Synesthesia II

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It’s time for another visit to Tom Batiuk’s wacky blog!

In Match To Flame 221, we get the continuation of Batiuk’s trip to North Carolina. During this trip, he discovered he has synesthesia, but didn’t realize this was the only interesting thing that happened to him. Nor did he care enough to learn that the condition had a name.

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Do Explain The Joke

This past week of Crankshaft was so bad, I had to write two posts about it. The first post was here. This second one will focus on the alleged joke-writing. Beware, the comedy disconnects are everywhere.

A comedy disconnect happens when a writer sacrifices reality and ideas in pursuit of a laugh. Tom Batiuk doesn’t really sacrifice reality and ideas; he never introduces them in the first place. We’ll soon see how.

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Blog Spox Reax: Batx Work Sux

A “Sticks Nix Hick Pix” reference? That’s the lowest form of humor…

Billy The Skink

Hey, I do my best, man. 😏

If my ongoing TBTropes series of posts was a college course, this week’s Crankshaft could be the final exam. Because this week, Tom Batiuk is putting on a master class of his worst qualities as a writer. I’ve already written a longer explanation for each of these, so I’ll be brief in recounting them.

Class, let’s start the review:

  • Retconning. Retroactive continuity is not unique to Tom Batiuk. Nor is it a bad thing in principle. But Batiuk abuses the privilege. He constantly reinvents past events in the Funkyverse to make them even darker, more favorable to his current preferred characters, or for unclear reasons.

Emily’s first visit to the Centerville Sentinel started on November 18, 2024, with the explanation that she was there to do a class assignment. The week ended with Emily saying a nice goodbye to Skip, and announcing she got an A+ in the class. Okay, fine. It was a week of dreadful jokes, but harmless enough to escape this blog’s notice. Until now.

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“Who Art Thy Daddy?”, Sayeth Paul To The Galatians, While Splitting Aces

Tom Batiuk’s latest blog post Match To Flame 219 starts with one of the most bizarre sentences I’ve ever read.

It was another one of those road to Damascus–double down–who’s your daddy moments.

I have so many questions about this. What life event could possibly be described by all three of these cliches at the same time, especially when the first two contradict each other? A “road to Damascus” is a sudden, major change in one’s beliefs. To “double down” is to increase your commitment to something you’re already doing. So, it’s one of those “change while emphatically not changing” moments in life? And how often does this happen to Tom Batiuk? It must be a lot, because he introduces it with the phrase “it was another one of those” moments. As if he’s rolling his eyes from the sheer boredom of it all.

I want to rework George Carlin’s “fine and dandy” bit to be about these three phrases instead. “I never use the phrase ‘road to Damascus–double down–who’s your daddy moments.’ Why? Because I’m never all three of those things at the same time! Sometimes, I am indeed on the road to Damascus. Just the other day, I was flying from New York to change planes in Dubai. But I never double down during those trips! In fact, I’m pretty sure blackjack is illegal in Muslim countries. And I never use the phrase ‘who’s your daddy?’ Unless I find a lost little girl at the park, and I’m trying to find her parents. Then I might ask, ‘who’s your daddy?'”

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