…JD’s very last dying words! What a great documentary film this would have made if only someone had thought about bringing a camera and…ooops, never mind. Anyhow, we can only guess at what these alleged “last words” might be, but if I know my FW history I can guarantee they’ll be something really stupid. Possibly pun and or wordplay based, maybe involving inclement weather, a chance of sentimental mawkishness as well but most definitely stupid. Just you wait and see.

An afterthought: why doesn’t “Plantman” speak in plant-based pun form? You know, like “leaf-ing so soon?” (credit: Jeffcoat) or “let’s get to the roots of the problem” or “enough of your vining”, stuff like that. Some arch-villain HE turned out to be.

Exit – Rage Left

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As you probably recall from her appearance in last year’s huge Frankie mega-arc, Jessica has no tolerance for scuzzy creeps with no moral compass, thus she is prepared to storm out of the prison in an indignant disgusted huff without asking a single question or filming a second’s worth of footage for her now long-forgotten “documentary”. Remember back when this arc was all about obsolete video cameras, new tripods, Eastern Bloc cars and adorable baby Skyler gags? Those were the days, my friends.

Her reaction doesn’t even make any sense. I mean was she expecting warm thoughtful conversation liberally sprinkled with trenchant insights about her dear old dad? From his murderer? And again, the idea that she wouldn’t have her camera running during this exchange is just inexplicable, he’s completely ignoring the starting premise of his own story here. And on top of that, he’s ignoring the premise that replaced the original one as well, which was supposedly Jessica’s desire to find out why Plantface killed her father. Unless yesterday’s strip where he said JD had it coming to him WAS the answer she was looking for, which seems ridiculous but is definitely within the realm of possibility in this comic strip. But it’s so poorly-executed, confusing and stupid that it’s tough to really tell what he’s doing here.

The indignant Jessica faces are hysterical though. Just like during the Frankie arc, that look of haughty revulsion, total disdain and disgust, the righteous fury, the wildly cocked eyebrows…great stuff. And the degree of detail given to the stubble on Plantman’s head nicely demonstrates that he clearly enjoyed drawing this more than he enjoyed filling in the dialog.

Justifiable Herbicide

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He’s trying for “menacing” here but he’s stuck on “clown shoes” again. Not only do I have no idea what Plantman is jabbering about, but I am at a complete loss to explain why Jessica is STILL not operating her camera, which was ostensibly her entire reason for this ponderous prison visit in the first place.

I, like 100% of the rest of the world, never read “John Darling” so I have absolutely no idea what the back story on “Plantman” is or why he’s dressed up like a plant or why it’s supposed to be funny. I am assuming that “Plantman” was to JD as Larry “Bud” Melman was to Letterman…a comedic stooge used to fill and kill time when necessary. Now I know way more about “JD” than I ever dreamed possible and yet, somehow, I still feel unfulfilled.

So this Mossman guy really did dress up like shrubbery? I don’t get it. Was he some sort of lawn & garden expert or something? Wait…do NOT answer that, I don’t want to learn more.

Prisoner: Cell Block (ZZZZZZZ)

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Today we get our first look at Pete Mossman aka Pete Moss aka Plantman and…well…he looks kind of like every other fat, balding and overweight Westviewian, like ever. I really thought he’d resemble a tree or something. What a letdown. I’m not really sure what he’s talking about regarding his “insensitivity”, as he didn’t say anything especially insensitive until he commented on his insensitivity, which makes no sense at all. But seriously, would you expect anything less out of this “comic” strip? Huh?

And note to Jessica: the camera works far more effectively when it’s turned on and pointed at the subject of the interview. Although in fairness that shot of the base of that prison table will probably be the most compelling footage she gets, so why not go with it?

What Is It Good For?

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So if I told you that one of the weekly Sunday funnies contained a Nazi land mine, how long would it take you to realize it had to be a FW strip? In fact, I would venture a guess that FW has contained more land mine-centric plots than every other daily strip combined. Anyhow, the “you must love Cory” campaign continues today as Holly and Fatso toss and turn over the Courageous Corporal’s dangerous army assignment…again… as Cory’s disembodied army head hovers above them, silently judging the parenting skills that landed him in the explosive ordnance disposal detail, his snappy army helmet hiding his beady felonious eyes. I have no idea how long a modern stint in the army usually lasts but Batom is clearly enjoying this, so my guess is that Holly’s silent terror over Cory will be a semi-regular feature for a while. Hilarious.

I sort of enjoyed the comic cover tribute today, as I used to read loads of those war comics as a kid. Sgt. Rock…now THERE was a guy you didn’t f*ck with. That unit would have eaten Cory’s dumb ass alive. In fact, if Cory had been in Rock’s unit I believe “Dumbass” would have been a fitting nickname. Either that or “Petty Thief”.

It’s been quite a ~~wild~~ two weeks, but now it’s time to pass the SoSF baton to your old pal Beckoning Chasm for a spell. Stay Funky and see you next time!!!