Son of Stuck Funky – Page 709 – Son of Stuck Funky

If It Ain’t Broke–

–try it again.

Hey, it’s another joke! Well, actually it’s the same joke, but at least it’s a joke. It’s been so long since this strip has featured any jokes that Tom Batiuk is probably kind of rusty at it, so I’m willing to give him a mulligan on this one. Free advice: It might help the “humor” aspect if Funky didn’t look as if he was dying right in front of us in panel two. “Argh, I’m melting, melting! What a world, what a world! I’m also losing even more of my hair!”

As I noted yesterday, working out on the treadmill is very boring…to the point where I’m surprised Trainer Greenhair hasn’t suggested a portable music device of some kind to help pass the time (or at least keep Funky awake). One of the things a trainer is supposed to do, after all, is help you to enjoy exercising. Would a Sony Walkman(c) cassette player be considered evil in Westview? You can actually still find tapes…if there’s a Goodwill store in town.

I’m hoping that tomorrow’s joke (assuming there is one, after all–two in a row is damn rare here, three in a row might shatter the universe) won’t be a third variation on “exercise is boring” but..well, baby steps, man, baby steps.

The Return of the Punchline

Link To Today’s Strip

Hey–what gives? This is actually funny. Not laugh-out-loud funny, or even chortle-inwardly funny, but there’s a definite sense of a constructed joke. A pretty good joke, I have to say.

And it’s even a well-observed joke. I’ve worked out on treadmills, and it’s an unbelievably tedious way to exercise. With some routines, there’s a sense of accomplishment; on a treadmill, you do the same thing you do in real life to go from point A to point B, yet never end up going anywhere.

Most people at the gym–I mean, workout center–tend to have iPods or other media players just to break the tedium. (I used to bring a portable DVD player. A BChasm Exercise Tip: Ahnold movies tend to work really well.)

So, a joke, and a fairly good one. Kudos to Tom Batiuk!

The Sunday Comics Page

Link To Today’s Strip

Here comes more boring BChasm stuff! Sunday’s entry, as usual, was not available before press-time, but I’m sure we’re all craning our necks to look at a comic b0ok cover, with a couple of smirks thrown into a corner. But at least (most of) the artwork should be decent.

I’d like to apologize to Tom Batiuk. In my hasty look at yesterday’s entry, I didn’t see that Holly was clicking along with the rest, raising her bid to meet the rising demand. I thought she was just cringing, and that she won the issue with her initial demand of $10. Sorry about that, Mr. Batiuk.

Last week, commentator Aunt Fritzi noted that I was remarkably boring. The comment got disappeared, but then I Les Moore’d until it was brought back, because Cory Winkerbean. I don’t mind criticism, though I generally prefer it to be helpful or constructive rather than just a flat statement.

Still, I am, believe it or not, human. So while Fritzi’s comment bothered me a bit at first, I soon realized something: she was right. I am boring, especially when writing about Funky Winkerbean.

But let’s face a couple of facts: when a comic strip is deliberately constructed to be as boring as possible, how can one write about it in an interesting fashion? Because I honestly think that’s what Tom Batiuk is doing–making Funky Winkerbean so dull and uninvolving that it becomes critic-proof.

Critic-proof works like this: if you go to see someone’s violin recital, and the musician plays terribly, you can easily say why he was terrible. He was out of tune, he played the pieces too fast, he missed notes–there are objective standards for performance that you can apply. (Unless the performance was intended to be ironic, but let’s not go there.)

Suppose, though, that you’re not watching someone play the violin. You’re watching someone buy a comic book at a drug store. No matter how observant you are…what can you say? “The way he pulled the five dollar bill out of his wallet–that was masterful!” “Yes, but I thought he was too hesitant when he accepted the change–it took all the tension out of it. And when he asked for a bag? My God–talk about getting the fundamentals all wrong!”

See how that works–or rather, doesn’t? Critic-proof, baby, critic-proof.

Besides, Aunt Fritzi, if I may quote a well-known Pulitzer-nominee: “If you don’t like it, then don’t read it!”

The Day of the Burning

Link To Today’s Strip

I’m writing this before I know what the strip is going to be, because I’m lazy and hate doing research, and only want to talk about things that interest me, like fungi from Yuggoth and the best pearl-handled revolvers.

Ha ha, just kidding. But it has been a long, long week in the real world, so I’m not going to stay up until midnight to find out what kind of a let-down the week has been building to. I know, I know! Dereliction of duty, put that man in irons, Mr. Fibuli.

Well, since none of us will know what Saturday’s offering will bring until midnight, here’s my speculation, panel by panel.

Panel 1 – Holly covers her face in her hands as the, uh, computer, um, announces the winner of the Starbuck Jones auction in the background. That’s how eBay works, right?

Panel 2 -Holly says, “Oh, Cory, I only wanted to do something to bring us closer–”

Panel 3 – Holly, weighed down with several rifles and automatic weapons, heads to the front door. “–instead, I’ll do something so you can remember me.”

I’m posting this before midnight because see: above about being lazy. Let’s all meet back here tomorrow night at the same time, and we can talk about how Sunday a) wraps everything up nicely (yay!) or b) portends a second week of comic-book hunting (boo!).

UPDATE: And the lamest possible outcome…one that no one, including myself, anticipated…turns out to be the winner.

Tom Batiuk, you still have the power to dazzle us. Although I think “dazzle” might be the wrong word, here…

Final War and Other Fantasies

Link To Today’s Strip

And here we are, almost at the end of the week…and perhaps, almost at the end of this chapter in the “Holly Buys Comics, Because Cory” saga? Not much room left for Holly to get what she wants, is there? All those pings!

My mutant super-power of being able to see future Funky Winkerbean strips–which is, trust me, the worst mutant super-power ever–is failing me at this point. So let’s speculate.

I see today’s strip leading to the following three possible conclusions.

1 – a bitter Holly lectures everyone how evil technology has ruined her quest (for the moment). She should have put her faith in people, and not processors. This scenario has the advantage of ending the arc with Saturday’s strip, allowing Sunday’s to be another comic cover with a smirk in the corner. Of course, we know Tom Batiuk is not a fan of short-and-to-the-point; the whole comic strip screams that.

2 – Holly receives an email from the winning bidder, which goes something like this. “I am sorry that my $11.54 bid meant that you did not get the comic. I did not know, at the time, that your son was in the service. I am therefore going to mail you the comic, free of charge, along with a personal check for $11.54.”

3 – Holly goes to the Komix Korner to, uh, drown her sorrows or something. And a smiling John Howard produces the comic! “I outbid everyone else, to a final cost of $15,011.54, just so I could give you the comic for free! Because Cory Winkerbean!”

Both 2 and 3 mean extending this by another week–which would be kind of difficult to do, since all it really needs is an extra couple of panels…D’oh! What am I saying? Funky Winkerbean specializes in stretching things way past the breaking point!

You know, I write these entries a year in advance (give or take 360-odd weeks) and I was a little surprised that everyone here already guessed all three of these outcomes. Of course, they’re all blindingly obvious. But maybe Tom Batiuk has a surprise for us! I guess we’ll see, together, how this flops across the finish line. In the meantime, I just gotta say this: Holly’s unborn clown face in panel one is terrifying.